Dating

[Kimmiek]

I have to say, everything happens for a reason and exactly when it is supposed to and no sooner.
I am single 33 (no cf) and I have a 5 year old daughter, which has posed alot of problems for me with some of the men I have met. To add to it, as many of you know, my brother has lived with me for quite a while (he has CF).
The way I view it is, my daughter and my brother are and have been a very big part of my life. I made the choice a long time ago to care for my brother and help him through the end stages of his CF without hesitation and without a second thought. Both my brother and my daughter are a part of me, and if the guy I am dating doesn't like those things, then he doesn't like me either.
Now, since I am single if I did meet someone with CF or any other illness and I fell in love. It wouldn't make a difference to me.
My brother is a truely a real man and has a wonderful heart. I could only hope and pray I find a man who is 1/2 of the man he is. He has had several long term relationships, none of which ended because he had CF. He made the decision to end them for other reasons.
There are lots of men and women out there that won't care if you have CF and will love and support you for you. YOU are not CF, you just happen to be a person who has CF.
We all run the risk of having cancer or some other type of disease at any point in our lives. I would NEVER want to be with a person who I felt, if something like that happened to me in the future, wouldn't be there for me and would walk away.
Consider yourself lucky that they walked away now.....It was a blessing.
The older you get the more you realize what you are looking for in a relationship, and each life experience teaches you one more thing. I wish all of you the best in finding that one special person. Trust me, he or she is out there somewhere!

 

[lightNlife]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Giggles</b></i> I think for what it
is worth, that you gotta love yourself before someone can love
you.</end quote></div><br>
<br>
That's a very 70's attitude and very much a pop-psych thing to
believe. I disagree. Love is a choice, so it's not as though
someone's going to say, "oh, I can't love her yet since she
doesn't love herself." A wise woman once said something to the
effect of: 'when your need to give love exceeds your desire to have
your needs met, then you are ready to be in a relationship'. I
agree. <br>

 

[EnergyGal]

Perhaps Giggles meant you got to love yourself first before you love someone else? That would make more sense to me.

 

[65rosessamurai]

First, I would have to ask if there were other potential problems regarding the relationship, to which they may had weighed into the factor, or were actually the primary reason for the break-up. For example, some men can actually feel intimidated by a woman's income, if it is higher than theirs, and then there is the "cold feet" factor some men get into regarding "commitment relationships".
As for how you view your CF, Ender had a good perspective, but I would say that if you consider CF as part of your way of life, and that you are obviously taking care of it, then the guy(s) may not feel it is a burden on them.
as for the Asterick-dollar sign-dollar sign- hole screener, I don't think it is 100% fail-proof.
Like everyone in society, hearts will be broken, but you just have to get back on your feet and try again, learning from the past. I've been in the same situation many times, and was told to do the same thing. Amy's suggestion to get involved hobbies and such to "get outside a bit" is a good one. In some cases, there are churches which holds "singles groups", as well. Sometimes, not to find a significant other, but just to relax and be among those who share the same situation--being single.

 

[catboogie]

i have been there. most of my boyfriends have not been able to deal with my CF. they were either in denial or terrified or both. the more i would talk about the bad things that i went through or that could happen, the worse it got. now i am with someone who understands...

it was hard for me though. no one wants to grow old alone. and i think few of us want to fight this battle on our own. i have a lot of support from my family, but that is not the same as having a life partner to share our day to day with.

my advice to you is to perhaps be more forthcomming with these men from the get-go. what has helped me is that the more i have come to identify myself as having CF and being comfortable with it, it seems to make those around me relax and be more comfortable with it, too. i used to try to sugar-coat my disease and brush it aside. then when i needed support or understanding from my partner it wasn't there. now that i embrace it, i find my partner is willing to embrace it also.

hope this helps.

laura, 27

 

[Scarlett81]

I read this over and then asked my husband his opinion-to get his perspective. He said that he was attracted to my optimistic attitude about life, and my ability to just enjoy my surroundings (social settings) without thinking about the drama and the whole "attitude" thing. We met when were 18 or so, so at that age there's alot of drama. he said/she said stuff going on. I never got involved in that stuff. When we'd go out with our friends, and they'd be talking about all the typical teenage drama, I'd be just letting lose-having a good time, kinda cheering my friends up. And I guess that attracted him to me. Maybe I stood out a little, esp for my age? (I'm try not to toot my own horn here, but saying what he told me!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">)

I agree with much of what Amy's post said, so I won't repeat it. But, I think that's the key. I'll just add-You are not Cf and Cf is not you. It's a big part of you and who you are, but so are alot of things. And I feel very strongly that we can use it to our advantage for our personalitlies. It can make us stronger, more sympathetic people. It can make us more fun loving-live in the moment people, more appreciative of things, even little things.

So, I dont know you, but maybe you should re-evaluate your life and who you are. Are you a happy person, do you try soak up life? What do your friends think of you? Maybe ask your closest friends to give you an honest opinion of why they think you haven't found the right guy yet. The answer may not even be related to Cf like you think.

 

[IrishRatticus]

The hardest hing I ever did was tell my fiancee that i was a cfer,
and then told her the door was behind her if she wanted t ouse it.
that was 7 years ago, she`s still putting up with me. Guess I got
lucky. It`ll happen to you too, believe it, this world is a whacky
place.<br>
<br>
Vincent, 34 Cfer.<br>

 

[IrishRatticus]

UUmmm, this may qualify as the most stupidest question of the month
( and it`s only the 5th), but I see the acronym CFRD a lot on the
posts, does it stand for Cystic Fibrosis Related Disease, e.g.
Diabetes?<br>
<br>
Vincent, 34 Cfer, ( pretty dumb, non-involved in the whole C.F.
thing up until now kinda guy, we concentrate on drinking Guinness
in Ireland, and talking about the weather, and so forth).<br>

 

[thelizardqueen]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>IrishRatticus</b></i>

UUmmm, this may qualify as the most stupidest question of the month
( and it`s only the 5th), but I see the acronym CFRD a lot on the
posts, does it stand for Cystic Fibrosis Related Disease, e.g.
Diabetes?</end quote></div>

CFRD = Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes.

 

[anonymous]

"You gotta love yourself before someone else can love you!"

Actually Id agree with Giggles...to a certain extent. If you hate yourself and show very little confidence, sitting in a corner all sad, then a guy isnt exactly going to think 'oh she looks a bundle of laughs', more likely he'll pass and go for the person who has more confidence. Don't confuse confidnece with 'loud mouthness' though, confidence is just about holding your head up high and..well having confidence,lol!

Shamrock, x

 

[IrishRatticus]

Ta for that. told you I was a little dumb. Was tested last year for
Diabetes, came back negative. Thank God, can still eat Gummi Bears.
And drink beer.

 

[anonymous]

Sassypoo love ya sound gorgeus and if it still the same in a years time ill marry ya

Tony

Ireland