Oh Kyndall, we should get together and have a beer, although i don't think you're old enough yet? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I feel you. I struggle all the time to keep my thinking straight. To put myself out there and try to meet someone. And I know people can say if someone can't deal with your CF then they weren't good enough for you anyway, or any version of that. But the fact is that doesn't make anything "feel" better. I was with someone once that I cared for greatly and I thought we might make it. He was on board with the CF thing and then he had a personal experience with the reality of it (it's one thing to hear about it and another to see it in action) and he decided to re-think us. There's nothing anyone can tell me that will make that suck less.
I also have found myself telling people too much too fast. I think I did this on purpose for a while, sort of defeating myself to prove that I was right, no one would want me...stupid, I'm cute and funny etc, I'd totally buy me a drink in a bar <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I hope this doesn't seem manipulative, but now if I meet, and like someone, I start off rather slow. That I have a lung disease I was born with, and it's serious, and if it's okay with them I will tell them about it at my own pace, because it's very personal to me. And that if they have questions I would appreciate if they ask me not look it up on line or anything. (Can you believe some of the old misinformation that's out there!?!) So far I've had good success with this. I think it gives people a chance to get to know me and then by the time we get to the...death, no children, blah blah part, they like me too much to throw me back and go look for another fish! I know it could seem manipulative, but I try to look at it as giving us a chance, and some people will probably still jet, but hey maybe they would have jetted anyway-gasp!
As far as feeling bad about getting involved with someone and then they have to go through the pain of losing us..big sigh, that's not easy, I've wrestled with that a lot myslef, and all I can come up with is this: I wouldn't want someone to make that desicion for me. If there's someone out there for me who I'm supposed to be with, I wouldn't want him to decide for me - for us- that for someone reason we can't be together. I like to decide things for myslef. And there's probably no decision as important as who we become involved with and love.
To sum up, if we don't get in the game and find someone to love, what was the point of any of it? If you need more inspiration I would suggest a Beatles album!
