UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

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JennifersHope

New member
Sometimes I feel like I am in the twilight zone.... This morning I was having breakfast with my family.... my step sister is here because she just had surgery.....and we were all sitting around talking...

My dad was telling me again how much he wants to be able to retire...which I already know and feel terrible about.. right now he is supporting me, paying for all my med bills, food etc....

When he told me again this am that he really wants to retire and get his life setteled I didn't know what to say so . I said " oh dad you know you will hate retirement, as soon as you repaint the garage, fix the pot hole in the driveway and do some yard work.. you will be board"

I was just teasing him.. and my step mother turned around and said " that is not for you to say, you don't leave him any choice but to work" he has to get up and drive three hours to work every day, while you are not even out of bed yet. That is not fair.. he should have the choice." She told me I should seriously consider getting my Masters degree because I am to expensive....

You know what, she is right.. I told her she is right and that is why I am fighting so hard to finish school and why I haven't quit school, why I go to school with fevers, coughing and sick.why I go against my doctors advice.. because I want my dad not to have to take care of me"I hate being a burden period... and if they only knew that a lot of what I am fighting for to finish is because I feel like I owe them.....I don't want to be dependant on anyone... ever...

This really upset me because I was already "depressed"; about my life and how fing incapable I am of taking care of myself, and how I feel hopeless about things improving in the future... I already feel so guilty and like such a burden already.... I didn't need to know that that is how my step mom sees me too...

I am just venting I don't need pity.. I am just upset because I know she is right..and I already have been really struggling for a while with feeling worthless.... and not contributatory within this family....and most nights when I feel like I can't do this life anymore.. I think of how it would effect my father.. and that is why I keep trying....I can't imagine that they really think I like being dependant on them....

Anyway.. I have to get ready for work...

Thanks for letting me vent.

Jennifer
 
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Seana30

New member
Jennifer,

I don't have an words of wisdom for you, but just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this and will be thinking of you!!

Seana
 
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Alyssa

New member
Ditto to what Seana said ! Hang in there.

How much more school do you have? What are you getting your masters in?
 
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katyf13

New member
You'll be done soon Jennifer and it will all be worth it! (I think you said you only have a couple of months left). I know how hard it is to put yourself through school without health problems, so I can't imagine how hard it is for you. Try to ignore those hurtful comments and think about how far you've come and how hard you've worked! You are clearly not worthless, you have determination and drive and that will make you successful!!
 
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Diane

New member
Oh Jennifer, your step mother had no right to say that, even if it were true. It's possible she has some resentment or even jealousy towards you ( sounds like it to me). I have a step mother who just loves to get some digs in on me also, and it used to really bother me till i realized it was out of jealousy and nothing else. She one time told me my father is embarrassed because his co-workers have kids who are doctors and lawyers and are totally self sufficient and he( my dad) doesnt. I told her i couldnt imagine any parent feeling that way when the reason his child isnt in any of those fields is because of a serious health issue and certainly NOT laziness. When i asked my father about it while we were alone, he said he didnt feel that way at all, but my step mother felt i could do more than what i am doing because i am too smart to be just a housekeeper. I agree everyone is entitled to their opinion but , there times when a wise person keeps it to them selves. Step parents and step kids, have their own issues usually that comes with the territory, but sometimes putting guilt where it doesnt belong is going a bit too far.
 
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julie

New member
Jen, I am so sorry to hear that she said that to you. Some people are just not compassionate at all. It's your dads choice, and yes, he may have the desire to retire (who doesn't, I'm 22 and I want to retire already <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">) but the bottom line is he is still getting up every day so he can help you out. That is a CHOICE he is making, nobody is forcing him. That right there is real love. And you shouldn't feel guilty, parents are suppose to be there for their children, whether they are 2 or 42... that's just how life goes.

I know you deserve this and I know your dad will be proud when you graduate. Just hang in there!!!!
 
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icefisherman

New member
don't worry about them Jen. You can't help the fact that you are sick, and you should never have to feel bad about it(we all do anyway, lol). If I were you I would just worry about the things that make me happy. Happiness first, money second. I really wish i could do something more, nobody should have to worry about money when it comes to staying healthy. I have always worried about the burden on my family, and my wife. If somebody said something to me like that, I would loose it(but please don't).wow, that still just blows my mind. If she was here right now I would definatly tell her off for you, you deserve to be treated much better. I hope you are OK.
Ben
 
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LisaV

New member
Well, you really didn't need to hear that, did you.

But I don't understand why it still has to be your dad who is paying your medical bills. Isn't it true that if you live in the US (and I'm assuming that you do) and you are over 21 (and I am assuming that you are) that you are eligible for assistance in your own right? Couldn't you be on Medicaid now or some other state-sponsored insurance for your CF? Or maybe that's just true in Massachusetts.

There is something terribly frustrating about being dependent on one's parents once one is of age (at least my husband felt so). I'm sure as soon as you work out a way to have an independent life you'll do so.

I'll be rooting for you.
-LisaV
 
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Emily65Roses

New member
I don't care if it's doing this to your dad. Not that that should sound like it does... I do care. That sucks. BUT it's not your fault and you're not doing it on effing purpose. Your step mother had no right to say that, EVEN IF IT <i>IS</i> TRUE.

That'd be like telling a healthy child... "Hey you know we can't take any vacations anymore because we're paying for your college education." What parent would say that??? Very few! Know why? It's a sh*tty thing to say. And so was what your step mother said to you. <u>Especially</u> since you are trying so hard to graduate. You're busting your *ss to get finished and your stepmom can seriously shove it. I'm not sorry. That pisses me off.
 
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Lilith

New member
I agree with icefisherman, get her on this website and show her what a bi*ch she's acting like. We all feel like a burden sometimes, but that IS NOT AN EXCUSE to look you in the eye and practically tell you to your face that you're a pain. I would have told her to shove it. She, I'm sure, has no idea what you go through every day, and until she's walked a mile in your shoes, she should keep her mouth shut.

What did your father say about that? I hope he stood up for you. Otherwise, if I were you, I'd have told them BOTH off.
 
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anonymous

New member
You know how they have pregnant (fat) suits someone can where to see what it is like to carry around a bunch of weight. I have often thought it would be nice sometimes to have someone try lungs with 40% lung function and no energy and go through a normal days activities to have a full understanding of what it is like.
 
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izemmom

New member
I agree - you should not have to hear mean-spirited comments like hers. Some people just have no tact. As a mom of a cfer...I pray ever day that I WILL get to pay her way through college, grad school, pay for her wedding and spoil her children rotten. If I don't retire until I'm 80, but my Emily is still here, that'll be just fine.


Tami
 
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Scarlett81

New member
Jennifer all i can say is you are not a valueless part of your family. You are not someone who contributes nothing! You are a wonderful example to anyone of someone who is working very hard to attain goals, going to school for a degree, accomplishing things-when many people with your circumstances wouldn't! You set a great example to any siblings or cousins or even neighbors you have in accomplishing things through difficulties. Goodness there are people who skip going to college or school b/c they don't feel like filling out the loan application!

I know how you feel-my husband supports me, and I feel guilty all the time!!! I mean all the time...Then he reminds me that I am valuble. I care for my little section of this planet. I clean my house, my pets, my things. And I try to always set a good example for the younger ones in my family in working hard, treating people kindly. And I take care of my health so I can be there for the ones that love me. And look at you-you have a job and schooling that requires you to treat people with compassion, kindness, selflessness.
I'm sure your parents know this. But maybe you need to remind them of this.
 
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anonymous

New member
THanks guys.. I am still at work but decided to check in and read posts.. You are not going to believe what happened to me today.. My car is in my step mothers name.. and I had it parked in the parking lot at work... and guess what.. some one drive into the side of it.. I didn't even know that it happened and the women tried to drive away.. and one of the nurses I work with stopped her..

Double ugg.. if my step mom thought I was a pain before.. now a car in her name is crashed.... I had to call my family and tell them.

Thing is my step mom is very nice to me, she does so much for me and I am so grateful to her.. for all she does.. It is only once in a while that she makes comments but it hurts me so much that she thinks this of me.

I wish it wasn't true.. and that I didn't have to rely on them so much....

Anyway got to run we are busy... the police the the damage to my step moms car car is about $3000.00 .... and now I have to drive a smashed up car with no head light home....

THanks again for all your support.. I have to read more when I get home.

Love you guys.. and appreciate you,

Jennifer
 
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Scarlett81

New member
We all have bad days-and the stars just align up to play sick jokes on us!!!

Sorry youre having one. It'll pass-and start over tommorrow.

Just like Scarlett O'Hara said "tommorrow is another day"

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
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Brad

New member
HI Jen


I would like to know how Your Father responded to
the step mothers heartless remarks ?

I bet he dosen't feel as she does ! She sounds selfish !

What he does he dose out of Love for You.
And if he is like MOST Fathers, he will do it as long as
it is needed , I know my Dad would have, my guess is that
your father had some words with your step when no one else was around.

Jen all You can do is All You do, Just do the best you can,
 
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