I am the mother of two childern with CF. I am in a very unhappy marriage and my mood has been extremely unhappy. I dont want to be unhappy, i want to laugh and have fun with my children so badly. I am having mixed emotions about divorce, how would i ever manage on my own? But at least i would be a happy person again and my children would see that. I feel so guilty that i cant laugh and have fun, i do pretend to laugh but inside im crying. My husband is very much removed from the fact that they have CF, he doesnt like to talk about it much. Well, i just needed to vent, if theres anyone to offer advice that would be great! Thanks to anyone who listened!
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Depression and marriage
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
My parents divorced when I was seven. My mom threw herself into carring for me, and I spent my whole life wondering why my dad never seemed to care about my CF. Your husband most likley feels so much guilt that he dosen't know what to do. Divorce is never easy, but it sounds like you already know what you have to do. You deserve support and love just as much as your children do. Being a CF parent or spouse is heavy and you can't do it alone and that sounds like what you are doing. There will be happier days ahead, but you have to be in a position to enjoy them. If you are concerned about insurance issues and such, speak with the social worker at your CF clinic. You must put yourself in an emotionally and spiritually safe place in order to be the best mother you can be. Hang in there,Debbie22 yr old w/ CF
I was in exactly the same situation as yourself when my sons were younger. My husband also ignored the fact that my oldest son had cf. My sons were 8 and 4 when we finally decided to go our own ways. Of course times were hard for awhile and I was worried about how we were going to manage, but with a supportive family we managed just fine. We were a lot happier being apart from each other and I found myself much more happier being alone with my 2 boys. Unfortunately their father decided not to keep in touch with them after a couple of years and they have not seen or heard from him for 12 years now. Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best and just know that things will get better for you.
I am the parent of 1 cf child. I too am having a tough time, but talking to my husband actually helped me. He was not very involved for the last couple of years but talking it out made me realize it is because I never allowed him to take charge of the CF. Today he does chest therapy, helps out more, and takes care of her meds. Everyone is happier. Trying talking, calmly, to your husband and see if you can't come to a compromise that will help your situation. Perhaps your CF team could be of help to. You may find that it is just a misunderstanding and that he really wants to be more involved, but isn't sure how. Only you know which approach to take, but this definitely helped me. Another thing is that we were so concerned about our child that we neglected each other and ourselves. These are all things to work on, but we will do better together and so will our child.Good luck with whatever decision you make.
Hello! I have a six year old daughter with CF and i'm married my husband is not all into the situation. I get him involved with the treatments and this makes him feel part of the situation we are facing. I don't believe in divorce i believe in the POWER OR JESUS CHRIST!!!! I'm not a fanatic i only love Jesus and i know he is with me and my family i would adive for you to watch chanel 40 TBN Benny Hinn good really uses him. There has been times i have been down and when he begins to pray or read the word of GOD there is a special message that i needed to hear its as if GOD is seeing all of my struggles. PRAYER is what we need I don't know you but i know you are a child of GOD don't listen to the DEVIL he wants you to be un happy and to be hurting pray to GOD to restore your marriage and to heal your kids he is the same GOD today as he was yesterday. I will be praying for you and your family. This is what i do every night while my husband and my daughter is asleep i pray for them and i lay my hands over them and i say in JESUS name my daughter is healed my husband will be more loving and caring believe it or not my husband has changed alot and i know it is through prayer. I will be going to Church on Friday 11/7/03 and i will ask for prayer for you and your loved ones just beleibe and he will see within you and he will give you the desires of your heart. When i read your e-mail i felt GOD telling me to reply to your e-mai you don't really want a divorce you want your husanbd to be a better man with you and your kids. PRAY for him i GUARNATEE you he will change GOD can make him be the man you fell in love with when you first met and even better don't give up look up he is waiting to hear your needs he knows what they are but he wants to hear it from you. Take care and i will keep you in my prayers. I don't know your name but GOD does and he will know who i'm talking about. DON"T FORGET JESUS LOVES YOU.................Lorena CervantesDaughter/Stephanie Cervantes 6/CF <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Your advice is so right! None of us are perfect and God loves us anyway and will help. I too feel overwhelmed with the day to day care a cf child takes. And I wish my husband would help more too. I feel guilty because I don't hate being at the hospital. It is the only time I get a break. Not that I want my child in, it just isn't as bad as I thought it would be, everyone is so helpful and understanding. Anyway prayer can never hurt.
At one time I felt as you do - I felt like I was doing everything and that my husband was not that involved - I also contemplated divorce. What stopped me was the fact that I so much wanted whatever time my child had on this earth to be with her mother and father - the 2 people who love her more than anything. I told my husband what I was feeling and that I was thinking about divorce - I also told him why I didn't want the divorce. We opted to go to marriage counseling and here we are 8 years later together with our daughter. I know I was very lucky that things worked out the way they have - and this is not the choice for everyone. Believe me - I know how unhappy you are right now. But, would you really be happy again if you got a divorce ??
Just comming from a CFer that grew up with divorced parents, the divorce is not what will hurt. What is most important is that we have support and love from our relations and that we have positive examples to follow. This might mean that divorce is the best answer for some, or not. I don't think staying in a disfunctional relationship is right for anyone. You have to be healthy and happy yourself in order to care for others. Debbie22 yr old w/ cf
One of the things I remember my son's doctor telling us during that first CF appointment is that the divorce rate of parents of chronically ill children are higher than average. Considering that the "normal divorce rate" is around 60% - that is pretty high. He told us to remember that everyone deal with "big issues" differently and to respect each other and the way they approach CF. I do not know the details of your marriage, but it could just be that yur husband does not know how to deal with CF. I would talk to him and ask him to meet with a counselor together. Try asking him how he feels and then letting him know exactly how you feel. A counselor can help both of you express your feelings in a positive, productive manner. Your husband may not know how unhappy he is making you. I think you owe it to him, yourself and your children. I know that the only other person who truely knows how much CF affects our life is my husband. I need him and he needs me. Together we are fighting as a team to keep all of our children happy and healthy. I hope you and your husband can do the same for each other. After all, the two of you made a vow - for good and for bad, for sickness and in health. CF definitely falls into those categories.If the marriage is truely not working, I hope you will soon find happiness on your own. However, I hope your marriage can get the help it deserves. Good luck and keep us posted.--Katrina, mother of Sean (5 w/cf), Carolyn (4 w/o cf) and Allison (2 w/o cf)
BELIEVE ME, YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY. MY HUSBAND HAS TURNED TO ALCOHOL AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING. HE IS A GOOD PROVIDER AND HE LOVES HIS CHILDREN. I JUST FEEL THAT HE HAS CHOSEN THE BOTTLE OVER US. I HAVE MADE IT VERY CLEAR THAT I WANT THE DRINKING TO STOP, BUT AS AN ALCOHOLIC WILL DO, HE STATES THAT THERE IS NO PROBLEM. AND I AM LEFT TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THE MAJOR DECISIONS ON MY OWN. I HAVE WONDERFUL SUPPORT FROM MY FRIENDS, WHO WILL LISTEN IF I NEED TO TALK, AND DOES NOT PRESS ME FOR FOR INFORMATION, WHEN I AM NOT READY TO SHARE IT. I HAVE CHOSEN TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MY CHILDREN. AS TIME GOES BY AND THE DRINKING CONTINUES, MY DECISION WILL LIKELY CHANGE. BUT FOR NOW MY CHILDREN ARE HAPPY AND THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME. I CAN DEAL WITH A LOT AS LONG AS THEY ARE HAPPY