Today I broke down...

[Aka2007]

Today I had just had it with my CF.. This is how I think and this is how I act about my CF.

I like to think in my mind that I have a different illness and that I don't have CF because if I did have a different illness like ALL cancer it has a 89% cure rate. and then I would be sick for like a year or two and then be all better. I think this way becuase somedays I just wish I never had CF or that I never was born like this sick unhappy. but the truth is I have Cystic fibrosis and I have had it all my life and thats way I was sick as a child and thats why I am sick now. and I get upset because I know it's only going to get worse and worse. and then I going to die a bad death. (coughing up blood in pain) Somedays I get so worred and unhappy about ageing with CF. And the truth is I don't cough much because I don't want to look sick and even if I do cough I con't stop and then I end up throwing up my food..

It just scares to think that one day I will be coughing up a blood and getting sicker. and I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time.. But also I con't think about how it would be to not have CF becuase it is so part of me and my life that I would not trade it for anything... if you know what I am saying.

So whats it like getting older with CF? what happens and how does it feel? I hate to ask but I need to know..

So I cryed today in my moms arms.

 

[Aka2007]

Today I had just had it with my CF.. This is how I think and this is how I act about my CF.

I like to think in my mind that I have a different illness and that I don't have CF because if I did have a different illness like ALL cancer it has a 89% cure rate. and then I would be sick for like a year or two and then be all better. I think this way becuase somedays I just wish I never had CF or that I never was born like this sick unhappy. but the truth is I have Cystic fibrosis and I have had it all my life and thats way I was sick as a child and thats why I am sick now. and I get upset because I know it's only going to get worse and worse. and then I going to die a bad death. (coughing up blood in pain) Somedays I get so worred and unhappy about ageing with CF. And the truth is I don't cough much because I don't want to look sick and even if I do cough I con't stop and then I end up throwing up my food..

It just scares to think that one day I will be coughing up a blood and getting sicker. and I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time.. But also I con't think about how it would be to not have CF becuase it is so part of me and my life that I would not trade it for anything... if you know what I am saying.

So whats it like getting older with CF? what happens and how does it feel? I hate to ask but I need to know..

So I cryed today in my moms arms.

 

[Aka2007]

Today I had just had it with my CF.. This is how I think and this is how I act about my CF.

I like to think in my mind that I have a different illness and that I don't have CF because if I did have a different illness like ALL cancer it has a 89% cure rate. and then I would be sick for like a year or two and then be all better. I think this way becuase somedays I just wish I never had CF or that I never was born like this sick unhappy. but the truth is I have Cystic fibrosis and I have had it all my life and thats way I was sick as a child and thats why I am sick now. and I get upset because I know it's only going to get worse and worse. and then I going to die a bad death. (coughing up blood in pain) Somedays I get so worred and unhappy about ageing with CF. And the truth is I don't cough much because I don't want to look sick and even if I do cough I con't stop and then I end up throwing up my food..

It just scares to think that one day I will be coughing up a blood and getting sicker. and I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time.. But also I con't think about how it would be to not have CF becuase it is so part of me and my life that I would not trade it for anything... if you know what I am saying.

So whats it like getting older with CF? what happens and how does it feel? I hate to ask but I need to know..

So I cryed today in my moms arms.

 

[Aka2007]

Today I had just had it with my CF.. This is how I think and this is how I act about my CF.

I like to think in my mind that I have a different illness and that I don't have CF because if I did have a different illness like ALL cancer it has a 89% cure rate. and then I would be sick for like a year or two and then be all better. I think this way becuase somedays I just wish I never had CF or that I never was born like this sick unhappy. but the truth is I have Cystic fibrosis and I have had it all my life and thats way I was sick as a child and thats why I am sick now. and I get upset because I know it's only going to get worse and worse. and then I going to die a bad death. (coughing up blood in pain) Somedays I get so worred and unhappy about ageing with CF. And the truth is I don't cough much because I don't want to look sick and even if I do cough I con't stop and then I end up throwing up my food..

It just scares to think that one day I will be coughing up a blood and getting sicker. and I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time.. But also I con't think about how it would be to not have CF becuase it is so part of me and my life that I would not trade it for anything... if you know what I am saying.

So whats it like getting older with CF? what happens and how does it feel? I hate to ask but I need to know..

So I cryed today in my moms arms.

 

[Aka2007]

Today I had just had it with my CF.. This is how I think and this is how I act about my CF.

I like to think in my mind that I have a different illness and that I don't have CF because if I did have a different illness like ALL cancer it has a 89% cure rate. and then I would be sick for like a year or two and then be all better. I think this way becuase somedays I just wish I never had CF or that I never was born like this sick unhappy. but the truth is I have Cystic fibrosis and I have had it all my life and thats way I was sick as a child and thats why I am sick now. and I get upset because I know it's only going to get worse and worse. and then I going to die a bad death. (coughing up blood in pain) Somedays I get so worred and unhappy about ageing with CF. And the truth is I don't cough much because I don't want to look sick and even if I do cough I con't stop and then I end up throwing up my food..

It just scares to think that one day I will be coughing up a blood and getting sicker. and I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time.. But also I con't think about how it would be to not have CF becuase it is so part of me and my life that I would not trade it for anything... if you know what I am saying.

So whats it like getting older with CF? what happens and how does it feel? I hate to ask but I need to know..

So I cryed today in my moms arms.

 

[bittyhorse23]

can I ask you how old you are?

I know those break downs all too well. When you are standing/sitting/laying there and you are crying so hard you can't even open your eyes or breath or think and all you want to do is to crawl into a hole and hope that it is all a nightmare and that tomorrow you will wake up and be "perfect".

I haven't had too many issues getting older except that now I need to start working part time since my health isn't as great as it once was. I wish I could tell you how I deal with it but it is something that has alluded me as well....sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

I do see a psychologist and have been put on anti-depressants and that has helped a little for me at least.

You're not alone in you feelings....trust me!

 

[bittyhorse23]

can I ask you how old you are?

I know those break downs all too well. When you are standing/sitting/laying there and you are crying so hard you can't even open your eyes or breath or think and all you want to do is to crawl into a hole and hope that it is all a nightmare and that tomorrow you will wake up and be "perfect".

I haven't had too many issues getting older except that now I need to start working part time since my health isn't as great as it once was. I wish I could tell you how I deal with it but it is something that has alluded me as well....sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

I do see a psychologist and have been put on anti-depressants and that has helped a little for me at least.

You're not alone in you feelings....trust me!

 

[bittyhorse23]

can I ask you how old you are?

I know those break downs all too well. When you are standing/sitting/laying there and you are crying so hard you can't even open your eyes or breath or think and all you want to do is to crawl into a hole and hope that it is all a nightmare and that tomorrow you will wake up and be "perfect".

I haven't had too many issues getting older except that now I need to start working part time since my health isn't as great as it once was. I wish I could tell you how I deal with it but it is something that has alluded me as well....sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

I do see a psychologist and have been put on anti-depressants and that has helped a little for me at least.

You're not alone in you feelings....trust me!

 

[bittyhorse23]

can I ask you how old you are?

I know those break downs all too well. When you are standing/sitting/laying there and you are crying so hard you can't even open your eyes or breath or think and all you want to do is to crawl into a hole and hope that it is all a nightmare and that tomorrow you will wake up and be "perfect".

I haven't had too many issues getting older except that now I need to start working part time since my health isn't as great as it once was. I wish I could tell you how I deal with it but it is something that has alluded me as well....sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

I do see a psychologist and have been put on anti-depressants and that has helped a little for me at least.

You're not alone in you feelings....trust me!

 

[bittyhorse23]

can I ask you how old you are?

I know those break downs all too well. When you are standing/sitting/laying there and you are crying so hard you can't even open your eyes or breath or think and all you want to do is to crawl into a hole and hope that it is all a nightmare and that tomorrow you will wake up and be "perfect".

I haven't had too many issues getting older except that now I need to start working part time since my health isn't as great as it once was. I wish I could tell you how I deal with it but it is something that has alluded me as well....sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

I do see a psychologist and have been put on anti-depressants and that has helped a little for me at least.

You're not alone in you feelings....trust me!

 

[dbtoo]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time..
</end quote></div>
I wish that for you too, I wish it for all of us!

 

[dbtoo]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time..
</end quote></div>
I wish that for you too, I wish it for all of us!

 

[dbtoo]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time..
</end quote></div>
I wish that for you too, I wish it for all of us!

 

[dbtoo]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time..
</end quote>
I wish that for you too, I wish it for all of us!

 

[dbtoo]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote> I wish I was not the one who needs IV meds all the time and I wish I was not that one who had to do treatments all the time..
</end quote>
I wish that for you too, I wish it for all of us!

 

[coltsfan715]

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you feel this way and had this breakdown. I did however just want to say that you won't necessarily cough up blood all the time as things progress. Not that it makes the progression any easier to deal with but I onl coughed up pure blood once and that was in reaction to TOBI years ago. Even when I was declining and going through my transplant workup I never had the issues of coughing up blood I had other issues but not that one. So yeah just because many people seem to deal with it does not mean that you necessarily will.

I just wanted to put that out there.

I hope things start to look up for you and I agree with DB .. I wish the same for everyone with CF.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you feel this way and had this breakdown. I did however just want to say that you won't necessarily cough up blood all the time as things progress. Not that it makes the progression any easier to deal with but I onl coughed up pure blood once and that was in reaction to TOBI years ago. Even when I was declining and going through my transplant workup I never had the issues of coughing up blood I had other issues but not that one. So yeah just because many people seem to deal with it does not mean that you necessarily will.

I just wanted to put that out there.

I hope things start to look up for you and I agree with DB .. I wish the same for everyone with CF.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you feel this way and had this breakdown. I did however just want to say that you won't necessarily cough up blood all the time as things progress. Not that it makes the progression any easier to deal with but I onl coughed up pure blood once and that was in reaction to TOBI years ago. Even when I was declining and going through my transplant workup I never had the issues of coughing up blood I had other issues but not that one. So yeah just because many people seem to deal with it does not mean that you necessarily will.

I just wanted to put that out there.

I hope things start to look up for you and I agree with DB .. I wish the same for everyone with CF.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you feel this way and had this breakdown. I did however just want to say that you won't necessarily cough up blood all the time as things progress. Not that it makes the progression any easier to deal with but I onl coughed up pure blood once and that was in reaction to TOBI years ago. Even when I was declining and going through my transplant workup I never had the issues of coughing up blood I had other issues but not that one. So yeah just because many people seem to deal with it does not mean that you necessarily will.

I just wanted to put that out there.

I hope things start to look up for you and I agree with DB .. I wish the same for everyone with CF.

Take Care,
Lindsey

 

[coltsfan715]

I just wanted to say that I am sorry that you feel this way and had this breakdown. I did however just want to say that you won't necessarily cough up blood all the time as things progress. Not that it makes the progression any easier to deal with but I onl coughed up pure blood once and that was in reaction to TOBI years ago. Even when I was declining and going through my transplant workup I never had the issues of coughing up blood I had other issues but not that one. So yeah just because many people seem to deal with it does not mean that you necessarily will.

I just wanted to put that out there.

I hope things start to look up for you and I agree with DB .. I wish the same for everyone with CF.

Take Care,
Lindsey