Cutting
- Thread starter Ashland
- Start date
dolphinsrule
New member
Hi there,
So sorry to hear about this; not knowing her age, history, etc., but CF IS very challenging to deal with. Most importantly - have you made your house "safe?" It is imperative that you do this and not minimize and pretend to know what she's thinking. There may have been a traumatic incident at school as well, that she can't speak about yet. Move forward with therapy, as quickly as possible. Let her know you are there for her
HTH, Kathy
So sorry to hear about this; not knowing her age, history, etc., but CF IS very challenging to deal with. Most importantly - have you made your house "safe?" It is imperative that you do this and not minimize and pretend to know what she's thinking. There may have been a traumatic incident at school as well, that she can't speak about yet. Move forward with therapy, as quickly as possible. Let her know you are there for her
HTH, KathySorry, there is more to the story. She did break up with her boyfriend and feels very bad about that. School is causing anxiety and CF is really difficult to face. She is 15 and a very good student. We are a close family and things are usually very good at home. This came as a surprise to us. Thanks for your reply Kathy
I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is going through this. Please, get her therapy. 15 is a rough time, even without CF. With other social issues on top of that, it can seem insurmountable. Therapy can help her find better ways to cope. She isn't alone, even among the CF community. You sound like a wonderful mom and a supportive environment; do not blame yourself. If you can, find her blades and take them away; give her options for things to do instead. Snap a rubberband against her wrist. Put ice to her hand. Things that aren't (as) dangerous. So much love to you and your daughter. <3
Hello, I am 28 years old and also going through a breakup. I think having cf causes extra stress and it feels like the disease is baggage that not everyone will accept. I feel very alone with cf and without my former fiance is painful because I feel like im dieing alone. I am going to seek help soon. I never thought I would want to seek help but I feel like it may help with the pain and loss. I think my main fear is dieing alone and going through the cf ups and down alone. She may feel simaliar, its hard to say. Me personally, I have never had much family. I really only have my mom so a breakup is extra difficult because I feel so alone in the world and the feeling that no one love me. Sometimes the pain is so bad and we don't know how to release it so we try anything in desperation to make it better. I think if I didnt have cf, a breakup would be a lot easier.Hope this helps.
kmhbeauty, my heart goes out to you so much. It is near the holidays and it's good you have your mom. I don't claim to understand the emotion that you must have to go through all of this and dealing with cf. I don't want anyone to feel alone. I hope you find someone who deserves you and that person will be with you no matter what. I know my daughter will probably have to face the same thing as you as she gets older. You are a beautiful young lady and I wish there was more I could do to help comfort your fears. Feel free to PM anytime. I hope that your cf is cured soon and you find your soulmate forever.
iefisherman
New member
i kinda scrolled through the topic and wanted to say ice cubes. It gives a similar sensation with less side effects.
A
Allansarmy
Guest
My daughter had this issue around the age of 15-16. The different part of my story is that she is the sister of the one with CF. My daughter is now 20 and unfortunately I did have to seek professional help with her, as we found a suicide letter half under her bed and half out. She had low self esteem. However, you would NEVER know this as she was always bubbly and outgoing and giggly when she was around that age. I call it "The Eddie Haskell" syndrome. Just a term I came up with for people that act like they are fine with a very persuasive and overly bubbly personality and then when you leave the room, they turn into a different person around different people. My daughter got caught up with the wrong people too which led her even deeper into things that she felt very ashamed of later and it was literally eating her up inside. We have always had an open door policy in our family. Me being the Dad and my Wife as well. We have always told our kids, it doesn't matter what it is, drugs, suicidal thoughts, depression, if you want to vent, boyfriend or girlfriend problems our door is always open. I even went so far as to tell them that they would never get in trouble as long as they came to me if they needed help. Not once did she ever come to us (my wife and I). But my wife and I got hit with 6 big bombs with my daughter in one single day. Here I thought I had a happy daughter and independent a thrive for life, next weekend she was writing a suicide letter and then it all came out, the drugs, the alcohol, the sex, the sneaking out, the giving all of her money away to help her friends out (car maintenance, gas, food, clothes), and the cutting. I was in utter shock.
Just be glad that you know now before something bad really happens. Be supportive and just let them know that you will always be there. I had to admit my daughter after she could not guarantee that she would NOT hurt herself landed herself in a 10 day stay in a rehab type hospital. She stated she had smoked pot (not gonna argue with this part as I did the same thing at her age, but of course you never encourage it) BUT she drove her mother's car right afterwards. The drug test came back negative and she flat out told us that she did smoke pot. We both laughed when she said with tears in her eyes "I can't even do that right".
All I can really offer for advise is stay the course, this time will pass. It is a bit cry for help and the fact that she has CF it might be more of a "I am tired of dealing with this" type of thing. If its that, I won't say don't worry because us as parents we will still worry a bit. Just try not to make a huge fuss, this will pass and she will realize that her problems really weren't as bad as she thought. It just takes time. You do still need to get help for her, because if she is cutting be darned sure that she is doing other things that you don't know about as well.
Just to lift your spirits up a bit, my daughter is 20 now. She is a manager of a store and going to college. She has decided to move out to get her own apartment, and although stressful at times she feels really happy about things now. She has come far and she is closer to her brothers (ages 17 and 16) now than when she lived with us. She loves to come over and just hangout and do things with them. She misses them and most of all, she misses my wife and I and really appreciates the things we did for her, how we didn't just ignore her when she needed us the most.
Just be glad that you know now before something bad really happens. Be supportive and just let them know that you will always be there. I had to admit my daughter after she could not guarantee that she would NOT hurt herself landed herself in a 10 day stay in a rehab type hospital. She stated she had smoked pot (not gonna argue with this part as I did the same thing at her age, but of course you never encourage it) BUT she drove her mother's car right afterwards. The drug test came back negative and she flat out told us that she did smoke pot. We both laughed when she said with tears in her eyes "I can't even do that right".
All I can really offer for advise is stay the course, this time will pass. It is a bit cry for help and the fact that she has CF it might be more of a "I am tired of dealing with this" type of thing. If its that, I won't say don't worry because us as parents we will still worry a bit. Just try not to make a huge fuss, this will pass and she will realize that her problems really weren't as bad as she thought. It just takes time. You do still need to get help for her, because if she is cutting be darned sure that she is doing other things that you don't know about as well.
Just to lift your spirits up a bit, my daughter is 20 now. She is a manager of a store and going to college. She has decided to move out to get her own apartment, and although stressful at times she feels really happy about things now. She has come far and she is closer to her brothers (ages 17 and 16) now than when she lived with us. She loves to come over and just hangout and do things with them. She misses them and most of all, she misses my wife and I and really appreciates the things we did for her, how we didn't just ignore her when she needed us the most.
LisaGreene
New member
Ashland, so sorry you are facing this. You are doing the right things as far as getting therapy. And Allansarmy, what a great reply. It sounds like you went through a lot.
There are no easy answers to this issue obviously. I can say that (as a professional parenting educator and coach) that this is becoming more and more common among teenage girls in general. It's not necessarily a CF issue, although that MAY cause additional pressure if her health isn't good or she can't do things her peers can due to her CF. I think Allansarmy gave you so many wonderful pieces of advice within his story: be supportive, maintain communication channels, do whatever it takes to get her the help she needs, know that this is often a stage, set firm limits about what you will and won't allow in your home, and reach out for support for your whole family as well as your daughter.
There is growing research that shows that issues like eating disorders, drug abuse, mental illness and other such challenges are a "family affair" meaning that it is not sufficient to just treat the patient. A family is an inter-related system and each person affects the other for better or worse. FAMILY therapy- therapy together as a family and even the parents as individuals if needed- is more effective at helping the prescribed "patient" in working through their issues.
I would suggest getting the whole family into therapy along with your daughter. Taking a good, solid, research based parenting/communication class that focuses on emotional intelligence wouldn't hurt either. John Gottman's work is excellent. http://www.gottman.com/
Good luck, big hugs.
PS: Here is an excellent article about emotional intelligence by John Gottman: http://www.gottman.com/wp-content/uploads/EMOTIONALLY_INTELLIGENT_CHILDREN_Updated4.pdf
There are no easy answers to this issue obviously. I can say that (as a professional parenting educator and coach) that this is becoming more and more common among teenage girls in general. It's not necessarily a CF issue, although that MAY cause additional pressure if her health isn't good or she can't do things her peers can due to her CF. I think Allansarmy gave you so many wonderful pieces of advice within his story: be supportive, maintain communication channels, do whatever it takes to get her the help she needs, know that this is often a stage, set firm limits about what you will and won't allow in your home, and reach out for support for your whole family as well as your daughter.
There is growing research that shows that issues like eating disorders, drug abuse, mental illness and other such challenges are a "family affair" meaning that it is not sufficient to just treat the patient. A family is an inter-related system and each person affects the other for better or worse. FAMILY therapy- therapy together as a family and even the parents as individuals if needed- is more effective at helping the prescribed "patient" in working through their issues.
I would suggest getting the whole family into therapy along with your daughter. Taking a good, solid, research based parenting/communication class that focuses on emotional intelligence wouldn't hurt either. John Gottman's work is excellent. http://www.gottman.com/
Good luck, big hugs.
PS: Here is an excellent article about emotional intelligence by John Gottman: http://www.gottman.com/wp-content/uploads/EMOTIONALLY_INTELLIGENT_CHILDREN_Updated4.pdf