Not Listening or Answering

[Ratatosk]

Any suggestions on dealing with a 6 1/2 year old who doesn't listen, doesn't answer and we feel like we're going crazy constantly having to repeat ourselves. What is a better way of dealing with the whole cycle of not listening/paying attention and pretty much having a big blow up....

Last night when we got home from work/school we asked him to take his medicine, feed the dog, start his vest -- all part of his normal routine and it became a major production...

 

[Ratatosk]

Any suggestions on dealing with a 6 1/2 year old who doesn't listen, doesn't answer and we feel like we're going crazy constantly having to repeat ourselves. What is a better way of dealing with the whole cycle of not listening/paying attention and pretty much having a big blow up....

Last night when we got home from work/school we asked him to take his medicine, feed the dog, start his vest -- all part of his normal routine and it became a major production...

 

[Ratatosk]

Any suggestions on dealing with a 6 1/2 year old who doesn't listen, doesn't answer and we feel like we're going crazy constantly having to repeat ourselves. What is a better way of dealing with the whole cycle of not listening/paying attention and pretty much having a big blow up....

Last night when we got home from work/school we asked him to take his medicine, feed the dog, start his vest -- all part of his normal routine and it became a major production...

 

[Ratatosk]

Any suggestions on dealing with a 6 1/2 year old who doesn't listen, doesn't answer and we feel like we're going crazy constantly having to repeat ourselves. What is a better way of dealing with the whole cycle of not listening/paying attention and pretty much having a big blow up....

Last night when we got home from work/school we asked him to take his medicine, feed the dog, start his vest -- all part of his normal routine and it became a major production...

 

[Ratatosk]

Any suggestions on dealing with a 6 1/2 year old who doesn't listen, doesn't answer and we feel like we're going crazy constantly having to repeat ourselves. What is a better way of dealing with the whole cycle of not listening/paying attention and pretty much having a big blow up....
<br />
<br />Last night when we got home from work/school we asked him to take his medicine, feed the dog, start his vest -- all part of his normal routine and it became a major production...

 

[hmw]

Gotta love Selective Deafness, since they certainly hear what they want to hear. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"> It kicks in in a big way at this age for all kids!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">

We've had to work at coming up with better ways of gaining compliance at all kinds of stuff too (getting homework and chores done, cooperating with routines (not just health stuff), etc... eventually it came down to making clear that they knew what our expectations were, were completely capable of carrying them out, we weren't going to endlessly repeat ourselves and consequences were going to follow if they didn't cooperate (vs. us driving ourselves insane and letting them see it stressed us out/turning it into an emotional situation in general.) But it's always a work in progress here too and we've had to alter our approaches here several times based on developmental stages (and what works to motivate them!) I am looking forward to seeing what our resident experts have to say on this too. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

Gotta love Selective Deafness, since they certainly hear what they want to hear. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"> It kicks in in a big way at this age for all kids!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">

We've had to work at coming up with better ways of gaining compliance at all kinds of stuff too (getting homework and chores done, cooperating with routines (not just health stuff), etc... eventually it came down to making clear that they knew what our expectations were, were completely capable of carrying them out, we weren't going to endlessly repeat ourselves and consequences were going to follow if they didn't cooperate (vs. us driving ourselves insane and letting them see it stressed us out/turning it into an emotional situation in general.) But it's always a work in progress here too and we've had to alter our approaches here several times based on developmental stages (and what works to motivate them!) I am looking forward to seeing what our resident experts have to say on this too. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

Gotta love Selective Deafness, since they certainly hear what they want to hear. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"> It kicks in in a big way at this age for all kids!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">

We've had to work at coming up with better ways of gaining compliance at all kinds of stuff too (getting homework and chores done, cooperating with routines (not just health stuff), etc... eventually it came down to making clear that they knew what our expectations were, were completely capable of carrying them out, we weren't going to endlessly repeat ourselves and consequences were going to follow if they didn't cooperate (vs. us driving ourselves insane and letting them see it stressed us out/turning it into an emotional situation in general.) But it's always a work in progress here too and we've had to alter our approaches here several times based on developmental stages (and what works to motivate them!) I am looking forward to seeing what our resident experts have to say on this too. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

Gotta love Selective Deafness, since they certainly hear what they want to hear. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"> It kicks in in a big way at this age for all kids!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">

We've had to work at coming up with better ways of gaining compliance at all kinds of stuff too (getting homework and chores done, cooperating with routines (not just health stuff), etc... eventually it came down to making clear that they knew what our expectations were, were completely capable of carrying them out, we weren't going to endlessly repeat ourselves and consequences were going to follow if they didn't cooperate (vs. us driving ourselves insane and letting them see it stressed us out/turning it into an emotional situation in general.) But it's always a work in progress here too and we've had to alter our approaches here several times based on developmental stages (and what works to motivate them!) I am looking forward to seeing what our resident experts have to say on this too. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[hmw]

Gotta love Selective Deafness, since they certainly hear what they want to hear. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"> It kicks in in a big way at this age for all kids!! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />We've had to work at coming up with better ways of gaining compliance at all kinds of stuff too (getting homework and chores done, cooperating with routines (not just health stuff), etc... eventually it came down to making clear that they knew what our expectations were, were completely capable of carrying them out, we weren't going to endlessly repeat ourselves and consequences were going to follow if they didn't cooperate (vs. us driving ourselves insane and letting them see it stressed us out/turning it into an emotional situation in general.) But it's always a work in progress here too and we've had to alter our approaches here several times based on developmental stages (and what works to motivate them!) I am looking forward to seeing what our resident experts have to say on this too. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Melissa75]

I want to know too. How do I motivate my very different kids? One is mellow and fairly eager to please and responsive. Another "marches to his own drummer"--thankfully a saint at school, but we butt heads endlessly at home. The example, respect, self-image video is giving me a lot to work on. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper...

 

[Melissa75]

I want to know too. How do I motivate my very different kids? One is mellow and fairly eager to please and responsive. Another "marches to his own drummer"--thankfully a saint at school, but we butt heads endlessly at home. The example, respect, self-image video is giving me a lot to work on. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper...

 

[Melissa75]

I want to know too. How do I motivate my very different kids? One is mellow and fairly eager to please and responsive. Another "marches to his own drummer"--thankfully a saint at school, but we butt heads endlessly at home. The example, respect, self-image video is giving me a lot to work on. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper...

 

[Melissa75]

I want to know too. How do I motivate my very different kids? One is mellow and fairly eager to please and responsive. Another "marches to his own drummer"--thankfully a saint at school, but we butt heads endlessly at home. The example, respect, self-image video is giving me a lot to work on. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper...

 

[Melissa75]

I want to know too. How do I motivate my very different kids? One is mellow and fairly eager to please and responsive. Another "marches to his own drummer"--thankfully a saint at school, but we butt heads endlessly at home. The example, respect, self-image video is giving me a lot to work on. I am trying so hard not to lose my temper...

 

[LisaGreene]

Isn't this just the most annoying thing? Very common, developmentally expected and pretty easy to turn around with some simple tools and parenting "courage." Here are a few Love and Logic-isms that will help:

1. Kids will always come to need the same number of warnings or reminders that we give. If we can train them to listen by the 3rd (or 4th or 5th time), then we can train them to listen by the first time.

2. It's not what you say, it's what you DO. Set the limit/ expectation once and follow through with empathy before consequences.

3. Love and Logic teaches a four-step process for turning children's mistakes and misbehavior into opportunities for learning and building self-esteem.

<b>The Four Steps to Responsibility</b>

<b>Step One:</b> Give the child a task he/she can handle. This builds responsibility, prepares children for the real world, and develops self-concept.

<b>Step Two:</b> Hope that the child "blows" it so that the child has a learning *Experience* when the price tag is small.

<b>Step Three:</b> Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching. Empathy allows learning to occur rather than giving the child an opportunity to focus upon the anger of the adult. Empathy builds relationships. Empathy stimulates thinking. Consequences allow children to "own" the problem. Consequences are real world.

<b>Step Four:</b> Give the same task again. This sends the implied message: "You're smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes. Communicates: TRUST. Says: "You are capable."

Here's a simple example of how this might work:
"Joey. Please take the garbage out by 5:00 today. Thank you." (Notice I didn't say "take it out this very minute.") No response from Joey. That's fine, let it go (for now).

At 5:01, the garbage isn't out. Mom takes out the garbage without saying a word.

At 6:30, Joey says, "Hey Mom! Can I go over to Billy's house?"
Mom: "Ohhh. This is so sad. But do you remember when I asked you to take the garbage out by 5? Well, it didn't get done and I had to do it. So now, I just don't have any energy left to take you over to Billy's house. Bummer. Maybe another time."

Next day, Mom: "Hey Joey! Can you please take the garbage out for me by 5:00? Thanks!"

The same approach can be used for breathing treatments.

If you want more clarification and great examples of how to apply this process in real life situations, L&L has a CD called: <i>The Four Steps to Responsibility: Techniques to Lead Children to Responsible Decision-Making</i>

See www.loveandlogic.com.

 

[LisaGreene]

Isn't this just the most annoying thing? Very common, developmentally expected and pretty easy to turn around with some simple tools and parenting "courage." Here are a few Love and Logic-isms that will help:

1. Kids will always come to need the same number of warnings or reminders that we give. If we can train them to listen by the 3rd (or 4th or 5th time), then we can train them to listen by the first time.

2. It's not what you say, it's what you DO. Set the limit/ expectation once and follow through with empathy before consequences.

3. Love and Logic teaches a four-step process for turning children's mistakes and misbehavior into opportunities for learning and building self-esteem.

<b>The Four Steps to Responsibility</b>

<b>Step One:</b> Give the child a task he/she can handle. This builds responsibility, prepares children for the real world, and develops self-concept.

<b>Step Two:</b> Hope that the child "blows" it so that the child has a learning *Experience* when the price tag is small.

<b>Step Three:</b> Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching. Empathy allows learning to occur rather than giving the child an opportunity to focus upon the anger of the adult. Empathy builds relationships. Empathy stimulates thinking. Consequences allow children to "own" the problem. Consequences are real world.

<b>Step Four:</b> Give the same task again. This sends the implied message: "You're smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes. Communicates: TRUST. Says: "You are capable."

Here's a simple example of how this might work:
"Joey. Please take the garbage out by 5:00 today. Thank you." (Notice I didn't say "take it out this very minute.") No response from Joey. That's fine, let it go (for now).

At 5:01, the garbage isn't out. Mom takes out the garbage without saying a word.

At 6:30, Joey says, "Hey Mom! Can I go over to Billy's house?"
Mom: "Ohhh. This is so sad. But do you remember when I asked you to take the garbage out by 5? Well, it didn't get done and I had to do it. So now, I just don't have any energy left to take you over to Billy's house. Bummer. Maybe another time."

Next day, Mom: "Hey Joey! Can you please take the garbage out for me by 5:00? Thanks!"

The same approach can be used for breathing treatments.

If you want more clarification and great examples of how to apply this process in real life situations, L&L has a CD called: <i>The Four Steps to Responsibility: Techniques to Lead Children to Responsible Decision-Making</i>

See www.loveandlogic.com.

 

[LisaGreene]

Isn't this just the most annoying thing? Very common, developmentally expected and pretty easy to turn around with some simple tools and parenting "courage." Here are a few Love and Logic-isms that will help:

1. Kids will always come to need the same number of warnings or reminders that we give. If we can train them to listen by the 3rd (or 4th or 5th time), then we can train them to listen by the first time.

2. It's not what you say, it's what you DO. Set the limit/ expectation once and follow through with empathy before consequences.

3. Love and Logic teaches a four-step process for turning children's mistakes and misbehavior into opportunities for learning and building self-esteem.

<b>The Four Steps to Responsibility</b>

<b>Step One:</b> Give the child a task he/she can handle. This builds responsibility, prepares children for the real world, and develops self-concept.

<b>Step Two:</b> Hope that the child "blows" it so that the child has a learning *Experience* when the price tag is small.

<b>Step Three:</b> Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching. Empathy allows learning to occur rather than giving the child an opportunity to focus upon the anger of the adult. Empathy builds relationships. Empathy stimulates thinking. Consequences allow children to "own" the problem. Consequences are real world.

<b>Step Four:</b> Give the same task again. This sends the implied message: "You're smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes. Communicates: TRUST. Says: "You are capable."

Here's a simple example of how this might work:
"Joey. Please take the garbage out by 5:00 today. Thank you." (Notice I didn't say "take it out this very minute.") No response from Joey. That's fine, let it go (for now).

At 5:01, the garbage isn't out. Mom takes out the garbage without saying a word.

At 6:30, Joey says, "Hey Mom! Can I go over to Billy's house?"
Mom: "Ohhh. This is so sad. But do you remember when I asked you to take the garbage out by 5? Well, it didn't get done and I had to do it. So now, I just don't have any energy left to take you over to Billy's house. Bummer. Maybe another time."

Next day, Mom: "Hey Joey! Can you please take the garbage out for me by 5:00? Thanks!"

The same approach can be used for breathing treatments.

If you want more clarification and great examples of how to apply this process in real life situations, L&L has a CD called: <i>The Four Steps to Responsibility: Techniques to Lead Children to Responsible Decision-Making</i>

See www.loveandlogic.com.

 

[LisaGreene]

Isn't this just the most annoying thing? Very common, developmentally expected and pretty easy to turn around with some simple tools and parenting "courage." Here are a few Love and Logic-isms that will help:

1. Kids will always come to need the same number of warnings or reminders that we give. If we can train them to listen by the 3rd (or 4th or 5th time), then we can train them to listen by the first time.

2. It's not what you say, it's what you DO. Set the limit/ expectation once and follow through with empathy before consequences.

3. Love and Logic teaches a four-step process for turning children's mistakes and misbehavior into opportunities for learning and building self-esteem.

<b>The Four Steps to Responsibility</b>

<b>Step One:</b> Give the child a task he/she can handle. This builds responsibility, prepares children for the real world, and develops self-concept.

<b>Step Two:</b> Hope that the child "blows" it so that the child has a learning *Experience* when the price tag is small.

<b>Step Three:</b> Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching. Empathy allows learning to occur rather than giving the child an opportunity to focus upon the anger of the adult. Empathy builds relationships. Empathy stimulates thinking. Consequences allow children to "own" the problem. Consequences are real world.

<b>Step Four:</b> Give the same task again. This sends the implied message: "You're smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes. Communicates: TRUST. Says: "You are capable."

Here's a simple example of how this might work:
"Joey. Please take the garbage out by 5:00 today. Thank you." (Notice I didn't say "take it out this very minute.") No response from Joey. That's fine, let it go (for now).

At 5:01, the garbage isn't out. Mom takes out the garbage without saying a word.

At 6:30, Joey says, "Hey Mom! Can I go over to Billy's house?"
Mom: "Ohhh. This is so sad. But do you remember when I asked you to take the garbage out by 5? Well, it didn't get done and I had to do it. So now, I just don't have any energy left to take you over to Billy's house. Bummer. Maybe another time."

Next day, Mom: "Hey Joey! Can you please take the garbage out for me by 5:00? Thanks!"

The same approach can be used for breathing treatments.

If you want more clarification and great examples of how to apply this process in real life situations, L&L has a CD called: <i>The Four Steps to Responsibility: Techniques to Lead Children to Responsible Decision-Making</i>

See www.loveandlogic.com.

 

[LisaGreene]

Isn't this just the most annoying thing? Very common, developmentally expected and pretty easy to turn around with some simple tools and parenting "courage." Here are a few Love and Logic-isms that will help:
<br />
<br />1. Kids will always come to need the same number of warnings or reminders that we give. If we can train them to listen by the 3rd (or 4th or 5th time), then we can train them to listen by the first time.
<br />
<br />2. It's not what you say, it's what you DO. Set the limit/ expectation once and follow through with empathy before consequences.
<br />
<br />3. Love and Logic teaches a four-step process for turning children's mistakes and misbehavior into opportunities for learning and building self-esteem.
<br />
<br /><b>The Four Steps to Responsibility</b>
<br />
<br /><b>Step One:</b> Give the child a task he/she can handle. This builds responsibility, prepares children for the real world, and develops self-concept.
<br />
<br /><b>Step Two:</b> Hope that the child "blows" it so that the child has a learning *Experience* when the price tag is small.
<br />
<br /><b>Step Three:</b> Let equal parts of empathy and consequence do the teaching. Empathy allows learning to occur rather than giving the child an opportunity to focus upon the anger of the adult. Empathy builds relationships. Empathy stimulates thinking. Consequences allow children to "own" the problem. Consequences are real world.
<br />
<br /><b>Step Four:</b> Give the same task again. This sends the implied message: "You're smart and I know you can learn from your mistakes. Communicates: TRUST. Says: "You are capable."
<br />
<br />Here's a simple example of how this might work:
<br />"Joey. Please take the garbage out by 5:00 today. Thank you." (Notice I didn't say "take it out this very minute.") No response from Joey. That's fine, let it go (for now).
<br />
<br />At 5:01, the garbage isn't out. Mom takes out the garbage without saying a word.
<br />
<br />At 6:30, Joey says, "Hey Mom! Can I go over to Billy's house?"
<br />Mom: "Ohhh. This is so sad. But do you remember when I asked you to take the garbage out by 5? Well, it didn't get done and I had to do it. So now, I just don't have any energy left to take you over to Billy's house. Bummer. Maybe another time."
<br />
<br />Next day, Mom: "Hey Joey! Can you please take the garbage out for me by 5:00? Thanks!"
<br />
<br />The same approach can be used for breathing treatments.
<br />
<br />If you want more clarification and great examples of how to apply this process in real life situations, L&L has a CD called: <i>The Four Steps to Responsibility: Techniques to Lead Children to Responsible Decision-Making</i>
<br />
<br />See www.loveandlogic.com.