We adopted a baby last year through the foster care system. Our sons biological parents are pregnant again. They asked us if we want to adopt the second one. I am 39 with cf. I work full time college professor and have my own fitness business. I am torn on the second child. I don't know how much harder is 2 vs 1 will be? We got our son at 6 months so he was sleeping 12 hours per night. Sleep is a big thing for me and getting sick. For those who have two can you share? I would be able to take maternity leave for six weeks and I am off from May to August. Sore torn???
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Considering 2nd adoption
- Thread starter phutton
- Start date
I've always wonder what it would be like to have just 1 kid. Our first are twins. Sleeping enough has always been a struggle for me. My wife is super great at dealing with much of the middle of the night stuff (I'll pitch in more during weekends, when I can catch up on sleep as needed). The more kids you have the more likelihood you have of one of them needs something in the night. Each kid bring a new set of challenges, a new personality, and new joy.
I came from a big family, and have a hard time imagining not having the support and love that I get from my siblings. And where kids are hard to come by for CF folks I say go for it. But the exigencies from family to family are so varied that it is tough to offer general advice. One of the best ways to make these sorts of decisions is to find a nice quiet place away from the world, a place where you can spend an unmarked amount of time without distractions (early morning on a weekend works well), and to sit and pray and ponder on what choice is best. If in your pondering session you can get some good feelings about the idea of adoption, then you know that is what is mean for you. If you can't find peace and a degree of clarity about the decision, then it isn't for you.
I came from a big family, and have a hard time imagining not having the support and love that I get from my siblings. And where kids are hard to come by for CF folks I say go for it. But the exigencies from family to family are so varied that it is tough to offer general advice. One of the best ways to make these sorts of decisions is to find a nice quiet place away from the world, a place where you can spend an unmarked amount of time without distractions (early morning on a weekend works well), and to sit and pray and ponder on what choice is best. If in your pondering session you can get some good feelings about the idea of adoption, then you know that is what is mean for you. If you can't find peace and a degree of clarity about the decision, then it isn't for you.
Aboveallislove
Super Moderator
Just wanted to add a few thoughts, fwiw. We only have one child DS, 6 with CF. I always wanted a big family but alas God had other plans. The first 6 weeks are brutal and sleepless, with waking every 2 hours or so, plus treatments. You won't have the childbirth recovery and I'm assuming you aren't nursing (I know it is possible to trigger with hormones etc.), and with formula they do sleep longer. But it will still be a rough 6 weeks and about 12 before more normal sleep patterns. My closet friend has 3 little ones by adoption, close in age and as she said you just resign yourself to no sleep for 6 weeks. But on the other hand, she notes how the kids now entertain themselves and play in ways that I sooooo envy! So later it might be easier. And of course, there's nothing like the gift of a sibling and something that pains me greatly that our son doesn't have; although obviously the gift of a healthy mom is the other part of the equations. One other thing I'll through out: Not sure if there are chances of higher-risk in the pregnancy or health challenges for the baby given the couple's situation ...if so that is another factor as far as sleep, time demands, etc. Good luck with your decision and know of prayers.
imported_Momto2
New member
Hi there. We adopted two daughters, the first via international adoption where she was almost a year when she came home and was sleeping through the night, the second via domestic adoption where she was 10 days old. Getting enough sleep to maintain my health WAS an issue for #2. It was very hard at first, and I did end up on home IV's by the time our second daughter was 3 months old. My FEV1 at the time of #2 was about 75% and it did drop the first two years. BUT, I would have done it again in a heartbeat. They are both the light of my life. If you can take maternity leave and then the summer off and have some sort of daycare/school/babysitter help with your first child, I would go for it. Yes, your health will probably suffer somewhat, but living life to the fullest means not always taking the safest path. Do what will make you and your family happy and what feels right. But be smart about it. In retrospect, I wouldnt have tried so hard to do it all myself and gut through the really hard times; it wouldnt have made me any less of a mom if I had accepted more help.
W
welshwitch
Guest
Ethan I've always wondered what it would be like to have twins and be a parent with CF. I know it is a bit more common in couples who have used fertility help which includes a CF parent. It would be great to only have to do one pregnancy body-wise/age-wise but I am sure I would lose my mind too and would it wreak havoc on my health? The other cool thing is my boyfriend is an identical twin himself. I like the live life to the fullest idea.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. My fev1 is 86% . I asked my cf dr about it. He said he thought the a second child would add a lot to my plate. He thought since I work full time and have a business that another baby would be too much unless I quit my job. I believe living life to fullest too. I am really torn. i have great family support, I am not good at asking for help, but I would need to have the family support for another. I will continue to pray??
I have 2. I wanted 4. My dr convinced me to stop at 2 on the basis that for every additional child, I would be exposed to exponentially that many more germs and illnesses. While I have "milder" CF having the kids has at times been tough on my health. I had never had IV abx prior to being a mom. With all that said, having two close in age has been good for them to have a companion when no friends are available. Good luck with your decision. Only you can truly know what's best.