The Great Christmas Debacle

M

MaeFlower

New member
We have begun to tell relatives to please be respectful of our daughter and her susceptibility to germs. We have asked that people be open & honest with us about being sick or telling us if their children are sick. My husbands family does not seem to understand the importance of this. It seems as if anyone is sick they will still attend functions.

Where it gets sticky...is it our place to skip out on Christmas because someone else is sick? Why is it that my daughters 1st Christmas may have to be spent at home because people are choosing to put their lives before others? Where do I draw the line & is it okay if I come across "rude" by plainly and clearly stating that if you are sick or your children are sick you are not welcome in our home. Come back when germs are at bay.
 
M

MaeFlower

New member
We have begun to tell relatives to please be respectful of our daughter and her susceptibility to germs. We have asked that people be open & honest with us about being sick or telling us if their children are sick. My husbands family does not seem to understand the importance of this. It seems as if anyone is sick they will still attend functions.

Where it gets sticky...is it our place to skip out on Christmas because someone else is sick? Why is it that my daughters 1st Christmas may have to be spent at home because people are choosing to put their lives before others? Where do I draw the line & is it okay if I come across "rude" by plainly and clearly stating that if you are sick or your children are sick you are not welcome in our home. Come back when germs are at bay.
 
M

MaeFlower

New member
We have begun to tell relatives to please be respectful of our daughter and her susceptibility to germs. We have asked that people be open & honest with us about being sick or telling us if their children are sick. My husbands family does not seem to understand the importance of this. It seems as if anyone is sick they will still attend functions.
<br />
<br />Where it gets sticky...is it our place to skip out on Christmas because someone else is sick? Why is it that my daughters 1st Christmas may have to be spent at home because people are choosing to put their lives before others? Where do I draw the line & is it okay if I come across "rude" by plainly and clearly stating that if you are sick or your children are sick you are not welcome in our home. Come back when germs are at bay.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
AFter doing this for five years, I've found that the only time I can make someone leave is if it is my house. I remind everyone. Its gotten to the point that most of the family lets me know and then seems to try and get my permission to come anyway. If we are going somewhere, I will offer to NOT go if they are going and sick, and then the guilt makes them back off. If its at our house, I tell them I'm sorry they are sick, we'll have to see them after the holidays.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
AFter doing this for five years, I've found that the only time I can make someone leave is if it is my house. I remind everyone. Its gotten to the point that most of the family lets me know and then seems to try and get my permission to come anyway. If we are going somewhere, I will offer to NOT go if they are going and sick, and then the guilt makes them back off. If its at our house, I tell them I'm sorry they are sick, we'll have to see them after the holidays.
 
M

Mommafirst

Guest
AFter doing this for five years, I've found that the only time I can make someone leave is if it is my house. I remind everyone. Its gotten to the point that most of the family lets me know and then seems to try and get my permission to come anyway. If we are going somewhere, I will offer to NOT go if they are going and sick, and then the guilt makes them back off. If its at our house, I tell them I'm sorry they are sick, we'll have to see them after the holidays.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Yep, unfortunately that's the way it has to be. We've had to lay down the law and say we will leave if we show up to one more event and someone is sick. My MIL at first was sooo embarrassed, but it finally sank in, so she usually check for us. We usually don't have people come to our house, but go to my inlaws for events.

At a baby shower a couple years ago, she was going to send someone home who'd just been to Mexico where H1N1 was running rampant. The person was told not to come back to work for several days, but it didn't stop her from attending social functions. DS wasn't present, but there were two other little ones.

basically you don't want to end up in the hospital, you don't want to risk permanant lung damage all because someone "just had a cold". We even required people to wash or use hand sanitizer before holding our son as a baby. We spent 4 weeks in the NICU and another two at the local hospital after he was born. We weren't going to risk going back there.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Yep, unfortunately that's the way it has to be. We've had to lay down the law and say we will leave if we show up to one more event and someone is sick. My MIL at first was sooo embarrassed, but it finally sank in, so she usually check for us. We usually don't have people come to our house, but go to my inlaws for events.

At a baby shower a couple years ago, she was going to send someone home who'd just been to Mexico where H1N1 was running rampant. The person was told not to come back to work for several days, but it didn't stop her from attending social functions. DS wasn't present, but there were two other little ones.

basically you don't want to end up in the hospital, you don't want to risk permanant lung damage all because someone "just had a cold". We even required people to wash or use hand sanitizer before holding our son as a baby. We spent 4 weeks in the NICU and another two at the local hospital after he was born. We weren't going to risk going back there.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Yep, unfortunately that's the way it has to be. We've had to lay down the law and say we will leave if we show up to one more event and someone is sick. My MIL at first was sooo embarrassed, but it finally sank in, so she usually check for us. We usually don't have people come to our house, but go to my inlaws for events.
<br />
<br />At a baby shower a couple years ago, she was going to send someone home who'd just been to Mexico where H1N1 was running rampant. The person was told not to come back to work for several days, but it didn't stop her from attending social functions. DS wasn't present, but there were two other little ones.
<br />
<br />basically you don't want to end up in the hospital, you don't want to risk permanant lung damage all because someone "just had a cold". We even required people to wash or use hand sanitizer before holding our son as a baby. We spent 4 weeks in the NICU and another two at the local hospital after he was born. We weren't going to risk going back there.
 
L

Lex

New member
It's not just Christmas....any family function seems to be ruled by smokers in my family. Can you imagine...smokers in MY family....post TX...!?

I stay home.
 
L

Lex

New member
It's not just Christmas....any family function seems to be ruled by smokers in my family. Can you imagine...smokers in MY family....post TX...!?

I stay home.
 
L

Lex

New member
It's not just Christmas....any family function seems to be ruled by smokers in my family. Can you imagine...smokers in MY family....post TX...!?
<br />
<br />I stay home.
 
M

MaeFlower

New member
I guess I have always been the person to go with the flow and never question or confront the "dragons in the room," if you will. So when I recently was blunt in saying "if anyone is sick, they can not be around Vivi." Well, it has now turned into a family feud<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I was told that they can't even believe that I would insinuate that they would bring their kids to our house if they were sick. So, when I asked her on the phone (well, would you bring them?), there was a long pause and then the response was..."with or without Vivi in the equation?" I mean really?! So, my other seemingly healthy children can be around your sick kids b/c that's "how kids are...they spread germs." I'm just frustrated that my family(husband & 3 kids) has had to sacrifice so much when others don't consider how it has affected our family & if their plans are changed it throws a wrench in their machine...well not only do I have a wrench, but I have a hammer & a few screw drivers too...

Luckily no one smokes, but I think it is the lack of compassion or consideration that I have a difficult time swallowing. And I feel terrible that this happened around the holiday's.

I'm not sure if many of you have heard this or not, but we get told all the time..."Well God gave Vivien to you because he knew you would be great parents and you would do whatever it took to protect her and keep her healthy and fight for her."

That's flattering, however, she was not just born into my immediate family, she was born into "the family." Therefore, we all have a responsibility to her health; grandparents as well as aunts, uncles and friends.

Was it this difficult in the beginning for you all as well?
 
M

MaeFlower

New member
I guess I have always been the person to go with the flow and never question or confront the "dragons in the room," if you will. So when I recently was blunt in saying "if anyone is sick, they can not be around Vivi." Well, it has now turned into a family feud<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I was told that they can't even believe that I would insinuate that they would bring their kids to our house if they were sick. So, when I asked her on the phone (well, would you bring them?), there was a long pause and then the response was..."with or without Vivi in the equation?" I mean really?! So, my other seemingly healthy children can be around your sick kids b/c that's "how kids are...they spread germs." I'm just frustrated that my family(husband & 3 kids) has had to sacrifice so much when others don't consider how it has affected our family & if their plans are changed it throws a wrench in their machine...well not only do I have a wrench, but I have a hammer & a few screw drivers too...

Luckily no one smokes, but I think it is the lack of compassion or consideration that I have a difficult time swallowing. And I feel terrible that this happened around the holiday's.

I'm not sure if many of you have heard this or not, but we get told all the time..."Well God gave Vivien to you because he knew you would be great parents and you would do whatever it took to protect her and keep her healthy and fight for her."

That's flattering, however, she was not just born into my immediate family, she was born into "the family." Therefore, we all have a responsibility to her health; grandparents as well as aunts, uncles and friends.

Was it this difficult in the beginning for you all as well?
 
M

MaeFlower

New member
I guess I have always been the person to go with the flow and never question or confront the "dragons in the room," if you will. So when I recently was blunt in saying "if anyone is sick, they can not be around Vivi." Well, it has now turned into a family feud<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I was told that they can't even believe that I would insinuate that they would bring their kids to our house if they were sick. So, when I asked her on the phone (well, would you bring them?), there was a long pause and then the response was..."with or without Vivi in the equation?" I mean really?! So, my other seemingly healthy children can be around your sick kids b/c that's "how kids are...they spread germs." I'm just frustrated that my family(husband & 3 kids) has had to sacrifice so much when others don't consider how it has affected our family & if their plans are changed it throws a wrench in their machine...well not only do I have a wrench, but I have a hammer & a few screw drivers too...
<br />
<br />Luckily no one smokes, but I think it is the lack of compassion or consideration that I have a difficult time swallowing. And I feel terrible that this happened around the holiday's.
<br />
<br />I'm not sure if many of you have heard this or not, but we get told all the time..."Well God gave Vivien to you because he knew you would be great parents and you would do whatever it took to protect her and keep her healthy and fight for her."
<br />
<br />That's flattering, however, she was not just born into my immediate family, she was born into "the family." Therefore, we all have a responsibility to her health; grandparents as well as aunts, uncles and friends.
<br />
<br />Was it this difficult in the beginning for you all as well?
 
A

AleksandraKaczynska

New member
Hi,

I've been doing it for 3 years.... I know how it feels...I guess Joanna's first - then grandparents and aunts and so on...
And it's not only Christmas <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
My family doeasn't understand and chooses to say:" You have a healthy child" or it's just a sneeze!!! and of goes tempers.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
We also usually don't ask people over - after such visits I have lots of cleaing - esspecially if there are kids... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> wash bathroom, toys, floor, doorhandles and so on... I ask people over to the garden instead - not home. At doorstep I ask to wash hands first .... sometimes it gets unpleasant - esspecially with older guest and my motherinlaw! sic!
But I stay firm by it. After two years of quarrals it finally sunk into her - although she think Joanna's cf is a mistake.... since her friends friend has a cf child and it looks different.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
When we go over - I try to be late and phone to ask someone I can trust to tell the truth - usually my mom (my mom is acctually second to know everything about Joann's health and goes to clinics with me - but it took time for her to adjust also - about 1,5 year)- are everybody healthy....If not - we don't go....
There's always a talk about this after - but it seems to get better now and more - a question is everything o.k. - not quarrals intsead. The worst is with my brother - but it seems to be changing finally also too.
Last year I went to Christmas to my mom and she invited my brother parents inlaw and they brough their sister... she was sick. She was afraid to move or talk - not to caugth or anything and they tried to hide it from us. The argument was taht what where they supposed to do - it's christmas!
This Year I asked my mom so it won't be like this - since we're atsying over with her and i'll propobly be just from hospital with a new born <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"> ( We don't know where Joanna sister has cf or not - we didn't do the prenantal tests)
When i told my mom about this - she said"What can I do? - well i answered"but I can't do otherwise - what would you do?" And she promissed to ask everybody who'll be comming before through phone - but I guess I have to talk to her about this once more - so it sinks in! But my mom has been to clinics with us and talked to doctors and so on....
Smoking - the only I got through - is smoking is outside when Joanna is about - my dad is heavy smoker.
I guess the hardest was the begining couse I was not given a chance but to be rude to my family? at least that's what they thought then.

Be strong - if not you then who?
Wish us luck in being "strong" also <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Aleksandra
 
A

AleksandraKaczynska

New member
Hi,

I've been doing it for 3 years.... I know how it feels...I guess Joanna's first - then grandparents and aunts and so on...
And it's not only Christmas <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
My family doeasn't understand and chooses to say:" You have a healthy child" or it's just a sneeze!!! and of goes tempers.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
We also usually don't ask people over - after such visits I have lots of cleaing - esspecially if there are kids... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> wash bathroom, toys, floor, doorhandles and so on... I ask people over to the garden instead - not home. At doorstep I ask to wash hands first .... sometimes it gets unpleasant - esspecially with older guest and my motherinlaw! sic!
But I stay firm by it. After two years of quarrals it finally sunk into her - although she think Joanna's cf is a mistake.... since her friends friend has a cf child and it looks different.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
When we go over - I try to be late and phone to ask someone I can trust to tell the truth - usually my mom (my mom is acctually second to know everything about Joann's health and goes to clinics with me - but it took time for her to adjust also - about 1,5 year)- are everybody healthy....If not - we don't go....
There's always a talk about this after - but it seems to get better now and more - a question is everything o.k. - not quarrals intsead. The worst is with my brother - but it seems to be changing finally also too.
Last year I went to Christmas to my mom and she invited my brother parents inlaw and they brough their sister... she was sick. She was afraid to move or talk - not to caugth or anything and they tried to hide it from us. The argument was taht what where they supposed to do - it's christmas!
This Year I asked my mom so it won't be like this - since we're atsying over with her and i'll propobly be just from hospital with a new born <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"> ( We don't know where Joanna sister has cf or not - we didn't do the prenantal tests)
When i told my mom about this - she said"What can I do? - well i answered"but I can't do otherwise - what would you do?" And she promissed to ask everybody who'll be comming before through phone - but I guess I have to talk to her about this once more - so it sinks in! But my mom has been to clinics with us and talked to doctors and so on....
Smoking - the only I got through - is smoking is outside when Joanna is about - my dad is heavy smoker.
I guess the hardest was the begining couse I was not given a chance but to be rude to my family? at least that's what they thought then.

Be strong - if not you then who?
Wish us luck in being "strong" also <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Aleksandra
 
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