Am I Selfish?

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sarabeth87

New member
both my momma and my daddy have 10 siblings each. so that's 20 aunts and uncles and everyone of them have at least 2 kids, and some of them have grandkids and my dad has 4 other children(by 2 ex wives) besides my brother and I. of that HUGE family, only me and my brother have CF. no one in the family understands what it is. they all smoke around me and travis (my brother) and just don't give a f**k. i know this is sooooo cruel, but sometimes i wish that one of their children or grandchildren would have CF, so they would understand what it's like.
 
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EnergyGal

New member
I would print out some information on CF and bring with you at the next gathering and kindly ask them not to smoke. You and your brother need to make it clear to them. If this bothers you so much why not tell them to go out and smoke outside. I guess it is hard when it is cold outside. There is no excuse with all the news about second hand smoke. You need to assert yourself because it is only you and your brother that will be affected if you continue to put up with this. Risa
 
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Faust

New member
You need to find something EXTREMELY offensive to do around them or their children, for them to get the message of what it's like for someone to do harmful/offensive things non stop around you. Some people are just way too selfing and don't think about others. Either fully don't be around them due to the way they are, or as I said you could do something that's very offensive to them. When they freak out about you doing it around them or their children, bring up that it's your answer for their careless smoking around you and shortening your lifespan.


Some horrible choices? Whip out a hustler magazine and thumb through it when their kids are around, and make sure they see you doing it. You don't have to show the kids any of it besides the cover and maybe the back (no real porn on those sides), but all you need to do is elude to you being totally irresponsible with that around them. Walk out butt naked and hang out with them like there is nothing unusual about doing that. Bring out a fake gun (they make some very real looking fake guns) and pretend to clean it and casually wave it around and point it at everyone.


I'm sure creative people can come up with better examples, but if there is one thing I have learned, it's that people will only notice that they are doing something very bad to others when you turn the tables on them and pee in their lemonade in return, to illustrate how crappy it is in general.
 
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EnergyGal

New member
As young adults we lean upon our parents for many things and sometimes we automatically expect them to behave in certain ways. How ironic now that we are grown. They would expect us to behave when we were young.

Sometimes we need to take a step back and just detach ourselves from what we expect our parents should do for us and take control for our own actions. At first it will be hard but you gain a lot of respect for yourself and once we take an assertive action all the other actions that follow are that much easier. It is the first step that seems so difficult.

Unfortunately, there are people who hold things inside for so long they eventually blow up, instead of learning how to be assertive and getting their needs met.

If you have strong feelings about anything, voice your thoughts. You may not get the answer you desire but it is a start. I have found that the nicer you are to people you will generally get a pleasant response.

let us know how it goes
Breathe in fresh air always
 
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EnergyGal

New member
I just read Sean's post, now that is one mega assertive idea. Geez Sean you really make me think. You remind me of Jim Carey. Just saw Liar Liar today. I could see you acting him out but probably doing crazier things. Joke and poke but do not toke
 
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Faust

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Risa</b></i>

I just read Sean's post, now that is one mega assertive idea. Geez Sean you really make me think. You remind me of Jim Carey. Just saw Liar Liar today. I could see you acting him out but probably doing crazier things. Joke and poke but do not toke</end quote></div>


Yeah i've learned a long time ago that inconsiderate people, who might actually be doing real harm to you or bringing negativity down on you by their behavior, if you have tried voicing your ideas, and it has fallen on deaf ears several times. The only way to get through to them is to pee on their pirade also, and let them experience what it's like to have your situation much less enjoyable due to anothers actions. Of course my possible solutions I offered her to do are a tad extreme, but depending on just how thick headed these people are, it might not be too far out of the question.


Find out what absolutely freaks THEM out, and do it to/around them at every possible opportunity, if they ask you wtf you are doing, just illustrate how if they want to chain smoke around you and help take away more time off your already shortened lifespan and won't stop, you are going to do things that equally harm/annoy them till they get your point and stop. I've actually done this to someone once or twice in my life, and it was the only thing that worked to change their behavior.
 
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cutiepatootie

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sarabeth87</b></i> both my momma and
my daddy have 10 siblings each. so that's 20 aunts and uncles and
everyone of them have at least 2 kids, and some of them have
grandkids and my dad has 4 other children(by 2 ex wives) besides my
brother and I. of that HUGE family, only me and my brother have CF.
no one in the family understands what it is. they all smoke around
me and travis (my brother) and just don't give a f**k. i know this
is sooooo cruel, but sometimes i wish that one of their children or
grandchildren would have CF, so they would understand what it's
like.</end quote></div><br>
<br>
<span style=
" color: #800000; font-size: small; font-family: Arial;">Sorry to
hear that your family doesn't respect you or your health.  I
had that same problem as you for a really long time, when I was a
child my mother use to smoke in the house all the time.  I
didn't really know any better at the time, but once I realized it
was wrong I tried asking her to go outside but that didn't work.
 So once I moved out I promised my self that I would try my
dam hardest not to ever be around smoke again.  And let me
tell you I have allot of friends that smoked.  If they wanted
me to come over I use to say you have to smoke outside.  They
would of course say yes and I'd get there and they would want to
have a smoke and they would say "I guess I'll go downstairs
and that should be ok right", at first I would be like "I
guess so", but it wasn't all right, I was thinking why
did you tell me you would smoke out side?  Anyway's to make
this story shorter, now all my friends know they have to go
outside to smoke because if they don't I won't go to there house
and if I'm there and they want to smoke inside I just leave. I had
to do it with my mom too and it took her along time, there were
many times I left her house because of the smoking.  I think
she stopped smoking around me because she finally realizes that I
am getting sicker.  So know its a cardinal rule if you know me
you can not smoke around me at all.  It was hard to get them
to stop smoking around me but they did.  Try doing what I did,
give them an ultimatum and tell them if they want to see you they
can't smoke around you and if they can't do it, you will have to
stop seeing them until they will stop smoking around you.
 They will eventually come around.  As for SeanDavis's
ideas I think those could work for you too if you want to go in
that direction.  I thought they were pretty funny, I was
laughing allot when I was reading them.  Anyway's I hope your
family will eventually stop smoking around you and your brother!
 <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> 
 
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Scarlett81

New member
Your'e asking-are YOU selfish???????

I know they'll be people that'll disagree with what I'm about to say, but It's just my personal opinion.
But I think that smokers are some of the most selfish people. Do it at home, do it in your car, do it in the bathroom, yard, ect...When I have people over that smoke, they know to go in their car, or down all the way on the edge of the lawn.

Sound like your family needs a major kick in the A** of respect and manners. They probably don't even realize what they're doing. So maybe they need some education. And it may take them hearing some upsetting things.

Example: We live next door to my inlaws. They have 8 kids. Well, when we first got married, they didn't realize that I can't be huggin and kissin and being around them when they're sick. After months of family dinners and them showing up at the front door with horrible colds, ect, I had it.
So this time, I just said to them-Do you want me to be around here? Do you want me to die in 5 years? B/c the more viruses I catch, the more exacerbations I get, the more mucus gets packed in there, the more lung damage I get, the shorter my life gets. And I had to spell it out it depressing terms.

So go for it. You sound like you have a large loving family. They just need to be informed.
 
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catboogie

New member
that sounds very frustrating! sorry you have to deal with this. if i were you i would do whatever you have to so that you have clean breathing air and so that you feel like your family understands more about your disease.

laura
 
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sarabeth87

New member
My mom and dad are the just about the only ones in the whole family who doesn't smoke. They didn't smoke b4 me and travis were born either. I don't live at home anymore, but my brother still does, and my mom has never allowed smoking in our house or on our porch, but my dad is a different story. He's is still in denial after almost 20 years. He says my brother and I don't look sick and he always says they made a misdiagnoses. About 3 years ago he started to accept it when Travis starting getting sicker and I am now getting sicker (because i haven't been taking care of myself like I should). He still doesn't completely accept it though. He has let his friends smoke and in the house when mom and us weren't home. It always causes huge fights between them and I don't blame my mom one bit.
 
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Faust

New member
/swoon sarabeth <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">


You are extremely pretty.
 
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Scarlett81

New member
Yes you are very pretty.

Tell your dad to go to the support site called- but-you-don't-look-sick.com!

Most common thing said about us Cfers. I think its great that you don't blame your Mom. I'm sure she tries her very best. Hope you find a solution. Sounds like your family has some major repression/denial genes! Hmmmm-who does that remind me of-oh yeah, my family!
 
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anonymous

New member
Hi Sarabeth

If I were you I would ask your doctor for a generic letter stating you and your brother cannot be anywhere near smoke. The letter could state anyone who is around you and your brother who is smoking is putting your life in danger because of your lung disease.

If you get really mad one day at a party you can threaten to call 911 and tell them that people at this party are your party life in danger. I think this is a drastic measure but if someone was smoking in my presence in my home that I was visiting, I would do something to really annoy them back. First I would tell your Father about calling 911 if he allows them to smoke.

I would get a microphone and say I have a special announcement to make and state anyone that is smoking after this conversation will be sent home.

For some reason I brought this conversation up with my family yesterday and they were shocked that this could happen.

I hope you take action so you can help your Brother who is in trouble. He is really innocent from what it sounds like.

good luck
Risa
 
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Brenco

New member
hi im the only cf im my faimily which is also verry large and most of my uncles aunts and cousins smoke, im not sure if they understand excatly y i do be sick so much. they all i know i have cf, and if they smoke around me i really really highlight my caugh and force em to put it out or kick them out of the room, this was hard for me to do cos im very close to my family. but when it came to my health it had to be doen now they wont light up around me at all and no offence was taken,
you will have to do this because 2nd hand smoke is a whole lot more worse than actually smoking yourself.
i hope it works fo you
Brendan
 
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