Hey there. i am not a cf client, I am on the other side of the fence. My son has CF and my husband has somany health problems its rediculous. I am only 35 and have been married for almost 13 years. We have 3 children and the youngest with CF. I can honestly tell I was depressed for a while, I wouldnt show it to my husband. I think about the what ifs, the possiblilties, and why's ALL of the time. I was never happy, it showed in my actions. Besides almost losing my husband 4 times to severe medical issues, and my son, and not finishing my schooling, and my grandmother dying and losing my job, I can't imagine why I was depressed. The more sever problem was I couldn't talk to my husband about any of it because he felt responsible. He couldn't handle it emotionally. I felt so alone. No one knows what I was going through, didn't really want to hear it and I felt like a burden to everyone. It took a long time for me to try and deal with this myself. A really long time. My husband is going to counceling and I so loved the times he went. I finally, after several years, decided to do something about it. I realized that god gace me more time with my family and I didnt want to waste it anymore. At this time my hubby and I were at odds end and divorse was always at the forefront of my thoughts, he was such a bear. But you know what, so was I. I love to be busy, and busy I was not. It took a little while to find what would make me happy. I thought of all of the reasons why I couldnt do it. I just needed a little self motivation anda lil self esteem to get me there.our relationship is rebuilding. Every day is a new blessing. Well, almost. I knew with what my situation entailed I needed to do something for me without leaving the hose, there are not that many options out there. So i started taking classes in Psychology to finish my Bachelors degree, all of which are online, and have a plan. Some days that plan is to tough, Im so tired from staying up and monitering my husband, but I love it. I finally have somethiong for me and me only. I have discovered ways to make some money at home to keep us going. Ultimatley, u need to either talk to a therapist, or someone else. But u also need to do something everyday for yourself. If it is taking courses online, let that be your 1 thing u do for you. And from my experience, talking to your wife about some things and your relationship is very important. But talking to her about other things, like details on fears you need to talk to someone else about. They can give you a better picture and nonemotional opinion and guidance. I think you do need toadopt my dads theory, which helps, and is you cant change it so why bother. I know it sounds harsh, but there is nothing you can do about it.You have a bit more than most to handle at your age and a family to think about. Enjoy something small like a movie, or jus a meal with your wife and kids. Dont forget to talk more, its easy to eliminate communication.Once you eliminate your communication, you will be more depressed. Train yourself to think its going to be a good day everyday you wake up. It will get better in time. You will still have moments, but it will over all get better.Don't forget that what you are feeling, so is your family in a way. Enjoy the simple smile, the lunch with your son or just the fact that your child is healthy for the day. You cant't control the futurebut you can control right now.
I hope this helps a little bit, you are not alone. My situation is a little different, but I can relate on more levels than you can believe. Enjoy right now.
Tammy G.
