I'm looking for advice on what to say to my son. He is 17 and has cf. He recently lost the first person that he knew, even though only by talking online, to cf. She went to the high school that he attends. She graduated the year before he transferred to the school. All the kids at school knew her and have been talking about her, and I have no clue what I should say to him to help him through this difficult time.
Advice for loss
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AleksandraKaczynska
New member
let him speak and talk about his feelings
TreasureGoddess
Member
Contact your local CF Team and ask their advice. I'm sure they've dealt with this before (unfortunately) and they may have good advice. It's tough, not only is he dealing with the loss of a friend, but he's now dealing with the bigger issues that this could potentially happen to him too. We have had one issue with this about a year ago when my son was 12. We've always said, yes, people do sometimes die from CF, but you're in good health, etc..... and try to minimize the death topic. But when another child who had been relatively healthy also died from this disease, it was very hard. We did a lot of talking, a lot of praying and my son talked to his doctors about the situation. I think this same situation will be much more difficult when he's 17. HUGS! I hope someone else has better advice, but just talking and finding out what you can sometimes helps.
I would talk to him about prayer and heaven. I would explain to him what happens when people pass away(according to the Bible or, whatever religion you follow.) I am a Christian adult w/cf. I know people all have different ways they cope with someone passing away and with chronic illness. I just choose to trust God and, it works for me and helps me cope when times are tough. 
W
welshwitch
Guest
Let him talk to someone about it, preferably a professional. I kept my feelings quiet throughout high school and older -- in retrospect, I internalized it. It made CF and the potential for death WAY scarier. It's completely overwhelming for a young person with CF to experience the death of another young person with CF. Only now am I beginning to understand the effect of being in denial, avoidance and internalizing my fears have shaped me as an adult.
LittleLab4CF
Super Moderator
Don't encroach on his grief. This is a personal feeling but I needed some time and privacy the times I was first digesting some news of a death or such. In my adolescent years my parents were anticipating a reaction that was probably a couple steps out of sequence and it halted the natural grief process for a while.
CFers rather unnatural disturbing median lifespan looms like a "Preventer", a dialog with your own mortality. It is in large part very sobering to know your life has a shorter timer potentially. Studying the dying, death, grief and remembrance is a good idea depending on his own concerns.
LL
CFers rather unnatural disturbing median lifespan looms like a "Preventer", a dialog with your own mortality. It is in large part very sobering to know your life has a shorter timer potentially. Studying the dying, death, grief and remembrance is a good idea depending on his own concerns.
LL
Justinsmama
New member
I don't have any ideas, my heart breaks thinking about dealing with this with my just turned 9 year old son. My prayers are with you that you have the "right" words and that your son is receptive to hearing them.
TreasureGoddess
Member
welshwitch, thanks so much for adding what you thought. As a parent of a teen ager with CF, it really helps to hear what things were like for you. What a hard concept this whole thing is.