M
mommy w/ cf
Guest
It is so neat to see you truly searching out what this relationship would mean for you both. I am 23 And was diagnosed with cf when I was two. I have been married to the most amazingly supportive man for almost three years now. We have a son who is 1and 1/2 and is just a cf carrier with no symptoms. They are the best things that have ever happened to me. My man is my support and encouragement and him above all else is the reason I fight so hard to keep healthy.
Hopefully with this post I can give you a perspective of her potential fears and help you understand a tiny bit more what this relationship will entail. these were my personal fears, and to be honest, they are rather hard to share, but I feel that it may help you understand her perspective and help you out too!
my biggest fear of getting serious with a guy was that he would regret his decision to marry me because of my cf. the medical bills, sickness on occasion, and daily treatment regime are all real and sometimes daunting, but having married my husband, I have lost this fear of him regretting marrying me. In fact he is my biggest emotional support now. Sometimes life is hard... Even for non CF'ers, but my man is such a stability for me, constantly reminding me that I am in the Lord's hands and He knows what He is doing, even if we can't see it yet. This doesn't mean we are never sad because of health stuff going on, or that life with cf is a walk in the park all the time, but whose life is without hard times? Regular people just have different problems. These difficulties in life are what make us rely on our Creator and cling tightly to the ones we love. They form us into who we are. Though some things I have dealt with because of my cf were very hard, they have shaped me into what I am today and have caused me to look at life from a different perspective. One of hope in tomorrow and joy for today. I hope sincerely that you may find that as well with this girl of yours.
You mentioned briefly your fear of having to watch her decline and eventually loose her, and I so appreciate your openness with this fear. My husband has told me that exact fear on so many occasions, and to be honest, it has always scared me to death the thought of leaving him and our son. He did tell me his fear while we were dating... When we were starting to get more serious. We both cried, but it allowed us to be totally open with each other about our dreams and fears, and as a result I firmly believe it actually strengthened our relationship, instead of hindering it. This fear is something, to be brutally honest, that probably will always hang around in the back of your mind, as it probably will for her too. How you deal with it is probably the biggest thing. For my husband and I we realize that for everyone on this planet, not just CF'ers, every day is a gift from God. We do not know about tomorrow, but neither do healthy people. for all I know, God might decide to call my husband home to heaven before me. Looking at cf as being a death sentence is really a sad perspective, instead looking at it as a reminder to live every day as a gift is really the best way of viewing life.
Cf just forces us to come to that realization earlier in life when so many others don't recognize life as a gift until they are much older, if ever. Healthy people have the illusion of being able to live longer just because they do not have any visible illness, and sometimes forget that their lives are just as much a gift as a CF'ers. take heart and do not let these fears ruin what could be a very long and happy relationship.
I feel like my cf has brought my husband and I closer together. Cf does come with struggles, as does any medical issue, but his tenderness to me and his willingness to take care of me and love me through the rough times have brought us both so much closer.
You mentioned your desire to have kids, and what that would mean, and it definitely is a real concern. My husband and I decided to start a family right away because we knew my health may not always be this good. we do not know if he is a carrier, but we realized that even though I was scared of having a cf child, I would be able to give him or her the support system I never had growing up. There is nothing like your mommy having to do the same treatment as you to make them seem not so miserable when you would rather be out playing with your friends.
The Lord blessed us with a son, and my health did dip some after having him, so my husband and I have been forced to hold off on having anymore for awhile. We are still hoping though that my health does improve so that we can have more kids. The thought of possibly not having any more kids was really hard for me to accept at first, and sometimes it still makes me sad, but I realized that we are so blessed to even have one, and that we will not keep living life with sadness over what we couldn't have, but instead live with joy because of what we do have.
I guess that is our relationship in an itty bitty nut shell, and I hope it helps some. We embrace each day as a gift and boy is it wonderful spending our life together!
Hey! Just a heads up, there has never been a better time to have cf, they are coming out with so many good, effective treatments that there is not really a good age estimate anymore of how long a CF'er will live. Plus, they are working supper hard on medication to treat what causes cf instead of just treating the symptoms, which is all they have done up to this point. I can't wait to someday watch my grand babies grow up ?
Hopefully with this post I can give you a perspective of her potential fears and help you understand a tiny bit more what this relationship will entail. these were my personal fears, and to be honest, they are rather hard to share, but I feel that it may help you understand her perspective and help you out too!
my biggest fear of getting serious with a guy was that he would regret his decision to marry me because of my cf. the medical bills, sickness on occasion, and daily treatment regime are all real and sometimes daunting, but having married my husband, I have lost this fear of him regretting marrying me. In fact he is my biggest emotional support now. Sometimes life is hard... Even for non CF'ers, but my man is such a stability for me, constantly reminding me that I am in the Lord's hands and He knows what He is doing, even if we can't see it yet. This doesn't mean we are never sad because of health stuff going on, or that life with cf is a walk in the park all the time, but whose life is without hard times? Regular people just have different problems. These difficulties in life are what make us rely on our Creator and cling tightly to the ones we love. They form us into who we are. Though some things I have dealt with because of my cf were very hard, they have shaped me into what I am today and have caused me to look at life from a different perspective. One of hope in tomorrow and joy for today. I hope sincerely that you may find that as well with this girl of yours.
You mentioned briefly your fear of having to watch her decline and eventually loose her, and I so appreciate your openness with this fear. My husband has told me that exact fear on so many occasions, and to be honest, it has always scared me to death the thought of leaving him and our son. He did tell me his fear while we were dating... When we were starting to get more serious. We both cried, but it allowed us to be totally open with each other about our dreams and fears, and as a result I firmly believe it actually strengthened our relationship, instead of hindering it. This fear is something, to be brutally honest, that probably will always hang around in the back of your mind, as it probably will for her too. How you deal with it is probably the biggest thing. For my husband and I we realize that for everyone on this planet, not just CF'ers, every day is a gift from God. We do not know about tomorrow, but neither do healthy people. for all I know, God might decide to call my husband home to heaven before me. Looking at cf as being a death sentence is really a sad perspective, instead looking at it as a reminder to live every day as a gift is really the best way of viewing life.
Cf just forces us to come to that realization earlier in life when so many others don't recognize life as a gift until they are much older, if ever. Healthy people have the illusion of being able to live longer just because they do not have any visible illness, and sometimes forget that their lives are just as much a gift as a CF'ers.
take heart and do not let these fears ruin what could be a very long and happy relationship. I feel like my cf has brought my husband and I closer together. Cf does come with struggles, as does any medical issue, but his tenderness to me and his willingness to take care of me and love me through the rough times have brought us both so much closer.
You mentioned your desire to have kids, and what that would mean, and it definitely is a real concern. My husband and I decided to start a family right away because we knew my health may not always be this good. we do not know if he is a carrier, but we realized that even though I was scared of having a cf child, I would be able to give him or her the support system I never had growing up. There is nothing like your mommy having to do the same treatment as you to make them seem not so miserable when you would rather be out playing with your friends.
The Lord blessed us with a son, and my health did dip some after having him, so my husband and I have been forced to hold off on having anymore for awhile. We are still hoping though that my health does improve so that we can have more kids. The thought of possibly not having any more kids was really hard for me to accept at first, and sometimes it still makes me sad, but I realized that we are so blessed to even have one, and that we will not keep living life with sadness over what we couldn't have, but instead live with joy because of what we do have.
I guess that is our relationship in an itty bitty nut shell, and I hope it helps some. We embrace each day as a gift and boy is it wonderful spending our life together!
Hey! Just a heads up, there has never been a better time to have cf, they are coming out with so many good, effective treatments that there is not really a good age estimate anymore of how long a CF'er will live. Plus, they are working supper hard on medication to treat what causes cf instead of just treating the symptoms, which is all they have done up to this point. I can't wait to someday watch my grand babies grow up ?
