Hallmark card writers - funny

blindhearted

New member
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


--------------------------------------

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


-----------------------------------------


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


-------------------------------------


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


-----------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


------------------------------------------------


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


---------------------------------------------


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


----------------------------------------------


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


-------------------------------------------------


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


--------------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


------------------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


------------------------------------------------


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


-----------------------------------------------------


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


-------------------------------------------------


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



--------------------------------------------------



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



---------------------------------------------------



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



---------------------------------------------------



So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 

blindhearted

New member
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


--------------------------------------

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


-----------------------------------------


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


-------------------------------------


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


-----------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


------------------------------------------------


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


---------------------------------------------


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


----------------------------------------------


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


-------------------------------------------------


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


--------------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


------------------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


------------------------------------------------


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


-----------------------------------------------------


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


-------------------------------------------------


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



--------------------------------------------------



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



---------------------------------------------------



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



---------------------------------------------------



So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 

blindhearted

New member
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


--------------------------------------

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


-----------------------------------------


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


-------------------------------------


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


-----------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


------------------------------------------------


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


---------------------------------------------


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


----------------------------------------------


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


-------------------------------------------------


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


--------------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


------------------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


------------------------------------------------


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


-----------------------------------------------------


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


-------------------------------------------------


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



--------------------------------------------------



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



---------------------------------------------------



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



---------------------------------------------------



So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 

blindhearted

New member
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


--------------------------------------

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


-----------------------------------------


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


-------------------------------------


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


-----------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


------------------------------------------------


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


---------------------------------------------


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


----------------------------------------------


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


-------------------------------------------------


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


--------------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


------------------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


------------------------------------------------


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


-----------------------------------------------------


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


-------------------------------------------------


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



--------------------------------------------------



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



---------------------------------------------------



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



---------------------------------------------------



So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 

blindhearted

New member
Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........


--------------------------------------

My tire was thumping.

I thought it was flat

When I looked at the tire...

I noticed your cat.

Sorry!


-----------------------------------------


Heard your wife left you,

How upset you must be.

But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.


-------------------------------------


Looking back over the years

that we've been together,

I can't help but wonder...

"What the hell was I thinking?"


-----------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your wedding day!

Too bad no one likes your husband.


------------------------------------------------


How could two people as beautiful as you

Have such an ugly baby?


---------------------------------------------


I've always wanted to have

someone to hold,

someone to love.

After having met you ..

I've changed my mind.


----------------------------------------------


I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.

I never believed in Hell until I met you.


-------------------------------------------------


As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...

That you're not here to ruin it for me.


--------------------------------------------------


Congratulations on your promotion.

Before you go...

Would you like to take this knife out of my back?

You'll probably need it again.


-----------------------------------------------------------


Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!

(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )


------------------------------------------------------------


Happy birthday! You look great for your age.

Almost Lifelike!


------------------------------------------------


When we were together,

you always said you'd die for me.

Now that we've broken up,

I think it's time you kept your promise.


-----------------------------------------------------


We have been friends for a very long time ..

let's say we stop?


-------------------------------------------------


I'm so miserable without you

it's almost like you're here.



--------------------------------------------------



Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.

Did you ever find out who the father was?



---------------------------------------------------



Your friends and I wanted to do

something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.



---------------------------------------------------



So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

it's really good pay
 
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