Actually, I haven't made any conclusions yet. From the responses so far, it seems that the severity of the disease wasn't a contributing factor. What does seem to be a common theme is fear or worry. I might make another thread to see if we can get more responses, especially from the people who were successful in developing long term relationships.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
You should upgrade or use an alternative browser.
Dating with CF/I'm scared.
- Thread starter starkey6
- Start date
Actually, I haven't made any conclusions yet. From the responses so far, it seems that the severity of the disease wasn't a contributing factor. What does seem to be a common theme is fear or worry. I might make another thread to see if we can get more responses, especially from the people who were successful in developing long term relationships.
I agree that the healthier you are probably can make beginning a relationship easier. When my husband and I hooked up, I didn't even do normal lung maintenance (Vest, breathing treatments, etc.). I had frequent sinus issues and that was about it. I'd always been told I had a mild case of CF, which since I've realized means nothing, since we all end up at the same point eventually. Anyway, it was easy to downplay CF and catch a guy. That was when I was 18. At 24, I had my first hospitalization for my lungs in a line of usually annual hospitalizations. At 29, my husband decided he couldn't handle and we almost split. My health was the main reason. But, I think all marriages go through tough times. At 34, we are still together and my husband is handling my CF a lot better. He even was able to get through the 3 hospitalizations I had during the 9 months I was pregnant. However, my health is pretty stable right now. Thinking about death is difficult for anyone, and trying times may come again. The thing that gets me through is knowing that this is the short term plan. My eternal home is in heaven. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I agree thatthe healthier you are probably can make beginning a relationship easier. When my husband and I hooked up, I didn't even do normal lung maintenance (Vest, breathing treatments, etc.). I had frequent sinus issues and that was about it. I'd always been told I had a mild case of CF, which since I've realized means nothing, since we all end up at the same point eventually. Anyway, it was easy to downplay CF and catch a guy. That was when I was 18. At 24, I had my first hospitalization for my lungs in a line of usually annual hospitalizations. At 29, my husband decided he couldn't handle and we almost split. My health was the main reason. But, I think all marriages go through tough times. At 34, we are still together and my husband is handling my CF a lot better. He even was able to get through the 3 hospitalizations I had during the 9 months I was pregnant. However, my health is pretty stable right now. Thinking about death is difficult for anyone, and trying times may come again. The thing that gets me through is knowing that this is the short term plan. My eternal home is in heaven. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
I agree thatthe healthier you are probably can make beginning a relationship easier. When my husband and I hooked up, I didn't even do normal lung maintenance (Vest, breathing treatments, etc.). I had frequent sinus issues and that was about it. I'd always been told I had a mild case of CF, which since I've realized means nothing, since we all end up at the same point eventually. Anyway, it was easy to downplay CF and catch a guy. That was when I was 18. At 24, I had my first hospitalization for my lungs in a line of usually annual hospitalizations. At 29, my husband decided he couldn't handle and we almost split. My health was the main reason. But, I think all marriages go through tough times. At 34, we are still together and my husband is handling my CF a lot better. He even was able to get through the 3 hospitalizations I had during the 9 months I was pregnant. However, my health is pretty stable right now. Thinking about death is difficult for anyone, and trying times may come again. The thing that gets me through is knowing that this is the short term plan. My eternal home is in heaven. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
azdesertrat
New member
Reading all the above just reinforces the feeling that I'm the luckiest little S.O.B. with CF that ever lived.
When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
Take care, 'Pat'.
Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
Take care, 'Pat'.
Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
azdesertrat
New member
Reading all the above just reinforces the feeling that I'm the luckiest little S.O.B. with CF that ever lived.
When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
Take care, 'Pat'.
Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
Take care, 'Pat'.
Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
azdesertrat
New member
Reading all the above just reinforces the feeling that I'm the luckiest little S.O.B. with CF that ever lived.
<br />When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
<br />Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
<br />When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
<br />When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
<br />All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
<br />I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
<br />We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
<br />I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
<br />I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
<br />You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
<br />Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
<br />Take care, 'Pat'.
<br />
<br />Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
<br />When I met my girl, my best friend & 'Domestic Partner' of almost 20 years I was in pretty good shape. I was 27 years old, I had a good job (Truck Driver) and plenty of energy.
<br />Now I'm 47, have had adouble-lung trans & am medically retired. She has stood with me through it all.
<br />When I was waiting for my trans I was dying. She took all the time she had to in order to stay home & care for me.
<br />When I had my trans,she slept on a little 'shelf' in my hospital room for a solid month! She had plenty of experience doing that; she had spent plenty of time with me while I was hospitalzed pre-trans.
<br />All I can say is I wish everyone with CF could be as fortunate as I.
<br />I was able to get a life ins.policy through a driver's association I belong to.
<br />We never did get married; simply because I don't want her liable for any med bills I may leave. Its real funny how society likes to penalize you for doing the right thing(s) nowdays.
<br />I guess the best advice I could give to a young man with CF pursuing the Dating Game is; be yourself first. You condition is secondary. Remember, you are a Human Being first & foremost.
<br />I don't think I told my girl about my condition until we had been dating for a month or so. I wouldn't wait any longer than that; if she has a chance of being 'The One' than she should know not too far into the relationship. Take the best care of yourself you can. Most women don't want to date a guy whose growth is stunted & has obvious signs of disease. That's just human instinct.
<br />You have to sell yourself on your other qualities I guess...
<br />Best of luck and believe me; there IS someone for everyone. I can't tell you how many times I prayed to God for a good woman to accompany on this little journey called life. God will deliver. Just go out & do the best you can every day.
<br />Take care, 'Pat'.
<br />
<br />Pat, 47 Y.O. Male w/CF
C
cindylou
Guest
My two cents:
This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
C
cindylou
Guest
My two cents:
This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
C
cindylou
Guest
My two cents:
<br />
<br />This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
<br />
<br />Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
<br />
<br />Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
<br />
<br />Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
<br />
<br />Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
<br />
<br />This is such a hard issue. I feel like one of the "lucky ones" - I found an incredible man who is completely willing to not only accept my CF, but accept that it's a major part of both of our lives. While we were engaged I was in the hospital 3 times, and in our almost 3 years of marriage I've been in 7 times (I was out for all of 2010, but other than that I've been every 3 months or so). My husband helps me flush my port, gives me CPT when I ask for it, puts up with me being away for 2 weeks when I'm in the hospital (our hospital is 4 hours away), and is always sweetly willing to hear me vent or cry when I need to. My only wish in regards to CF and our relationship is that HE would talk a little more about his feelings - he obviously has plenty of his own fears and frustrations in regards to CF, but doesn't usually talk about them. (He's that way about most things - a pretty introspective guy.)
<br />
<br />Before I got married, I had two "almost" relationships that I suspect ended because of CF. Before we were dating, my husband found the very alarmist wikipedia article on CF and did freak out a little - later, I asked him what he thought about it, and he said that it really scared him but that he liked me enough to keep me in his life. Before we got engaged, we had several long talks about CF and the more serious implications - that we may not be able to have children, that I may become very sick and require a lot of care, that I could die young, etc. He was a trooper through it all and did not hesitate in deciding that he still wanted to marry me. I felt enormous guilt while we were engaged about subjecting him to all of "my problems" - but I realized before we got married that that was not my choice to make, it was his. And, in the almost 4 years we've been together, he has handled it with flying colors.
<br />
<br />Before we were dating exclusively, he asked me on a date (our second or third) and I ended up canceling at the last minute because I was sick. I felt horrible doing it, but I knew that he needed to get a realistic understanding of what my life and my capabilities were. He was really bummed and frustrated about it at first, but later he gained a better understanding of my limitations, and while we were dating he was always willing to come over to my place and watch a movie instead of going out and doing something more strenuous, or come play games with me while I did my nightly treatments.
<br />
<br />Creating a strong and solid relationship is tough in any situation, but especially hard once you throw in CF. There's a lot of nuances that you have to figure out - how comfortable YOU are sharing your life, how comfortable they are being a part of your life, etc. etc. etc. I talk to my husband often about CF - I mean hello, it's a huge daily part of our life! - and when I am having a tough time, I'll often "vent" a little or cry (I am a watering pot!) to him about it. I do take care never to take my frustration out on him or our relationship in any way, but we are very open about CF. In all honesty, we have probably the strongest marriage I know. We get comments all the time on how we've been married for 3 years now but still act like brand-new-newlyweds. We've had some really tough times - our engagement in particular was 7 months of sheer torture (we did the whole thing lost distance + I was in the hospital three times... bad combo!), but I truly feel that working through the difficulties together has made our relationship much stronger than most.
<br />
<br />Good luck (to all of you!). It's so tough to feel like you don't have anyone to support you when you are already dealing with the isolation of having a disease like CF!
C
cindylou
Guest
Oh - one last thing. I have a dear friend with end stage CF and essentially the worst lung function I've ever read about who recently got engaged to a wonderful person. So it really can happen - even when you are very, very ill and require a lot of care.
C
cindylou
Guest
Oh - one last thing. I have a dear friend with end stage CF and essentially the worst lung function I've ever read about who recently got engaged to a wonderful person. So it really can happen - even when you are very, very ill and require a lot of care.
C
cindylou
Guest
Oh - one last thing. I have a dear friend with end stage CF and essentially the worst lung function I've ever read about who recently got engaged to a wonderful person. So it really can happen - even when you are very, very ill and require a lot of care.
C
cindylou
Guest
Also - my lung function is typically high (90s when I met my husband, 80s now), but I have really bad fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue/etc. etc. etc. Even back then, my life was more or less structured around treatments and rest. So it was definitely something that shaped our relationship, and my husband knew all along that in marrying me he was essentially shouldering a ton of physical and financial burdens. (We've lived off of his income ever since we got married, even when we were both students... yikes!)
C
cindylou
Guest
Also - my lung function is typically high (90s when I met my husband, 80s now), but I have really bad fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue/etc. etc. etc. Even back then, my life was more or less structured around treatments and rest. So it was definitely something that shaped our relationship, and my husband knew all along that in marrying me he was essentially shouldering a ton of physical and financial burdens. (We've lived off of his income ever since we got married, even when we were both students... yikes!)
C
cindylou
Guest
Also - my lung function is typically high (90s when I met my husband, 80s now), but I have really bad fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue/etc. etc. etc. Even back then, my life was more or less structured around treatments and rest. So it was definitely something that shaped our relationship, and my husband knew all along that in marrying me he was essentially shouldering a ton of physical and financial burdens. (We've lived off of his income ever since we got married, even when we were both students... yikes!)
coltsfan715
New member
Starkey,
I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
Lindsey
I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
Lindsey
coltsfan715
New member
Starkey,
I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
Lindsey
I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
Lindsey
coltsfan715
New member
Starkey,
<br />
<br />I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
<br />
<br />I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
<br />
<br />I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
<br />
<br />Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
<br />
<br />Lindsey
<br />
<br />I am sure you will find someone that is willing to love you regardless of the health issues you may bring to the table. I personally was in a situation for a while where I was engaged and when that ended the guy actually told me that I would have a hard time finding someone that would want to be with me because of all of my issues (he meant health problems). I believed him at first and then I started thinking ya know what - f-$% it and him. I just started enjoying my life for me. I started doing things I had always wanted to do, but hadn't for one reason or another.
<br />
<br />I became happy with myself and more confident in my abilities in the process. Then 1 yr after I split from my ex I met a wonderful guy randomly at the dog park one afternoon. We talked at the park for about a month and then decided we would go out. We have been together ever since and he has known about my having CF, having had a lung transplant, diabetes - everything, since our first date. He hung around and not only does he love me he treats me ten thousand times better than I have ever been treated. So not only did I find someone who is willing to love me despite my "issues" he is more worthy of my love in return.
<br />
<br />I am sorry that you are dealing with this now. I personally would suggest maybe seeing a counselor so you can learn how to appropriately cope with your emotions as they pertain to your health and just life in general. I did and still do and let me tell you - it has been extremely helpful.
<br />
<br />Best of Luck and Yes you will find love again. It may take some time but when it is meant to be it will be.
<br />
<br />Lindsey