co-sleeping issues

hopesiris · Nov 30, 2007

Amelia is 2 months old and a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz- she is doing great. I'm exhausted still. She knows night from day and will sleep at night once we finally get her down (around 11pm or 12am). Problem is, she will only stay down if she is sleeping next to me, facing me tummy-to-tummy. I have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to the bed but she won't sleep in it anymore.

I need to stop co-sleeping. I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and neck so I have to change positions all night to control my pain. Between my movement waking Amelia up and her need to nurse every 1-3 hours waking me up, I don't think either one of us is getting the most restful sleep.

On top of all this, I was so tired a few times that I have in my sleep put her in between my husband and I to nurse her on my right breast-which is very dangerous. DH is a big guy and I've also woke up to find her under the blankets - twice with them over her head. I've been more careful to not do that but once again I did it last night and when I woke she was halfway under the covers and covered in sweat since she was already wearing a sleep sack (I usually put her down on my left side and on top of the covers but with a sleep sack on for warmth).

I think I need to set things up so I am forced to wake up to feed her so I don't do anything dangerous. I've tried disconnecting my Arms Reach co-sleeper from the bed. She woke up every hour on the hour so we put it back. I tried putting her down in her crib in the nursery and she woke up in an hour. She wimpers when awake unless she is in the bed with me, even if she is right beside me in the co-sleeper.

I'm wondering if part of the issue with the co-sleeper is that she is outgrowing it. She often stretches her arms out to the side in her sleep and now she touches either side of it, waking herself up. She also still has a startle reflex but since she was born she has wiggled out of being swaddled or cried, hating it. She is strong so she can get out of velcro swaddle blankets.

So I'm nursing every 1-3 hours (1-2 mostly) 24 hours a day, she only takes sporatic short naps for the most part and I can't sleep comfortably/soundly at night.

I'm beginning to wonder if giving her rice cereal in a breast milk bottle on top of breastfeeding her before bed might help my big girl have enough in her belly to sleep 4-5 hours straight in her crib before I go get her and co-sleep for the rest of the night, safely. As for the co-sleeper, maybe I could just take it off and replace it with a safety bar attached to my bed. Any opinions on this? I think rice cereal wouldn't be as likely to cause allergies and might help since she refuses formula.

Help!!!

hopesiris · Nov 30, 2007

Amelia is 2 months old and a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz- she is doing great. I'm exhausted still. She knows night from day and will sleep at night once we finally get her down (around 11pm or 12am). Problem is, she will only stay down if she is sleeping next to me, facing me tummy-to-tummy. I have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to the bed but she won't sleep in it anymore.

I need to stop co-sleeping. I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and neck so I have to change positions all night to control my pain. Between my movement waking Amelia up and her need to nurse every 1-3 hours waking me up, I don't think either one of us is getting the most restful sleep.

On top of all this, I was so tired a few times that I have in my sleep put her in between my husband and I to nurse her on my right breast-which is very dangerous. DH is a big guy and I've also woke up to find her under the blankets - twice with them over her head. I've been more careful to not do that but once again I did it last night and when I woke she was halfway under the covers and covered in sweat since she was already wearing a sleep sack (I usually put her down on my left side and on top of the covers but with a sleep sack on for warmth).

I think I need to set things up so I am forced to wake up to feed her so I don't do anything dangerous. I've tried disconnecting my Arms Reach co-sleeper from the bed. She woke up every hour on the hour so we put it back. I tried putting her down in her crib in the nursery and she woke up in an hour. She wimpers when awake unless she is in the bed with me, even if she is right beside me in the co-sleeper.

I'm wondering if part of the issue with the co-sleeper is that she is outgrowing it. She often stretches her arms out to the side in her sleep and now she touches either side of it, waking herself up. She also still has a startle reflex but since she was born she has wiggled out of being swaddled or cried, hating it. She is strong so she can get out of velcro swaddle blankets.

So I'm nursing every 1-3 hours (1-2 mostly) 24 hours a day, she only takes sporatic short naps for the most part and I can't sleep comfortably/soundly at night.

I'm beginning to wonder if giving her rice cereal in a breast milk bottle on top of breastfeeding her before bed might help my big girl have enough in her belly to sleep 4-5 hours straight in her crib before I go get her and co-sleep for the rest of the night, safely. As for the co-sleeper, maybe I could just take it off and replace it with a safety bar attached to my bed. Any opinions on this? I think rice cereal wouldn't be as likely to cause allergies and might help since she refuses formula.

Help!!!

hopesiris · Nov 30, 2007

Amelia is 2 months old and a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz- she is doing great. I'm exhausted still. She knows night from day and will sleep at night once we finally get her down (around 11pm or 12am). Problem is, she will only stay down if she is sleeping next to me, facing me tummy-to-tummy. I have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to the bed but she won't sleep in it anymore.

I need to stop co-sleeping. I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and neck so I have to change positions all night to control my pain. Between my movement waking Amelia up and her need to nurse every 1-3 hours waking me up, I don't think either one of us is getting the most restful sleep.

On top of all this, I was so tired a few times that I have in my sleep put her in between my husband and I to nurse her on my right breast-which is very dangerous. DH is a big guy and I've also woke up to find her under the blankets - twice with them over her head. I've been more careful to not do that but once again I did it last night and when I woke she was halfway under the covers and covered in sweat since she was already wearing a sleep sack (I usually put her down on my left side and on top of the covers but with a sleep sack on for warmth).

I think I need to set things up so I am forced to wake up to feed her so I don't do anything dangerous. I've tried disconnecting my Arms Reach co-sleeper from the bed. She woke up every hour on the hour so we put it back. I tried putting her down in her crib in the nursery and she woke up in an hour. She wimpers when awake unless she is in the bed with me, even if she is right beside me in the co-sleeper.

I'm wondering if part of the issue with the co-sleeper is that she is outgrowing it. She often stretches her arms out to the side in her sleep and now she touches either side of it, waking herself up. She also still has a startle reflex but since she was born she has wiggled out of being swaddled or cried, hating it. She is strong so she can get out of velcro swaddle blankets.

So I'm nursing every 1-3 hours (1-2 mostly) 24 hours a day, she only takes sporatic short naps for the most part and I can't sleep comfortably/soundly at night.

I'm beginning to wonder if giving her rice cereal in a breast milk bottle on top of breastfeeding her before bed might help my big girl have enough in her belly to sleep 4-5 hours straight in her crib before I go get her and co-sleep for the rest of the night, safely. As for the co-sleeper, maybe I could just take it off and replace it with a safety bar attached to my bed. Any opinions on this? I think rice cereal wouldn't be as likely to cause allergies and might help since she refuses formula.

Help!!!

hopesiris · Nov 30, 2007

Amelia is 2 months old and a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz- she is doing great. I'm exhausted still. She knows night from day and will sleep at night once we finally get her down (around 11pm or 12am). Problem is, she will only stay down if she is sleeping next to me, facing me tummy-to-tummy. I have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to the bed but she won't sleep in it anymore.

I need to stop co-sleeping. I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and neck so I have to change positions all night to control my pain. Between my movement waking Amelia up and her need to nurse every 1-3 hours waking me up, I don't think either one of us is getting the most restful sleep.

On top of all this, I was so tired a few times that I have in my sleep put her in between my husband and I to nurse her on my right breast-which is very dangerous. DH is a big guy and I've also woke up to find her under the blankets - twice with them over her head. I've been more careful to not do that but once again I did it last night and when I woke she was halfway under the covers and covered in sweat since she was already wearing a sleep sack (I usually put her down on my left side and on top of the covers but with a sleep sack on for warmth).

I think I need to set things up so I am forced to wake up to feed her so I don't do anything dangerous. I've tried disconnecting my Arms Reach co-sleeper from the bed. She woke up every hour on the hour so we put it back. I tried putting her down in her crib in the nursery and she woke up in an hour. She wimpers when awake unless she is in the bed with me, even if she is right beside me in the co-sleeper.

I'm wondering if part of the issue with the co-sleeper is that she is outgrowing it. She often stretches her arms out to the side in her sleep and now she touches either side of it, waking herself up. She also still has a startle reflex but since she was born she has wiggled out of being swaddled or cried, hating it. She is strong so she can get out of velcro swaddle blankets.

So I'm nursing every 1-3 hours (1-2 mostly) 24 hours a day, she only takes sporatic short naps for the most part and I can't sleep comfortably/soundly at night.

I'm beginning to wonder if giving her rice cereal in a breast milk bottle on top of breastfeeding her before bed might help my big girl have enough in her belly to sleep 4-5 hours straight in her crib before I go get her and co-sleep for the rest of the night, safely. As for the co-sleeper, maybe I could just take it off and replace it with a safety bar attached to my bed. Any opinions on this? I think rice cereal wouldn't be as likely to cause allergies and might help since she refuses formula.

Help!!!

hopesiris · Nov 30, 2007

Amelia is 2 months old and a whopping 12 lbs 12 oz- she is doing great. I'm exhausted still. She knows night from day and will sleep at night once we finally get her down (around 11pm or 12am). Problem is, she will only stay down if she is sleeping next to me, facing me tummy-to-tummy. I have an Arms Reach co-sleeper attached to the bed but she won't sleep in it anymore.

I need to stop co-sleeping. I have degenerative disc disease in my lower back and neck so I have to change positions all night to control my pain. Between my movement waking Amelia up and her need to nurse every 1-3 hours waking me up, I don't think either one of us is getting the most restful sleep.

On top of all this, I was so tired a few times that I have in my sleep put her in between my husband and I to nurse her on my right breast-which is very dangerous. DH is a big guy and I've also woke up to find her under the blankets - twice with them over her head. I've been more careful to not do that but once again I did it last night and when I woke she was halfway under the covers and covered in sweat since she was already wearing a sleep sack (I usually put her down on my left side and on top of the covers but with a sleep sack on for warmth).

I think I need to set things up so I am forced to wake up to feed her so I don't do anything dangerous. I've tried disconnecting my Arms Reach co-sleeper from the bed. She woke up every hour on the hour so we put it back. I tried putting her down in her crib in the nursery and she woke up in an hour. She wimpers when awake unless she is in the bed with me, even if she is right beside me in the co-sleeper.

I'm wondering if part of the issue with the co-sleeper is that she is outgrowing it. She often stretches her arms out to the side in her sleep and now she touches either side of it, waking herself up. She also still has a startle reflex but since she was born she has wiggled out of being swaddled or cried, hating it. She is strong so she can get out of velcro swaddle blankets.

So I'm nursing every 1-3 hours (1-2 mostly) 24 hours a day, she only takes sporatic short naps for the most part and I can't sleep comfortably/soundly at night.

I'm beginning to wonder if giving her rice cereal in a breast milk bottle on top of breastfeeding her before bed might help my big girl have enough in her belly to sleep 4-5 hours straight in her crib before I go get her and co-sleep for the rest of the night, safely. As for the co-sleeper, maybe I could just take it off and replace it with a safety bar attached to my bed. Any opinions on this? I think rice cereal wouldn't be as likely to cause allergies and might help since she refuses formula.

Help!!!

wanderlost · Nov 30, 2007

I wish I had some great advice to share with you - but I have a 14 month old who still sleeps in 1-3 hour patterns. humph.

This is from Kathy Dettwyler's page. Whilw it doesn't offer much of a slution, it did make me feel better:

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]

I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.
Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.

Prepared August 25, 1997. 

I don't think rice milk in a bottle is a good idea. It is contraindicated by most parenting sources, though I know many moms say it works for them. I personally wouldn't do it, her tummy is still so young. You might try having her nap in the cosleeper or crib as sort of "practice" to being away from you. Also, dress her more lightly at night while she is in th bed wiht the two of you. SOmetimes I only have Marlee in a onesie becasue we get so toasty sleeping next to one another - or, you dress more warmly and then have less covers so that you don't have to worry about her getting underneath them. I didn't have Marlee sleep in the middle of us until she was about 6 months old, and even then I would wake Dh and tell him she was in the middle to help keep him a little mroe aware of it.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be!

wanderlost · Nov 30, 2007

I wish I had some great advice to share with you - but I have a 14 month old who still sleeps in 1-3 hour patterns. humph.

This is from Kathy Dettwyler's page. Whilw it doesn't offer much of a slution, it did make me feel better:

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]

I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.
Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.

Prepared August 25, 1997. 

I don't think rice milk in a bottle is a good idea. It is contraindicated by most parenting sources, though I know many moms say it works for them. I personally wouldn't do it, her tummy is still so young. You might try having her nap in the cosleeper or crib as sort of "practice" to being away from you. Also, dress her more lightly at night while she is in th bed wiht the two of you. SOmetimes I only have Marlee in a onesie becasue we get so toasty sleeping next to one another - or, you dress more warmly and then have less covers so that you don't have to worry about her getting underneath them. I didn't have Marlee sleep in the middle of us until she was about 6 months old, and even then I would wake Dh and tell him she was in the middle to help keep him a little mroe aware of it.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be!

wanderlost · Nov 30, 2007

I wish I had some great advice to share with you - but I have a 14 month old who still sleeps in 1-3 hour patterns. humph.

This is from Kathy Dettwyler's page. Whilw it doesn't offer much of a slution, it did make me feel better:

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]

I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.
Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.

Prepared August 25, 1997. 

I don't think rice milk in a bottle is a good idea. It is contraindicated by most parenting sources, though I know many moms say it works for them. I personally wouldn't do it, her tummy is still so young. You might try having her nap in the cosleeper or crib as sort of "practice" to being away from you. Also, dress her more lightly at night while she is in th bed wiht the two of you. SOmetimes I only have Marlee in a onesie becasue we get so toasty sleeping next to one another - or, you dress more warmly and then have less covers so that you don't have to worry about her getting underneath them. I didn't have Marlee sleep in the middle of us until she was about 6 months old, and even then I would wake Dh and tell him she was in the middle to help keep him a little mroe aware of it.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be!

wanderlost · Nov 30, 2007

I wish I had some great advice to share with you - but I have a 14 month old who still sleeps in 1-3 hour patterns. humph.

This is from Kathy Dettwyler's page. Whilw it doesn't offer much of a slution, it did make me feel better:

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]

I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.
Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.

Prepared August 25, 1997. 

I don't think rice milk in a bottle is a good idea. It is contraindicated by most parenting sources, though I know many moms say it works for them. I personally wouldn't do it, her tummy is still so young. You might try having her nap in the cosleeper or crib as sort of "practice" to being away from you. Also, dress her more lightly at night while she is in th bed wiht the two of you. SOmetimes I only have Marlee in a onesie becasue we get so toasty sleeping next to one another - or, you dress more warmly and then have less covers so that you don't have to worry about her getting underneath them. I didn't have Marlee sleep in the middle of us until she was about 6 months old, and even then I would wake Dh and tell him she was in the middle to help keep him a little mroe aware of it.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be!

wanderlost · Nov 30, 2007

I wish I had some great advice to share with you - but I have a 14 month old who still sleeps in 1-3 hour patterns. humph.

This is from Kathy Dettwyler's page. Whilw it doesn't offer much of a slution, it did make me feel better:

[This essay was originally directed to one person. It has been edited slightly to make it less specific.]

I am an Adjunct (semi-retired) Associate Professor of Anthropology and Nutrition at Texas A&M University, and I do research on infant/child feeding beliefs/practices both cross-culturally and from an evolutionary perspective, as well as research on children's health and growth. I know from first-hand experience that being a new parent is a difficult time of adjustment, especially when expectations don't match reality, especially when our culture has taught us that children should have certain needs/wants/behaviors and then our children don't seem to fit that mold. This problem of a mismatch between expectations and reality can be very difficult for new parents to accept and adjust to. Sometimes, some children can be encouraged/convinced/forced to fit the mold of cultural expectations, and they do fine. Othertimes, though they do eventually fit the mold, it is at the expense of their sense of who they are, their self-confidence, their view of the world as a safe and trusting place, sometimes, even, at the expense of their health or life. Probably nowhere do cultural expectations and the reality of children's needs conflict more than in the two areas of breastfeeding frequency and sleeping behaviors.

Human children are designed (whether you believe by millions of years of evolution, or by God, it doesn't matter) -- to nurse *very* frequently, based on the composition of the milk of the species, the fact that all higher primates (Primates are the zoological Order to which humans belong, higher primates include monkeys and apes) keep their offspring in the mother's arms or on her back for several years, the size of the young child's stomach, the rapidity with which breast milk is digested, the need for an almost constant source of nutrients to grow that huge brain (in humans, especially), and so on. By very frequently, I mean 3-4 times per hour, for a few minutes each time. The way in which some young infants are fed in our culture -- trying to get them to shift to a 3-4 hour schedule, with feedings of 15-20 minutes at a time, goes against our basic physiology. But humans are very adaptable, and some mothers will be able to make sufficient milk with this very infrequent stimulation and draining of the breasts, and some children will be able to adapt to large meals spaced far apart. Unfortunately, some mothers don't make enough milk with this little nursing, and some babies can't adjust, and so are fussy, cry a lot, seem to want to nurse "before it is time" and fail to grow and thrive. Of course, usually the mother's body is blamed -- "You can't make enough milk" -- rather than the culturally-imposed expectation that feeding every 3-4 hours should be sufficient, and the mother begins supplementing with formula, which leads to a steady spiral downward to complete weaning from the breast. Human children are also designed to have breast milk be a part of their diet for a minimum of 2.5 years, with many indicators pointing to 6-7 years as the true physiological duration of breastfeeding -- regardless of what your cultural beliefs may be. I can provide you with references to my research on this topic if you wish to read more.

The same is true of sleeping. Human children are designed to be sleeping with their parents. The sense of touch is the most important sense to primates, along with sight. Young primates are carried on their mother's body and sleep with her for years after birth, often until well after weaning. The expected pattern is for mother and child to sleep together, and for child to be able to nurse whenever they want during the night. Normal, healthy, breastfed and co-sleeping children do not sleep "through the night" (say 7-9 hours at a stretch) until they are 3-4 years old, and no longer need night nursing. I repeat -- this is NORMAL and HEALTHY. Dr. James McKenna's research on co-sleeping clearly shows the dangers of solitary sleeping in young infants, who slip into abnormal patterns of very deep sleep from which it is very difficult for them to rouse themselves when they experience an episode of apnea (stop breathing). When co-sleeping, the mother is monitoring the baby's sleep and breathing patterns, even though she herself is asleep. When the baby has an episode of apnea, she rouses the baby by her movements and touch. This is thought to be the primary mechanism by which co-sleeping protects children from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. In other words, many cases of SIDS in solitary sleeping children are thought to be due to them having learned to sleep for long stretches at a time at a very early age, so they find themselves in these deep troughs of sleep, then they may experience an episode of apnea, and no one is there to notice or rouse them from it, so they just never start breathing again. Co-sleeping also allows a mother to monitor the baby's temperature during the night, to be there if they spit up and start to choke, and just to provide the normal, safe environment that the baby/child has been designed to expect.

Is this convenient for parents? No!

Is this difficult for some new parents to adjust to? Yes!

No doubt about it, the gap between what our culture teaches us to expect of the sleep patterns of a young child (read them a story, tuck them in, turn out the light, and not see them again for 8 hours) and the reality of how children actually sleep if healthy and normal, yawns widely.

But the first steps to dealing with the fact that your young child doesn't sleep through the night, or doesn't want to sleep without you is to realize that:

(1) Not sleeping through the night until they are 3 or 4 years of age is normal and healthy behavior for human infants.
(2) Your children are not being difficult or manipulative, they are being normal and healthy, and behaving in ways that are appropriate for our species.
Once you understand these simple truths, it becomes much easier to deal with parenting your child at night. Once you give up the idea that you must have 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night, and view these nighttime interactions with your child as precious and fleeting, you get used to them very quickly.

I highly recommend Dr. Sears' book on Nighttime Parenting [available from the La Leche League International Catalogue]. Our children's early years represent the most important and influential time of their lives. It passes all too quickly. But meeting your child's needs during these first few years will pay off in many ways in the years to come.

Prepared August 25, 1997. 

I don't think rice milk in a bottle is a good idea. It is contraindicated by most parenting sources, though I know many moms say it works for them. I personally wouldn't do it, her tummy is still so young. You might try having her nap in the cosleeper or crib as sort of "practice" to being away from you. Also, dress her more lightly at night while she is in th bed wiht the two of you. SOmetimes I only have Marlee in a onesie becasue we get so toasty sleeping next to one another - or, you dress more warmly and then have less covers so that you don't have to worry about her getting underneath them. I didn't have Marlee sleep in the middle of us until she was about 6 months old, and even then I would wake Dh and tell him she was in the middle to help keep him a little mroe aware of it.

Good luck, I know how hard this can be!

julie · Nov 30, 2007