Tough topic. Wow-2 yrs ago I was exactly where you are now. My baby is 6 months old now.
Similar to Melissa, my mom told me she'd be raising my child, that I was selfish and should just be grateful that I can live-period-and not think about kids. She said once my child realized I had cf, it would consider me only to be a burden, my hubby would only consider me a burden and basically everyone else in my family would too. She told me to forget kids and get a hobby and stop being selfish.
I really understand where you are coming from.
Those things really killed me to hear, esp from my mother. Your mother should be the woman you turn to for joy and wisdom when you are becoming a mom yourself.
To be honest, at the point when I told her I was planning to get pregnant, I was already so resolved that I could do this and that everything would be fine, that I really didn't let her comments get to me. I had worked so hard the previous year to be healthy and to plan my pregnancy that nothing was going to shake me. My doctor had given me her approval. That was very important to me.
To begin with, when I told my doctor I was thinking of pregnancy, I told her that I didn't want her to 'ok' it just bc she knew it was what I wanted to hear. I told her, yes, I'd be devastated if I couldn't have a baby but I could live with it. I wanted her honest opinion. My doctor in general isn't a huge fan of cf pregnancy, meaning, she'll work with you but she doesn't advocate it. So getting her approval was a big confidence booster. I really had confidence that it would be ok.
I worked so hard to get my health to that point, and I already felt like a mom inside. Nobody was going to talk like that about my future child. Thats how I felt about it. That my mom wasn't just saying it to me-she was saying it to the baby of mine that wasn't even here yet.
That doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. It devastated me to hear my mother speak like that. But I told her firmly but calmly that this was going to happen whether she felt it should or not. And that I didn't need anymore stress in my life than what I already had. So if she continued speaking like this, I'd have no choice but to limit contact with her, and that included grandchildren.
Once I was pregnant-to her it was like it never happened, and like she never objected at all. Threaten to keep grandchildren (or aunt, uncles, ect) from their grandkids, neices, ect..and they'll mind their own business.
There was no need to keep her out of my life though. She was only saying those things bc she was truly worried for me. She saw me walk through the fire, and she was worried. Sure she shouldn't have treated me so cruely, but she's my mother and I respect her. And she loves my daughter so much. She's also been a huge help to us.
So the question you should perhaps ask yourself is-who's voice is it that you are really bothered by?
Is it the voices of these people? Or is it your own?
You have already gotten your doctors approval and you haven't rushed into it, which is very wise and safe. Patience pays. I planned this child for 2 yrs before conceiving.
Unless you really believe this is best for you, it doesn't matter how many doctors tell you to go ahead. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but it seems that if you were really ready, it wouldn't matter what these people were saying.
I'd suggest that you talk to as many cf moms as you can about what the lifestyle of being a mom w cf is like. There's alot of misconceptions out there. Even things that nurses and docs have said to me that would be a problem-haven't been a problem. There's other things that I wasn't prepared for that have turned out to be an issue.
In my experience so far, I'd say the number one thing to consider is how much support do you have? How hands on is hubby? If you don't have family or friends to help when you need it, can you afford to hire help?
With time, you will know in your heart what the answer is.
The bottom line is, as well meaning as your loved ones are, they have no clue what they are talking about. They don't know the cf routine, the drugs, the new advances with cf care, the options. They tend to look at it as a huge problem that would only spin out of control-but thats bc they probably really care for you.
Please pm with any questions or comments anytime-talking to moms here is exactly what helped me to get to the point I am at now. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for them!
