Divorce

[laurelshope]

Thanks so much for your responses and let me clarify my position. My child is 6 years-old and we agreed that I would stop working when she was born for a good 3 years. Then at nearly 2 1/2 years after having gotten really sick the diagnosis of CF was finally made. And, of course, this was not the time to go back to work as we had to learn about CF and how to care for our daughter.

My husband immediately fell in to depression and would not talk about the CF, our marriage (lack of relationship), etc for the last 3 years. We basically put all our energy in to our daughter and slowly drifted a part. I stayed in the marriage and dragged him to marriage counseling,etc because our home became very tense when ever he was there and it was negatively effecting our daughter. No one was happy. It was an extremely difficult decision which is why it took me so long to file.

I have been the one responsible for all her care from birth-diagnosis- to-date. My soon-to-be ex-husband has only been involved with treatments when in town due to business travel before our physical separation. Presently, he sees her for an average weekly 2 1/2 hour dinner visit and every other weekend...period. I am the one shuttling her to the myriad of doctor appointments, ordering/picking-up prescriptions, making sick calls to the center, doctors,etc, keeping a log of all apointments/questions/medications taken & dates/ labs/etc.

I have primary physical custody for 85-90% of time. So, my question refers directly to my chances of gaining spousal support for a longer time than the standard (1/2 time married) rule of thumb if I go to court. Given our upcoming divorce and her CF, I strongly believe that I should try to keep her routine as consisten as possible. I also would prefer to continue to be the one to care for her health needs because I believe no one has as much of a vested interest as a parent.

I also don't know how I could ever keep consistent or regular work hours due to the following facts:
-we keep her home at a moment's notice if wakes up with a cold or starts to cough in order to prevent lung infections.
-driving an hour to CF clinic appointments that last an average of 3-hours and giving approval for various labs on the spot.
-maintaining her consistent and diligent care regarding treatments, medications ,etc.
-Her BMI is "at risk" and she eats best at home with me vs. at a friends home,etc
-We don't have family near us to depend on in a moment's notice.
-Husband (ex-to be) is in sales and travels on weekly basis and I can't depend on him.
-why would I put my child's care in the hands of a nanny....a complete stranger?

Of course, CF is half nature and half nurture. Knock-on-wood, nature has been very kind to us so far and I have to believe that she has only had 1 hospitalized tune-up in last 4-years because I am always on top of her condition and know the signs to look for and have a better understanding of her body and physical needs.

You should also know that I was a Marketing executive who worked in broadcasting, technology and entertainment industries and am still very employable but know I can't return to such a big job but would love too.

So, would love to know if anybody has gone to court in order to secure a longer spousal support order and what happened? Or, to phrase it another way, will the unfortunate CF reality make a difference and get me the support I need to continue to directly care for our daughter?

All thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

 

[laurelshope]

Thanks so much for your responses and let me clarify my position. My child is 6 years-old and we agreed that I would stop working when she was born for a good 3 years. Then at nearly 2 1/2 years after having gotten really sick the diagnosis of CF was finally made. And, of course, this was not the time to go back to work as we had to learn about CF and how to care for our daughter.

My husband immediately fell in to depression and would not talk about the CF, our marriage (lack of relationship), etc for the last 3 years. We basically put all our energy in to our daughter and slowly drifted a part. I stayed in the marriage and dragged him to marriage counseling,etc because our home became very tense when ever he was there and it was negatively effecting our daughter. No one was happy. It was an extremely difficult decision which is why it took me so long to file.

I have been the one responsible for all her care from birth-diagnosis- to-date. My soon-to-be ex-husband has only been involved with treatments when in town due to business travel before our physical separation. Presently, he sees her for an average weekly 2 1/2 hour dinner visit and every other weekend...period. I am the one shuttling her to the myriad of doctor appointments, ordering/picking-up prescriptions, making sick calls to the center, doctors,etc, keeping a log of all apointments/questions/medications taken & dates/ labs/etc.

I have primary physical custody for 85-90% of time. So, my question refers directly to my chances of gaining spousal support for a longer time than the standard (1/2 time married) rule of thumb if I go to court. Given our upcoming divorce and her CF, I strongly believe that I should try to keep her routine as consisten as possible. I also would prefer to continue to be the one to care for her health needs because I believe no one has as much of a vested interest as a parent.

I also don't know how I could ever keep consistent or regular work hours due to the following facts:
-we keep her home at a moment's notice if wakes up with a cold or starts to cough in order to prevent lung infections.
-driving an hour to CF clinic appointments that last an average of 3-hours and giving approval for various labs on the spot.
-maintaining her consistent and diligent care regarding treatments, medications ,etc.
-Her BMI is "at risk" and she eats best at home with me vs. at a friends home,etc
-We don't have family near us to depend on in a moment's notice.
-Husband (ex-to be) is in sales and travels on weekly basis and I can't depend on him.
-why would I put my child's care in the hands of a nanny....a complete stranger?

Of course, CF is half nature and half nurture. Knock-on-wood, nature has been very kind to us so far and I have to believe that she has only had 1 hospitalized tune-up in last 4-years because I am always on top of her condition and know the signs to look for and have a better understanding of her body and physical needs.

You should also know that I was a Marketing executive who worked in broadcasting, technology and entertainment industries and am still very employable but know I can't return to such a big job but would love too.

So, would love to know if anybody has gone to court in order to secure a longer spousal support order and what happened? Or, to phrase it another way, will the unfortunate CF reality make a difference and get me the support I need to continue to directly care for our daughter?

All thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

 

[laurelshope]

Thanks so much for your responses and let me clarify my position. My child is 6 years-old and we agreed that I would stop working when she was born for a good 3 years. Then at nearly 2 1/2 years after having gotten really sick the diagnosis of CF was finally made. And, of course, this was not the time to go back to work as we had to learn about CF and how to care for our daughter.

My husband immediately fell in to depression and would not talk about the CF, our marriage (lack of relationship), etc for the last 3 years. We basically put all our energy in to our daughter and slowly drifted a part. I stayed in the marriage and dragged him to marriage counseling,etc because our home became very tense when ever he was there and it was negatively effecting our daughter. No one was happy. It was an extremely difficult decision which is why it took me so long to file.

I have been the one responsible for all her care from birth-diagnosis- to-date. My soon-to-be ex-husband has only been involved with treatments when in town due to business travel before our physical separation. Presently, he sees her for an average weekly 2 1/2 hour dinner visit and every other weekend...period. I am the one shuttling her to the myriad of doctor appointments, ordering/picking-up prescriptions, making sick calls to the center, doctors,etc, keeping a log of all apointments/questions/medications taken & dates/ labs/etc.

I have primary physical custody for 85-90% of time. So, my question refers directly to my chances of gaining spousal support for a longer time than the standard (1/2 time married) rule of thumb if I go to court. Given our upcoming divorce and her CF, I strongly believe that I should try to keep her routine as consisten as possible. I also would prefer to continue to be the one to care for her health needs because I believe no one has as much of a vested interest as a parent.

I also don't know how I could ever keep consistent or regular work hours due to the following facts:
-we keep her home at a moment's notice if wakes up with a cold or starts to cough in order to prevent lung infections.
-driving an hour to CF clinic appointments that last an average of 3-hours and giving approval for various labs on the spot.
-maintaining her consistent and diligent care regarding treatments, medications ,etc.
-Her BMI is "at risk" and she eats best at home with me vs. at a friends home,etc
-We don't have family near us to depend on in a moment's notice.
-Husband (ex-to be) is in sales and travels on weekly basis and I can't depend on him.
-why would I put my child's care in the hands of a nanny....a complete stranger?

Of course, CF is half nature and half nurture. Knock-on-wood, nature has been very kind to us so far and I have to believe that she has only had 1 hospitalized tune-up in last 4-years because I am always on top of her condition and know the signs to look for and have a better understanding of her body and physical needs.

You should also know that I was a Marketing executive who worked in broadcasting, technology and entertainment industries and am still very employable but know I can't return to such a big job but would love too.

So, would love to know if anybody has gone to court in order to secure a longer spousal support order and what happened? Or, to phrase it another way, will the unfortunate CF reality make a difference and get me the support I need to continue to directly care for our daughter?

All thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

 

[laurelshope]

Thanks so much for your responses and let me clarify my position. My child is 6 years-old and we agreed that I would stop working when she was born for a good 3 years. Then at nearly 2 1/2 years after having gotten really sick the diagnosis of CF was finally made. And, of course, this was not the time to go back to work as we had to learn about CF and how to care for our daughter.

My husband immediately fell in to depression and would not talk about the CF, our marriage (lack of relationship), etc for the last 3 years. We basically put all our energy in to our daughter and slowly drifted a part. I stayed in the marriage and dragged him to marriage counseling,etc because our home became very tense when ever he was there and it was negatively effecting our daughter. No one was happy. It was an extremely difficult decision which is why it took me so long to file.

I have been the one responsible for all her care from birth-diagnosis- to-date. My soon-to-be ex-husband has only been involved with treatments when in town due to business travel before our physical separation. Presently, he sees her for an average weekly 2 1/2 hour dinner visit and every other weekend...period. I am the one shuttling her to the myriad of doctor appointments, ordering/picking-up prescriptions, making sick calls to the center, doctors,etc, keeping a log of all apointments/questions/medications taken & dates/ labs/etc.

I have primary physical custody for 85-90% of time. So, my question refers directly to my chances of gaining spousal support for a longer time than the standard (1/2 time married) rule of thumb if I go to court. Given our upcoming divorce and her CF, I strongly believe that I should try to keep her routine as consisten as possible. I also would prefer to continue to be the one to care for her health needs because I believe no one has as much of a vested interest as a parent.

I also don't know how I could ever keep consistent or regular work hours due to the following facts:
-we keep her home at a moment's notice if wakes up with a cold or starts to cough in order to prevent lung infections.
-driving an hour to CF clinic appointments that last an average of 3-hours and giving approval for various labs on the spot.
-maintaining her consistent and diligent care regarding treatments, medications ,etc.
-Her BMI is "at risk" and she eats best at home with me vs. at a friends home,etc
-We don't have family near us to depend on in a moment's notice.
-Husband (ex-to be) is in sales and travels on weekly basis and I can't depend on him.
-why would I put my child's care in the hands of a nanny....a complete stranger?

Of course, CF is half nature and half nurture. Knock-on-wood, nature has been very kind to us so far and I have to believe that she has only had 1 hospitalized tune-up in last 4-years because I am always on top of her condition and know the signs to look for and have a better understanding of her body and physical needs.

You should also know that I was a Marketing executive who worked in broadcasting, technology and entertainment industries and am still very employable but know I can't return to such a big job but would love too.

So, would love to know if anybody has gone to court in order to secure a longer spousal support order and what happened? Or, to phrase it another way, will the unfortunate CF reality make a difference and get me the support I need to continue to directly care for our daughter?

All thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

 

[laurelshope]

Thanks so much for your responses and let me clarify my position. My child is 6 years-old and we agreed that I would stop working when she was born for a good 3 years. Then at nearly 2 1/2 years after having gotten really sick the diagnosis of CF was finally made. And, of course, this was not the time to go back to work as we had to learn about CF and how to care for our daughter.

My husband immediately fell in to depression and would not talk about the CF, our marriage (lack of relationship), etc for the last 3 years. We basically put all our energy in to our daughter and slowly drifted a part. I stayed in the marriage and dragged him to marriage counseling,etc because our home became very tense when ever he was there and it was negatively effecting our daughter. No one was happy. It was an extremely difficult decision which is why it took me so long to file.

I have been the one responsible for all her care from birth-diagnosis- to-date. My soon-to-be ex-husband has only been involved with treatments when in town due to business travel before our physical separation. Presently, he sees her for an average weekly 2 1/2 hour dinner visit and every other weekend...period. I am the one shuttling her to the myriad of doctor appointments, ordering/picking-up prescriptions, making sick calls to the center, doctors,etc, keeping a log of all apointments/questions/medications taken & dates/ labs/etc.

I have primary physical custody for 85-90% of time. So, my question refers directly to my chances of gaining spousal support for a longer time than the standard (1/2 time married) rule of thumb if I go to court. Given our upcoming divorce and her CF, I strongly believe that I should try to keep her routine as consisten as possible. I also would prefer to continue to be the one to care for her health needs because I believe no one has as much of a vested interest as a parent.

I also don't know how I could ever keep consistent or regular work hours due to the following facts:
-we keep her home at a moment's notice if wakes up with a cold or starts to cough in order to prevent lung infections.
-driving an hour to CF clinic appointments that last an average of 3-hours and giving approval for various labs on the spot.
-maintaining her consistent and diligent care regarding treatments, medications ,etc.
-Her BMI is "at risk" and she eats best at home with me vs. at a friends home,etc
-We don't have family near us to depend on in a moment's notice.
-Husband (ex-to be) is in sales and travels on weekly basis and I can't depend on him.
-why would I put my child's care in the hands of a nanny....a complete stranger?

Of course, CF is half nature and half nurture. Knock-on-wood, nature has been very kind to us so far and I have to believe that she has only had 1 hospitalized tune-up in last 4-years because I am always on top of her condition and know the signs to look for and have a better understanding of her body and physical needs.

You should also know that I was a Marketing executive who worked in broadcasting, technology and entertainment industries and am still very employable but know I can't return to such a big job but would love too.

So, would love to know if anybody has gone to court in order to secure a longer spousal support order and what happened? Or, to phrase it another way, will the unfortunate CF reality make a difference and get me the support I need to continue to directly care for our daughter?

All thoughts and/or suggestions are greatly appreciated!

 

[Alyssa]

I'm thinking this is a very good question for a very good attorney

I also think you might be wise to start thinking about what "work from home" opportunities might be available for you to choose from.

Best wishes and keep us updated!

 

[Alyssa]

I'm thinking this is a very good question for a very good attorney

I also think you might be wise to start thinking about what "work from home" opportunities might be available for you to choose from.

Best wishes and keep us updated!

 

[Alyssa]

I'm thinking this is a very good question for a very good attorney

I also think you might be wise to start thinking about what "work from home" opportunities might be available for you to choose from.

Best wishes and keep us updated!

 

[Alyssa]

I'm thinking this is a very good question for a very good attorney

I also think you might be wise to start thinking about what "work from home" opportunities might be available for you to choose from.

Best wishes and keep us updated!

 

[Alyssa]

I'm thinking this is a very good question for a very good attorney

I also think you might be wise to start thinking about what "work from home" opportunities might be available for you to choose from.

Best wishes and keep us updated!

 

[mom4holly]

I don't think a child having CF is grounds for getting spousal support for longer-though-I MAY BE WRONG-I am not an attorney-if I read correctly you are the one filling for the divorce so I didn't think he would have to pay you for spousal support, only child supprt if you filled. Also, there are plenty of single mothers that have children with CF that encounter all of the things you listed above. Maybe a part time job will suit you best, or work from home. He will be required to pay you child support so maybe with that & part time you & your little one will be able to make it.

 

[mom4holly]

I don't think a child having CF is grounds for getting spousal support for longer-though-I MAY BE WRONG-I am not an attorney-if I read correctly you are the one filling for the divorce so I didn't think he would have to pay you for spousal support, only child supprt if you filled. Also, there are plenty of single mothers that have children with CF that encounter all of the things you listed above. Maybe a part time job will suit you best, or work from home. He will be required to pay you child support so maybe with that & part time you & your little one will be able to make it.

 

[mom4holly]

I don't think a child having CF is grounds for getting spousal support for longer-though-I MAY BE WRONG-I am not an attorney-if I read correctly you are the one filling for the divorce so I didn't think he would have to pay you for spousal support, only child supprt if you filled. Also, there are plenty of single mothers that have children with CF that encounter all of the things you listed above. Maybe a part time job will suit you best, or work from home. He will be required to pay you child support so maybe with that & part time you & your little one will be able to make it.

 

[mom4holly]

I don't think a child having CF is grounds for getting spousal support for longer-though-I MAY BE WRONG-I am not an attorney-if I read correctly you are the one filling for the divorce so I didn't think he would have to pay you for spousal support, only child supprt if you filled. Also, there are plenty of single mothers that have children with CF that encounter all of the things you listed above. Maybe a part time job will suit you best, or work from home. He will be required to pay you child support so maybe with that & part time you & your little one will be able to make it.

 

[mom4holly]

I don't think a child having CF is grounds for getting spousal support for longer-though-I MAY BE WRONG-I am not an attorney-if I read correctly you are the one filling for the divorce so I didn't think he would have to pay you for spousal support, only child supprt if you filled. Also, there are plenty of single mothers that have children with CF that encounter all of the things you listed above. Maybe a part time job will suit you best, or work from home. He will be required to pay you child support so maybe with that & part time you & your little one will be able to make it.

 

[AUradar]

I'm no expert. But my first impression is to agree with mom4holly. If you polled CF parents I think you will find a large amount do work. And those who don't, I have to question if they would have worked regardless of if their child had CF. I understand your concern for wanting to stay home, but I'm afraid you may have a hard time getting a doctor to say you need to stay home. I'm not trying to be mean here, please don't get mad.

A friend of my wife is currently getting a divorce. I didn't know this but evidently spousal support is not granted in Florida unless you've been married over 13 years. However, the spouse is entitled to funding to "retrain" if they have been a stay at home mom and need to now learn a trade to support herself. So there's exceptions to every rule. And every state is different.

I will say again that your issue is not CF related only. I'm sure this is a common issue among all special needs kids who's parents are going through a divorce. I would look for a good lawyer with experience dealing with special need familys.

 

[AUradar]

I'm no expert. But my first impression is to agree with mom4holly. If you polled CF parents I think you will find a large amount do work. And those who don't, I have to question if they would have worked regardless of if their child had CF. I understand your concern for wanting to stay home, but I'm afraid you may have a hard time getting a doctor to say you need to stay home. I'm not trying to be mean here, please don't get mad.

A friend of my wife is currently getting a divorce. I didn't know this but evidently spousal support is not granted in Florida unless you've been married over 13 years. However, the spouse is entitled to funding to "retrain" if they have been a stay at home mom and need to now learn a trade to support herself. So there's exceptions to every rule. And every state is different.

I will say again that your issue is not CF related only. I'm sure this is a common issue among all special needs kids who's parents are going through a divorce. I would look for a good lawyer with experience dealing with special need familys.

 

[AUradar]

I'm no expert. But my first impression is to agree with mom4holly. If you polled CF parents I think you will find a large amount do work. And those who don't, I have to question if they would have worked regardless of if their child had CF. I understand your concern for wanting to stay home, but I'm afraid you may have a hard time getting a doctor to say you need to stay home. I'm not trying to be mean here, please don't get mad.

A friend of my wife is currently getting a divorce. I didn't know this but evidently spousal support is not granted in Florida unless you've been married over 13 years. However, the spouse is entitled to funding to "retrain" if they have been a stay at home mom and need to now learn a trade to support herself. So there's exceptions to every rule. And every state is different.

I will say again that your issue is not CF related only. I'm sure this is a common issue among all special needs kids who's parents are going through a divorce. I would look for a good lawyer with experience dealing with special need familys.

 

[AUradar]

I'm no expert. But my first impression is to agree with mom4holly. If you polled CF parents I think you will find a large amount do work. And those who don't, I have to question if they would have worked regardless of if their child had CF. I understand your concern for wanting to stay home, but I'm afraid you may have a hard time getting a doctor to say you need to stay home. I'm not trying to be mean here, please don't get mad.

A friend of my wife is currently getting a divorce. I didn't know this but evidently spousal support is not granted in Florida unless you've been married over 13 years. However, the spouse is entitled to funding to "retrain" if they have been a stay at home mom and need to now learn a trade to support herself. So there's exceptions to every rule. And every state is different.

I will say again that your issue is not CF related only. I'm sure this is a common issue among all special needs kids who's parents are going through a divorce. I would look for a good lawyer with experience dealing with special need familys.

 

[AUradar]

I'm no expert. But my first impression is to agree with mom4holly. If you polled CF parents I think you will find a large amount do work. And those who don't, I have to question if they would have worked regardless of if their child had CF. I understand your concern for wanting to stay home, but I'm afraid you may have a hard time getting a doctor to say you need to stay home. I'm not trying to be mean here, please don't get mad.

A friend of my wife is currently getting a divorce. I didn't know this but evidently spousal support is not granted in Florida unless you've been married over 13 years. However, the spouse is entitled to funding to "retrain" if they have been a stay at home mom and need to now learn a trade to support herself. So there's exceptions to every rule. And every state is different.

I will say again that your issue is not CF related only. I'm sure this is a common issue among all special needs kids who's parents are going through a divorce. I would look for a good lawyer with experience dealing with special need familys.