Tough love....THEN what?

[Jane]

Many people have had questions about the subject of encouraging your cf teen to take on his own care. Most of you said to allow him to make his own mistakes, because he's got to learn.

This is a question for moms and dads of cf teens and young adults......

OK, so how do parents deal with it when he makes the wrong choices? How do you sit and watch when you know the choices are harmful to his health? How can you stand the sadness and disappointment? How can you show you love and support him while being so furious and heartbroken about his decisions?

I need some suggestions on how to keep ME sane through this.

 

[LisaV]

Well, I can only share what my coworker did when it was time for her daughter to take over her own diabetes care.

1. She had several sessions with her daughter and a counselor from the diabetes center to make sure that she knew that the daughter knew what the recommended management was according to the doctors.

2. She spoke to HR to get a flex schedule sho she could take off whenever to meet the ambulance at the ER

3. She bought all of the literature Alanon ever produced and read it over and over.
I actually used to hear her say "Let go and let God" outloud over and over at her computer. (The other one was "she would <i>not</i> want me on her honeymoon." And she kept busy busy busy.

4. She kept on seeing the couselor herself - for herself.

The daughter actually did pretty well. There were only 2 ambulance runs.
I wasn't invited to the wedding 10 years later, but I hear it went well too.

It's got to be tough to let go. Even tougher than being a spouse and knowing you're powerless from day 1.

Thinking of you....

 

[NoExcuses]

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[wanderlost]

My dad told me once he felt like his job was like that of a missionary. He would just keep preaching the lesson and hope that at some point I got it. But he wasn't going to give up. And he still does it!!
I did a lot of things that were detrimentmental to my health, much of which my parents were unaware - but somewhere inside me there was a little voice that said "this is sooo bad for you..." I think a lot of it had to do simply with trying to defy my parents. I was angry with them for this disease. Angry I had to be pulled out of school 3 times a year, angry I had to take medication all the time, and as a kid, I rebelled against them. Eventually I came around though, not much worse for the wear. And as someone said, the CF docs see this all the time and might be quite supporitve in helping your son get through this hard time unscathed.

 

[Seana30]

This is a GREAT question Jane.

We have just told Courtney that her health is something that she needs to take control of.

I can't imagine what it will be like if she does not take care of herself! I don't know if I can just sit back and watch her not take her meds!

I will let you know how it goes, and if I am ABLE TO KEEP MY SANITY!

Seana

 

[skh]

My husband and I pretty much try to do as Amy's parents did. Abby knows that she has to do her treatments every morning and evening and that she needs to take her zytec-d twice daily and enzymes with every meal. She is 15 and able to do all of this by herself. She is the one that needs to answer to her doctor. Now, this does not mean that I don't monitor everything just because I'm her mom. I have to say she is pretty good about everything. She does have a problem with taking her enzymes at school - she basically doesn't. So far, that has worked for her. I am not going to push the issue unless I see that she is having problems. This may not be the best thing to do but it is what works for us at this time. It is very hard to be the parent and sit back and let your teen make their own choices. Abby has a wonderful doctor at the U of MN and I know that has helped her to adjust to cf and to being accountable for herself.