"Heartbroken"

[Angela65a]

Hi there

I haven't been on this site in ages, missed it!

My story what has been happening to me lately, I have recently (last Sunday just turned 50), wow big 50, who'd ever have thought id have reached this age, with cfrd(became diabetic at 21), lung functions fv1, only in late 30's, early 40's.

However, I was with my partner for 8 years, (met online), very happily as I thought, been on 2 cruises and a number of lovely holidays, have 2 dogs and 2 cats together (I was never lucky enough to be able to have children, due to very thick mucus).

Just before easter this year (31st March), my partner let's call him "John" said he wanted to move on and leave me, now nearly 4 weeks later, I am still totally heartbroken and gutted, and dont' know where to go from here, literally. I have for support thank god my wee elderly dad, who is brilliant, don't know what I'd do without him, let's just say without him I would not be here. So I'm so worried what I will do if god forbid the worse happens, and I get very sick or have to go into hospital, what shall I do with my two dogs, and his two cats(who are still with me), as my dad has 2 dogs and a cat of his own. I don't really have many friends, as they all have their own lives.

I am trying my very best to stay strong and get on with life, as "we" have to and not get sick, and to not be down, for my dad and to look after the animals, and myself of course.

But I can't stop busting into tears, don't know how to move forward after this,, just totally finished with relationships, just praying that God keeps me strong, and continues to do so. Whoever, reads this, please say a prayer for me.

thank you.

S.

 

[jaimers]

Hi S, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I don't have any profound advice for you but I think it's totally ok and emotionally healthy thing for you to grieve this loss. 8 years is a long time to be deeply invested with someone and im not sure if you were married (it wasn't clear from your post) but I'm sure what you're experiencing/feeling would be similar to getting a divorce which is terrible in many ways but especially takes an emotional toll. I would defintely be a complete wreck if I were in your shoes. And I think it's ok to be a wreck! Of course we don't know the details and we don't need to but it seems horrible of him to have left in such an abrupt way. I want to affirm that you are valuable and lovable as a human being and his decision to leave doesn't negate those facts. I will say a prayer for you and though we're just here on the internet, we're here for you!

 

[windex125]

Hi Angela, I am not going to say sorry for yr. loss cause when I hear of situations like this it really pisses me off big time. I am 60 and married 35yrs.. I know if I gave 8 years to a man who then decided oh its time to move on...you didn't give a lot of details, but in my eyes this was a major commitment all those years. So now what? Well you stay strong, and positive, and healthy, that is first on yr. list. Also you mentioned friends, but not being too close. That happens with a lot of us as woman we put our friends on hold or to the back, while we are in a relationship. Then it ends, and we feel lost and betrayed, and in a way we are. Try picking up the phone and calling one or two, maybe meet for a coffee or a glass of wine. I wld ck with my vet first to see if they hv a list or some suggestions of possibilities of people that may watch over pets in case of emergency. Then I wld try to mend some of the friendships if they are married and hv kids or they are living with someone, they know that issues like this can happen, we go abt our lives and forget to include some time to spend with others. you did not mention siblings either, are their any you can count on? I will pray for you as well, know you will get though this. Also ck yr local library, ours has a lot of things to do during the month, many activities. Get out walk those dogs, spring is here and you will survive, you've 50 and hv dealt with CF all these yrs. We can take on anything. Good Luck. Pat

 

[kgfrompa]

Angela i am so sorry for your loss of a partner,I am alone and have been for 10 years I find it way to hard to keep up with any one I just turned 59 and I also have trouble with having a dog when i have to go to the hospital it is the hardest thing to be sick and then worry about Levi and where will i take him,I found a couple from church that have been helping me when this need arises but still it brings on fear .It is a loss and time can heal but the scar will always be there I am so sorry for your pain and will pray for healing and a door opens to someone who can help you heal.

 

[alegris]

Hi Angela,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's hard and it's perfectly ok and normal to be a wreck, especially only four weeks later. I read somewhere it takes close to 18 months to completely get over an ex. The man in my life decided he didn't want to be a part of mine when I was pregnant with his daughter. It's hard, more than hard, but the best advice I have is to take it one day at a time. Don't think. Thinking about the future and the 'what if's' makes everything much more difficult. It's harder for us especially because we have this awful disease looming over our heads. But one day at a time. Some days will be bad. Some very bad. There are days when I cry all day, even almost two years later. I don't fight it. I cry it out and tell myself tomorrow will be better. Don't beat yourself up about being upset. It's completely normal. I also have a dog and I find one of the biggest things that helps me is walking and just getting away from everything. I'm kind of a loner so would rather be surrounded by nature and self-heal rather than talking it out with someone (but saying that, I also have days where I have swearing rants about him with some close friends!). Everyone heals differently so find what is best for you (and it may change daily) and go with it. Don't feel upset about being upset. Tomorrow will be better. Time might not heal all wounds, but it helps.
Wishing you all the best and wishing 'John' a serious case of chronic explosive diarrhea (at the very least).

 

[welshwitch]

Sorry to hear! Several years ago the guy I thought I was going to marry dumped me. It was horrible. I spent several months in a shell of myself. What got me through was discovering new hobbies, friends, and ironically ways to empower myself with my CF. I even trained for a 100 mile bike ride with 2 friends. I remember writing in my journal "The bike team is the best thing in my life right now."

A couple years later I met the most amazing guy, who I now live with! I would never have met him if I'd stayed with the other guy. My mom pointed out that sometimes you need to go through a breakup to meet the right person. It hurts, but it can be a door opening, too.

My advice would be to take care of yourself and try to dispel negative thoughts with positive thinking. Stay strong!

 

[welshwitch]

Also, congrats on turning 50! You are an inspiration!!!!

 

[Gammaw]

Angela - prayer said for you! I don't know anyone who hasn't suffered the pain of a breakup. It doesn't make it better but it is understood and felt by all. It flat out hurts! But I will say this - he not only left your relationship, which can happen without fault on anyone's part. But he left his adopted furbabies.....that's an abandonment, not a relationship decision. What a disturbing thing to do! I don't know the circumstances but it sounds like he has his own demons right now that may well have nothing to do with your relationship! The only healer with which I am familiar is time.
I know how constricting CF can be on activities. And I don't know your personal circumstances. But I am going to make some suggestions. First of all, sharing your pain on this forum is, in my personal opinion, an excellent way to begin healing. Thank you for trusting us all with your feelings. It sounds to me as though you have a wonderfully healthy attitude when dealing with disappointment. Secondly, you need your space now - feel free to cry, yell, or get angry and vent! It helps heal. But don't bother with it too long! You want to heal, not wallow! Third, nuture and surround yourself with the things that make you feel good - whether it's a hot bath, a walk in the park, or a new box of chocolates! Lastly, when ready, turn yourself outward. It can be so rewarding! Collect toys for the homeless shelter, sponsor a child or family through your church or some charity , volunteer at Habitat or the food kitchen....the smiles of those you help will restore your soul.
Blessings......