Laurie,
I do have two children, who both have CF. At first I was pretty much numb. Seven years ago when we went through this, the internet wasn't what it is today, and I wasn't as knowledgable about CF, although I knew enough about it to be worried...my nephew (who was 7 years old at the time) has CF. I just was in denial that it could possibly happen to me. I was hearbroken and was sure that I would grow old without any children or grandchildren in my life. I kept having this vision of being old, gray, and lonely! I was just feeling sorry for myself at the time I guess.
My husband and I wanted to have three children. But I was very scared to try again. I was afraid that if the third had CF, I wouldn't be able to handle three children with the disease. And I was afraid that if the third didn't, then at some point they would have to go through losing two siblings, and was worried about what that would do to them. Again, I was not as educated about CF back then as I am now. I ended up having cancer, and the choice was pretty much made for me, for I can no longer have children. I was very sad at first.
But all of this has made me who I am. I love my girls so much, and would do anything for them. I don't really feel like I have much of a life outside of work and my family. I hardly ever do anything without my girls. My husband and I try to take one vacation every other year for time for ourselves, but otherwise all time away is as a family. I am blessed that they have been pretty healthy, and we work hard to keep it that way!
Neither one of my girls feel sorry for themselves. I think that comes with having a sibling with CF. They have someone who knows what they are dealing with, and I hope they always feel that they have each other to turn to.
I hope your baby is CF free! But if not, you will get through it, and it will just become part of who your family is.
