Thanks, everyone for all the well wishes!
To SeanDavis - I believe that you are asking sincere questions, which I will do my best to answer. I do respectfully request that others do not let this thread deteriorate into any fighting about religion/faith - I would feel quite bad if my thread turned into one of those monsters! I'm just sharing my heart.
Anway, you are absolutely right. As a Christian, I do not fear death, because I know that as soon as I close my eyes on this earth, I will open them in heaven, and I believe it is a place of joy, rest & peace (and reward!) forever with my Lord. One of the reasons God leaves His children here is to share the Gospel with others - something Greg and I try to do, and if someone would come to trust Christ as their Savior, then it would be worth all the struggles I've gone through - I won't speak for Greg, but believe I know his heart well enough to say he would agree. That's not to say we'd rather have hard times, but trusting that God has a plan for us, we can endure them, hopefully go through them in a way that shows our faith and brings glory to Him, knowing one day it will be worth it all. 2 Corinthians Chapter 4 & 5 is a great passage regarding this subject. The Apostle Paul had a desire to depart and be in Heaven, but he also had a desire to stay and minister. Either way was fine with him, he just wanted to please the Lord. Another time he said, "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21).
I know two reasons Greg decided to go for the transplant - me and my son. We have a great marriage, neither of us can imagine life without the other - we're high school sweethearts, so we've been in love for almost 30 years. And it is very important to him to be around to help our son grow up. Truth be known, when he was deciding whether or not to pursue a transplant, I never encouraged him to go for the transplant, because I knew the risks, and couldn't bear to think of him possibly suffering more than he has already. I have seen him suffer so much, and, if God decided it was his time, then I had the assurance and would rejoice that he would not have any more pain or suffering in heaven, even though I would so dearly miss him. I would be grieving and sorrowing for myself (and my son), not for him. But he decided to go for the transplant, so I whole heartedly supported him. Neither one of us are big risk takers, so we just asked the Lord to stop the process if it wasn't His will for Greg to have the transplant. We decided to pursue it as far as God allowed. We really felt so much peace during the transplant and recovery. That's not to say I didn't shed any tears or have concerns, but I knew that God loved us, and was in control and would do what was best for us.
One other reason I know God has kept Greg here is that he is in a unique position to bring comfort to others. I have seen him minister beside the bed of someone sick - even dying, or talking with their family, and everyone there listens so intently to him, because they believe Greg knows exactly what they are going through. He has been a very big blessing and an inspiration to a lot of people. I'm not sure he evens knows how much.
I had a donor card before Greg needed a transplant. I don't think I would hesitate to try to rescue someone drowning or in a burning building, so it seemed natural that I would try to save someone else's life, or make it so much better, if I was to die anyway. I believe that we all have an appointment with death, so I tried not to think of it that someone had to die for Greg to live, because that would make me feel very bad (although that is a perfect picture of what Christ did on the cross), but that someone chose, in the very darkest hour, to be courageous and generous, and decided to help others, to make some good out of their loved one's passing. I pray that it gave them some peace, even some purpose to what was probably a very hard time in their life. I do not know what it would be like to be the donor's family and see Greg. I guess we will leave that up to them, and when the time is right, maybe meet them. And yes, that might be weird, but I think I would be filled with such gratitude that it would probably overshadow the weirdness. We'll have to let you know!
I can't imagine being an agnostic or an atheist and going through the struggles of life without Him, because if I didn't have the strength, grace and peace the Lord gives me, I would have quit a long time ago. I became a Christian before I fell in love with Greg, so I didn't look at Christianity as a crutch, or something I needed to get through life - I had a great life (still do!). I looked at it as something I needed to get to Heaven, and since Christ died for me I decided to live for Him. I thought that was the least I could do. My favorite verse is Galatians 2:20. I can never thank the Lord enough for everything He has done for us. His blessings are too many to mention, but maybe after this v-e-r-y l-o-n-g post you might see a little better where I'm coming from. I hope very much that I have answered your questions in a coherent way!
Take care,
Jan
(wife of Greg, 46 cf'er w/cepacia, tx'd 10-31-05 at Methodist, Indianapolis)
www.standinginthegap4greg.org
