bidding farewell.......

F

fondreflections

New member
I'm just letting you all know that I'll be leaving.

Nobody has said anything to me or hurt me in anyway, but I need to leave this area for the forum.

My bloodwork came back today, and I FAILED my A1C for the first time in close to 10 years. I went from 5.7 last year to 6.3 this year. I will be starting insulin shots next week...I also will be getting a 2-hour glucose test done next week. My random glucose was 81, but I hadn't eaten in nearly 4 hours so that would have been normal.

My progesterone was 'good', and I did ovulate. Does it really matter? I don't get pregnant anyway. I'm suppose to go for another estrogen, FSH/LH, and testerone check late next week with my period. That labwork will either confirm or deny PCOS. I really don't know that the labs will say considering I ovulated...

Does anything really matter.?.?. I just find myself so disgusted and pissed off. I can't help but to wonder why I couldn't just get pregnant like half the women on this site or in the world period...I guess it's just too hard for me...I can't help but to wonder what I did wrong...

I was trying before Julie conceived her triplets and have watched the entire site conceive before me. I have watched women post, conceive, deliver, and leave. Yet I still sit here...Newbies have come and gone yet I still don't understand why I still sit here...The pain never stops...The yearning never ceases to exist...

Many times I put a smile on my face and offer the best advice that I can to newbies TTC. I start to build hope that perhaps I can conceive. I falsely believe that this time things will go differently. If I just try this, or if I just increase that. After months of that, I exhaust myself and swirl into a black hole.

This cycle repeats itself time and time again...I need to move on which means that I must put anything that has the slightest idea of pregnancy behind me. I need to accept that I'll never be pregnant. Never. It's not in my cards...Even if I do IUI and get pregnant, I would be the ONE to conceive triplets and have to abort, according to my CF doctor.

For those of you who have conceived, you are lucky. You are lucky not to have to endure the pain each and every month when your period arrives for the past 3.5 years. You are lucky not to have to watch your friend's conceive their second or third baby while you still are trying for your first. I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MY PAIN.

I have ranted enough. I bid farewell and hope that all of you enjoy the precious gifts that you have been given. I hope that none of you for one second neglect to realize how precious each and every moment with your child/children is. You have been given a chance to experience something that some never are given the chance to feel.

I wish you all the best!!!
 
F

fondreflections

New member
I'm just letting you all know that I'll be leaving.

Nobody has said anything to me or hurt me in anyway, but I need to leave this area for the forum.

My bloodwork came back today, and I FAILED my A1C for the first time in close to 10 years. I went from 5.7 last year to 6.3 this year. I will be starting insulin shots next week...I also will be getting a 2-hour glucose test done next week. My random glucose was 81, but I hadn't eaten in nearly 4 hours so that would have been normal.

My progesterone was 'good', and I did ovulate. Does it really matter? I don't get pregnant anyway. I'm suppose to go for another estrogen, FSH/LH, and testerone check late next week with my period. That labwork will either confirm or deny PCOS. I really don't know that the labs will say considering I ovulated...

Does anything really matter.?.?. I just find myself so disgusted and pissed off. I can't help but to wonder why I couldn't just get pregnant like half the women on this site or in the world period...I guess it's just too hard for me...I can't help but to wonder what I did wrong...

I was trying before Julie conceived her triplets and have watched the entire site conceive before me. I have watched women post, conceive, deliver, and leave. Yet I still sit here...Newbies have come and gone yet I still don't understand why I still sit here...The pain never stops...The yearning never ceases to exist...

Many times I put a smile on my face and offer the best advice that I can to newbies TTC. I start to build hope that perhaps I can conceive. I falsely believe that this time things will go differently. If I just try this, or if I just increase that. After months of that, I exhaust myself and swirl into a black hole.

This cycle repeats itself time and time again...I need to move on which means that I must put anything that has the slightest idea of pregnancy behind me. I need to accept that I'll never be pregnant. Never. It's not in my cards...Even if I do IUI and get pregnant, I would be the ONE to conceive triplets and have to abort, according to my CF doctor.

For those of you who have conceived, you are lucky. You are lucky not to have to endure the pain each and every month when your period arrives for the past 3.5 years. You are lucky not to have to watch your friend's conceive their second or third baby while you still are trying for your first. I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MY PAIN.

I have ranted enough. I bid farewell and hope that all of you enjoy the precious gifts that you have been given. I hope that none of you for one second neglect to realize how precious each and every moment with your child/children is. You have been given a chance to experience something that some never are given the chance to feel.

I wish you all the best!!!
 
F

fondreflections

New member
I'm just letting you all know that I'll be leaving.

Nobody has said anything to me or hurt me in anyway, but I need to leave this area for the forum.

My bloodwork came back today, and I FAILED my A1C for the first time in close to 10 years. I went from 5.7 last year to 6.3 this year. I will be starting insulin shots next week...I also will be getting a 2-hour glucose test done next week. My random glucose was 81, but I hadn't eaten in nearly 4 hours so that would have been normal.

My progesterone was 'good', and I did ovulate. Does it really matter? I don't get pregnant anyway. I'm suppose to go for another estrogen, FSH/LH, and testerone check late next week with my period. That labwork will either confirm or deny PCOS. I really don't know that the labs will say considering I ovulated...

Does anything really matter.?.?. I just find myself so disgusted and pissed off. I can't help but to wonder why I couldn't just get pregnant like half the women on this site or in the world period...I guess it's just too hard for me...I can't help but to wonder what I did wrong...

I was trying before Julie conceived her triplets and have watched the entire site conceive before me. I have watched women post, conceive, deliver, and leave. Yet I still sit here...Newbies have come and gone yet I still don't understand why I still sit here...The pain never stops...The yearning never ceases to exist...

Many times I put a smile on my face and offer the best advice that I can to newbies TTC. I start to build hope that perhaps I can conceive. I falsely believe that this time things will go differently. If I just try this, or if I just increase that. After months of that, I exhaust myself and swirl into a black hole.

This cycle repeats itself time and time again...I need to move on which means that I must put anything that has the slightest idea of pregnancy behind me. I need to accept that I'll never be pregnant. Never. It's not in my cards...Even if I do IUI and get pregnant, I would be the ONE to conceive triplets and have to abort, according to my CF doctor.

For those of you who have conceived, you are lucky. You are lucky not to have to endure the pain each and every month when your period arrives for the past 3.5 years. You are lucky not to have to watch your friend's conceive their second or third baby while you still are trying for your first. I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MY PAIN.

I have ranted enough. I bid farewell and hope that all of you enjoy the precious gifts that you have been given. I hope that none of you for one second neglect to realize how precious each and every moment with your child/children is. You have been given a chance to experience something that some never are given the chance to feel.

I wish you all the best!!!
 
F

fondreflections

New member
I'm just letting you all know that I'll be leaving.

Nobody has said anything to me or hurt me in anyway, but I need to leave this area for the forum.

My bloodwork came back today, and I FAILED my A1C for the first time in close to 10 years. I went from 5.7 last year to 6.3 this year. I will be starting insulin shots next week...I also will be getting a 2-hour glucose test done next week. My random glucose was 81, but I hadn't eaten in nearly 4 hours so that would have been normal.

My progesterone was 'good', and I did ovulate. Does it really matter? I don't get pregnant anyway. I'm suppose to go for another estrogen, FSH/LH, and testerone check late next week with my period. That labwork will either confirm or deny PCOS. I really don't know that the labs will say considering I ovulated...

Does anything really matter.?.?. I just find myself so disgusted and pissed off. I can't help but to wonder why I couldn't just get pregnant like half the women on this site or in the world period...I guess it's just too hard for me...I can't help but to wonder what I did wrong...

I was trying before Julie conceived her triplets and have watched the entire site conceive before me. I have watched women post, conceive, deliver, and leave. Yet I still sit here...Newbies have come and gone yet I still don't understand why I still sit here...The pain never stops...The yearning never ceases to exist...

Many times I put a smile on my face and offer the best advice that I can to newbies TTC. I start to build hope that perhaps I can conceive. I falsely believe that this time things will go differently. If I just try this, or if I just increase that. After months of that, I exhaust myself and swirl into a black hole.

This cycle repeats itself time and time again...I need to move on which means that I must put anything that has the slightest idea of pregnancy behind me. I need to accept that I'll never be pregnant. Never. It's not in my cards...Even if I do IUI and get pregnant, I would be the ONE to conceive triplets and have to abort, according to my CF doctor.

For those of you who have conceived, you are lucky. You are lucky not to have to endure the pain each and every month when your period arrives for the past 3.5 years. You are lucky not to have to watch your friend's conceive their second or third baby while you still are trying for your first. I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MY PAIN.

I have ranted enough. I bid farewell and hope that all of you enjoy the precious gifts that you have been given. I hope that none of you for one second neglect to realize how precious each and every moment with your child/children is. You have been given a chance to experience something that some never are given the chance to feel.

I wish you all the best!!!
 
F

fondreflections

New member
I'm just letting you all know that I'll be leaving.
<br />
<br />Nobody has said anything to me or hurt me in anyway, but I need to leave this area for the forum.
<br />
<br />My bloodwork came back today, and I FAILED my A1C for the first time in close to 10 years. I went from 5.7 last year to 6.3 this year. I will be starting insulin shots next week...I also will be getting a 2-hour glucose test done next week. My random glucose was 81, but I hadn't eaten in nearly 4 hours so that would have been normal.
<br />
<br />My progesterone was 'good', and I did ovulate. Does it really matter? I don't get pregnant anyway. I'm suppose to go for another estrogen, FSH/LH, and testerone check late next week with my period. That labwork will either confirm or deny PCOS. I really don't know that the labs will say considering I ovulated...
<br />
<br />Does anything really matter.?.?. I just find myself so disgusted and pissed off. I can't help but to wonder why I couldn't just get pregnant like half the women on this site or in the world period...I guess it's just too hard for me...I can't help but to wonder what I did wrong...
<br />
<br />I was trying before Julie conceived her triplets and have watched the entire site conceive before me. I have watched women post, conceive, deliver, and leave. Yet I still sit here...Newbies have come and gone yet I still don't understand why I still sit here...The pain never stops...The yearning never ceases to exist...
<br />
<br />Many times I put a smile on my face and offer the best advice that I can to newbies TTC. I start to build hope that perhaps I can conceive. I falsely believe that this time things will go differently. If I just try this, or if I just increase that. After months of that, I exhaust myself and swirl into a black hole.
<br />
<br />This cycle repeats itself time and time again...I need to move on which means that I must put anything that has the slightest idea of pregnancy behind me. I need to accept that I'll never be pregnant. Never. It's not in my cards...Even if I do IUI and get pregnant, I would be the ONE to conceive triplets and have to abort, according to my CF doctor.
<br />
<br />For those of you who have conceived, you are lucky. You are lucky not to have to endure the pain each and every month when your period arrives for the past 3.5 years. You are lucky not to have to watch your friend's conceive their second or third baby while you still are trying for your first. I AM THANKFUL THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL MY PAIN.
<br />
<br />I have ranted enough. I bid farewell and hope that all of you enjoy the precious gifts that you have been given. I hope that none of you for one second neglect to realize how precious each and every moment with your child/children is. You have been given a chance to experience something that some never are given the chance to feel.
<br />
<br />I wish you all the best!!!
 
B

BeccaRN

Guest
I know how you feel, I hope that you don't give up. I have tried so many things. I want to give up and have tried but I simply want it too much and when I quit I just go nuts. When I worked as a pediatric RN it filled that need because I was with babies everyday, but now, I can't work anymore and I simply won't quit until I am dead or too old to conceive, which won't be much longer for a cfer. If that happens I am going to send my hubby's sperm to India and use an egg donor and surrogate and have a baby that way. Never give up, I feel like giving up too, especially when I try all these procedures and spend all that money and nothing month after month. Take a break if that is what you need, I pray all the time for god to give me a child by whatever means he sees fit, or give me peace to live without one, and he has given me neither....I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone!
 
B

BeccaRN

Guest
I know how you feel, I hope that you don't give up. I have tried so many things. I want to give up and have tried but I simply want it too much and when I quit I just go nuts. When I worked as a pediatric RN it filled that need because I was with babies everyday, but now, I can't work anymore and I simply won't quit until I am dead or too old to conceive, which won't be much longer for a cfer. If that happens I am going to send my hubby's sperm to India and use an egg donor and surrogate and have a baby that way. Never give up, I feel like giving up too, especially when I try all these procedures and spend all that money and nothing month after month. Take a break if that is what you need, I pray all the time for god to give me a child by whatever means he sees fit, or give me peace to live without one, and he has given me neither....I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone!
 
B

BeccaRN

Guest
I know how you feel, I hope that you don't give up. I have tried so many things. I want to give up and have tried but I simply want it too much and when I quit I just go nuts. When I worked as a pediatric RN it filled that need because I was with babies everyday, but now, I can't work anymore and I simply won't quit until I am dead or too old to conceive, which won't be much longer for a cfer. If that happens I am going to send my hubby's sperm to India and use an egg donor and surrogate and have a baby that way. Never give up, I feel like giving up too, especially when I try all these procedures and spend all that money and nothing month after month. Take a break if that is what you need, I pray all the time for god to give me a child by whatever means he sees fit, or give me peace to live without one, and he has given me neither....I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone!
 
B

BeccaRN

Guest
I know how you feel, I hope that you don't give up. I have tried so many things. I want to give up and have tried but I simply want it too much and when I quit I just go nuts. When I worked as a pediatric RN it filled that need because I was with babies everyday, but now, I can't work anymore and I simply won't quit until I am dead or too old to conceive, which won't be much longer for a cfer. If that happens I am going to send my hubby's sperm to India and use an egg donor and surrogate and have a baby that way. Never give up, I feel like giving up too, especially when I try all these procedures and spend all that money and nothing month after month. Take a break if that is what you need, I pray all the time for god to give me a child by whatever means he sees fit, or give me peace to live without one, and he has given me neither....I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone!
 
B

BeccaRN

Guest
I know how you feel, I hope that you don't give up. I have tried so many things. I want to give up and have tried but I simply want it too much and when I quit I just go nuts. When I worked as a pediatric RN it filled that need because I was with babies everyday, but now, I can't work anymore and I simply won't quit until I am dead or too old to conceive, which won't be much longer for a cfer. If that happens I am going to send my hubby's sperm to India and use an egg donor and surrogate and have a baby that way. Never give up, I feel like giving up too, especially when I try all these procedures and spend all that money and nothing month after month. Take a break if that is what you need, I pray all the time for god to give me a child by whatever means he sees fit, or give me peace to live without one, and he has given me neither....I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone!
 
P

PedsNP2007

New member
Jenny,
Please don't leave. I really have enjoyed your company -- I understand it is difficult. I have been a nurse since 2001 in the pediatric ICU... I love my patients... I was fine for a few years, considering my pts as my children -- I just left them at work when I went home :)
Now the last 4 years, I am really desiring a family of my own. The guy thing has never panned out and as Becca said, "too old to conceive, which is not long for a cfer." I don't have years to wait for a guy to come along for me to finally have a baby of my dreams.

You are a valued person here and would be missed if you left!

Jenn
30 yo cf
 
P

PedsNP2007

New member
Jenny,
Please don't leave. I really have enjoyed your company -- I understand it is difficult. I have been a nurse since 2001 in the pediatric ICU... I love my patients... I was fine for a few years, considering my pts as my children -- I just left them at work when I went home :)
Now the last 4 years, I am really desiring a family of my own. The guy thing has never panned out and as Becca said, "too old to conceive, which is not long for a cfer." I don't have years to wait for a guy to come along for me to finally have a baby of my dreams.

You are a valued person here and would be missed if you left!

Jenn
30 yo cf
 
P

PedsNP2007

New member
Jenny,
Please don't leave. I really have enjoyed your company -- I understand it is difficult. I have been a nurse since 2001 in the pediatric ICU... I love my patients... I was fine for a few years, considering my pts as my children -- I just left them at work when I went home :)
Now the last 4 years, I am really desiring a family of my own. The guy thing has never panned out and as Becca said, "too old to conceive, which is not long for a cfer." I don't have years to wait for a guy to come along for me to finally have a baby of my dreams.

You are a valued person here and would be missed if you left!

Jenn
30 yo cf
 
P

PedsNP2007

New member
Jenny,
Please don't leave. I really have enjoyed your company -- I understand it is difficult. I have been a nurse since 2001 in the pediatric ICU... I love my patients... I was fine for a few years, considering my pts as my children -- I just left them at work when I went home :)
Now the last 4 years, I am really desiring a family of my own. The guy thing has never panned out and as Becca said, "too old to conceive, which is not long for a cfer." I don't have years to wait for a guy to come along for me to finally have a baby of my dreams.

You are a valued person here and would be missed if you left!

Jenn
30 yo cf
 
P

PedsNP2007

New member
Jenny,
<br />Please don't leave. I really have enjoyed your company -- I understand it is difficult. I have been a nurse since 2001 in the pediatric ICU... I love my patients... I was fine for a few years, considering my pts as my children -- I just left them at work when I went home :)
<br />Now the last 4 years, I am really desiring a family of my own. The guy thing has never panned out and as Becca said, "too old to conceive, which is not long for a cfer." I don't have years to wait for a guy to come along for me to finally have a baby of my dreams.
<br />
<br />You are a valued person here and would be missed if you left!
<br />
<br />Jenn
<br />30 yo cf
 
F

fondreflections

New member
Becca,

You are one of the few to really understand where I am coming from. I too say those same prayers and have yet to find either peace or pregnancy as a result.

<b>Updated:</b> My CF clinic called in regards to my A1C and stated that I don't need insulin yet. They stated that this GYN doctor should be monitoring my cycles as I requested without waiting for a diabetes appointment to start insulin. Again, it's a merry-go-round...

No one wants to really help me. I never knew it was so hard to just be monitored.

I also told my CF clinic about the 25-30 pound weight gain during pregnancy and was told that that amount of weight was excessive. They usually say 15-20 pounds.

My doctor also said that they never heard of CF womens' tubes not being able to 'pick up' eggs just because they have CF. Moreso after a clear tube test and laparoscopy.

I really surrender...I am so frustrated...
 
F

fondreflections

New member
Becca,

You are one of the few to really understand where I am coming from. I too say those same prayers and have yet to find either peace or pregnancy as a result.

<b>Updated:</b> My CF clinic called in regards to my A1C and stated that I don't need insulin yet. They stated that this GYN doctor should be monitoring my cycles as I requested without waiting for a diabetes appointment to start insulin. Again, it's a merry-go-round...

No one wants to really help me. I never knew it was so hard to just be monitored.

I also told my CF clinic about the 25-30 pound weight gain during pregnancy and was told that that amount of weight was excessive. They usually say 15-20 pounds.

My doctor also said that they never heard of CF womens' tubes not being able to 'pick up' eggs just because they have CF. Moreso after a clear tube test and laparoscopy.

I really surrender...I am so frustrated...
 
F

fondreflections

New member
Becca,

You are one of the few to really understand where I am coming from. I too say those same prayers and have yet to find either peace or pregnancy as a result.

<b>Updated:</b> My CF clinic called in regards to my A1C and stated that I don't need insulin yet. They stated that this GYN doctor should be monitoring my cycles as I requested without waiting for a diabetes appointment to start insulin. Again, it's a merry-go-round...

No one wants to really help me. I never knew it was so hard to just be monitored.

I also told my CF clinic about the 25-30 pound weight gain during pregnancy and was told that that amount of weight was excessive. They usually say 15-20 pounds.

My doctor also said that they never heard of CF womens' tubes not being able to 'pick up' eggs just because they have CF. Moreso after a clear tube test and laparoscopy.

I really surrender...I am so frustrated...
 
F

fondreflections

New member
Becca,

You are one of the few to really understand where I am coming from. I too say those same prayers and have yet to find either peace or pregnancy as a result.

<b>Updated:</b> My CF clinic called in regards to my A1C and stated that I don't need insulin yet. They stated that this GYN doctor should be monitoring my cycles as I requested without waiting for a diabetes appointment to start insulin. Again, it's a merry-go-round...

No one wants to really help me. I never knew it was so hard to just be monitored.

I also told my CF clinic about the 25-30 pound weight gain during pregnancy and was told that that amount of weight was excessive. They usually say 15-20 pounds.

My doctor also said that they never heard of CF womens' tubes not being able to 'pick up' eggs just because they have CF. Moreso after a clear tube test and laparoscopy.

I really surrender...I am so frustrated...
 
F

fondreflections

New member
Becca,
<br />
<br />You are one of the few to really understand where I am coming from. I too say those same prayers and have yet to find either peace or pregnancy as a result.
<br />
<br /><b>Updated:</b> My CF clinic called in regards to my A1C and stated that I don't need insulin yet. They stated that this GYN doctor should be monitoring my cycles as I requested without waiting for a diabetes appointment to start insulin. Again, it's a merry-go-round...
<br />
<br />No one wants to really help me. I never knew it was so hard to just be monitored.
<br />
<br />I also told my CF clinic about the 25-30 pound weight gain during pregnancy and was told that that amount of weight was excessive. They usually say 15-20 pounds.
<br />
<br />My doctor also said that they never heard of CF womens' tubes not being able to 'pick up' eggs just because they have CF. Moreso after a clear tube test and laparoscopy.
<br />
<br />I really surrender...I am so frustrated...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top