Friends and boundaries

K

Kelli

New member
I think you might be afraid of being hurt. Which is totally understandable!!! I am more open than you but I'm weird about 'certain' people not knowing much about me having CF! A business associate (we do business w/her, she doesn't work for us) has asked me some very personal stuff in the past and I told my husband NEVER to tell her anything about me. And now when she comes in, she'll say 'How are you dooooing?" In this sympathetic voice. I just act all chipper and say 'GREAT!'.
I do it to protect myself because I don't want to be an open book to every one! Some people can know about me but others....no thanks.
I think you handled it great with your friend (we social workers tend to ask a lot of questions!!). But I think your answer was honest, concise and not mean at all. Which is great. You covered the bases very well!

Until you are comfortable (if you ever are) just keep doing what your doing. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I think it's working for you!

Kelli
30 f CF
 
K

Kelli

New member
I think you might be afraid of being hurt. Which is totally understandable!!! I am more open than you but I'm weird about 'certain' people not knowing much about me having CF! A business associate (we do business w/her, she doesn't work for us) has asked me some very personal stuff in the past and I told my husband NEVER to tell her anything about me. And now when she comes in, she'll say 'How are you dooooing?" In this sympathetic voice. I just act all chipper and say 'GREAT!'.
I do it to protect myself because I don't want to be an open book to every one! Some people can know about me but others....no thanks.
I think you handled it great with your friend (we social workers tend to ask a lot of questions!!). But I think your answer was honest, concise and not mean at all. Which is great. You covered the bases very well!

Until you are comfortable (if you ever are) just keep doing what your doing. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I think it's working for you!

Kelli
30 f CF
 
K

Kelli

New member
I think you might be afraid of being hurt. Which is totally understandable!!! I am more open than you but I'm weird about 'certain' people not knowing much about me having CF! A business associate (we do business w/her, she doesn't work for us) has asked me some very personal stuff in the past and I told my husband NEVER to tell her anything about me. And now when she comes in, she'll say 'How are you dooooing?" In this sympathetic voice. I just act all chipper and say 'GREAT!'.
I do it to protect myself because I don't want to be an open book to every one! Some people can know about me but others....no thanks.
I think you handled it great with your friend (we social workers tend to ask a lot of questions!!). But I think your answer was honest, concise and not mean at all. Which is great. You covered the bases very well!

Until you are comfortable (if you ever are) just keep doing what your doing. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I think it's working for you!

Kelli
30 f CF
 
K

Kelli

New member
I think you might be afraid of being hurt. Which is totally understandable!!! I am more open than you but I'm weird about 'certain' people not knowing much about me having CF! A business associate (we do business w/her, she doesn't work for us) has asked me some very personal stuff in the past and I told my husband NEVER to tell her anything about me. And now when she comes in, she'll say 'How are you dooooing?" In this sympathetic voice. I just act all chipper and say 'GREAT!'.
I do it to protect myself because I don't want to be an open book to every one! Some people can know about me but others....no thanks.
I think you handled it great with your friend (we social workers tend to ask a lot of questions!!). But I think your answer was honest, concise and not mean at all. Which is great. You covered the bases very well!

Until you are comfortable (if you ever are) just keep doing what your doing. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I think it's working for you!

Kelli
30 f CF
 
K

Kelli

New member
I think you might be afraid of being hurt. Which is totally understandable!!! I am more open than you but I'm weird about 'certain' people not knowing much about me having CF! A business associate (we do business w/her, she doesn't work for us) has asked me some very personal stuff in the past and I told my husband NEVER to tell her anything about me. And now when she comes in, she'll say 'How are you dooooing?" In this sympathetic voice. I just act all chipper and say 'GREAT!'.
<br />I do it to protect myself because I don't want to be an open book to every one! Some people can know about me but others....no thanks.
<br />I think you handled it great with your friend (we social workers tend to ask a lot of questions!!). But I think your answer was honest, concise and not mean at all. Which is great. You covered the bases very well!
<br />
<br />Until you are comfortable (if you ever are) just keep doing what your doing. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I think it's working for you!
<br />
<br />Kelli
<br />30 f CF
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Online, a lot of folks consider me to be "too open". But at work, only a relatively small number of folks know I have CF and not all of them know about my website where I talk about how I cope with it using diet and lifestyle and herbs and stuff to avoid all the drugs I used to take. I have found that no matter how accomplished I am (or whatever), some folks will treat me like "the pathetic handicapped person" if they know. And I hate that. It's often complete bullsh*t and you can't prove to them that they are holding a double-standard. The last thing I need at work is getting treated like an incompetent dolt because of my medical condition and being unable to argue against it or prove it's biasing the judgement of people around me.

So I think I am open about my medical situation (and other stuff) in situations where I feel I can share enough information so people are less likely to act weird about it. At work, where there isn't enough time to really discuss this stuff and most folks wouldn't have a clue, it's easier for me to avoid it. I don't mind telling people. I just want to be able to tell them in a way that gives them a more accurate idea than most folks would get from just announcing "I have CF".
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Online, a lot of folks consider me to be "too open". But at work, only a relatively small number of folks know I have CF and not all of them know about my website where I talk about how I cope with it using diet and lifestyle and herbs and stuff to avoid all the drugs I used to take. I have found that no matter how accomplished I am (or whatever), some folks will treat me like "the pathetic handicapped person" if they know. And I hate that. It's often complete bullsh*t and you can't prove to them that they are holding a double-standard. The last thing I need at work is getting treated like an incompetent dolt because of my medical condition and being unable to argue against it or prove it's biasing the judgement of people around me.

So I think I am open about my medical situation (and other stuff) in situations where I feel I can share enough information so people are less likely to act weird about it. At work, where there isn't enough time to really discuss this stuff and most folks wouldn't have a clue, it's easier for me to avoid it. I don't mind telling people. I just want to be able to tell them in a way that gives them a more accurate idea than most folks would get from just announcing "I have CF".
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Online, a lot of folks consider me to be "too open". But at work, only a relatively small number of folks know I have CF and not all of them know about my website where I talk about how I cope with it using diet and lifestyle and herbs and stuff to avoid all the drugs I used to take. I have found that no matter how accomplished I am (or whatever), some folks will treat me like "the pathetic handicapped person" if they know. And I hate that. It's often complete bullsh*t and you can't prove to them that they are holding a double-standard. The last thing I need at work is getting treated like an incompetent dolt because of my medical condition and being unable to argue against it or prove it's biasing the judgement of people around me.

So I think I am open about my medical situation (and other stuff) in situations where I feel I can share enough information so people are less likely to act weird about it. At work, where there isn't enough time to really discuss this stuff and most folks wouldn't have a clue, it's easier for me to avoid it. I don't mind telling people. I just want to be able to tell them in a way that gives them a more accurate idea than most folks would get from just announcing "I have CF".
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Online, a lot of folks consider me to be "too open". But at work, only a relatively small number of folks know I have CF and not all of them know about my website where I talk about how I cope with it using diet and lifestyle and herbs and stuff to avoid all the drugs I used to take. I have found that no matter how accomplished I am (or whatever), some folks will treat me like "the pathetic handicapped person" if they know. And I hate that. It's often complete bullsh*t and you can't prove to them that they are holding a double-standard. The last thing I need at work is getting treated like an incompetent dolt because of my medical condition and being unable to argue against it or prove it's biasing the judgement of people around me.

So I think I am open about my medical situation (and other stuff) in situations where I feel I can share enough information so people are less likely to act weird about it. At work, where there isn't enough time to really discuss this stuff and most folks wouldn't have a clue, it's easier for me to avoid it. I don't mind telling people. I just want to be able to tell them in a way that gives them a more accurate idea than most folks would get from just announcing "I have CF".
 
M

MicheleGazelle

New member
Online, a lot of folks consider me to be "too open". But at work, only a relatively small number of folks know I have CF and not all of them know about my website where I talk about how I cope with it using diet and lifestyle and herbs and stuff to avoid all the drugs I used to take. I have found that no matter how accomplished I am (or whatever), some folks will treat me like "the pathetic handicapped person" if they know. And I hate that. It's often complete bullsh*t and you can't prove to them that they are holding a double-standard. The last thing I need at work is getting treated like an incompetent dolt because of my medical condition and being unable to argue against it or prove it's biasing the judgement of people around me.
<br />
<br />So I think I am open about my medical situation (and other stuff) in situations where I feel I can share enough information so people are less likely to act weird about it. At work, where there isn't enough time to really discuss this stuff and most folks wouldn't have a clue, it's easier for me to avoid it. I don't mind telling people. I just want to be able to tell them in a way that gives them a more accurate idea than most folks would get from just announcing "I have CF".
 
M

mattmcegg

New member
Keeping your private life private is normal. However, sometimes we might be doing it for other reasons.

Its possible that someone could be afraid deep down that people will "find out" about you. One might think that if everyone close knows everything about a condition it might change the way they think about you. This could lead you to closing people off from the disease, and possible certain people off completely.

This is a diffuclt aspect of having disease. Try to remember a few things. People will love you for who you are. In order to change this you need to 100% totally completely accept the nature of who you are. CF is NOT who you are, and people "finding out" about it does not change ANYTHING relating to your worth as a person.

Everyone has things, big and small, that they feel they need to hide... they're called insecurities. Ours happens to be bigger than most, and difficult to hide. Work on being open with yourself first, and the rest will follow.
 
M

mattmcegg

New member
Keeping your private life private is normal. However, sometimes we might be doing it for other reasons.

Its possible that someone could be afraid deep down that people will "find out" about you. One might think that if everyone close knows everything about a condition it might change the way they think about you. This could lead you to closing people off from the disease, and possible certain people off completely.

This is a diffuclt aspect of having disease. Try to remember a few things. People will love you for who you are. In order to change this you need to 100% totally completely accept the nature of who you are. CF is NOT who you are, and people "finding out" about it does not change ANYTHING relating to your worth as a person.

Everyone has things, big and small, that they feel they need to hide... they're called insecurities. Ours happens to be bigger than most, and difficult to hide. Work on being open with yourself first, and the rest will follow.
 
M

mattmcegg

New member
Keeping your private life private is normal. However, sometimes we might be doing it for other reasons.

Its possible that someone could be afraid deep down that people will "find out" about you. One might think that if everyone close knows everything about a condition it might change the way they think about you. This could lead you to closing people off from the disease, and possible certain people off completely.

This is a diffuclt aspect of having disease. Try to remember a few things. People will love you for who you are. In order to change this you need to 100% totally completely accept the nature of who you are. CF is NOT who you are, and people "finding out" about it does not change ANYTHING relating to your worth as a person.

Everyone has things, big and small, that they feel they need to hide... they're called insecurities. Ours happens to be bigger than most, and difficult to hide. Work on being open with yourself first, and the rest will follow.
 
M

mattmcegg

New member
Keeping your private life private is normal. However, sometimes we might be doing it for other reasons.

Its possible that someone could be afraid deep down that people will "find out" about you. One might think that if everyone close knows everything about a condition it might change the way they think about you. This could lead you to closing people off from the disease, and possible certain people off completely.

This is a diffuclt aspect of having disease. Try to remember a few things. People will love you for who you are. In order to change this you need to 100% totally completely accept the nature of who you are. CF is NOT who you are, and people "finding out" about it does not change ANYTHING relating to your worth as a person.

Everyone has things, big and small, that they feel they need to hide... they're called insecurities. Ours happens to be bigger than most, and difficult to hide. Work on being open with yourself first, and the rest will follow.
 
M

mattmcegg

New member
Keeping your private life private is normal. However, sometimes we might be doing it for other reasons.
<br />
<br />Its possible that someone could be afraid deep down that people will "find out" about you. One might think that if everyone close knows everything about a condition it might change the way they think about you. This could lead you to closing people off from the disease, and possible certain people off completely.
<br />
<br />This is a diffuclt aspect of having disease. Try to remember a few things. People will love you for who you are. In order to change this you need to 100% totally completely accept the nature of who you are. CF is NOT who you are, and people "finding out" about it does not change ANYTHING relating to your worth as a person.
<br />
<br />Everyone has things, big and small, that they feel they need to hide... they're called insecurities. Ours happens to be bigger than most, and difficult to hide. Work on being open with yourself first, and the rest will follow.
 
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