Smenle34:
Just curious if anyone else has dated or is dating another person with CF?
MSCali24:
I know of a few people who have. There is a CF on couple on facebook that is married but I’m pretty sure they both ended up with transplants. I’m not sure how sick they were before they met each other. I would not recommend it because of cross infections. Can be deadly to both people. I Don’t think love is worth my life. Just my opinion. It’s definitely nice to have something in common and someone who understands completely but these days CF people can chat online, video call, text, etc. there are plenty of fish in the sea that don’t have CF. Why risk it?
dkh73:
I’ve read a couple of articles about CF couples. One in the Reader’s Digest 15 years back. They met in the hospital in their early 20s and spent 1-2 years as a couple before each passed within a few months of each other.
Another story of a CF couple was recently in the news, comparing them to the characters in the movie “The Fault in Our Stars.” They met online. He had B. Cepacia and she didn’t. Doctors recommended they maintain a physical distance. She had the attitude that the she’d accept the consequences for love and risk the infection. She ended up with Cepacia and lost the rest of her lung function. Her state’s Medicaid didn’t want to pay for a transplant, and her nearby hospitals didn’t do transplants for people with B. Cepacia. In the end, the news story generated enough sympathies to open the resources for her to go to Boston for a transplant.
I agree with Amber, lots of fish in the sea and lots of ways to have connections and friendships with other CF folks while maintaining proper physical distance. That being said, I hang out with my brothers and that would be a cross-infection risk if we didn’t already have similar colonies.
erinjenkins:
What I don’t understand is if neither one of us have Cepacia, we both know exactly what infections we have, we do all of our treatments and tell each other when we aren’t feeling well and stay away from one another when we are sick how can we make each other sicker? It is so disheartening to me that you find someone who gets you 100% and you cant be with them because you MIGHT get cross contamination. This disease really sucks in more ways than one. Im so frustrated.
Naomi:
Amber, you nailed this.
Bill
Ravine:
If you’re both consenting adults then you can make your own choices. But because CF can affect each person so differently it’s impossible to know if the bugs you grow but don’t give you that much trouble might cause a dramatic decline for your partner. Of course the flip side of that being that it might not cause any major issues. You just don’t know. If you feel the well documented risks are worth your life or your partners life then I don’t think anyone can stop you. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but the cross-contamination isn’t a “no big deal” kind of issue. It is a very real risk.
Autisu:
And it’s not just cepacia to worry about — there are other abx resistant bugs as well. MRSA can live on surfaces for a very long time, as can pseudo. And one doesn’t always experience symptoms when culturing things.
dgeorgerace:
Love makes us all do foolish things that we think are okay in the moment. The moment could last months or years. Love can be blamed, but it’s our own individual actions that have caused the consequences. I think I am fairly healthy for a CF’r due to two rare genetypes and most of my lung function, however I would never chance being near a CF person, let alone being in a relationship with them. Life is worth living, and you can’t very well live if you are becoming increasingly sicker and potentially even more fatally ill from the person you love.
In perspective, with a rough upbringing there was a point in my life where I thought I should find a girl/woman who had been through a lot to, so she could relate to me. What I ended up with what a woman who had been through more abuse, family drama, and life throwing her bad hands of cards over and over. This caused my life to be very negative, and we disagreed on a lot of things. Ultimately, I was the best BF she had, and even though we fought she knew she would not find someone with his life together or as good as a guy as I was, even though our personalities weren’t compatible. This went on for about 7 months. Whereas she could relate to the broken home, foster care – kind of life I had been living, she was not a good role model for me to get in a better place in life. I’ve since given up on that idea and decided that finding someone with good values and morals would be better in the long run. So I found someone who has had almost NO life trauma and drama, and she truly is a gem. She makes me want to be healthier, makes me want to live better, feeds me healthy foods, tries to get me to exercise with her. Someone positive and motivational who I have very little in common with.
Why did I go into that rant? Well, because simply at the time I thought that finding someone who I could relate to was important, and so I looked for it. I found what I was looking for ( as you will if you look hard enough ) and it was a bad decision. I loved her and she loved me, but we were terrible for each other. Love and happiness are what some people make their life all about, and I’m not saying this is bad. What I am saying is you choose to make the life you live, and love the people you love.
Under no circumstances should you value love with someone else, over the love of your own life. Dating someone with CF and having CF is bad for your health, and your life. It’s not worth the risk to damage your own life and happiness.
dkh73:
No truer statement that this^.
While I think that any two adults can make their own choice and live with the consequences of those choices (granted no two adults are an island and should still make smart choices), once you are a parent then you have to also consider the consequence your choices have on your children. It is a very heavy responsibility that leaves parents sacrificing their own freedoms/wants/needs for the best interest of their kids.
You probably already think about this already, but how would a choice to date someone with CF affect your 6 yr old? As much as you might need someone with CF to help you, your daughter might someday need an adult in her life (future step-dad) who understands what it is like to deal with all the sucky things that come with loving someone with CF. And what your daughter probably doesn’t need, is a mother that is willing to sacrifice health and years with her daughter for a paramour that is dealing with identical health trials.
CACAsCuz:
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick. That is not much of a support system.
MissCali24:
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick. That is not much of a support system.
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick.
Dawg:
You have the added bonus of most likely shortening the life, via passed infections, of someone you love. Doesnt get much more fun that that.
Welshwitch:
Just curious if anyone else has dated or is dating another person with CF?
MSCali24:
I know of a few people who have. There is a CF on couple on facebook that is married but I’m pretty sure they both ended up with transplants. I’m not sure how sick they were before they met each other. I would not recommend it because of cross infections. Can be deadly to both people. I Don’t think love is worth my life. Just my opinion. It’s definitely nice to have something in common and someone who understands completely but these days CF people can chat online, video call, text, etc. there are plenty of fish in the sea that don’t have CF. Why risk it?
dkh73:
I’ve read a couple of articles about CF couples. One in the Reader’s Digest 15 years back. They met in the hospital in their early 20s and spent 1-2 years as a couple before each passed within a few months of each other.
Another story of a CF couple was recently in the news, comparing them to the characters in the movie “The Fault in Our Stars.” They met online. He had B. Cepacia and she didn’t. Doctors recommended they maintain a physical distance. She had the attitude that the she’d accept the consequences for love and risk the infection. She ended up with Cepacia and lost the rest of her lung function. Her state’s Medicaid didn’t want to pay for a transplant, and her nearby hospitals didn’t do transplants for people with B. Cepacia. In the end, the news story generated enough sympathies to open the resources for her to go to Boston for a transplant.
I agree with Amber, lots of fish in the sea and lots of ways to have connections and friendships with other CF folks while maintaining proper physical distance. That being said, I hang out with my brothers and that would be a cross-infection risk if we didn’t already have similar colonies.
erinjenkins:
What I don’t understand is if neither one of us have Cepacia, we both know exactly what infections we have, we do all of our treatments and tell each other when we aren’t feeling well and stay away from one another when we are sick how can we make each other sicker? It is so disheartening to me that you find someone who gets you 100% and you cant be with them because you MIGHT get cross contamination. This disease really sucks in more ways than one. Im so frustrated.
Naomi:
Amber, you nailed this.
Bill
Ravine:
If you’re both consenting adults then you can make your own choices. But because CF can affect each person so differently it’s impossible to know if the bugs you grow but don’t give you that much trouble might cause a dramatic decline for your partner. Of course the flip side of that being that it might not cause any major issues. You just don’t know. If you feel the well documented risks are worth your life or your partners life then I don’t think anyone can stop you. I don’t mean to sound dramatic but the cross-contamination isn’t a “no big deal” kind of issue. It is a very real risk.
Autisu:
And it’s not just cepacia to worry about — there are other abx resistant bugs as well. MRSA can live on surfaces for a very long time, as can pseudo. And one doesn’t always experience symptoms when culturing things.
dgeorgerace:
Love makes us all do foolish things that we think are okay in the moment. The moment could last months or years. Love can be blamed, but it’s our own individual actions that have caused the consequences. I think I am fairly healthy for a CF’r due to two rare genetypes and most of my lung function, however I would never chance being near a CF person, let alone being in a relationship with them. Life is worth living, and you can’t very well live if you are becoming increasingly sicker and potentially even more fatally ill from the person you love.
In perspective, with a rough upbringing there was a point in my life where I thought I should find a girl/woman who had been through a lot to, so she could relate to me. What I ended up with what a woman who had been through more abuse, family drama, and life throwing her bad hands of cards over and over. This caused my life to be very negative, and we disagreed on a lot of things. Ultimately, I was the best BF she had, and even though we fought she knew she would not find someone with his life together or as good as a guy as I was, even though our personalities weren’t compatible. This went on for about 7 months. Whereas she could relate to the broken home, foster care – kind of life I had been living, she was not a good role model for me to get in a better place in life. I’ve since given up on that idea and decided that finding someone with good values and morals would be better in the long run. So I found someone who has had almost NO life trauma and drama, and she truly is a gem. She makes me want to be healthier, makes me want to live better, feeds me healthy foods, tries to get me to exercise with her. Someone positive and motivational who I have very little in common with.
Why did I go into that rant? Well, because simply at the time I thought that finding someone who I could relate to was important, and so I looked for it. I found what I was looking for ( as you will if you look hard enough ) and it was a bad decision. I loved her and she loved me, but we were terrible for each other. Love and happiness are what some people make their life all about, and I’m not saying this is bad. What I am saying is you choose to make the life you live, and love the people you love.
Under no circumstances should you value love with someone else, over the love of your own life. Dating someone with CF and having CF is bad for your health, and your life. It’s not worth the risk to damage your own life and happiness.
dkh73:
No truer statement that this^.
While I think that any two adults can make their own choice and live with the consequences of those choices (granted no two adults are an island and should still make smart choices), once you are a parent then you have to also consider the consequence your choices have on your children. It is a very heavy responsibility that leaves parents sacrificing their own freedoms/wants/needs for the best interest of their kids.
You probably already think about this already, but how would a choice to date someone with CF affect your 6 yr old? As much as you might need someone with CF to help you, your daughter might someday need an adult in her life (future step-dad) who understands what it is like to deal with all the sucky things that come with loving someone with CF. And what your daughter probably doesn’t need, is a mother that is willing to sacrifice health and years with her daughter for a paramour that is dealing with identical health trials.
CACAsCuz:
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick. That is not much of a support system.
MissCali24:
Love makes us all do foolish things that we think are okay in the moment. The moment could last months or years.
You are right about that. This sounds kinda stupid but when I was a kid/teen I would specifically distance myself from male CFers around my age because I didn’t want to fall for one. (Example: Don’t message/text everyday) It’s fairly easy to avoid the situation to begin with. Set some boundaries. Then later on you can’t say “It just happened” Things simply don’t “just happen” Just my two cents.
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick. That is not much of a support system.
I think about how I feel when I’m sick. Then I think about living with someone who also feels this bad, plus is going to get me sick too. So there you both sick unable to wash the dishes, do the laundry, cook dinner……
so who really helps when you are sick? You have two people in one house that are worthless when sick.
Dawg:
You have the added bonus of most likely shortening the life, via passed infections, of someone you love. Doesnt get much more fun that that.
Welshwitch:
You are right about that. This sounds kinda stupid but when I was a kid/teen I would specifically distance myself from male CFers around my age because I didn’t want to fall for one. (Example: Don’t message/text everyday) It’s fairly easy to avoid the situation to begin with. Set some boundaries. Then later on you can’t say “It just happened” Things simply don’t “just happen” Just my two cents.
such great advise…and my approach and view on opposite sex friendships too now that I’m married!