Don't know what to do

[thelizardqueen]

I'm so sorry to hear that Nicole. I know how you feel - I had a similiar experience, although I was only with the guy for a year. My ex told me that he decided that he didn't want to deal with my conditions anymore, that he didn't want to have to worry about me getting sick, and that he didn't like the fact that I couldn't always go out with him and his friends when I was sick to the bar (which they went all the time - hello, smokey environment!). Yes it hurts, but I soon came to realize that in order for him to be happy, he needed to love all things about me, which he didn't. Therefor, he wasn't the right guy for me. It does hurt now, but it will make you a stronger person. In the mean time, feel free to vent, cry, scream - do anything you have to do to make yourself feel better!

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[JustDucky]

Hi Nicole...I am just going to say what the others have said...I am truly sorry you are going through such pain. I too went through a similar experience, except I was married. My soon to be ex couldn't handle my disease as it advanced. It hurt me tremendously, that he "gave up" on me and discarded me like I was a piece of garbage..honestly, that is how I felt at first. Now, I feel that it was his loss, not mine..he is missing out on something special and that is just too bad for him. People like that are weak and are quitters, my soon to be ex didn't even try to accept my disease, never went with me to my doctor's appts, especially when Iwas getting really bad. He was just a poor excuse for support.
But, as time marches on, the pain has really diminished...I realize that I am special and I feel good about myself. There are alot of people in this world who are wonderful, you will find your soulmate.
Hang in there my friend, hugs Jenn

 

[Faust]

Please don't judge me for what i'm about to say, I know you feel like crap now (and I haven't been drinking btw), so my intent isn't to make you feel worse, it's just to possibly show you that he could have had other reasons for not sticking with you. Remember what I said a while back in another thread about guys and "strange", and their desire to spread their seed around? I've known MANY guys who used whatever lame reasonings to tell chicks they don't want to be with them anymore. To me (and I don't know crap other than knowing guys REAL well, so this might not be his reason), he knew a very good excuse reason of not bein able to have kids and whatever else CF wise, and used that. If this was a bet, and god could tell us his real reasons, I'd bet everything I own that he said that because he didn't want to be tied down to one woman anymore. I'm not saying he didn't love you, but guys are very freaky when it comes to thinking "this is it, for the rest of my life" mate wise. Women can be very cool with that idea, but most men find it horrifying. And that has ZERO to do with how cool of a chick your chick is, as in smarts, beauty, body, all kinds of stuff.


The guys who are smart, mature, and actually understand that there is no "magic booty" out there (took me a while to figure that out) are the types that can settle down with one woman and it doesn't scare them to death. I was a manwhore growing up, so I got my "oats" out of my system. I'll still look at fine women here and there, and wonder how fun that might be, but it's not worth destroying what i have now, and i've come to grips with growing old with this woman and dying together. It took me a long time to fully accept that (before I was with her), and MANY temptations of the flesh have confronted me, but i've always been a "good guy" and didn't stray. I suppose one of the reasons I feel so strong about not cheating is because #1 I wouldn't want it done to me and having my world come crashing down, and #2 My dad did it to my mom and ruined her life and our lives in the process. You gotta be a bigger man, than the little man (love that saying).


This is a tremendous defect in males given modern day rules regarding relationships in general. But in the big scheme of things one of us had to be selected to be this way to ensure the survival and thriving of our species. It sucks it's still with us though, because theres enough people here now. We don't need this very strong urge driving us anymore.


Anyways, don't take my opinion for anything deeper than just a "maybe it was this". You did nothing wrong, and i'm not saying the situation WAS what I described. Just look at it like he is the crappy person, regardless why he made that decision.

 

[EnergyGal]

I do not think it really matters what the answer is why people break up. There could be many more reasons than cf or what sean stated. Whatever the reason was, I hope he was honest with you and did not use CF as an excuse. He decided whatever his feeling were, he wants to be on his own.

I say move on and let go of him. You do not need to be in a co-dependent relationship with him. Say goodbye would be the healthy thing to do.

When we cannot let go in relationships, it means that we cannot accept the disappointment so we hold on for hope thinking they will change their mind. He is not good enough for you simply put. You need a stronger man emotionally. I hope you can get past all of this soon and find the real true love of your dreams. Believing that you will find this man one day will get you out there meeting people. Be picky on finding the right guy for you. Look for a person with a good character. Someone who will be with you through good and bad. Looks only last for so long. If you meet a man who is ok looking, after you start to love them, there looks will become so cute.

You will know when the right one is for you. Trust time

 

[LisaV]

I am <i>so </i>sorry.

My husband and I used to talk about our previous marriages (not to mention boyfriend/girlfirends). It is hard to be dumped (Actually isn't all that easy to be the dumpee either.)

Nothing to do that we could ever figure out except to grieve the loss (cry your heart out) and then shake yourself, get up and get out there again to try find the "right one".

We really did find it possible to look back on the older relationships with fondness and remember the good times. And learn from the mistakes or misjudgement to help us the next time.

I sure found that keeping looking worked out. I finally bumpbed into Rip who was the love of my life. I like to think he was happy with his final wife (me) too.

Take care of you....
You're special

-LisaV

 

[ClashPunk82]

Thanks everyone for the support. I don't think he is using the CF as an excuse I think he just can't handle that part anymore. And I think since he grew up as an only child and his parents kinda stink that he tends to be selfish and put himself first. It sux but that's how he grew up and that's pretty much what he knew. And I think because I can't do a lot he just didn't wanna do it anymore. And like I said I can't really be mad because not everyone can handle CF and I think he thought he could but I think in the beginning it was easier. I was pretty healthy and then I got really sick and then came the TX stuff and I think it scared him. And like I said he wants children and I just can't do it. And we talked about adoption but that's really not what he wants and I in the end don't want children. I mean I do but it's so hard taking care of me it would be too hard and stressful to take care of a child and I just want to enjoy my life and even though i love kids and want them it's just not in my best interest to have them. And he loves to snowboard and travel and I can't do that stuff, and he wants to do all this stuff with me but can't. I am just so limited right now of what I can do. And he is still young too, 24 and I don't wanna make him feel like he has to stay if he really doesn't want to. But hes still a great guy and I still love him and we are still gonna remain freinds because we have always gotten along and always had fun together. So even if he isn't the one romantically at least I still get a good friend out of it.

 

[izemmom]

Yeah, that really sucks. So sorry you have to go through this. Time will heal. But it still sucks. I'll be thinking of you!

tami

mom to Isabelle 3 no cf
and Emily 4 1/2 months w/cf

 

[ClashPunk82]

So I am going over his place Sat to get my things. At this point I am just really pissed about this whole thing and hes gonna sit down and talk about this with me. And hes been goin out with his freinds a lot and I feel like hes just totally moved on like he could care less about me like I never existed. OOOOO I'm mad.

 

[coltsfan715]

Hey Nicole,
I wanted to let you know that you are not alone with this. The more I read the more familiar this sounds. It reminds me of me and my ex from several years ago.

We broke up and it was kind of sort of mutual. He wasn't willing to compromise on anything even stuff that related to my health. He just couldn't handle it, so I was willing to let the relationship go because I knew I had to have someone that could be strong and be there for me. We broke up but wanted to remain friends. Well that went on for a little while then a few weeks into the "breakup" He said he couldn't talk to me or see me or have any contact with me. I hated it - it was like he ripped my heart out when he said that. Looking back on it I know why he did that though. We were still acting like we were together with the I love yous and the hugs and all and everyone still saw us as a couple - I didn't see it at the time, but now I do. It was impossible for us to move on.

We went months and did not talk. I honestly never thought we would see/hear from each other again. Then about 8-9 months later poof there was an email in my inbox. We started trying to pick up the pieces to our friendship since we each had time to get over the other. We are no where near as close as we were, but that is a good thing. I have moved on and met someone and I am sure he has done the same. We talk every few months to just see how things are going.

My point in mentioning this was just to give you the thought that his going out and lack of seeing you may not be intended to be hurtful and I'd be willing to bet has nothing to do with him having totally moved on - he may be having a hard time seeing you. Since you two have broken up he may be trying to deal with his emotions about the whole thing too. If he does still have strong feelings for you as he said, but felt he had to end things for other reasons he may be having a hard time drawing the line in your new "relationship/just friendship". All I know is I hated my ex when he pulled away, but now I am thankful he did. It gave us both a chance to heal and move on.

Lindsey

 

[LouLou]

I agree with Lindsey. Many times I thought I could remain friends with ex's because there are always good things about even the people we don't want to be soul mates with. From my experience, at least 10 relationships, in order to move on you both have to go your seperate ways. Friendship can only happen down the road after healing has happened for both parties. Even then, the person usually isn't the friend you thought they'd be. Without the emotional / loving side they aren't the person you feel for in the first place. The best thing to do is make weekly plans with girlfriends to do fun things and start dating as soon as you can even if you aren't really over the ex. This will help you get on to other things in life faster.

 

[Brad]

Hello Nicole <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

I am sorry You had to go thru this kind of pain and rejection...

But it really is better to find out now what kind of person he really is.
I went thru the same , but it was 7 years after we were married,

You will realize ( with much pain ) that If he truely loved You, he
would not have broken things off, So as bad as You feel right Now
You are better off in the long run.
My X wife hit the ground running the first time I got sick.

I hope You can Feel better SOON and put it behind You.
You will find a Man Who Loves You without conditions.
For it is True Love that Knows No Bounds.........



Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep records of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope and patience never fail.