Decision to be a parent

[JazzysMom]

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking for anyone so when you add a chronic illness it just adds to it. I, personally, think parenthood is to easily accesable meaning I think many people have children with no real thought.

I was one of the "irresponsible" ones & assumed that after 12 years of no birth control I wouldnt get pregnant. Most of that time was with my first husband. I was only with my second husband for 10 months when I conceived.

I wasnt the least bit worried about being able to handle it or how my body would do. I just "knew" the pregnancy would be ok. We did address the "single dad" thing and he truly understood the potential of that.

What I didnt think of and dont think you can really understand it until you are going thru it like I am now is......

the toll of the progression of the illness on the kids. It never entered my mind that seeing Mom get sicker, go into the hospital more frequently etc would become too much for my daughter to handle.

That is what our dilemma currently is. I also try to bring THIS up just as much if not more so then death. Maybe I am a bit more emotional and hold onto thoughts a bit more, but I know the images that stick in my head when I was young from my Mom being in the hospital once and then when my Dad was dying.

I have flashbacks & THAT is very bothersome to me that my daughter will have this. I hope to give her a lot of positive things to remember, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Its definitely a personal decision. Some people just know its for them and some dont. Some choose not to even if they know its for them & some dont.

Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking for anyone so when you add a chronic illness it just adds to it. I, personally, think parenthood is to easily accesable meaning I think many people have children with no real thought.

I was one of the "irresponsible" ones & assumed that after 12 years of no birth control I wouldnt get pregnant. Most of that time was with my first husband. I was only with my second husband for 10 months when I conceived.

I wasnt the least bit worried about being able to handle it or how my body would do. I just "knew" the pregnancy would be ok. We did address the "single dad" thing and he truly understood the potential of that.

What I didnt think of and dont think you can really understand it until you are going thru it like I am now is......

the toll of the progression of the illness on the kids. It never entered my mind that seeing Mom get sicker, go into the hospital more frequently etc would become too much for my daughter to handle.

That is what our dilemma currently is. I also try to bring THIS up just as much if not more so then death. Maybe I am a bit more emotional and hold onto thoughts a bit more, but I know the images that stick in my head when I was young from my Mom being in the hospital once and then when my Dad was dying.

I have flashbacks & THAT is very bothersome to me that my daughter will have this. I hope to give her a lot of positive things to remember, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Its definitely a personal decision. Some people just know its for them and some dont. Some choose not to even if they know its for them & some dont.

Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking for anyone so when you add a chronic illness it just adds to it. I, personally, think parenthood is to easily accesable meaning I think many people have children with no real thought.

I was one of the "irresponsible" ones & assumed that after 12 years of no birth control I wouldnt get pregnant. Most of that time was with my first husband. I was only with my second husband for 10 months when I conceived.

I wasnt the least bit worried about being able to handle it or how my body would do. I just "knew" the pregnancy would be ok. We did address the "single dad" thing and he truly understood the potential of that.

What I didnt think of and dont think you can really understand it until you are going thru it like I am now is......

the toll of the progression of the illness on the kids. It never entered my mind that seeing Mom get sicker, go into the hospital more frequently etc would become too much for my daughter to handle.

That is what our dilemma currently is. I also try to bring THIS up just as much if not more so then death. Maybe I am a bit more emotional and hold onto thoughts a bit more, but I know the images that stick in my head when I was young from my Mom being in the hospital once and then when my Dad was dying.

I have flashbacks & THAT is very bothersome to me that my daughter will have this. I hope to give her a lot of positive things to remember, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Its definitely a personal decision. Some people just know its for them and some dont. Some choose not to even if they know its for them & some dont.

Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking for anyone so when you add a chronic illness it just adds to it. I, personally, think parenthood is to easily accesable meaning I think many people have children with no real thought.

I was one of the "irresponsible" ones & assumed that after 12 years of no birth control I wouldnt get pregnant. Most of that time was with my first husband. I was only with my second husband for 10 months when I conceived.

I wasnt the least bit worried about being able to handle it or how my body would do. I just "knew" the pregnancy would be ok. We did address the "single dad" thing and he truly understood the potential of that.

What I didnt think of and dont think you can really understand it until you are going thru it like I am now is......

the toll of the progression of the illness on the kids. It never entered my mind that seeing Mom get sicker, go into the hospital more frequently etc would become too much for my daughter to handle.

That is what our dilemma currently is. I also try to bring THIS up just as much if not more so then death. Maybe I am a bit more emotional and hold onto thoughts a bit more, but I know the images that stick in my head when I was young from my Mom being in the hospital once and then when my Dad was dying.

I have flashbacks & THAT is very bothersome to me that my daughter will have this. I hope to give her a lot of positive things to remember, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Its definitely a personal decision. Some people just know its for them and some dont. Some choose not to even if they know its for them & some dont.

Good Luck!

 

[JazzysMom]

Parenthood is a HUGE undertaking for anyone so when you add a chronic illness it just adds to it. I, personally, think parenthood is to easily accesable meaning I think many people have children with no real thought.

I was one of the "irresponsible" ones & assumed that after 12 years of no birth control I wouldnt get pregnant. Most of that time was with my first husband. I was only with my second husband for 10 months when I conceived.

I wasnt the least bit worried about being able to handle it or how my body would do. I just "knew" the pregnancy would be ok. We did address the "single dad" thing and he truly understood the potential of that.

What I didnt think of and dont think you can really understand it until you are going thru it like I am now is......

the toll of the progression of the illness on the kids. It never entered my mind that seeing Mom get sicker, go into the hospital more frequently etc would become too much for my daughter to handle.

That is what our dilemma currently is. I also try to bring THIS up just as much if not more so then death. Maybe I am a bit more emotional and hold onto thoughts a bit more, but I know the images that stick in my head when I was young from my Mom being in the hospital once and then when my Dad was dying.

I have flashbacks & THAT is very bothersome to me that my daughter will have this. I hope to give her a lot of positive things to remember, but the mind works in mysterious ways.

Its definitely a personal decision. Some people just know its for them and some dont. Some choose not to even if they know its for them & some dont.

Good Luck!

 

[mom2lillian]

Oh one more thing I thought of is life expectancy. I know it doesnt amount to a hill of beans but in the grand scheme of thigns to know what your doctor is telling you (and your body is telling you but you have to listen hard).

Anyway, my doc does not ebleive in giving life expectancies, kind of like a self defeating prophecy and he is pretty negative overall. Anyway my perinatologtis i consulted with felt that before starting a family someone with a chronic illness had a right to know what a reasonable expectation of their life expectancy was so she talked with my pulmo about a # of factors, this beign one of them (then told me of course <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). My pulmo as I mentioned is very pessimistic and he felt that I would see 60-70 (PFT's are 95ish range then, PS, diagnosed at 21yo) assuming no new treatment break throughs etc.

Now again I dont count on this, I more plan for worst and hope for best. However, that benign said if he would have said 40 I dont think we woudl have went through with it. I plan to see my daughter graduate and I do whatever I can to ensure that on a daily basis. If I didnt feel I had a reasonable expectation of that I dont think I could have went on to start a family but again this is just me, my husband was still fine iwth it. Maybe if I was in a different situation I would feel differently.

 

[mom2lillian]

Oh one more thing I thought of is life expectancy. I know it doesnt amount to a hill of beans but in the grand scheme of thigns to know what your doctor is telling you (and your body is telling you but you have to listen hard).

Anyway, my doc does not ebleive in giving life expectancies, kind of like a self defeating prophecy and he is pretty negative overall. Anyway my perinatologtis i consulted with felt that before starting a family someone with a chronic illness had a right to know what a reasonable expectation of their life expectancy was so she talked with my pulmo about a # of factors, this beign one of them (then told me of course <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). My pulmo as I mentioned is very pessimistic and he felt that I would see 60-70 (PFT's are 95ish range then, PS, diagnosed at 21yo) assuming no new treatment break throughs etc.

Now again I dont count on this, I more plan for worst and hope for best. However, that benign said if he would have said 40 I dont think we woudl have went through with it. I plan to see my daughter graduate and I do whatever I can to ensure that on a daily basis. If I didnt feel I had a reasonable expectation of that I dont think I could have went on to start a family but again this is just me, my husband was still fine iwth it. Maybe if I was in a different situation I would feel differently.

 

[mom2lillian]

Oh one more thing I thought of is life expectancy. I know it doesnt amount to a hill of beans but in the grand scheme of thigns to know what your doctor is telling you (and your body is telling you but you have to listen hard).

Anyway, my doc does not ebleive in giving life expectancies, kind of like a self defeating prophecy and he is pretty negative overall. Anyway my perinatologtis i consulted with felt that before starting a family someone with a chronic illness had a right to know what a reasonable expectation of their life expectancy was so she talked with my pulmo about a # of factors, this beign one of them (then told me of course <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). My pulmo as I mentioned is very pessimistic and he felt that I would see 60-70 (PFT's are 95ish range then, PS, diagnosed at 21yo) assuming no new treatment break throughs etc.

Now again I dont count on this, I more plan for worst and hope for best. However, that benign said if he would have said 40 I dont think we woudl have went through with it. I plan to see my daughter graduate and I do whatever I can to ensure that on a daily basis. If I didnt feel I had a reasonable expectation of that I dont think I could have went on to start a family but again this is just me, my husband was still fine iwth it. Maybe if I was in a different situation I would feel differently.

 

[mom2lillian]

Oh one more thing I thought of is life expectancy. I know it doesnt amount to a hill of beans but in the grand scheme of thigns to know what your doctor is telling you (and your body is telling you but you have to listen hard).

Anyway, my doc does not ebleive in giving life expectancies, kind of like a self defeating prophecy and he is pretty negative overall. Anyway my perinatologtis i consulted with felt that before starting a family someone with a chronic illness had a right to know what a reasonable expectation of their life expectancy was so she talked with my pulmo about a # of factors, this beign one of them (then told me of course <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). My pulmo as I mentioned is very pessimistic and he felt that I would see 60-70 (PFT's are 95ish range then, PS, diagnosed at 21yo) assuming no new treatment break throughs etc.

Now again I dont count on this, I more plan for worst and hope for best. However, that benign said if he would have said 40 I dont think we woudl have went through with it. I plan to see my daughter graduate and I do whatever I can to ensure that on a daily basis. If I didnt feel I had a reasonable expectation of that I dont think I could have went on to start a family but again this is just me, my husband was still fine iwth it. Maybe if I was in a different situation I would feel differently.

 

[mom2lillian]

Oh one more thing I thought of is life expectancy. I know it doesnt amount to a hill of beans but in the grand scheme of thigns to know what your doctor is telling you (and your body is telling you but you have to listen hard).

Anyway, my doc does not ebleive in giving life expectancies, kind of like a self defeating prophecy and he is pretty negative overall. Anyway my perinatologtis i consulted with felt that before starting a family someone with a chronic illness had a right to know what a reasonable expectation of their life expectancy was so she talked with my pulmo about a # of factors, this beign one of them (then told me of course <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). My pulmo as I mentioned is very pessimistic and he felt that I would see 60-70 (PFT's are 95ish range then, PS, diagnosed at 21yo) assuming no new treatment break throughs etc.

Now again I dont count on this, I more plan for worst and hope for best. However, that benign said if he would have said 40 I dont think we woudl have went through with it. I plan to see my daughter graduate and I do whatever I can to ensure that on a daily basis. If I didnt feel I had a reasonable expectation of that I dont think I could have went on to start a family but again this is just me, my husband was still fine iwth it. Maybe if I was in a different situation I would feel differently.

 

[idajune]

Thank you all for your responses. I am no closer today than i was two days ago on the whole decision. I have dreamed of being a mom since I was a child and suddenly I started thinking, 'what would our life be like if we didn't have children'? I can see life both ways, and making that decision is ours alone. My husband and I both talk about the work it is to have children and yet the joy they can bring is amazing. My nieces and nephew are the most amazing people, and to not have that in our life makes me feel empty. I guess part of it is to put myself (ourselves) in the mindset that we can do it, as long as all the numbers and doctors visit are positive then we should believe we can do it. I am a believer that positive thinking goes a long way in many situations.

I was expecting a negative response from my doc last week and instead received the okay to move ahead, visit the OB docs and all to get the ball rolling. I kind of guard myself in that way, that I always expect the worst so when it doesn't happen I am pleased and if it does than it was what I was expecting. In this situation if feel being positive from the get go is probably my better choice and not sure how to do that. I will move ahead and learn all I can about being pregnant and being a parent and go from there.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and honesty. I wish you all well, I am thankful we have this site, it is helpful in so many ways.

Thank you.

 

[idajune]

Thank you all for your responses. I am no closer today than i was two days ago on the whole decision. I have dreamed of being a mom since I was a child and suddenly I started thinking, 'what would our life be like if we didn't have children'? I can see life both ways, and making that decision is ours alone. My husband and I both talk about the work it is to have children and yet the joy they can bring is amazing. My nieces and nephew are the most amazing people, and to not have that in our life makes me feel empty. I guess part of it is to put myself (ourselves) in the mindset that we can do it, as long as all the numbers and doctors visit are positive then we should believe we can do it. I am a believer that positive thinking goes a long way in many situations.

I was expecting a negative response from my doc last week and instead received the okay to move ahead, visit the OB docs and all to get the ball rolling. I kind of guard myself in that way, that I always expect the worst so when it doesn't happen I am pleased and if it does than it was what I was expecting. In this situation if feel being positive from the get go is probably my better choice and not sure how to do that. I will move ahead and learn all I can about being pregnant and being a parent and go from there.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and honesty. I wish you all well, I am thankful we have this site, it is helpful in so many ways.

Thank you.

 

[idajune]

Thank you all for your responses. I am no closer today than i was two days ago on the whole decision. I have dreamed of being a mom since I was a child and suddenly I started thinking, 'what would our life be like if we didn't have children'? I can see life both ways, and making that decision is ours alone. My husband and I both talk about the work it is to have children and yet the joy they can bring is amazing. My nieces and nephew are the most amazing people, and to not have that in our life makes me feel empty. I guess part of it is to put myself (ourselves) in the mindset that we can do it, as long as all the numbers and doctors visit are positive then we should believe we can do it. I am a believer that positive thinking goes a long way in many situations.

I was expecting a negative response from my doc last week and instead received the okay to move ahead, visit the OB docs and all to get the ball rolling. I kind of guard myself in that way, that I always expect the worst so when it doesn't happen I am pleased and if it does than it was what I was expecting. In this situation if feel being positive from the get go is probably my better choice and not sure how to do that. I will move ahead and learn all I can about being pregnant and being a parent and go from there.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and honesty. I wish you all well, I am thankful we have this site, it is helpful in so many ways.

Thank you.

 

[idajune]

Thank you all for your responses. I am no closer today than i was two days ago on the whole decision. I have dreamed of being a mom since I was a child and suddenly I started thinking, 'what would our life be like if we didn't have children'? I can see life both ways, and making that decision is ours alone. My husband and I both talk about the work it is to have children and yet the joy they can bring is amazing. My nieces and nephew are the most amazing people, and to not have that in our life makes me feel empty. I guess part of it is to put myself (ourselves) in the mindset that we can do it, as long as all the numbers and doctors visit are positive then we should believe we can do it. I am a believer that positive thinking goes a long way in many situations.

I was expecting a negative response from my doc last week and instead received the okay to move ahead, visit the OB docs and all to get the ball rolling. I kind of guard myself in that way, that I always expect the worst so when it doesn't happen I am pleased and if it does than it was what I was expecting. In this situation if feel being positive from the get go is probably my better choice and not sure how to do that. I will move ahead and learn all I can about being pregnant and being a parent and go from there.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and honesty. I wish you all well, I am thankful we have this site, it is helpful in so many ways.

Thank you.

 

[idajune]

Thank you all for your responses. I am no closer today than i was two days ago on the whole decision. I have dreamed of being a mom since I was a child and suddenly I started thinking, 'what would our life be like if we didn't have children'? I can see life both ways, and making that decision is ours alone. My husband and I both talk about the work it is to have children and yet the joy they can bring is amazing. My nieces and nephew are the most amazing people, and to not have that in our life makes me feel empty. I guess part of it is to put myself (ourselves) in the mindset that we can do it, as long as all the numbers and doctors visit are positive then we should believe we can do it. I am a believer that positive thinking goes a long way in many situations.

I was expecting a negative response from my doc last week and instead received the okay to move ahead, visit the OB docs and all to get the ball rolling. I kind of guard myself in that way, that I always expect the worst so when it doesn't happen I am pleased and if it does than it was what I was expecting. In this situation if feel being positive from the get go is probably my better choice and not sure how to do that. I will move ahead and learn all I can about being pregnant and being a parent and go from there.

Thank you for all your thoughtful responses and honesty. I wish you all well, I am thankful we have this site, it is helpful in so many ways.

Thank you.