Hi there,
I guess I'll put my 2 cents in since we used donor sperm...
I am a woman with CF who is married to another woman. Obviously we had to go about an alternative route if we wanted to have children. We looked into adoption and found that it was just too expensive for us. We then looked into IUI and IVF. My DW was originally going to carry both our children because I didn't want to risk my health carrying a baby. We looked into donor sperm from an anonymous sperm bank right away and decided that was the best option for us. We did not want to know the donor. Of course our situation is different than yours since you are possibly looking for someone who looks like your DH.
We found a donor that we both liked very much because of his interests, ethnicity, etc. DW got pregnant with the 1st try of IUI. She had a horrible pregnancy and labor with the birth of our son. I decided I really wanted to try and have our 2nd child. I wanted to go through the experience so bad! So we used the same donor to have our 2nd baby and so that way they will be biologically related.
I know of many people that have used alternative ways to have children. Some have used anonymous donors, others have used friends or family as donors. I think you really just have to do what works best for your family. If your DH is willing to use a family member's sperm instead of his own than that's definitely an option for you guys. But the main thing is how will you deal with the questions and concerns that your child has about where he came from? If you are confident in the way you will handle that situation when it happens, then you should do whatever you think is best for you as a couple. We hope to instill confidence in our boys that their family is unique and wonderful and that there are many different types of families in the world.
I know it's very difficult to find what will work out best. Good luck!
