CF Partner

anonymous

New member
CF Partner

My boyfriend has CF and at the moment we aren't really fighting but I have noticed he has become quite depressed and we have been talking heaps and he is saying that he doesn't know if he can deal with CF plus a girlfriend I know that he loves me and I love him and I don't want us to break up but I don't know what to do has anyone been in this situation before??

Thanks

Caz
 

anonymous

New member
RE: CF Partner

I certainly have been there! I had to remind my husband (boyfriend at the time) that life is difficult regardless of CF and that inspite of it's difficulties and downsides, CF adds a bit of "flavor". You may want to talk to him (ask but don't push) to see what it is specifically he fels that he can't handle, and is it more his CF or a relationship. My husband had a hard time thinking about how he was going to support a wife (he was brought up in a family that was very much, MAN WORKS AND WOMAN IS IN THE KITCHEN) and it was difficult for him to realize that might not be the way our life works out, and then again it might, but right now I am content supporting him while he gets his degree and after he graduates until he can find a job that satisifies him and doesn't comprimise his health and treatmetns. My husband also though he would only live untik his late teens so he really "closed the door" to marriage, children and the future. There were some very difficult times when we had to talk about, "well you are alive now and it appears you will be for quite a while longer so please figure out what you want". Just remember to let him know you love him, you care for him and you are willing to be there for him and that you want to work through these issues together. Obviously some of these issues are personal and you are going to have to give him a little bit of space, but let him kno that you aren't going far. I had to do similarly with my husband, I would tell him, "well, I am going to give you some space to get this figured out, but I am not going far, I love you and will never leave you so just let me know.."

Hope that helps a bit, if you love him, don't let him go-sometimes all they (men in general) need is some space

Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF) Almost 3 years of Marriage!!!!!!!!!! (August 17th)
 

nobody

New member
RE: CF Partner

I am a man w/ CF and know what he is feeling. I have learned that my wife (almost 15 yrs now) has been the glue to hold me together.
What she does is treat me like I'm not sick (unless I'm really sick). She listens to everything I say. She offers to walk with me, sit w/ me - just be there. And when I'm in the hospital, she calls or sees me every day. I know that I'm not alone in this fight. She does Chest PT and anything I need.
She's my partner in life.
My advice (humbly, of course) is just to be there. You really don't have to say much, just be there.
Let him know that you want him and that you want to continue to want him (does that make sense?)
It does get hard for you - I'm sure. But if he's worth it the struggles are too.
One more thing, He will appreciate it - whether he realizes it now or not. It may take some time.
Hope this helps even a little.
-steve
 

anonymous

New member
RE: CF Partner

Thanks Julie and Steve for your advice I am so frustrated at the moment as he is not happy and it is making me unhappy he says he just wants to shut off from everyone and that nothing makes him happy I have suggested things but I know I have to give him so space we have actually just moved in with each other the last couple of months so maybe he might not be settled or something I am really concerned about him

Caz
 

WinAce

New member
RE: CF Partner

Has he gotten a lot of bad news recently, healthwise? Sometimes, when that happens, I want to slink away and crawl into a hole, too. I wouldn't say it's depression though, because I snap out of it sooner or later, and much quicker if the slightest bit of good news or silver lining come along.
 

anonymous

New member
RE: CF Partner

It is his birthday next month so it might be that but he doesn't really tell me much about his health as he says he doesn't want to worry me about it I think his health is ok at the moment he is getting over a cold at the moment as well.

Cheers

Caz
 

anonymous

New member
RE: CF Partner

Things are getting worse with my Bf I am so worried that he is going to do something stupid he is pushing everyone away (including me) he said that he wants to stay in bed all day and not to talk to anyone his family and I don't know what to do it is breaking me heart to see him go through what he is going through
 
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