Advice sorely needed!

Ellsworth3

New member
Hey everyone. I'm brand new to the board and signed up because I am so torn up inside and am looking for some guidance. I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 

Ellsworth3

New member
Hey everyone. I'm brand new to the board and signed up because I am so torn up inside and am looking for some guidance. I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 

Ellsworth3

New member
Hey everyone. I'm brand new to the board and signed up because I am so torn up inside and am looking for some guidance. I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 
T

TleighsHusband

Guest
I will PM you as well with my contact info, but I also wanted to comment on your post as I think others would be interested in a perspective of someone who has gone through the process and is continuing to go through the process.

It is wise of you to think through all of the issues before you get married as marriage is a major commitment but marriage to someone with CF is a commitment that you go into eyes wide open. When I was dating Tiffany, my parents told me early on that I should really count the costs early so that I did not waste Tiffany's time on some guy who wasn't willing to be serious about it. Tiffany and I were married for thirteen and a half years when the Lord took her home this last December. I had all the concerns and fears that you mention above but like you I also knew that Tiffany was who she was because of her CF and how she responded to her CF. We got married at 21 and I thought I would be a widower by the time I was 30 but the Lord gave us 5 years beyond that. So the big question -- was it worth it -- it was definitely worth it! Our time together was glorious as we pursued life and God's plan for us. We did live in light of CF but we did not let CF control our lives. She got her Masters in Collaborative Piano, put me through grad school, traveled together, did ministry together, and just had a great time being married. I would marry her again even knowing now what we would go through together health wise. You see, none of us have any guarantee on our life and the reality is that she could outlive you with all the new treatments coming and the reality that accidents do happen. The year that I started dating Tiffany I had two roommates in college. One of them got married right out college as well and had a couple of kids. His wife died at 28 from cancer while Tiffany lived many years beyond that. No one ever would have thought that my roommate would be a widower at his age. The great thing is that you and I get a chance to show unconditional love knowing that we will go through difficult times -- it is a love that has a tighter bond and greater commitment when you know those things up front. Has it been hard at times -- definitely -- but God's grace has gotten us through those tough times. Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice to self-sacrificially put the needs of the one you love before your own and you will have opportunities to do that continually as so will she. Every marriage has its trials in one form or another at some time and so you get married knowing that your love and commitment will have to overcome many things. They are a lot of considerations as to who you will or won't marry but I would not let CF stand in the way of getting married if you are willing to make the sacrifices and are willing to love unconditionally. That sounds like a loaded statement, but it is not intended to be; it is simply the reality. If you are not willing to go through the hospital stays, help with treatments, do more of the housework, support her emotionally and physically, possibly not have kids or be and single dad, then you owe it to her to let her know sooner rather than later. Talking from the other end of someone who has gone through it -- those sacrifices were well worth it.
 
T

TleighsHusband

Guest
I will PM you as well with my contact info, but I also wanted to comment on your post as I think others would be interested in a perspective of someone who has gone through the process and is continuing to go through the process.

It is wise of you to think through all of the issues before you get married as marriage is a major commitment but marriage to someone with CF is a commitment that you go into eyes wide open. When I was dating Tiffany, my parents told me early on that I should really count the costs early so that I did not waste Tiffany's time on some guy who wasn't willing to be serious about it. Tiffany and I were married for thirteen and a half years when the Lord took her home this last December. I had all the concerns and fears that you mention above but like you I also knew that Tiffany was who she was because of her CF and how she responded to her CF. We got married at 21 and I thought I would be a widower by the time I was 30 but the Lord gave us 5 years beyond that. So the big question -- was it worth it -- it was definitely worth it! Our time together was glorious as we pursued life and God's plan for us. We did live in light of CF but we did not let CF control our lives. She got her Masters in Collaborative Piano, put me through grad school, traveled together, did ministry together, and just had a great time being married. I would marry her again even knowing now what we would go through together health wise. You see, none of us have any guarantee on our life and the reality is that she could outlive you with all the new treatments coming and the reality that accidents do happen. The year that I started dating Tiffany I had two roommates in college. One of them got married right out college as well and had a couple of kids. His wife died at 28 from cancer while Tiffany lived many years beyond that. No one ever would have thought that my roommate would be a widower at his age. The great thing is that you and I get a chance to show unconditional love knowing that we will go through difficult times -- it is a love that has a tighter bond and greater commitment when you know those things up front. Has it been hard at times -- definitely -- but God's grace has gotten us through those tough times. Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice to self-sacrificially put the needs of the one you love before your own and you will have opportunities to do that continually as so will she. Every marriage has its trials in one form or another at some time and so you get married knowing that your love and commitment will have to overcome many things. They are a lot of considerations as to who you will or won't marry but I would not let CF stand in the way of getting married if you are willing to make the sacrifices and are willing to love unconditionally. That sounds like a loaded statement, but it is not intended to be; it is simply the reality. If you are not willing to go through the hospital stays, help with treatments, do more of the housework, support her emotionally and physically, possibly not have kids or be and single dad, then you owe it to her to let her know sooner rather than later. Talking from the other end of someone who has gone through it -- those sacrifices were well worth it.
 
T

TleighsHusband

Guest
I will PM you as well with my contact info, but I also wanted to comment on your post as I think others would be interested in a perspective of someone who has gone through the process and is continuing to go through the process.
<br />
<br />It is wise of you to think through all of the issues before you get married as marriage is a major commitment but marriage to someone with CF is a commitment that you go into eyes wide open. When I was dating Tiffany, my parents told me early on that I should really count the costs early so that I did not waste Tiffany's time on some guy who wasn't willing to be serious about it. Tiffany and I were married for thirteen and a half years when the Lord took her home this last December. I had all the concerns and fears that you mention above but like you I also knew that Tiffany was who she was because of her CF and how she responded to her CF. We got married at 21 and I thought I would be a widower by the time I was 30 but the Lord gave us 5 years beyond that. So the big question -- was it worth it -- it was definitely worth it! Our time together was glorious as we pursued life and God's plan for us. We did live in light of CF but we did not let CF control our lives. She got her Masters in Collaborative Piano, put me through grad school, traveled together, did ministry together, and just had a great time being married. I would marry her again even knowing now what we would go through together health wise. You see, none of us have any guarantee on our life and the reality is that she could outlive you with all the new treatments coming and the reality that accidents do happen. The year that I started dating Tiffany I had two roommates in college. One of them got married right out college as well and had a couple of kids. His wife died at 28 from cancer while Tiffany lived many years beyond that. No one ever would have thought that my roommate would be a widower at his age. The great thing is that you and I get a chance to show unconditional love knowing that we will go through difficult times -- it is a love that has a tighter bond and greater commitment when you know those things up front. Has it been hard at times -- definitely -- but God's grace has gotten us through those tough times. Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice to self-sacrificially put the needs of the one you love before your own and you will have opportunities to do that continually as so will she. Every marriage has its trials in one form or another at some time and so you get married knowing that your love and commitment will have to overcome many things. They are a lot of considerations as to who you will or won't marry but I would not let CF stand in the way of getting married if you are willing to make the sacrifices and are willing to love unconditionally. That sounds like a loaded statement, but it is not intended to be; it is simply the reality. If you are not willing to go through the hospital stays, help with treatments, do more of the housework, support her emotionally and physically, possibly not have kids or be and single dad, then you owe it to her to let her know sooner rather than later. Talking from the other end of someone who has gone through it -- those sacrifices were well worth it.
 

Ldude916

New member
David, Thanks for sharing your blog. I think the Dec 16, 2010 and Feb 1, 2011 entry are good ones for Ellsworth to read =).

I also had my husband send a PM to Ellsworth (as well as myself) with pretty much the same exact message you portrayed.

Just wanted to say thanks again for sharing your blog.
 

Ldude916

New member
David, Thanks for sharing your blog. I think the Dec 16, 2010 and Feb 1, 2011 entry are good ones for Ellsworth to read =).

I also had my husband send a PM to Ellsworth (as well as myself) with pretty much the same exact message you portrayed.

Just wanted to say thanks again for sharing your blog.
 

Ldude916

New member
David, Thanks for sharing your blog. I think the Dec 16, 2010 and Feb 1, 2011 entry are good ones for Ellsworth to read =).
<br />
<br />I also had my husband send a PM to Ellsworth (as well as myself) with pretty much the same exact message you portrayed.
<br />
<br />Just wanted to say thanks again for sharing your blog.
 
S

SeeEff

Guest
Hey, Ellsworth3 <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
It's wonderful that you love her and you have thought so much about this.
You seem super sweet.

Let me put it to you this way, a person with CF has just as much chance of being hit by a bus as someone who doesn't have CF. No one knows what the future will hold.

If you love her that's all there is. Don't spend your life on "what ifs".
Best of luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
S

SeeEff

Guest
Hey, Ellsworth3 <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
It's wonderful that you love her and you have thought so much about this.
You seem super sweet.

Let me put it to you this way, a person with CF has just as much chance of being hit by a bus as someone who doesn't have CF. No one knows what the future will hold.

If you love her that's all there is. Don't spend your life on "what ifs".
Best of luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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