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a Cf person raising a family?
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
I was diagnosed at 25, a few months before my wedding. That was 11 years ago. I had gone to college and had a relatively normal life. I have had 2 children - my son will be 8 in May and my daugher is 5. I also work full time as a director of accounting in a company that is going public - so that adds another level of stress - but I love my job. I was an accounting major and I had passed the CPA exam prior to being diagosed. Over the last few years, I can tell when I get too worn down, but I can tell you that besides the breathing treatments every morning and the 2 hospital stays I have had, my kids have a very normal life and don't think of me as 'sick'. The doctors were worried when I had my second as the germs they can bring home, not having the time to take care of myself, etc. However, I would not trade them for anything. I worry alot about them being teenagers and having a 'sick' mother or of me dying, but I just pray that we raise them right and they will be okay. I also have a husband that is very understanding and an awesome father.
I was diagnosed at 25, a few months before my wedding. That was 11 years ago. I had gone to college and had a relatively normal life. I have had 2 children - my son will be 8 in May and my daugher is 5. I also work full time as a director of accounting in a company that is going public - so that adds another level of stress - but I love my job. I was an accounting major and I had passed the CPA exam prior to being diagosed. Over the last few years, I can tell when I get too worn down, but I can tell you that besides the breathing treatments every morning and the 2 hospital stays I have had, my kids have a very normal life and don't think of me as 'sick'. The doctors were worried when I had my second as the germs they can bring home, not having the time to take care of myself, etc. However, I would not trade them for anything. I worry alot about them being teenagers and having a 'sick' mother or of me dying, but I just pray that we raise them right and they will be okay. I also have a husband that is very understanding and an awesome father.
My "story" is very similar to that of Anonymous. I was diagnosed at 25, and am about to be 36. I was diagnosed after becoming engaged to be married). I have two children (4.5 and almost 7). I also work 4 days/week.
The positive is that I was able to have a family. As far as we know so far, my sons are only carriers, but I know it's possible they could have CF because my mutation is rare.
The negative is that between having CF, working, and raising the family I certainly get more run down more quickly than if I just had to worry about caring for my self. I also feel selfish being upset when those in my family get sick (as you know kids do...often!) because of my germ-phobias. Finally, not being a predictor of the future, I am hopeful to be around to see my children grow into adulthood.
With those fears said, I wouldn't give up my little guys for anything!
Is this kind of what you were looking for?
The positive is that I was able to have a family. As far as we know so far, my sons are only carriers, but I know it's possible they could have CF because my mutation is rare.
The negative is that between having CF, working, and raising the family I certainly get more run down more quickly than if I just had to worry about caring for my self. I also feel selfish being upset when those in my family get sick (as you know kids do...often!) because of my germ-phobias. Finally, not being a predictor of the future, I am hopeful to be around to see my children grow into adulthood.
With those fears said, I wouldn't give up my little guys for anything!
Is this kind of what you were looking for?
My "story" is very similar to that of Anonymous. I was diagnosed at 25, and am about to be 36. I was diagnosed after becoming engaged to be married). I have two children (4.5 and almost 7). I also work 4 days/week.
The positive is that I was able to have a family. As far as we know so far, my sons are only carriers, but I know it's possible they could have CF because my mutation is rare.
The negative is that between having CF, working, and raising the family I certainly get more run down more quickly than if I just had to worry about caring for my self. I also feel selfish being upset when those in my family get sick (as you know kids do...often!) because of my germ-phobias. Finally, not being a predictor of the future, I am hopeful to be around to see my children grow into adulthood.
With those fears said, I wouldn't give up my little guys for anything!
Is this kind of what you were looking for?
The positive is that I was able to have a family. As far as we know so far, my sons are only carriers, but I know it's possible they could have CF because my mutation is rare.
The negative is that between having CF, working, and raising the family I certainly get more run down more quickly than if I just had to worry about caring for my self. I also feel selfish being upset when those in my family get sick (as you know kids do...often!) because of my germ-phobias. Finally, not being a predictor of the future, I am hopeful to be around to see my children grow into adulthood.
With those fears said, I wouldn't give up my little guys for anything!
Is this kind of what you were looking for?
I hate to be the voice of reality, but one thing you really have to talk about with your partner is "Are you okay with being a single parent?" It is a good consideration that they might end up being so, and they have to look inside themselves and see if they are okay with that knowledge. I was. So we went ahead with it.
Another thing I would bring up, that I never thought of myself, is when you get very sick, who will take care of you AND the child? That was one of the hardest things for me, was taking care of Ahava, the house, and Ry all at the same time.
just some practical considerations.
Another thing I would bring up, that I never thought of myself, is when you get very sick, who will take care of you AND the child? That was one of the hardest things for me, was taking care of Ahava, the house, and Ry all at the same time.
just some practical considerations.
I hate to be the voice of reality, but one thing you really have to talk about with your partner is "Are you okay with being a single parent?" It is a good consideration that they might end up being so, and they have to look inside themselves and see if they are okay with that knowledge. I was. So we went ahead with it.
Another thing I would bring up, that I never thought of myself, is when you get very sick, who will take care of you AND the child? That was one of the hardest things for me, was taking care of Ahava, the house, and Ry all at the same time.
just some practical considerations.
Another thing I would bring up, that I never thought of myself, is when you get very sick, who will take care of you AND the child? That was one of the hardest things for me, was taking care of Ahava, the house, and Ry all at the same time.
just some practical considerations.
I have wondered the same question - and with frequent stays to the hospital, my disease obviously worsening, and questioning the ethics of it all I think it's definitly something to really think over before making that major decision. I am married and the first questions for me were: is it ok with my husband, what if I do die early, and how we he handle the extra responsibilities during hospital stays? He is very supportive and I can see him do an excellent job with most of the above. I also have a great family and friend support system which is key with the idea of having a child. The next question is: is this something I can handle physically - being preg. is physically demanding and the first 3 yrs are esp. demanding from what I observed. Then comes the psychological/emotional questions of what if? I don't dwell on those too much because everyone lives a life that thier dying day is unpredicable. If this is something I truely want to do, feel is ok to do considering my circumstances, and I plan out well and don't do under compulsion - just like any other important decision, then I am satisfied although it may not be easy, it will be rewarding. Children are a gift, and having them is all the more rewarding!!
I have wondered the same question - and with frequent stays to the hospital, my disease obviously worsening, and questioning the ethics of it all I think it's definitly something to really think over before making that major decision. I am married and the first questions for me were: is it ok with my husband, what if I do die early, and how we he handle the extra responsibilities during hospital stays? He is very supportive and I can see him do an excellent job with most of the above. I also have a great family and friend support system which is key with the idea of having a child. The next question is: is this something I can handle physically - being preg. is physically demanding and the first 3 yrs are esp. demanding from what I observed. Then comes the psychological/emotional questions of what if? I don't dwell on those too much because everyone lives a life that thier dying day is unpredicable. If this is something I truely want to do, feel is ok to do considering my circumstances, and I plan out well and don't do under compulsion - just like any other important decision, then I am satisfied although it may not be easy, it will be rewarding. Children are a gift, and having them is all the more rewarding!!
I am not raising a family-yet but my husband and I just did IVF and found out we are pregnant.
We have had the talk, "what if you die" a million times. But we concluded either of us could die any day for any reason so why live life thinking about the "what if's". If anything, if my husband did pass away, I would LOVE to have a part of him in a son or daughter left with me and that far outweighs ANY thing that I *may* have to handle by myself someday.
This is a very individual, personal choice though.
That's all I have for now, considering I am not a parent yet.
We have had the talk, "what if you die" a million times. But we concluded either of us could die any day for any reason so why live life thinking about the "what if's". If anything, if my husband did pass away, I would LOVE to have a part of him in a son or daughter left with me and that far outweighs ANY thing that I *may* have to handle by myself someday.
This is a very individual, personal choice though.
That's all I have for now, considering I am not a parent yet.
I am not raising a family-yet but my husband and I just did IVF and found out we are pregnant.
We have had the talk, "what if you die" a million times. But we concluded either of us could die any day for any reason so why live life thinking about the "what if's". If anything, if my husband did pass away, I would LOVE to have a part of him in a son or daughter left with me and that far outweighs ANY thing that I *may* have to handle by myself someday.
This is a very individual, personal choice though.
That's all I have for now, considering I am not a parent yet.
We have had the talk, "what if you die" a million times. But we concluded either of us could die any day for any reason so why live life thinking about the "what if's". If anything, if my husband did pass away, I would LOVE to have a part of him in a son or daughter left with me and that far outweighs ANY thing that I *may* have to handle by myself someday.
This is a very individual, personal choice though.
That's all I have for now, considering I am not a parent yet.
I was diagnosed at 6 months old...am now 32. So I have known nothing other than CF. I met my now husband when I was a senior in high school. We were married in 1996 and in 1998 had a beautiful daughter (CF free). She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! She is the one that keeps me strong and going each day...knowing that I want to see her grow up. She is full of life and am reminded each day of how precious life is. So I live one day at a time....to the fullest and to the best of my ability. For me, it has definitely been a positive experience!
Dea
32 w/CF
Dea
32 w/CF
I was diagnosed at 6 months old...am now 32. So I have known nothing other than CF. I met my now husband when I was a senior in high school. We were married in 1996 and in 1998 had a beautiful daughter (CF free). She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! She is the one that keeps me strong and going each day...knowing that I want to see her grow up. She is full of life and am reminded each day of how precious life is. So I live one day at a time....to the fullest and to the best of my ability. For me, it has definitely been a positive experience!
Dea
32 w/CF
Dea
32 w/CF
My children are 19 and 16. Besides all the normal stuff about what a joy they are, how anyone can die at any time so just go for it, I would like to share an additional perspective. One of the hardest things to watch is the look in my kids' eyes when I get sick or when I've had to go to the hospital. They are scared, but they try to be very brave. That look haunts me. It is gut wrenching to watch them experience the fear of wondering if I'm going to die "this time." I realize all the good things about our relationship and our family life, and the gifts we've given each other. I realize that any number of tragedies can happen at any time and children manage to survive the loss of parents from accidents, cancer and other illnesses. Nevertheless, when you know in advance that your kids are absolutely going to watch you struggle and die relatively early, it is definitely worth a lot of soul searching and preparation. I was not diagnosed until after my kids arrived. Had I known beforehand that I had cystic fibrosis, I am not so sure I would have subjected them to this. At the same time, I know they have learned a lot about being compassionate, helpful, etc. Just wanted to share some things to think about. There is no right or wrong answer, but please understand that when you or your spouse is sick, it is very frightening for the kids no matter how brave they try to be.
My children are 19 and 16. Besides all the normal stuff about what a joy they are, how anyone can die at any time so just go for it, I would like to share an additional perspective. One of the hardest things to watch is the look in my kids' eyes when I get sick or when I've had to go to the hospital. They are scared, but they try to be very brave. That look haunts me. It is gut wrenching to watch them experience the fear of wondering if I'm going to die "this time." I realize all the good things about our relationship and our family life, and the gifts we've given each other. I realize that any number of tragedies can happen at any time and children manage to survive the loss of parents from accidents, cancer and other illnesses. Nevertheless, when you know in advance that your kids are absolutely going to watch you struggle and die relatively early, it is definitely worth a lot of soul searching and preparation. I was not diagnosed until after my kids arrived. Had I known beforehand that I had cystic fibrosis, I am not so sure I would have subjected them to this. At the same time, I know they have learned a lot about being compassionate, helpful, etc. Just wanted to share some things to think about. There is no right or wrong answer, but please understand that when you or your spouse is sick, it is very frightening for the kids no matter how brave they try to be.
thelizardqueen
New member
My boyfriend and I are planning on starting a family in the very near future. We have had the "what happens when I die" talk, and he tells me that he would rather have a small part of me in a child, then nothing at all. We're lucky that we have a great support system - friends and family, so that I hope when it does come to that, he won't be alone.
thelizardqueen
New member
My boyfriend and I are planning on starting a family in the very near future. We have had the "what happens when I die" talk, and he tells me that he would rather have a small part of me in a child, then nothing at all. We're lucky that we have a great support system - friends and family, so that I hope when it does come to that, he won't be alone.