Daycares vs staying home--

[anonymous]

I am feeling pretty lost and would like some insight from others. I have 2 kids the youngest will be 2 and has CF-He was diagnosed in May. My kids have always been in a daycare. And always have had the colds that go along with that. My husband was transferred in July and I've been staying home with the kids unable to find a job worth working for. I did try a job for 2 weeks and felt so much GUILT for taking my son to a daycare and exposing him to the germs. Between that and hating the job it didn't last. He of course has had a terrible runny nose now and I'm taking him in tomorrow for testing. I know I cannot keep in a bubble. I don't want to do that. But what do those of you with young CFers do? This guilt has suddenly overcome me and I'm not handling as well as I thought I was. I know the stress of moving and looking for a home, plus the financial burden of not working is not helping me cope.

Once we do buy a home, I would like to stay home with him and do daycare myself. Is there anything out there that you have found to work?

Help! I'm now not sleeping and am getting anxiety over everything, which isn't going to help the kids. Thanks!

Stressed out Momma!

 

[AbsintheSorrow]

I was in daycare and nursery school and all that good stuff when I was young. Guilt or not, and as you said you know you can't keep him in a bubble, it's actually a good idea to expose him to kids with everyday colds and stuff. Helps build an immune system.

 

[anonymous]

What about when he has to start school? He is going to be one sick little boy at that time. Especially since his first 4-5 years he was "in a bubble". Yes he will get sick sometimes more than normal, sometimes less and sometimes just the same, but it will be much worse when his body is suddenly exposed to everything when he starts school. It's hard now, but ultimately better for him. If you do keep him home, you many also be dealing with "failure to thrive". Even though he has a sibling, children need more interaction with children their age. Just keep up on his medications, doctors appointments and such.

Julie

 

[anonymous]

I certainly don't neglect his needs medically, socially and in any other way. He goes to his appts every quarter and when he is ill. He takes all of his meds everytime and doesn't complain. He's not unsocialable by any means and he certainly gets out of the house. I just feel a terrible guilt by going back to work and taking him to a center. He's been in one for two years but soon after he was diagnosed, we had to move and take him out. Now I feel guilty by taking him back. Don't take me wrong. He's not in a bubble now nor has he ever been. I just want to get over this guilt of going back to work and coping with everything that is going on right now. When he was at the center for the two weeks, he started coughing and getting congested all over again. Is this just a normal part of CF life?

 

[anonymous]

Yes

 

[anonymous]

I have CF and was diagnosed at 2 as well and have an older brother. I am now 24 but I went to daycare which was very important to me. yes, I did get sick but had the opportunity to make friends and i think it was better for my parents as well to deal with me coming in contact with other children. Your son will probably get colds occasionally and you definetly want to keep on top of it but you definetly don't need to feel bad about sending him to daycare or pre-school. My honest opinion would be, that if his lung funcitons are still very good you should definetly send him to pre-school for the reasons listed above. If you are still not 100% sure, what about a part time job that allows you to be home with him a few days a week, and him at daycare the other few? It might be a comprimise that will make you feel better, It's hard for me to tell you "don't feel guilty", but you shouldn't.

 

[anonymous]

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with possibly watching other children in your home while staying home with your child. That provides him with social interaction, you with some income while still allowing you more control over his enviroment and, even more importantly, <b>what everyone else is not taking into account:</b> gives you the opportunity to spend more time with BOTH of your children. CF or no cf, a child aged 2 does not <b>need</b> to be in daycare to get plenty of social interaction. When he's closer to school age, then you can send him to a preschool program if you feel like he needs more social interaction and "school readiness". Ok, sorry about the mini vent, I just felt like in the quest to remind you not to shelter your child (which you obviously haven't), no one was acknowledging that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wanting to stay home your child. On the flip side though, if you have to work, or just simply really want to work outside the home, if your child is reasonably healthy, I see nothing wrong with sending him to daycare. I guess what I'm trying to say is the most important factor is what <b>you</b> want and what's right for your family<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Good luck in your decision!

 

[anonymous]

Last poster here, one more thing - on the home daycare, it can be a great way to stay home with your children, just make sure you take a few precautions. First of all, set a good "sick" policy from the start. Our daycare requires children to be fever free for 24 hrs, no vomitting/diarrhea w/i 24 hrs, etc. Also, set a good policy for drop off, pick up so people don't take advantage of you and have it all in writing, signed by both you and the parent/guardian. OUr daycare includes a penalty if not picked up by a certain time. And, I'd include scheduled vacations for yourself along with holiday closings, etc, so parents are aware up front. I think you get the idea - just set some limits<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

I think a home daycare might not be a bad idea either. My post earlier about "failure to thrive" and "in a bubble" was just because in my husband recalling his childhood and all of his interactions with friends, and even some of the posts on this website, is that it seems a little more difficult for children with CF to form friendships and socialize, usually because of their own self limiting belifes and nothing more. Getting them involved in some sort of constant interaction with children in their general age group at an early age seems to be very rewarding for them in the long run, as opposed to the opposite. I'ts hard not to feel guilty, but at the same time take pride in the fact that you are one strong person to be dealing with someone like this and you sound like a very good, concerned and involved mother. All of those things are important!

Julie

 

[anonymous]

Just have to say, the cfers who are not parents obviously want to help encourage parents not to shelter their children and to allow them to live as normal of a life as possible. However, one thing I think they're not aware of since they don't have children is that almost all mothers struggle with the guilt of whether to send a child to daycare or stay home with them regardless of whether they have cf or any other chronic illness. I think when we receive our first child, whether through birth, adoption, or otherwise, we're automatically given an extra large dose of GUILT to go along w/him/her<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I think you need to do whatever feels right for your family...
God Bless.

 

[anonymous]

Hi Stressed out Momma,
I applaud you if you are still at home with your child. CF or not, home is where children belong. Children need so much from their parents, they just cannot get it from daycare workers. The exception is the child who has rotten parents, then yes, they're probably better off at daycare. You sound like a good mom, it is a good thing to stay home. I used to have a daycare in my home and I would cry about all the wonderful things these children did that their mom's missed out on. I had to stop because I couldn't be a part of it anymore. With three of my own now(2 with CF), I have an even stronger desire to tell mothers who were raised to work outside the home that you need to think about what matters most to you, in the end, what really matters to you, what memories do you want to have, what memories do you want your children to have? You can work later. Now is the time to be your kid's mom. There is no better, no harder, no more rewarding job in the world. It is so much worth the financial sacrifice. Your children will thank you for it, they will not be socially deprived because they didn't have to battle a dozen other 2 year olds all day, they will actually be more pleasant than those other dozen 2 year olds, guaranteed. Well, I just had to say that. I welcome any arguments from all of you glaring at your computers:0)

 

[anonymous]

Hi Stressed out Momma,
I applaud you if you are still at home with your child. CF or not, home is where children belong. Children need so much from their parents, they just cannot get it from daycare workers. The exception is the child who has rotten parents, then yes, they're probably better off at daycare. You sound like a good mom, it is a good thing to stay home. I used to have a daycare in my home and I would cry about all the wonderful things these children did that their mom's missed out on. I had to stop because I couldn't be a part of it anymore. With three of my own now(2 with CF), I have an even stronger desire to tell mothers who were raised to work outside the home that you need to think about what matters most to you, in the end, what really matters to you, what memories do you want to have, what memories do you want your children to have? You can work later. Now is the time to be your kid's mom. There is no better, no harder, no more rewarding job in the world. It is so much worth the financial sacrifice. Your children will thank you for it, they will not be socially deprived because they didn't have to battle a dozen other 2 year olds all day, they will actually be more pleasant than those other dozen 2 year olds, guaranteed. Well, I just had to say that. I welcome any arguments from all of you glaring at your computers:0)

 

[arabeth]

Wow... Isn't it wonderful that we all have the freedom to speak our minds ... Last poster, I think you may be a bit extreme but, hey, I respect your ability to say how you feel ...

As for the original poster...this is a very difficult time and a hard decision. My first CF child was diagnosed at 2 1/2 and thank goodness at that time I was a stay at home mom because I could not bear the guilt of leaving her at that time. I was too overwhelmed with everything I was dealing with. I wanted to protect her and hide her away and not let her suffer anymore. Obviously that eventually fades and things cool off a little. I then had my 2nd child with CF... When she was 6 months old I went thru a very nasty divorce from my very abusive ex-husband. I had no choice but to leave and am oh-so glad I did but it also forced me to work outside the home. I had 3 children (my oldest does not have CF) and had no money. It was very difficult at first to put my then 4 year old and 6 month old daughters with CF in daycare. I was terrified...but I also knew there was no other option... you do what you have to do to survive as a parent and do what you can to make the best with what you have. Most people would probably agree that if you are able to stay home with your kids and that's what you want to do that's wonderful...no doubt about it...but if you need to go to work outside the home because that's what you have to do to survive, there's no reason to feel guilty. Would your children be better off not having enough food or clothing or having parents who are soooo stressed out that they are miserable because they are trying to make ends meet? You have to do what you think is best for your family and try your best not to feel guilty about it. It's highly unlikely that your preschooler would catch anything at daycare that would do permanent damage. He's going to get colds no matter what. If you really want to do home daycare that may be a wonderful option for you. But only if that's really what YOU want to do. Otherwise you would be miserble. I was a preschool teacher for 2 years and know now that I don't ever want to work with that many children on a daily basis ever again.....it's just not for me. I have 5 of my own now and that's plenty...I love kids, don't get me wrong, but you have to really want to work with them to do daycare all the time. Otherwise, maybe you could find a home daycare at someone else's home that is smaller and more suitable for you...Just a thought...best of luck to you!

 

[arabeth]

Wow... Isn't it wonderful that we all have the freedom to speak our minds ... Last poster, I think you may be a bit extreme but, hey, I respect your ability to say how you feel ...

As for the original poster...this is a very difficult time and a hard decision. My first CF child was diagnosed at 2 1/2 and thank goodness at that time I was a stay at home mom because I could not bear the guilt of leaving her at that time. I was too overwhelmed with everything I was dealing with. I wanted to protect her and hide her away and not let her suffer anymore. Obviously that eventually fades and things cool off a little. I then had my 2nd child with CF... When she was 6 months old I went thru a very nasty divorce from my very abusive ex-husband. I had no choice but to leave and am oh-so glad I did but it also forced me to work outside the home. I had 3 children (my oldest does not have CF) and had no money. It was very difficult at first to put my then 4 year old and 6 month old daughters with CF in daycare. I was terrified...but I also knew there was no other option... you do what you have to do to survive as a parent and do what you can to make the best with what you have. Most people would probably agree that if you are able to stay home with your kids and that's what you want to do that's wonderful...no doubt about it...but if you need to go to work outside the home because that's what you have to do to survive, there's no reason to feel guilty. Would your children be better off not having enough food or clothing or having parents who are soooo stressed out that they are miserable because they are trying to make ends meet? You have to do what you think is best for your family and try your best not to feel guilty about it. It's highly unlikely that your preschooler would catch anything at daycare that would do permanent damage. He's going to get colds no matter what. If you really want to do home daycare that may be a wonderful option for you. But only if that's really what YOU want to do. Otherwise you would be miserble. I was a preschool teacher for 2 years and know now that I don't ever want to work with that many children on a daily basis ever again.....it's just not for me. I have 5 of my own now and that's plenty...I love kids, don't get me wrong, but you have to really want to work with them to do daycare all the time. Otherwise, maybe you could find a home daycare at someone else's home that is smaller and more suitable for you...Just a thought...best of luck to you!

 

[arabeth]

Renee again...sorry...I just wanted to add one more thing. My daughter who didn't go to daycare until she was 4 1/2 was a much, much, much sicker child than my daughter who has been in daycare since she was 6 mths...My younger was was diagnosed earlier so she was being properly treated and that made a huge difference, but I just wanted to say that daycare alone is not going to determine how sick or how healthy your child is. So much more depends on the severity of the disease and the care the child receives. So hopefully that may relieve a little guilt...

Sorry for rambling!

 

[arabeth]

Renee again...sorry...I just wanted to add one more thing. My daughter who didn't go to daycare until she was 4 1/2 was a much, much, much sicker child than my daughter who has been in daycare since she was 6 mths...My younger was was diagnosed earlier so she was being properly treated and that made a huge difference, but I just wanted to say that daycare alone is not going to determine how sick or how healthy your child is. So much more depends on the severity of the disease and the care the child receives. So hopefully that may relieve a little guilt...

Sorry for rambling!

 

[rachelsmom]

My daughter is 8 years old and she was in daycare from the time she was 2 until she started kindergarten. I am a single mom so I had no choice. I eventually got a job at her daycare which was the best of both worlds. I saved on daycare costs, made money and was able to keep an eye on her and do treatments if necessary. The only downfall I see of having in home daycare is that if your child gets sick or you need to take him to the doctor what will you do with the other children???

You cant be so hard on yourself. I am only saying this because I have spent the last 7 years killing myself with guilt and it just isnt healthy. I understand exactly what you are going through however all of the other replies are true you need to try to do what is best for you.

I dont feel that Rachel's CF was worse or better due to daycare. Her doctor told me the same thing that their immune system actually gets better being exposed to germs. Then when they do start "real" school they are better able to tolerate being exposed and wont miss as much. Unfortunately I believe that the cough and congestion is just part of the whole CF picture. It can be very frustrating.

Hope this helps.

Hang in there,

Teri

 

[rachelsmom]

My daughter is 8 years old and she was in daycare from the time she was 2 until she started kindergarten. I am a single mom so I had no choice. I eventually got a job at her daycare which was the best of both worlds. I saved on daycare costs, made money and was able to keep an eye on her and do treatments if necessary. The only downfall I see of having in home daycare is that if your child gets sick or you need to take him to the doctor what will you do with the other children???

You cant be so hard on yourself. I am only saying this because I have spent the last 7 years killing myself with guilt and it just isnt healthy. I understand exactly what you are going through however all of the other replies are true you need to try to do what is best for you.

I dont feel that Rachel's CF was worse or better due to daycare. Her doctor told me the same thing that their immune system actually gets better being exposed to germs. Then when they do start "real" school they are better able to tolerate being exposed and wont miss as much. Unfortunately I believe that the cough and congestion is just part of the whole CF picture. It can be very frustrating.

Hope this helps.

Hang in there,

Teri