Bummed out mom

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mum2kj

New member
Hi samsmom,

I can understand how you feel!!

my first funeral was hard because it was for a still born boy. my sister inlaws baby. Kj wasn't born then. The casket was sooo tiny.

My 2nd funeral was when Kj was a baby, it was my Uncle. I didn't have any fear for kj yet as she was doing really well (other than weight issues) So I just felt sad for my aunties familiy and for the loss of my uncle.

My next funeral was for a 7yr old girl who had cf. she was my first contact with another person with cf.
It was this funeral that made me scared for Kayla's future. I kept thinking that if only kayla could make it past 7. I would avoid the cemetry like the plague as it scared me. I thought I would jinx kayla if i went there (weird i know) but its how I felt. Her photo is up on the wall in the hall of our hospital and everytime we go there we are faced with how serious cf is.

7 yrs after that funeral my oldest daughter died from a car accident.

Now I go to the cemetry every day <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">

and Kj is now older than her older sister.

My advice to you, is to just "live each day as it comes and try not to think or dwell in the future."

Just have as much fun as possible with your child and make the best out of every moment.

This site brings me a bit of hope for kj's future as there seems to be alot of people with cf in there 30's or more. Also there seems to be some good medicines on the horizon, so keep the faith and stay strong<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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65rosessamurai

Guest
I can understand the feelings you must have in regards to funerals.

Oddly, in my world, I had either attended more than one funeral within a two year period, or had heard that family had passed in the States while I was here.

I had an Uncle who had seemingly touched a soft spot, I try not to think of his passing, but how he lived.

The realization of my mortality didn't happen at a funeral, it was from an accident I had a few years back. The conclusion to it was to take care of myself to the best of my ability, and accept the things that are beyond my control. Sometimes that point is forgotten, but sometimes I get reminders.

There were a lot of good suggestions, and such from everyone here, so I hope it helps out. It does seem natural for feeling so down when going to a funeral, equally, it's natural to be up-beat when going to a wedding, and probably even more so for your child's birthday. It took me a while to figure out why my parents made a bigger deal about my birthday than my siblings.

And, yes, hope your spirits pick back up soon.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I can understand the feelings you must have in regards to funerals.

Oddly, in my world, I had either attended more than one funeral within a two year period, or had heard that family had passed in the States while I was here.

I had an Uncle who had seemingly touched a soft spot, I try not to think of his passing, but how he lived.

The realization of my mortality didn't happen at a funeral, it was from an accident I had a few years back. The conclusion to it was to take care of myself to the best of my ability, and accept the things that are beyond my control. Sometimes that point is forgotten, but sometimes I get reminders.

There were a lot of good suggestions, and such from everyone here, so I hope it helps out. It does seem natural for feeling so down when going to a funeral, equally, it's natural to be up-beat when going to a wedding, and probably even more so for your child's birthday. It took me a while to figure out why my parents made a bigger deal about my birthday than my siblings.

And, yes, hope your spirits pick back up soon.
 
6

65rosessamurai

Guest
I can understand the feelings you must have in regards to funerals.

Oddly, in my world, I had either attended more than one funeral within a two year period, or had heard that family had passed in the States while I was here.

I had an Uncle who had seemingly touched a soft spot, I try not to think of his passing, but how he lived.

The realization of my mortality didn't happen at a funeral, it was from an accident I had a few years back. The conclusion to it was to take care of myself to the best of my ability, and accept the things that are beyond my control. Sometimes that point is forgotten, but sometimes I get reminders.

There were a lot of good suggestions, and such from everyone here, so I hope it helps out. It does seem natural for feeling so down when going to a funeral, equally, it's natural to be up-beat when going to a wedding, and probably even more so for your child's birthday. It took me a while to figure out why my parents made a bigger deal about my birthday than my siblings.

And, yes, hope your spirits pick back up soon.
 
L

Lilith

New member
Samsmom,

I'm just going to chime in, even though you've gotten some great advice already. Having CF myself makes my perspective a little different, but here it goes.

My grandmother passed away in '05, and it was the first funeral I'd ever been to (that I remember, anyway). What startled me the most wasn't her actual funeral, but the viewing beforehand. She didn't look anything like herself lying in the casket as she had in life. I guess a lot of people don't. And after the funeral and after I'd gotten home, I thought about it for quite a while. I thought to myself that one day it would be me in that pine box, but quite frankly, that didn't bother me. I look at death in a different light than most people. I think of it as going home, as completing a journey. So the prospect of seeing myself in my grandmother's place didn't bother me all that much.

What bothered me was exactly what you've said; that my family will most likely have to be at <i>my</i> viewing someday. And its going to break their hearts. Oftentimes I wish there was something I could do or say that would help them get through that idea when the time comes. Unfortunately, I don't really know if that's even possible. I could use the old, "Everyone dies of something sometime", but even though they know that to be true, it doesn't help things much. I don't want anyone to grieve for me when I pass. I want people to celebrate and remember the good times, and know that I'm finally at peace. I'm sure most CFers feel the same.

I guess what all this jibber-jabber that I've typed is trying to get at is this; that nervous feeling is probably going to be with you at every funeral. But even so, try to think of things in a different light. Don't focus on the prospect of your daughter being in that position. Instead try to think of things in a different way, one that might still be morbid in a sense, but easier to handle on the mind. We all still get those twinges of depression now and then, and that's normal, but don't let it consume your thoughts.

Hope this made at least some sense...
 
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Lilith

New member
Samsmom,

I'm just going to chime in, even though you've gotten some great advice already. Having CF myself makes my perspective a little different, but here it goes.

My grandmother passed away in '05, and it was the first funeral I'd ever been to (that I remember, anyway). What startled me the most wasn't her actual funeral, but the viewing beforehand. She didn't look anything like herself lying in the casket as she had in life. I guess a lot of people don't. And after the funeral and after I'd gotten home, I thought about it for quite a while. I thought to myself that one day it would be me in that pine box, but quite frankly, that didn't bother me. I look at death in a different light than most people. I think of it as going home, as completing a journey. So the prospect of seeing myself in my grandmother's place didn't bother me all that much.

What bothered me was exactly what you've said; that my family will most likely have to be at <i>my</i> viewing someday. And its going to break their hearts. Oftentimes I wish there was something I could do or say that would help them get through that idea when the time comes. Unfortunately, I don't really know if that's even possible. I could use the old, "Everyone dies of something sometime", but even though they know that to be true, it doesn't help things much. I don't want anyone to grieve for me when I pass. I want people to celebrate and remember the good times, and know that I'm finally at peace. I'm sure most CFers feel the same.

I guess what all this jibber-jabber that I've typed is trying to get at is this; that nervous feeling is probably going to be with you at every funeral. But even so, try to think of things in a different light. Don't focus on the prospect of your daughter being in that position. Instead try to think of things in a different way, one that might still be morbid in a sense, but easier to handle on the mind. We all still get those twinges of depression now and then, and that's normal, but don't let it consume your thoughts.

Hope this made at least some sense...
 
L

Lilith

New member
Samsmom,

I'm just going to chime in, even though you've gotten some great advice already. Having CF myself makes my perspective a little different, but here it goes.

My grandmother passed away in '05, and it was the first funeral I'd ever been to (that I remember, anyway). What startled me the most wasn't her actual funeral, but the viewing beforehand. She didn't look anything like herself lying in the casket as she had in life. I guess a lot of people don't. And after the funeral and after I'd gotten home, I thought about it for quite a while. I thought to myself that one day it would be me in that pine box, but quite frankly, that didn't bother me. I look at death in a different light than most people. I think of it as going home, as completing a journey. So the prospect of seeing myself in my grandmother's place didn't bother me all that much.

What bothered me was exactly what you've said; that my family will most likely have to be at <i>my</i> viewing someday. And its going to break their hearts. Oftentimes I wish there was something I could do or say that would help them get through that idea when the time comes. Unfortunately, I don't really know if that's even possible. I could use the old, "Everyone dies of something sometime", but even though they know that to be true, it doesn't help things much. I don't want anyone to grieve for me when I pass. I want people to celebrate and remember the good times, and know that I'm finally at peace. I'm sure most CFers feel the same.

I guess what all this jibber-jabber that I've typed is trying to get at is this; that nervous feeling is probably going to be with you at every funeral. But even so, try to think of things in a different light. Don't focus on the prospect of your daughter being in that position. Instead try to think of things in a different way, one that might still be morbid in a sense, but easier to handle on the mind. We all still get those twinges of depression now and then, and that's normal, but don't let it consume your thoughts.

Hope this made at least some sense...
 
S

Samsmom

New member
I don't know if anyone will recheck this topic, but I had to let you know that my luck must be rotten right now. I just got the news that my husband's uncle died this morning and it looks like this week will be a repeat of last week. To add to the stress, my daughter is going for her annual work ups for cf and this will be her first annual. That means that we will be able to compare where she was a year ago with now and see the changes. I'm keeping my fingers that all goes well and trying to figure out a way to deal with the funeral home issue. Anyway, I have a ton of homework to do, so thanks for being my sounding board!!!!
 
S

Samsmom

New member
I don't know if anyone will recheck this topic, but I had to let you know that my luck must be rotten right now. I just got the news that my husband's uncle died this morning and it looks like this week will be a repeat of last week. To add to the stress, my daughter is going for her annual work ups for cf and this will be her first annual. That means that we will be able to compare where she was a year ago with now and see the changes. I'm keeping my fingers that all goes well and trying to figure out a way to deal with the funeral home issue. Anyway, I have a ton of homework to do, so thanks for being my sounding board!!!!
 
S

Samsmom

New member
I don't know if anyone will recheck this topic, but I had to let you know that my luck must be rotten right now. I just got the news that my husband's uncle died this morning and it looks like this week will be a repeat of last week. To add to the stress, my daughter is going for her annual work ups for cf and this will be her first annual. That means that we will be able to compare where she was a year ago with now and see the changes. I'm keeping my fingers that all goes well and trying to figure out a way to deal with the funeral home issue. Anyway, I have a ton of homework to do, so thanks for being my sounding board!!!!
 
M

mum2kj

New member
I'm sory to hear about your husbands uncle.

It's hard to NOT let you mind wander into the cf direction at times like this.

~~~hugs~~~

I hope your daughters annual goes really well!!!
 
M

mum2kj

New member
I'm sory to hear about your husbands uncle.

It's hard to NOT let you mind wander into the cf direction at times like this.

~~~hugs~~~

I hope your daughters annual goes really well!!!
 
M

mum2kj

New member
I'm sory to hear about your husbands uncle.

It's hard to NOT let you mind wander into the cf direction at times like this.

~~~hugs~~~

I hope your daughters annual goes really well!!!
 
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