I have 2 children with CF 9 and 12 and both of my children have power stuggles with doing what needs to be done in order for them to stay as healthy as possable... resently my children started seeing a couseler that knows how to deal with CF children and it has been a blessing.. i reccomend trying it.. they have alot to deal with as you know,, we do to and we as parents want to do the very best for our children... the problem is we get to push and demanding that they do this things and the child starts to rebel because they want some control and say in there lifes and end up chosing not to do treatments and meds to prove they can make these choses they want some say in what happens..i hope this helps some keep up the good work you and your son will over come this challange.....
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Advice for a bad attitude-
- Thread starter Jane
- Start date
I have 2 children with CF 9 and 12 and both of my children have power stuggles with doing what needs to be done in order for them to stay as healthy as possable... resently my children started seeing a couseler that knows how to deal with CF children and it has been a blessing.. i reccomend trying it.. they have alot to deal with as you know,, we do to and we as parents want to do the very best for our children... the problem is we get to push and demanding that they do this things and the child starts to rebel because they want some control and say in there lifes and end up chosing not to do treatments and meds to prove they can make these choses they want some say in what happens..i hope this helps some keep up the good work you and your son will over come this challange.....
thelizardqueen
New member
Jane - why not talk to your CF specialist about a counselor. The CF teams usually have one on hand, or at the very least know who to recommend.
thelizardqueen
New member
Jane - why not talk to your CF specialist about a counselor. The CF teams usually have one on hand, or at the very least know who to recommend.
JennifersHope
New member
I think wanting him to do treatments falls into the same catagory as wanting a teenager to do anything else that is really important.. Granted the treatments are much more important. The control thing is the biggest issue.. I really agree with Melissa, a lot of my reactions and actions, if I don't keep them in check are because I am so desprate to control something... IN reality the only thing I truly have control over is my attitude.. and not even that when I am on steroids.... HA
I really believe this applies, the more your smoother, pressure, force, insist a child to do anything the more they will rebel against it.. Sad but true.. I am 33 and still have those tendencies.. It is a fight to have control over something..I as a teenager and young adult was in a very bad relationship, I can tell you the more my parents hated him, talked bad about him, pressured me to leave him, threathend me, the more I made excuses to be with him. Maybe my advice isn't sound, and I certainly am not giving professional advice, but I think as hard as it, you should back off a little.. I know that that is hard, but it may be the only thing to get him to start doing his treatments...
The control thing is not going to work, even though you are right, he should do his treatments, ultimatly unles you hold him down, you can't make him. I would tell him, why you want him to do his treatments, that you expect him to do them.
It is hard, I as an adult and a nurse (to be) know logically why I should do my treatments, and I STILL struggle with it.. I can tell you honestly that in my heart I don't believe for one minute it is going to keep me alive any longer. I feel like the steroids are going to kill me way faster. and that all my treatments are worthless .but I do my treatments as an adult, not for me, but for the people who love me, if I were left to myself, I wouldn't do them period, unless I couldn't breath. and I needed relief..
Really teenagers are teenagers, and the more you smoother, the more they see a reaction out of you for not doing their treatments the more they are likely to keep the behavior up... because as it stands... they are controlling something right now..even if it is just your emotions...
Good luck, He is blessed to have such caring parents,
Jennifer
I really believe this applies, the more your smoother, pressure, force, insist a child to do anything the more they will rebel against it.. Sad but true.. I am 33 and still have those tendencies.. It is a fight to have control over something..I as a teenager and young adult was in a very bad relationship, I can tell you the more my parents hated him, talked bad about him, pressured me to leave him, threathend me, the more I made excuses to be with him. Maybe my advice isn't sound, and I certainly am not giving professional advice, but I think as hard as it, you should back off a little.. I know that that is hard, but it may be the only thing to get him to start doing his treatments...
The control thing is not going to work, even though you are right, he should do his treatments, ultimatly unles you hold him down, you can't make him. I would tell him, why you want him to do his treatments, that you expect him to do them.
It is hard, I as an adult and a nurse (to be) know logically why I should do my treatments, and I STILL struggle with it.. I can tell you honestly that in my heart I don't believe for one minute it is going to keep me alive any longer. I feel like the steroids are going to kill me way faster. and that all my treatments are worthless .but I do my treatments as an adult, not for me, but for the people who love me, if I were left to myself, I wouldn't do them period, unless I couldn't breath. and I needed relief..
Really teenagers are teenagers, and the more you smoother, the more they see a reaction out of you for not doing their treatments the more they are likely to keep the behavior up... because as it stands... they are controlling something right now..even if it is just your emotions...
Good luck, He is blessed to have such caring parents,
Jennifer
JennifersHope
New member
I think wanting him to do treatments falls into the same catagory as wanting a teenager to do anything else that is really important.. Granted the treatments are much more important. The control thing is the biggest issue.. I really agree with Melissa, a lot of my reactions and actions, if I don't keep them in check are because I am so desprate to control something... IN reality the only thing I truly have control over is my attitude.. and not even that when I am on steroids.... HA
I really believe this applies, the more your smoother, pressure, force, insist a child to do anything the more they will rebel against it.. Sad but true.. I am 33 and still have those tendencies.. It is a fight to have control over something..I as a teenager and young adult was in a very bad relationship, I can tell you the more my parents hated him, talked bad about him, pressured me to leave him, threathend me, the more I made excuses to be with him. Maybe my advice isn't sound, and I certainly am not giving professional advice, but I think as hard as it, you should back off a little.. I know that that is hard, but it may be the only thing to get him to start doing his treatments...
The control thing is not going to work, even though you are right, he should do his treatments, ultimatly unles you hold him down, you can't make him. I would tell him, why you want him to do his treatments, that you expect him to do them.
It is hard, I as an adult and a nurse (to be) know logically why I should do my treatments, and I STILL struggle with it.. I can tell you honestly that in my heart I don't believe for one minute it is going to keep me alive any longer. I feel like the steroids are going to kill me way faster. and that all my treatments are worthless .but I do my treatments as an adult, not for me, but for the people who love me, if I were left to myself, I wouldn't do them period, unless I couldn't breath. and I needed relief..
Really teenagers are teenagers, and the more you smoother, the more they see a reaction out of you for not doing their treatments the more they are likely to keep the behavior up... because as it stands... they are controlling something right now..even if it is just your emotions...
Good luck, He is blessed to have such caring parents,
Jennifer
I really believe this applies, the more your smoother, pressure, force, insist a child to do anything the more they will rebel against it.. Sad but true.. I am 33 and still have those tendencies.. It is a fight to have control over something..I as a teenager and young adult was in a very bad relationship, I can tell you the more my parents hated him, talked bad about him, pressured me to leave him, threathend me, the more I made excuses to be with him. Maybe my advice isn't sound, and I certainly am not giving professional advice, but I think as hard as it, you should back off a little.. I know that that is hard, but it may be the only thing to get him to start doing his treatments...
The control thing is not going to work, even though you are right, he should do his treatments, ultimatly unles you hold him down, you can't make him. I would tell him, why you want him to do his treatments, that you expect him to do them.
It is hard, I as an adult and a nurse (to be) know logically why I should do my treatments, and I STILL struggle with it.. I can tell you honestly that in my heart I don't believe for one minute it is going to keep me alive any longer. I feel like the steroids are going to kill me way faster. and that all my treatments are worthless .but I do my treatments as an adult, not for me, but for the people who love me, if I were left to myself, I wouldn't do them period, unless I couldn't breath. and I needed relief..
Really teenagers are teenagers, and the more you smoother, the more they see a reaction out of you for not doing their treatments the more they are likely to keep the behavior up... because as it stands... they are controlling something right now..even if it is just your emotions...
Good luck, He is blessed to have such caring parents,
Jennifer
Jane,
I can totally sympathize with you, my 12 year old step son is acting the same way, and as a step parent I don't know how far to push.
If we didn't stay on top of him all the time he would never do any of his treatment or meds. It's so frustrating. He and his dad get into it all the time. When asked to do his breathing treatment he commonly starts huffing and puffing and pouting, enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.
If you find a solution please share it with me. I don't know what to do either.
Jen
I can totally sympathize with you, my 12 year old step son is acting the same way, and as a step parent I don't know how far to push.
If we didn't stay on top of him all the time he would never do any of his treatment or meds. It's so frustrating. He and his dad get into it all the time. When asked to do his breathing treatment he commonly starts huffing and puffing and pouting, enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.
If you find a solution please share it with me. I don't know what to do either.
Jen
Jane,
I can totally sympathize with you, my 12 year old step son is acting the same way, and as a step parent I don't know how far to push.
If we didn't stay on top of him all the time he would never do any of his treatment or meds. It's so frustrating. He and his dad get into it all the time. When asked to do his breathing treatment he commonly starts huffing and puffing and pouting, enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.
If you find a solution please share it with me. I don't know what to do either.
Jen
I can totally sympathize with you, my 12 year old step son is acting the same way, and as a step parent I don't know how far to push.
If we didn't stay on top of him all the time he would never do any of his treatment or meds. It's so frustrating. He and his dad get into it all the time. When asked to do his breathing treatment he commonly starts huffing and puffing and pouting, enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.
If you find a solution please share it with me. I don't know what to do either.
Jen
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>.....enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.<hr></blockquote>
do you mean that no one has actually done this yet?
A little frank talk between father and son might be in order.
do you mean that no one has actually done this yet?
A little frank talk between father and son might be in order.
<blockquote>Quote<br><hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Anonymous</b></i><br>.....enough to make me want to sit him down and frankly explain how important this is and that we are not punishing him we are trying to HELP him.<hr></blockquote>
do you mean that no one has actually done this yet?
A little frank talk between father and son might be in order.
do you mean that no one has actually done this yet?
A little frank talk between father and son might be in order.
Hello everyone....
I'm new here, so pardon the time lapse since the first post by Jane.
I feel your pain, Jane. My son Tim is an 18 year old who was diagnosed at 13 days old back in 1987. We have lived with this disease for the last 18 years and the last two years have been hell on all three of us (Tim, Mom and Me). He is in full rebellion right now, won't admit to anyone outside his inner circle that he even has CF, and we constantly fight about his risky conduct with his treatments. What's really scary is next month he graduates, and in three months, he'll be on his own in a college dorm, in which he states he'll use his flutter valve (that he never liked) instead of taking his ABI Vest. His TOBI treatments take a month and a half now because he "forgets", and I could go on.... My biggest fear is that when he finally gets his head straight and realizes what he's doing to himself, it may be too late.
I'm new here, so pardon the time lapse since the first post by Jane.
I feel your pain, Jane. My son Tim is an 18 year old who was diagnosed at 13 days old back in 1987. We have lived with this disease for the last 18 years and the last two years have been hell on all three of us (Tim, Mom and Me). He is in full rebellion right now, won't admit to anyone outside his inner circle that he even has CF, and we constantly fight about his risky conduct with his treatments. What's really scary is next month he graduates, and in three months, he'll be on his own in a college dorm, in which he states he'll use his flutter valve (that he never liked) instead of taking his ABI Vest. His TOBI treatments take a month and a half now because he "forgets", and I could go on.... My biggest fear is that when he finally gets his head straight and realizes what he's doing to himself, it may be too late.
Does he know what he wants to do with his life? This may be a stretch for a teen but finding a purpose to live for at an early age could go a long way to helping he understand he needs to take care of his own health.
I wish in the worst way I could turn back the clock 10 years. I was healthier then and there was a lot I could have done as a teen and in college to better take care of myself. My major neglections weren't meds but rather exercise and chest pt. and nutrition. I also wish I had been more proactive in understanding the state of my own health such as pft's and nutritional status.
26 years cf
I wish in the worst way I could turn back the clock 10 years. I was healthier then and there was a lot I could have done as a teen and in college to better take care of myself. My major neglections weren't meds but rather exercise and chest pt. and nutrition. I also wish I had been more proactive in understanding the state of my own health such as pft's and nutritional status.
26 years cf
While I was very healthy at the age of 14, I did go through a phase of not taking enzymes, etc. For me it wasn't about control. It was about the effort it took to take them - getting out the container, having people look at you, answering the questions. I guess a little was also to do with fitting in (although I didn't care much about this). It might not sound reasonable but at the time it seemed so!
So I'm not much help, but seeing as I was a teenager only a few years ago, though I'd throw in some kind of possible explanation <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I still need a bit of a push for certain things - for example nebs when I am on them (which isn't very often). I find that it's a lot easier to be reminded (or told!) to do treatments by my boyfriend than anyone else (parents, etc). Perhaps a close friend of your son would be able to help. Then again, it might affect their friendship at that age. Hrmm.
So I'm not much help, but seeing as I was a teenager only a few years ago, though I'd throw in some kind of possible explanation <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I still need a bit of a push for certain things - for example nebs when I am on them (which isn't very often). I find that it's a lot easier to be reminded (or told!) to do treatments by my boyfriend than anyone else (parents, etc). Perhaps a close friend of your son would be able to help. Then again, it might affect their friendship at that age. Hrmm.
MissAudrey
New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>...MAby give him a reward for taking them.....I know that you shouldnt have to but to some point as a kid you want something in return for doing it...</end quote></div>
It's a cheap trick, but hey it works on me! Put a bowl of lollies or something on the table and say he can have them when he's finished his physio etc. It might seem like a really juvenile thing to do (and he will think so too at first), but soon he will be getting his meds done so fast!
Good luck anyway!
Phoebe xx.
It's a cheap trick, but hey it works on me! Put a bowl of lollies or something on the table and say he can have them when he's finished his physio etc. It might seem like a really juvenile thing to do (and he will think so too at first), but soon he will be getting his meds done so fast!
Good luck anyway!
Phoebe xx.