I'm not sure if i made a thread like this not too long ago, but I think something like this should possibly be stickied...Because there is so many of us, all with many different backgrounds/lives...
(i'm a little bit drunk now, so im shooting off the cusp. But I will share "mine" that I immediately feel)...BTW, when you look at the possible regret, don't look at it like you are presently questioning something current...Like if its a past girl/boyfriend you did wrong, but now have a good marriage, dont feel you are sacrificing/belittling one to make way for another...I'm sure you know what i mean:
(this recollection won't be properly fluid...But late at night some things come floating back to me)
#1 Erin Keirnan: I met this lady through the local singles ads. She turned out to be monumentally intelligent, sexy, and decent. with a nice family (I met the whole brood). Her father was an awesome guitarist who competed against some major big name guitarist for show rights at certain clubs. When I met her, she already had her bachelors in English, and she wanted me to do good for myself. I was a douche bag immature 20ish year old moron who only wanted to drink and party. Eventually she cheated on me and hooked up with some guy from her past. I still occasionally think of her.
#2 Kim Tulliver: A similar case, but this girl happened before the other girl. We both met from being on our counties home bound program. Her and I had a great relationship. On again and off again sexual fun times, but many real deep relations. So much so I cried myself to sleep many a night. I often wonder how her life went (as i do occasionally the female above this part), if she did have kids, how many, how things went, etc...But I lost contact with her. I had a *TON* of fun with this lady. Emotionally and sexually. It really helped make me who I am today. God bless her. I miss her, and wish I knew how she was doing (Im sure if I wanted to really find out I could, but im not a stalker weirdo like that)
#3 Screwing up on my counties polygraph: I never lied, never did anything wrong, but because I was 100% honest, and related everything honestly, now I am basically black sheeped from a particular agency. Meanwhile, people who do drugs, harm people, and have been convicted of felonices, work for this agency...Life isn't fair (and I knew this), but holy hell...
#4 Knowing what I know now...Not attempting to have sex with my 7th grade math teacher Mrs. Gibbons...She quite literally threw it at me, but holy hell I was scared and had no idea what to do. When I lost my virginity with a much older woman I still didn't know what to do...
#5 I lost my virginity to a 43 year old married mother of 3 (while I was 16)...Her online name was "Captain Cookie" (yeah I know, the jokes are endless). I really wonder what happened to her. Granted by now she would almost be in an old folks home, but id still like to have a drink with her and BS/reminisce. I would really like to have the opportunity to say thank you to her. Considering she schooled me on how to treat a female physcially...I know molestation = molestation, but I would still like to thank her. Also, literally right after that, I had my first real girlfriend (another 16 year old), and what she showed me help me have a quality (for 16 year olds) sexual relationship that lasted for several years, and then many years down the road off and on as adults...
#6 Jennifer Reynolds: In 5th grade there was this ultra, super uber hot chick that we all were googly for. We put her on such a pedestal, we thought she could do or be any wrong. In the middle of gym class, in the middle of her standing up and saying something moving, some douche bag rushed up and pulled down her shorts and underwear. She hadn't yet reached full puberty. Everyone (besides me) busted out laughing at her and ragged on her that she didn't have any "bush". Even though most if not all of the boys doing so, themselves didn't have any either. I would like to meet her face to face, and apologize for my idiot prepubescent friends!
#7 Starting college way too late: I started college when I was 24. I was always told I was going to die way so early. I saw other CF's around me attempt college, most failed and died, some completed and died. It all made me think college was a giant joke for us and there was no point. When I hit 24, and realized how my health was, I knew I could get a degree and continue on regardless if there was employment or not. After several bouts of classes, and enjoying some of them, I knew it was the right decision. In a way I was angry at my parents for accepting I was going to die and not be able to attempt college, but being in their shoes, and accepting what the docs said, I don't hold any blame against them.
#8 Only going after my AAS. I got into video games big time, and it took me forever to get my AAS. I still till this day have people urging me to get my BAS. I want to get it, but we have so very few options locally to get that done, and not go insane with 600 students per room, massive tuition, and everything else you could imagine thrown on top. I just want something decent to get by with now.
#9 CF: Here is the deal. While it is easy to say "I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN WITH CF!!!"...People rarely stop to say "How/What would I be like now if I was never born with CF". You just never get that. The way you are now, regardless how you are now, is 95% due to your adversity while growing up. It's like someone who was molested, and now they greatly appreciate everything to go along with not being molested. Maybe the same could also be said for the ultra vegetarian kid's upbringing that while away from mom and dad, actually eats a really tasty chicken wing. It's all the perspective either being changed, or strengthened depending on what takes place. Me? I drink beer and have fun with my friends on the weekends. I now 100% realize that the way I am, how my personality/sense of humor has formed, did so due to CF. If I would have grown up 100% "normal" without CF or any disease, I would not have the same "self" that I do now. My humor would be different. My perspective would be different. And surely my overall personality would be very different...
Basically, even though I have seen countless close friends die from this same disease...CF has given me the strength, and empowerment to be myself...And nurture an inner self that many others are thankful for...If it wasn't for CF, I would have never been myself. I more than likely would have been just another joe schmoe that no one ever noticed. At least due to CF, I have been noticed, and I have been understood/interpreted. Good, or bad...I'm being felt. Where as without this disease, I probably never would have been.
God bless...Thank you for listening/reading my drivel. And remember...If it wasn't for this dreaded disease...Would you, really be "You"?
(i'm a little bit drunk now, so im shooting off the cusp. But I will share "mine" that I immediately feel)...BTW, when you look at the possible regret, don't look at it like you are presently questioning something current...Like if its a past girl/boyfriend you did wrong, but now have a good marriage, dont feel you are sacrificing/belittling one to make way for another...I'm sure you know what i mean:
(this recollection won't be properly fluid...But late at night some things come floating back to me)
#1 Erin Keirnan: I met this lady through the local singles ads. She turned out to be monumentally intelligent, sexy, and decent. with a nice family (I met the whole brood). Her father was an awesome guitarist who competed against some major big name guitarist for show rights at certain clubs. When I met her, she already had her bachelors in English, and she wanted me to do good for myself. I was a douche bag immature 20ish year old moron who only wanted to drink and party. Eventually she cheated on me and hooked up with some guy from her past. I still occasionally think of her.
#2 Kim Tulliver: A similar case, but this girl happened before the other girl. We both met from being on our counties home bound program. Her and I had a great relationship. On again and off again sexual fun times, but many real deep relations. So much so I cried myself to sleep many a night. I often wonder how her life went (as i do occasionally the female above this part), if she did have kids, how many, how things went, etc...But I lost contact with her. I had a *TON* of fun with this lady. Emotionally and sexually. It really helped make me who I am today. God bless her. I miss her, and wish I knew how she was doing (Im sure if I wanted to really find out I could, but im not a stalker weirdo like that)
#3 Screwing up on my counties polygraph: I never lied, never did anything wrong, but because I was 100% honest, and related everything honestly, now I am basically black sheeped from a particular agency. Meanwhile, people who do drugs, harm people, and have been convicted of felonices, work for this agency...Life isn't fair (and I knew this), but holy hell...
#4 Knowing what I know now...Not attempting to have sex with my 7th grade math teacher Mrs. Gibbons...She quite literally threw it at me, but holy hell I was scared and had no idea what to do. When I lost my virginity with a much older woman I still didn't know what to do...
#5 I lost my virginity to a 43 year old married mother of 3 (while I was 16)...Her online name was "Captain Cookie" (yeah I know, the jokes are endless). I really wonder what happened to her. Granted by now she would almost be in an old folks home, but id still like to have a drink with her and BS/reminisce. I would really like to have the opportunity to say thank you to her. Considering she schooled me on how to treat a female physcially...I know molestation = molestation, but I would still like to thank her. Also, literally right after that, I had my first real girlfriend (another 16 year old), and what she showed me help me have a quality (for 16 year olds) sexual relationship that lasted for several years, and then many years down the road off and on as adults...
#6 Jennifer Reynolds: In 5th grade there was this ultra, super uber hot chick that we all were googly for. We put her on such a pedestal, we thought she could do or be any wrong. In the middle of gym class, in the middle of her standing up and saying something moving, some douche bag rushed up and pulled down her shorts and underwear. She hadn't yet reached full puberty. Everyone (besides me) busted out laughing at her and ragged on her that she didn't have any "bush". Even though most if not all of the boys doing so, themselves didn't have any either. I would like to meet her face to face, and apologize for my idiot prepubescent friends!
#7 Starting college way too late: I started college when I was 24. I was always told I was going to die way so early. I saw other CF's around me attempt college, most failed and died, some completed and died. It all made me think college was a giant joke for us and there was no point. When I hit 24, and realized how my health was, I knew I could get a degree and continue on regardless if there was employment or not. After several bouts of classes, and enjoying some of them, I knew it was the right decision. In a way I was angry at my parents for accepting I was going to die and not be able to attempt college, but being in their shoes, and accepting what the docs said, I don't hold any blame against them.
#8 Only going after my AAS. I got into video games big time, and it took me forever to get my AAS. I still till this day have people urging me to get my BAS. I want to get it, but we have so very few options locally to get that done, and not go insane with 600 students per room, massive tuition, and everything else you could imagine thrown on top. I just want something decent to get by with now.
#9 CF: Here is the deal. While it is easy to say "I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN WITH CF!!!"...People rarely stop to say "How/What would I be like now if I was never born with CF". You just never get that. The way you are now, regardless how you are now, is 95% due to your adversity while growing up. It's like someone who was molested, and now they greatly appreciate everything to go along with not being molested. Maybe the same could also be said for the ultra vegetarian kid's upbringing that while away from mom and dad, actually eats a really tasty chicken wing. It's all the perspective either being changed, or strengthened depending on what takes place. Me? I drink beer and have fun with my friends on the weekends. I now 100% realize that the way I am, how my personality/sense of humor has formed, did so due to CF. If I would have grown up 100% "normal" without CF or any disease, I would not have the same "self" that I do now. My humor would be different. My perspective would be different. And surely my overall personality would be very different...
Basically, even though I have seen countless close friends die from this same disease...CF has given me the strength, and empowerment to be myself...And nurture an inner self that many others are thankful for...If it wasn't for CF, I would have never been myself. I more than likely would have been just another joe schmoe that no one ever noticed. At least due to CF, I have been noticed, and I have been understood/interpreted. Good, or bad...I'm being felt. Where as without this disease, I probably never would have been.
God bless...Thank you for listening/reading my drivel. And remember...If it wasn't for this dreaded disease...Would you, really be "You"?