Why I haven't been posting much

6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I've noticed lately I don't come here to post much, or even come to read posts on here.
Thinking about it, I've realized I don't have much to say that would be anything positive, for I have been dealing with a lot of personal conflicts, lately.

I thought of posting my 'vents', but feel it would clog up the forum, and I still don't believe in starting a blog. I could (and often do) write my 'vents' on my computer and just press the 'save' button, and find myself feeling better after that.

I had been dealing with some conflicts on my own, and had a little bit of help from family and friends. The MIL conflict I've had been dealing with, I've been able to handle for the most part, but it won't be conquored until the day she dies.

My CF is not a major problem at this juncture, though there are many things I wish could be better (like my left collar bone being back to normal). My energy levels seem to be picking up a bit, due to taking the right supplements (I was even able to lose about 8lbs this past month), yet I still seem to be fighting with the spiritual part of me.

I haven't been able to find a job, after five months of unemployment, and that, to me, is the most discouraging. I had quit a job of 13 years to enter a company I thought would be a wise move for me, but that company laid me off after a three month period, leaving me to "hang out in the wind".

I'm running out of brainstorms to get over this very big 'challenge', but despite using all the resources I can find, I still come up with no results.

I'm still planning on "lurking" here, but may have long intervals of no posts. Perhaps this dillema has also been the reason for losing any will to write anything.

I still work on the day-to-day view to look on the bright side of everything, and have the hope that my prayers will be answered soon, but in the meantime, just spending the time to look for a job.

It really sucks being here, and I can't go back Stateside in this condition. I'd be in worse shape if I did go Stateside now, because I'd have no money for such a move, and no job waiting for me there, either!

Anyway, for those of you who were just wondering....
 
S

Seana30

New member
Fred,

I was wondering where you have been.

Sorry to hear the job hunting is not going well, and there are still MIL problems.

Hang in there. You will be in my thoughts.

Seana
 
C

CowTown

New member
Hi Fred,

I usually figure people get too busy with their lives to come here. But then I also wonder what in the world are they doing when they do their treatments?! Sitting still for 45 minutes and twiddling your thumbs is not much fun.

That's too bad you haven't had any job pulls from your resume. I know how difficult it can be ands feel when your job situation is not working out. I've learned that on'e of things I need to have working properly before I can usually relax. It's a stresser, sorry you're not getting the responses you want. It's also a stresser when you're in a job and don't like it. That's just one of those things in life that needs to go smoothly or else it can really be a bother. I hope the stars start lining up for you!!!!

Sounds like it's a phase that is lasting too long.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Thanks Seana and Kelly!

Kelly,
It was unbelieveable how much I visited this place when I first found it...I would spend nearly all day at work (because I hated work so much) on line here, mostly in chat.

When I got the new job, I cut down on the time, but was still frequently 'lurking' here.

I've been discovering that finding a job in Japan is even WORSE than in the States.
Japan can still discriminate against age, and I'm sure will discriminate in other areas, which would be hard to prove, but more existant than the U.S. Already, I'm above the nominal age of 35, where I could still find a good job if I were at that age. Some jobs cut off at 40, which only makes it a year over their maximum age, so I have to hope they will give in a little for me.

I plan to go to the unemployment agency tomorrow (never any fun to drag myself there--going to the dentist is more fun!), to find out how many more jobs I can be rejected from (kinda sounds like a single bar...), though I'm sure if I ask often enough, I may EVENTUALLY find someone. The problem is, will they jolt me like the last company did to me...talk about "once bit, twice shy", but during the events of quitting one job, and being fired by the other, neither company ever offered any information in regards to how to quit, and get all my benefits that are expected of. I had to find out the hard way, and confront them about it!

The job I had for 13 years was practically killing me the last three years. I don't think the second job was any better---I beleive I was breathing in gasoline and kerosene vapors there, because my lung function felt it was getting worse over those three months there. I also had to deal with an hour and a half commute, all of which was mostly spent standing up in the train, and changing trains three to four times. I hope to find a job with a shorter commute, or which I can do by car...mostly cause I love my car, and miss the old commutes I made while in the States.
 
J

julie

New member
I'm sorry to hear all you are struggling with Fred. Just know that Mark and I are thinking about you and hope that all goes well. And you always have my email <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
L

Landy

New member
Fred
It's good to hear from you again. I was just wondering the other day where the heck you've been.
Keep us posted on that job search and keep your chin up!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Still trying to keep the chin UP!!

I went to the unemployment agency on Friday, and already had an interview set for Saturday with one company. Unfortunately, after going to the interview, which was basically a company overview with a "profile test" and very basic overview of how the company operates, I got a "don't call us, we'll call you--in about a week or two" reply.
I'm still dangling on hold with a company from France which gave me the same "don't call us, we'll call you in a week", and already the time period is about over. I don't have much confidence in the job with the French company, seems to me it's one which I have to study French, just to communicate with them. I'd be all "Gung-HO" if the company were from Germany! And relieved if the company were an American company. Not too many American companies in the Osaka area, though.
I sent a resume to another company on my return from the job interview I had Saturday, so that will take another week or so for a reply.

I have another week before reporting to the unemployment office, but this puts four jobs I'm applying to for the record that I'm searching (with no results!).

I guess my next concern is what I can find for a part-time to at least equal my take-home pay from my unemployment. With paying high monthly health insurance bills, car loans, with life, auto insurance, and taxes coming around the corner, I would rather be in the high end of the "grey area", than to always be in the red.
Of course, another thought that came to mind was in regards to SSI, could I be eligible despite being a resident in another state?? Still a U.S. Citizen, but haven't sent my tax returns in since 2001. The tax return was always equal to zero in every case, anyway!
Well, technically, my medical bills are not at all high, but the wife seems to spend a lot on supplements. Also, no vest, though I seem to understand that if I really needed and wanted one, some companies would be willing to send them to me free, right?
I don't know if my age is catching up to me, or my will to work overtime has been crushed because of how much my last few jobs had been exploited the overtime from me, but I kind of wonder whether I'll be able to handle another eight hour day with an hour commute to and from the work place.
 
K

kayleesgrandma

New member
Fred, I was so glad to see you. Have noticed you lurking sometimes, but thought you were busy. Sorry about the job hunt being a bust! I hope the drought ends soon for you--it is a hard drag on your spirits. I, for one, always liked reading your posts--they were so thoughtful. Please visit more often.
 
I

izemmom

New member
Hey Fred. I hope things will turn around for you soon. I fully understand about the MIL problems that will not go away until the day she dies. That made me laugh. I have found some degree of resolution to my MIL problems by finally, after 13 years, being honest and getting a little bit mean. It had the desired effect, MIL has apologized and given us some room. Anyway, make sure that you are taking care of yourself during this time. If that means getting more exercise, therapy to vent about your frustrations in a constructive way or meds for depression...whatever it takes, pleease don't skip it. For me, when I hit a rough patch like you're in now, the hardest part is taking action. I hope you'll be through this quickly. I'll be thinking about you!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I seem to be lost for words these days, and still in search of work.
I tried posting here about three times, of which I eventually erased because it didn't seem "vital", just jibberish after I read it.
Tami, unfortunately with my MIL, an honest apology would never happen in her life!! In the same sentence of apology, she would say "get out, this is my home!", so I had NEVER taken any of her apologies seriously. She has a demented mind, A mix of pure selfishness, with 50% stupidity and maybe 30% of what seems to be Alzheimers (Senility).
However, she now goes to "daycare" from Monday to Friday, and I only have to deal with her before she goes, when she comes back, and on the weekends.
It's a little bit of an improvement, because I also tell the wife to take car of her mother, I no longer will take the responsiblity of the MIL (I often refer to as "Terror-Bear") when it comes to feeding her, and administering her meds, or anything to do with her health (since her mother has no concern for mine!).
Her mother broke the last straw of "forgiveness" when she decided upon herself to stay at her sister's house a few weeks back. She did not confer with me, and I ended up having to drive 4 hours round trip that day, and then to have to do it again a week later. It was my time and my car (and my gas at nearly $2 a litre) that was being used. When I scolded the MIL about not asking, She never once gave any apology for it, nor did she even thank me for coming out to get her (I had to ASK her to thank me, so that was meaningless!).

As for work, I still currently have three potential employers, but when I asked on another forum I visit for foreigners in Japan, I got a reply from a forum member who has been here a long time that I have little chance of getting a job in my field, due to my Japanese ability. Somewhat disturbing and depressing news.

I had been trying to increase my Japanese study, partly because my wife seems to be more pleasant, and that IS a plus!! But also because I know I need to improve and get some certification to show my ability with Japanese.

I don't believe I am in a depression situation (I don't think I'm in denial either, but even people in denial will deny it!! LOL!), so I don't think I'm in need of medications, though being aware of the symptoms are important. I have been doing things I enjoy, to mix with the things I know I have to do. I've also been trying to go to my Iaido practices, sometimes feeling better after going, sometimes not.

I think I've been one to take action for most things, like finding a job, or making improvements in the work situation I was in years back. However, I realize that I should have been more active in making improvements in my Japanese, esp. during my unemployment. Hopefully I can make improvement soon enough.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I seem to be lost for words these days, and still in search of work.
I tried posting here about three times, of which I eventually erased because it didn't seem "vital", just jibberish after I read it.
Tami, unfortunately with my MIL, an honest apology would never happen in her life!! In the same sentence of apology, she would say "get out, this is my home!", so I had NEVER taken any of her apologies seriously. She has a demented mind, A mix of pure selfishness, with 50% stupidity and maybe 30% of what seems to be Alzheimers (Senility).
However, she now goes to "daycare" from Monday to Friday, and I only have to deal with her before she goes, when she comes back, and on the weekends.
It's a little bit of an improvement, because I also tell the wife to take car of her mother, I no longer will take the responsiblity of the MIL (I often refer to as "Terror-Bear") when it comes to feeding her, and administering her meds, or anything to do with her health (since her mother has no concern for mine!).
Her mother broke the last straw of "forgiveness" when she decided upon herself to stay at her sister's house a few weeks back. She did not confer with me, and I ended up having to drive 4 hours round trip that day, and then to have to do it again a week later. It was my time and my car (and my gas at nearly $2 a litre) that was being used. When I scolded the MIL about not asking, She never once gave any apology for it, nor did she even thank me for coming out to get her (I had to ASK her to thank me, so that was meaningless!).

As for work, I still currently have three potential employers, but when I asked on another forum I visit for foreigners in Japan, I got a reply from a forum member who has been here a long time that I have little chance of getting a job in my field, due to my Japanese ability. Somewhat disturbing and depressing news.

I had been trying to increase my Japanese study, partly because my wife seems to be more pleasant, and that IS a plus!! But also because I know I need to improve and get some certification to show my ability with Japanese.

I don't believe I am in a depression situation (I don't think I'm in denial either, but even people in denial will deny it!! LOL!), so I don't think I'm in need of medications, though being aware of the symptoms are important. I have been doing things I enjoy, to mix with the things I know I have to do. I've also been trying to go to my Iaido practices, sometimes feeling better after going, sometimes not.

I think I've been one to take action for most things, like finding a job, or making improvements in the work situation I was in years back. However, I realize that I should have been more active in making improvements in my Japanese, esp. during my unemployment. Hopefully I can make improvement soon enough.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I seem to be lost for words these days, and still in search of work.
I tried posting here about three times, of which I eventually erased because it didn't seem "vital", just jibberish after I read it.
Tami, unfortunately with my MIL, an honest apology would never happen in her life!! In the same sentence of apology, she would say "get out, this is my home!", so I had NEVER taken any of her apologies seriously. She has a demented mind, A mix of pure selfishness, with 50% stupidity and maybe 30% of what seems to be Alzheimers (Senility).
However, she now goes to "daycare" from Monday to Friday, and I only have to deal with her before she goes, when she comes back, and on the weekends.
It's a little bit of an improvement, because I also tell the wife to take car of her mother, I no longer will take the responsiblity of the MIL (I often refer to as "Terror-Bear") when it comes to feeding her, and administering her meds, or anything to do with her health (since her mother has no concern for mine!).
Her mother broke the last straw of "forgiveness" when she decided upon herself to stay at her sister's house a few weeks back. She did not confer with me, and I ended up having to drive 4 hours round trip that day, and then to have to do it again a week later. It was my time and my car (and my gas at nearly $2 a litre) that was being used. When I scolded the MIL about not asking, She never once gave any apology for it, nor did she even thank me for coming out to get her (I had to ASK her to thank me, so that was meaningless!).

As for work, I still currently have three potential employers, but when I asked on another forum I visit for foreigners in Japan, I got a reply from a forum member who has been here a long time that I have little chance of getting a job in my field, due to my Japanese ability. Somewhat disturbing and depressing news.

I had been trying to increase my Japanese study, partly because my wife seems to be more pleasant, and that IS a plus!! But also because I know I need to improve and get some certification to show my ability with Japanese.

I don't believe I am in a depression situation (I don't think I'm in denial either, but even people in denial will deny it!! LOL!), so I don't think I'm in need of medications, though being aware of the symptoms are important. I have been doing things I enjoy, to mix with the things I know I have to do. I've also been trying to go to my Iaido practices, sometimes feeling better after going, sometimes not.

I think I've been one to take action for most things, like finding a job, or making improvements in the work situation I was in years back. However, I realize that I should have been more active in making improvements in my Japanese, esp. during my unemployment. Hopefully I can make improvement soon enough.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Thanks, Jennifer...I think I need to post, again! (I'm editing it, so for those of you who read the pre-edited version, got to see the details to my dilemma!)

Still having big argument with the MIL!!

This puts me in a rut! Two reasons come to mind for wanting to leave, one is to get away from the MIL's horrid self, and the other one is because I don't feel a bit appreciated by her, I would rather live elsewhere at this point. It's kind of a choice of two evils, (maybe three) though. Move to where the wife's house is, or just keep going till I reach the States!!
I know the wife wouldn't hate me for that, because the blame would point to the MIL, but she would be sad that I would leave.
But, I can't do any of that, I'm stuck here till the MIL dies!! I'm now considering on finding a job which would cause me to travel for long periods!!! Yea, the wife will be stuck with her, but at least I'd finally have an income to help support them, and less time to deal with the MIL.
I also kind of wish we had the money just to move out of this house into another one, and where finding a job would actually be more convenient...but that's another unrealistic thought!
I guess the hardest thing to overcome is getting over being so upset about feeling treated so bad by a woman so horrible (after already divorcing a woman near the same calibur), but who also has a mental problem!!
BTW, we can't put her into a nursing home because there are no vacancies, at least so I'm told. (the real excuse might be that THEY don't want her, either!!)
The argument I had to day, caused me some severe coughing, almost to the point of throwing up!! (I thought my lungs were going to start bleeding, the coughing was so severe sometimes!) My heart was racing, and I'm even feeling feverish and exhausted; as if an argument is enough to catch a cold! Probably yelling at the top of my lungs is in comparison to running a marathon!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Thanks, Jennifer...I think I need to post, again! (I'm editing it, so for those of you who read the pre-edited version, got to see the details to my dilemma!)

Still having big argument with the MIL!!

This puts me in a rut! Two reasons come to mind for wanting to leave, one is to get away from the MIL's horrid self, and the other one is because I don't feel a bit appreciated by her, I would rather live elsewhere at this point. It's kind of a choice of two evils, (maybe three) though. Move to where the wife's house is, or just keep going till I reach the States!!
I know the wife wouldn't hate me for that, because the blame would point to the MIL, but she would be sad that I would leave.
But, I can't do any of that, I'm stuck here till the MIL dies!! I'm now considering on finding a job which would cause me to travel for long periods!!! Yea, the wife will be stuck with her, but at least I'd finally have an income to help support them, and less time to deal with the MIL.
I also kind of wish we had the money just to move out of this house into another one, and where finding a job would actually be more convenient...but that's another unrealistic thought!
I guess the hardest thing to overcome is getting over being so upset about feeling treated so bad by a woman so horrible (after already divorcing a woman near the same calibur), but who also has a mental problem!!
BTW, we can't put her into a nursing home because there are no vacancies, at least so I'm told. (the real excuse might be that THEY don't want her, either!!)
The argument I had to day, caused me some severe coughing, almost to the point of throwing up!! (I thought my lungs were going to start bleeding, the coughing was so severe sometimes!) My heart was racing, and I'm even feeling feverish and exhausted; as if an argument is enough to catch a cold! Probably yelling at the top of my lungs is in comparison to running a marathon!
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
Thanks, Jennifer...I think I need to post, again! (I'm editing it, so for those of you who read the pre-edited version, got to see the details to my dilemma!)

Still having big argument with the MIL!!

This puts me in a rut! Two reasons come to mind for wanting to leave, one is to get away from the MIL's horrid self, and the other one is because I don't feel a bit appreciated by her, I would rather live elsewhere at this point. It's kind of a choice of two evils, (maybe three) though. Move to where the wife's house is, or just keep going till I reach the States!!
I know the wife wouldn't hate me for that, because the blame would point to the MIL, but she would be sad that I would leave.
But, I can't do any of that, I'm stuck here till the MIL dies!! I'm now considering on finding a job which would cause me to travel for long periods!!! Yea, the wife will be stuck with her, but at least I'd finally have an income to help support them, and less time to deal with the MIL.
I also kind of wish we had the money just to move out of this house into another one, and where finding a job would actually be more convenient...but that's another unrealistic thought!
I guess the hardest thing to overcome is getting over being so upset about feeling treated so bad by a woman so horrible (after already divorcing a woman near the same calibur), but who also has a mental problem!!
BTW, we can't put her into a nursing home because there are no vacancies, at least so I'm told. (the real excuse might be that THEY don't want her, either!!)
The argument I had to day, caused me some severe coughing, almost to the point of throwing up!! (I thought my lungs were going to start bleeding, the coughing was so severe sometimes!) My heart was racing, and I'm even feeling feverish and exhausted; as if an argument is enough to catch a cold! Probably yelling at the top of my lungs is in comparison to running a marathon!
 
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