Adoption *warning* maybe controversial

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anonymous

New member
ok, last one was me sorry don't know where my login went!!!

Additionally, I forgot to mention that I WANT to be pregnant, watch my stomach grow, get morning sickness, not be able to see my toes, give birth, breastfeed. You can breastfeed an adopted baby, but that's about it as far as those things I mentioned. I want to expeirence ALL of them!

Julie (wife to Mark 25 w/CF)
 
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Allie

New member
The agencies that cost just as much as IVF almost ALWAYS give you a newborn to 3 month old maximum. And when you put up a parent profile, you can specify the age you want. We did that before we found out about our luck with a girl who knew us. We were only on there for like ....2 weeks, but it was pretty easy. Then, when we found Ahava, we went inactive, and by the time we wanted to adopt another, Ry was too sick.
 
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Seana30

New member
<FONT color=#008000 size=3><STRONG>Okay...i feel like I should respond to this post because I have kinda been on both sides.I was adopted.I have 3 biological children.I think it all comes down to personally choice.  I don't think one way or the other is wrong.  Some feel that the biological bond is something some don't want to miss, and some feel that bond will be there biological or not.  Of course I personally feel that adoption is a wonderful thing, and had I not been able to conceive I would have adopted.If anyone has any questions as far as "how does it feel to be adopted" please feel free to ask.  I have been thru the whole experience.  I have met my biological mother, my biological brother, and once Courtney was diagnosed met a wonderful man, my biological grandfather, due to the fact that I needed family history.Happy New Year to all......hope everyone has a GREAT year.Seana</STRONG></FONT>
 
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anonymous

New member
Fertility treatments are expensive. Adoption is just as expensive. Waiting while you adopt is hard, and waiting while you have fertility treatments is just as hard. It can be scary to adopt, and scary to give birth too. However, the end result is all the same, you have a new child to care for.
As a woman with CF, I totally understand why a woman would want to go through pregnancy and experience childbirth. We WERE MADE that way after all! I also understand why a couple would want a little "copy" of themselves. It's a beautiful thing. But for me, living with CF, I have always had to set priorities in life, and I have to sacrifice things to stay healthy. To me, I care most about being a PARENT than anything else.
 
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debs2girls

New member
I feel like I have to reply to this......the other adoptive mothers will agree with me (I am sure)
When you adopt (I have two times), that baby is your own kid....ok....I have one stepson, two biosons and two adopted daughters....I do not love my sons any more or any less than I do my daughters....they are ALL MY OWN KIDS....we didnt go through IVF or any of that stuff and I feel for those that do, I can imagine it is difficult....and expensive....our adoptions were not the norm, but both of ours were less than $11,000.00...from start to finish. We only waited for 1 day to matched with the first biomom and two weeks for one other....we had two babies at once, one we knew we didnt get to keep....
We have a very open adoption with the oldest's biomom...we went through the last part of the pregnancy with her, felt the baby kick, went to dr's visits and was in the delivery room for her birth....I was the first one to hold Ciara after she was born....I dont feel like I missed out on anything.
We have even had failed adoptions and a miscarriage (Ciara's birth sibling) believe me, it hurts just like it would if I had given birth to that child and had it removed by child protective services.
The point I am trying to make.........no matter which way you choose to have a child...it will be your child...and just because it is adopted, doesnt mean it cant look like you...I can show you pictures of kids and their adoptive parents that look alike....
Just my two cents worth,
Debbie
 
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anonymous

New member
We think adoption is great, but when we looked into it, we were "discouraged" because of the CF (might not live long enough to raise child and birth moms don't want to give baby to sick or dying parent). We also looked into fertility treatments, but have decided to just remain childless.
 
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JazzysMom

New member
I understand an adoption agency being concerned about a parent not having a long life expectancy, but that shouldnt & hasnt prevented CFers from adopting. As long as the other "requirements" are met & there will be one parent that is "healthy" & technically should be around you should be "discouraged". I would almost consider that a prejudice decision, althought it might be perfectly legal depending how on it was done. I am sure that not everything agency would "discourage" you either. I hate to think that you were completely discouraged from persuing adoption. Good Luck either way!
 
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Allie

New member
Believe me, there are agencies that will adopt to single parents, there are agencies that will adopt to you. We didn't really have trouble with it, and as long as there is A) one healthy parent and B) your health is decent to middlin' , you'll be fine
 
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anonymous

New member
*WARNING* To those who said they would look into adopting an older child. I am a foster mother, a bio-mom to 2, and an adoptive mother to a cf foster child. Please do not take this the wrong way, but there is soooo much involved in adopting an "older child". These children have been in foster care for at LEAST 15 months. This is the earliest they will attept at termination of rights(parents can sign before). These children have been through HELL and back. No matter what the bio-parents have done, until rights have been terminated, they have to go on visitation with them. Can you imagine having to visit the same person 1 X a week that put you in a body cast at 15 months old? I have had a 3month old and 3yr(court ordered) travel 7hrs one way to visit mom in jail for 2hrs once a month. ALL of these children have been neglected and/or abused. Most have been through and seen more in their short life than most adults in their lifetime. It is NOT an easy journey, but yet a rewarding one. I don't want to discourage anyone, just prepare you. I encourage you to look(even if you are not considering adoption) at the national web sight to read so of these pitiful stories. adoptuskids.org There is a 2yr old cf child listed and has been for a while now. Most of the kids love with all their hearts once you have passed their tests. All that being said... as a foster/adopt family our lives were changed for the better. We really do encourage foster adoption, it is a rewarding life.

Michelle
 
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anonymous

New member
FYI.... The national web sight has 3,191 single children listed for adoption as of today. Most states only send in a few of the harder to adopt children. So just think how many there really are in the U.S. alone. Also, this doesn't include all the sibling groups out there. I have a list of individual state web sights if anyone is seriously considering adopting an older child. Like I said earlier, be cautious it isn't easy.

Michelle
 
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JazzysMom

New member
No it isnt easy. Many of these kids are traumatized for life. I have experienced much thru family/friends that have done fostering or adoption. My husband also adopted kids with his first wife & himself was raised in foster care. His family (9 kids) obviously had to be split up and that was many years ago. It seems like there is even more problems for the kids today or at least it is more discussed & not pushed under the carpet.
 
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Allie

New member
It is hard, but worthwhile. When we were considering adopting again, Ry and I looked at adopting an older child. I feel bad that they never get a chance because no one wants an older child. If I were in a position too (emotioanlly, monetarily, etc.) I'd take in an older child.
 
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Allie

New member
Oh thank you for your deep, thoughtful insight. All I have learned from your necroposting, gramatically incorrect post shall never be replaced in my heart.

It's generally good form to leave a name when slamming someone's personality, oh Anonymous that knoweth the secret of men's souls.
 
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julie

New member
Who the hell do you think you are anonymous? Good for her to be happy with her original lungs, good for those who want a transplant. TO EACH HIS OWN. Where do you get off making comments like that? Are you aware the moderators know your IP address and can ban you, even as an anonymous poster. you people are unbelievable. At least have the decencey to leave your name if you are going to be so rude.
 
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Purplelungz

New member
I put 22 with original lungs because alot of people come on here asking how old we are and if we have had a transplant yet. its not to rub it in any ones face. Ask Candice shes one of my good friends who has had a transplant. i could really careless what you think of me. but i am responding anyway because i want to. so im going to be just as childish as you and say. you dont seem like a warm person either. infact you seem like a heartless self centered idiot. hows that? i dont even know you. you dont know me. so where do you get off saying that about me. just like i shouldnt say this about you.
 
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JazzysMom

New member
I think she should be proud that she has he original lungs just like those in need of tx & get it should be proud of their new lungs. Amanda is right putting that info in your signature saves a lot of time with general ???. She is one of the last people to disrespect anyone intentionally!
 
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IG

Guest
Agreed, a lot of us with transplant put the date we were transplanted why not be proud of the fact that you haven't been.
Amanda is such a sweet woman [sorry manda you are] She is more warm and open than any other human being I've met. Why judge her when you don't even know her?
That was just really... childish, amongst other things.
 
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Lilith

New member
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>All i can say is you dont seem like a warm person and going by your .................... 22 with CF happy with original lungs............not verry thought full lol<hr></blockquote>

...0.o What does being a 'warm person' have to do with her sig? I think it's just fine! I'm 19 with my original lungs, so does that mean I'm evil, too? Well...I am evil...but that's not the point! *lol* But seriously, she's displaying that she's happy with her situation right now. What's so wrong about that? And yes, if you're going to make remarks like that...LEAVE A NAME!! Is that so hard?!
 
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