Depressed...

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MicheleGazelle

New member
Hi Jenny,

I have raised two difficult, special needs kids. I've talked a lot about that in various groups and a website grew out of it. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find some of the info on my website helpful:
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.kidslikemine.org">Kids Like Mine</a>

Good luck with this.
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Hi Jenny,

I have raised two difficult, special needs kids. I've talked a lot about that in various groups and a website grew out of it. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find some of the info on my website helpful:
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.kidslikemine.org">Kids Like Mine</a>

Good luck with this.
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Hi Jenny,

I have raised two difficult, special needs kids. I've talked a lot about that in various groups and a website grew out of it. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find some of the info on my website helpful:
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.kidslikemine.org">Kids Like Mine</a>

Good luck with this.
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Hi Jenny,

I have raised two difficult, special needs kids. I've talked a lot about that in various groups and a website grew out of it. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find some of the info on my website helpful:
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.kidslikemine.org">Kids Like Mine</a>

Good luck with this.
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Hi Jenny,
<br />
<br />I have raised two difficult, special needs kids. I've talked a lot about that in various groups and a website grew out of it. If you haven't seen it yet, you might find some of the info on my website helpful:
<br /><a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.kidslikemine.org">Kids Like Mine</a>
<br />
<br />Good luck with this.
 
T

TestifyToLove

New member
I'm very concerned about what this is doing to your health and the continued lack of support you are getting from the agency. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving you high and dry like this. There's also not a good justifiable reason for why the case worker is coming for an hour every week. Case workers are emotionally devestating to these kiddos. Everytime they come, you go 3 steps back in any progress you make towards stabilizing them.

If you want to stay with this committment, there are some things you are going to have to change. You are going to have to get very firm and hard nosed, both with the boys and with those coming into your lives.

I'm 8+ months into this adventure with a child on the level of these boys and its still exhausting every single day. I don't have CF but I'm now 9 months pregnant. We choose to move forward with this adoption anyway, but we were experienced before M entered our home and we have activated all of the support measures we knew to put into place as quickly as we could once we assessed the true level of his issues, despite the concealment by his placing agency.

I know Tom gave you my contact information. If you want to talk, please contact me. There's no shame in saying its too much. This is far, far beyond the typical foster experience, far more than anyone should have asked you to take as your first placement. But, there are things you need to change and do different if you intend to see this through and fight for these kiddos. You don't have to do that. You did not mess these children up, and you are not responsible for saving them either.
 
T

TestifyToLove

New member
I'm very concerned about what this is doing to your health and the continued lack of support you are getting from the agency. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving you high and dry like this. There's also not a good justifiable reason for why the case worker is coming for an hour every week. Case workers are emotionally devestating to these kiddos. Everytime they come, you go 3 steps back in any progress you make towards stabilizing them.

If you want to stay with this committment, there are some things you are going to have to change. You are going to have to get very firm and hard nosed, both with the boys and with those coming into your lives.

I'm 8+ months into this adventure with a child on the level of these boys and its still exhausting every single day. I don't have CF but I'm now 9 months pregnant. We choose to move forward with this adoption anyway, but we were experienced before M entered our home and we have activated all of the support measures we knew to put into place as quickly as we could once we assessed the true level of his issues, despite the concealment by his placing agency.

I know Tom gave you my contact information. If you want to talk, please contact me. There's no shame in saying its too much. This is far, far beyond the typical foster experience, far more than anyone should have asked you to take as your first placement. But, there are things you need to change and do different if you intend to see this through and fight for these kiddos. You don't have to do that. You did not mess these children up, and you are not responsible for saving them either.
 
T

TestifyToLove

New member
I'm very concerned about what this is doing to your health and the continued lack of support you are getting from the agency. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving you high and dry like this. There's also not a good justifiable reason for why the case worker is coming for an hour every week. Case workers are emotionally devestating to these kiddos. Everytime they come, you go 3 steps back in any progress you make towards stabilizing them.

If you want to stay with this committment, there are some things you are going to have to change. You are going to have to get very firm and hard nosed, both with the boys and with those coming into your lives.

I'm 8+ months into this adventure with a child on the level of these boys and its still exhausting every single day. I don't have CF but I'm now 9 months pregnant. We choose to move forward with this adoption anyway, but we were experienced before M entered our home and we have activated all of the support measures we knew to put into place as quickly as we could once we assessed the true level of his issues, despite the concealment by his placing agency.

I know Tom gave you my contact information. If you want to talk, please contact me. There's no shame in saying its too much. This is far, far beyond the typical foster experience, far more than anyone should have asked you to take as your first placement. But, there are things you need to change and do different if you intend to see this through and fight for these kiddos. You don't have to do that. You did not mess these children up, and you are not responsible for saving them either.
 
T

TestifyToLove

New member
I'm very concerned about what this is doing to your health and the continued lack of support you are getting from the agency. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving you high and dry like this. There's also not a good justifiable reason for why the case worker is coming for an hour every week. Case workers are emotionally devestating to these kiddos. Everytime they come, you go 3 steps back in any progress you make towards stabilizing them.

If you want to stay with this committment, there are some things you are going to have to change. You are going to have to get very firm and hard nosed, both with the boys and with those coming into your lives.

I'm 8+ months into this adventure with a child on the level of these boys and its still exhausting every single day. I don't have CF but I'm now 9 months pregnant. We choose to move forward with this adoption anyway, but we were experienced before M entered our home and we have activated all of the support measures we knew to put into place as quickly as we could once we assessed the true level of his issues, despite the concealment by his placing agency.

I know Tom gave you my contact information. If you want to talk, please contact me. There's no shame in saying its too much. This is far, far beyond the typical foster experience, far more than anyone should have asked you to take as your first placement. But, there are things you need to change and do different if you intend to see this through and fight for these kiddos. You don't have to do that. You did not mess these children up, and you are not responsible for saving them either.
 
T

TestifyToLove

New member
I'm very concerned about what this is doing to your health and the continued lack of support you are getting from the agency. There is absolutely NO excuse for leaving you high and dry like this. There's also not a good justifiable reason for why the case worker is coming for an hour every week. Case workers are emotionally devestating to these kiddos. Everytime they come, you go 3 steps back in any progress you make towards stabilizing them.
<br />
<br />If you want to stay with this committment, there are some things you are going to have to change. You are going to have to get very firm and hard nosed, both with the boys and with those coming into your lives.
<br />
<br />I'm 8+ months into this adventure with a child on the level of these boys and its still exhausting every single day. I don't have CF but I'm now 9 months pregnant. We choose to move forward with this adoption anyway, but we were experienced before M entered our home and we have activated all of the support measures we knew to put into place as quickly as we could once we assessed the true level of his issues, despite the concealment by his placing agency.
<br />
<br />I know Tom gave you my contact information. If you want to talk, please contact me. There's no shame in saying its too much. This is far, far beyond the typical foster experience, far more than anyone should have asked you to take as your first placement. But, there are things you need to change and do different if you intend to see this through and fight for these kiddos. You don't have to do that. You did not mess these children up, and you are not responsible for saving them either.
 
M

Melissa75

Administrator
((HUGS again)) You must be getting squished by my hugs.
I agree with what has already been posted and wanted to pass along my support and sympathy too.

Also, a couple tricks to save your voice that I have learned from my kids' preschool and kindergarten teachers are having a specific hand clap to get their attention and once you have it, actually LOWERING your voice so they have to shush up to hear you. You can start this by using positive reinforcement...i.e. Clap--clap-clap--Clap (then whisper) come here for a cookie. Then move along to Clap--clap-clap--Clap (wait) we are going to put on our shoes to go outside.

Also, when you have a tiny bit of mental space, try to think of phrases to say to redirect them when they do the predictable bad stuff. For example, if you can say, "Kiss the dog with no hands" instead of "Don't wrestle the dog," you'll get a little better response...I hope. Playing simon-says can be good practice and fun for kids who like to mess with everything.

All that aside, please consider what others have said: your health/life comes first. Sacrificing yourself will not save them, and it is not your duty.
_________
Melissa, 33, bronchiectasis
 
M

Melissa75

Administrator
((HUGS again)) You must be getting squished by my hugs.
I agree with what has already been posted and wanted to pass along my support and sympathy too.

Also, a couple tricks to save your voice that I have learned from my kids' preschool and kindergarten teachers are having a specific hand clap to get their attention and once you have it, actually LOWERING your voice so they have to shush up to hear you. You can start this by using positive reinforcement...i.e. Clap--clap-clap--Clap (then whisper) come here for a cookie. Then move along to Clap--clap-clap--Clap (wait) we are going to put on our shoes to go outside.

Also, when you have a tiny bit of mental space, try to think of phrases to say to redirect them when they do the predictable bad stuff. For example, if you can say, "Kiss the dog with no hands" instead of "Don't wrestle the dog," you'll get a little better response...I hope. Playing simon-says can be good practice and fun for kids who like to mess with everything.

All that aside, please consider what others have said: your health/life comes first. Sacrificing yourself will not save them, and it is not your duty.
_________
Melissa, 33, bronchiectasis
 
M

Melissa75

Administrator
((HUGS again)) You must be getting squished by my hugs.
I agree with what has already been posted and wanted to pass along my support and sympathy too.

Also, a couple tricks to save your voice that I have learned from my kids' preschool and kindergarten teachers are having a specific hand clap to get their attention and once you have it, actually LOWERING your voice so they have to shush up to hear you. You can start this by using positive reinforcement...i.e. Clap--clap-clap--Clap (then whisper) come here for a cookie. Then move along to Clap--clap-clap--Clap (wait) we are going to put on our shoes to go outside.

Also, when you have a tiny bit of mental space, try to think of phrases to say to redirect them when they do the predictable bad stuff. For example, if you can say, "Kiss the dog with no hands" instead of "Don't wrestle the dog," you'll get a little better response...I hope. Playing simon-says can be good practice and fun for kids who like to mess with everything.

All that aside, please consider what others have said: your health/life comes first. Sacrificing yourself will not save them, and it is not your duty.
_________
Melissa, 33, bronchiectasis
 
M

Melissa75

Administrator
((HUGS again)) You must be getting squished by my hugs.
I agree with what has already been posted and wanted to pass along my support and sympathy too.

Also, a couple tricks to save your voice that I have learned from my kids' preschool and kindergarten teachers are having a specific hand clap to get their attention and once you have it, actually LOWERING your voice so they have to shush up to hear you. You can start this by using positive reinforcement...i.e. Clap--clap-clap--Clap (then whisper) come here for a cookie. Then move along to Clap--clap-clap--Clap (wait) we are going to put on our shoes to go outside.

Also, when you have a tiny bit of mental space, try to think of phrases to say to redirect them when they do the predictable bad stuff. For example, if you can say, "Kiss the dog with no hands" instead of "Don't wrestle the dog," you'll get a little better response...I hope. Playing simon-says can be good practice and fun for kids who like to mess with everything.

All that aside, please consider what others have said: your health/life comes first. Sacrificing yourself will not save them, and it is not your duty.
_________
Melissa, 33, bronchiectasis
 
M

Melissa75

Administrator
((HUGS again)) You must be getting squished by my hugs.
<br />I agree with what has already been posted and wanted to pass along my support and sympathy too.
<br />
<br />Also, a couple tricks to save your voice that I have learned from my kids' preschool and kindergarten teachers are having a specific hand clap to get their attention and once you have it, actually LOWERING your voice so they have to shush up to hear you. You can start this by using positive reinforcement...i.e. Clap--clap-clap--Clap (then whisper) come here for a cookie. Then move along to Clap--clap-clap--Clap (wait) we are going to put on our shoes to go outside.
<br />
<br />Also, when you have a tiny bit of mental space, try to think of phrases to say to redirect them when they do the predictable bad stuff. For example, if you can say, "Kiss the dog with no hands" instead of "Don't wrestle the dog," you'll get a little better response...I hope. Playing simon-says can be good practice and fun for kids who like to mess with everything.
<br />
<br />All that aside, please consider what others have said: your health/life comes first. Sacrificing yourself will not save them, and it is not your duty.
<br />_________
<br />Melissa, 33, bronchiectasis
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time... Sounds to me like the boys are just having such a hard time too....

It is sad and this experience of yours is certainly opening my eyes to the fact that I would not have the energy to do the things you are doing either...

It is sad, sad for the boys who are being destroyed by our system, sad for you, who wants so badly to make this work.

I don't really have answers for you.. I know when I applied to do foster parenting, and even when I was a director of a daycare center, I would get children who were placed with a working family overnight put in daycare the next day.

I feel like your agency needs to give you more support and that you need to demand it.... yes Dec 8th is just a few days away but if you call them tomorrow and demand they go sooner and threaten them to make the boys leave the house, I bet they move....

I hate our system, I hate our bodies and I am praying for you..
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time... Sounds to me like the boys are just having such a hard time too....

It is sad and this experience of yours is certainly opening my eyes to the fact that I would not have the energy to do the things you are doing either...

It is sad, sad for the boys who are being destroyed by our system, sad for you, who wants so badly to make this work.

I don't really have answers for you.. I know when I applied to do foster parenting, and even when I was a director of a daycare center, I would get children who were placed with a working family overnight put in daycare the next day.

I feel like your agency needs to give you more support and that you need to demand it.... yes Dec 8th is just a few days away but if you call them tomorrow and demand they go sooner and threaten them to make the boys leave the house, I bet they move....

I hate our system, I hate our bodies and I am praying for you..
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time... Sounds to me like the boys are just having such a hard time too....

It is sad and this experience of yours is certainly opening my eyes to the fact that I would not have the energy to do the things you are doing either...

It is sad, sad for the boys who are being destroyed by our system, sad for you, who wants so badly to make this work.

I don't really have answers for you.. I know when I applied to do foster parenting, and even when I was a director of a daycare center, I would get children who were placed with a working family overnight put in daycare the next day.

I feel like your agency needs to give you more support and that you need to demand it.... yes Dec 8th is just a few days away but if you call them tomorrow and demand they go sooner and threaten them to make the boys leave the house, I bet they move....

I hate our system, I hate our bodies and I am praying for you..
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time... Sounds to me like the boys are just having such a hard time too....

It is sad and this experience of yours is certainly opening my eyes to the fact that I would not have the energy to do the things you are doing either...

It is sad, sad for the boys who are being destroyed by our system, sad for you, who wants so badly to make this work.

I don't really have answers for you.. I know when I applied to do foster parenting, and even when I was a director of a daycare center, I would get children who were placed with a working family overnight put in daycare the next day.

I feel like your agency needs to give you more support and that you need to demand it.... yes Dec 8th is just a few days away but if you call them tomorrow and demand they go sooner and threaten them to make the boys leave the house, I bet they move....

I hate our system, I hate our bodies and I am praying for you..
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a hard time... Sounds to me like the boys are just having such a hard time too....
<br />
<br />It is sad and this experience of yours is certainly opening my eyes to the fact that I would not have the energy to do the things you are doing either...
<br />
<br />It is sad, sad for the boys who are being destroyed by our system, sad for you, who wants so badly to make this work.
<br />
<br />I don't really have answers for you.. I know when I applied to do foster parenting, and even when I was a director of a daycare center, I would get children who were placed with a working family overnight put in daycare the next day.
<br />
<br />I feel like your agency needs to give you more support and that you need to demand it.... yes Dec 8th is just a few days away but if you call them tomorrow and demand they go sooner and threaten them to make the boys leave the house, I bet they move....
<br />
<br />I hate our system, I hate our bodies and I am praying for you..
 
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