How do I make my point??

[bloggymom]

I am taking MAC drugs... almost at 3 month mark. I have been really careful during this cold and flu season. At Christmas my inlaws came and knowingly exposed me to cold and virus germs. We have told them over and over to stay home if they have been around sick people. They refuse to listen to us.... they think we are overreacting (have come out and said so). I had the beginning on a cough and loosing my voice a few days after they left. Hubby got the "creep and crude" full force this weekend. He was quite sick yesterday... a touch better today.

I am super angry as you can imagine.... they knew they had been exposed to sicknesses and still came to our home. Didn't tell us that they had been exposed until after they went back home.

What do you do with people that don't care.... and put you in harms way with cold and flu germs??

I want to refuse to allow them to come to my home again but hubby thinks that is rude (they are his parents). I think we need to do something drastic so that they get the point and know we are serious. My thoughts are action = consequences. Luckily their actions didn't lead to serious consequences for my health/lungs. Hubby wants to be quiet and let it slide once again. I am tired of letting it slide.... Do I disregard my husbands wish and make a stink???

How serious should I be with them??? This is not the first time they have knowingly exposed me to colds/viruses. I would like for it to be the last... if I can help it.

(side note-- They don't think my CF is real... )

 

[Aboveallislove]

Given that you were clear on your request and they ignored it, I would refuse to have them in my house. I wouldn't make a big deal of it; I just wouldn't invite them and if they ask explain that you just can't risk the infection and then if they try to argue just say "I love you too much to argue." or "I'm sorry you feel that way." If your husband ignores your wishes I would leave the house and do something I really enjoy at the time; or stay in the house and do something I really enjoy. . . nap.

 

[Printer]

Your in-laws are being RUDE. Listen to love and if/when they come leave the room that you/they are in and close the door behind you.

Tell hubby to grow up.

Bill

 

[AmalynRose]

I would not go behind your husband's back. However, he needs to understand that YOU and YOUR health are his number one priority. I was taught that a man would leave his parents and cleave to his wife, and vise versa. He needs to make the well being of those who belong to his household the center of his focus, parents be damned.

They are adults. They will get over it. If they don't, tough cookies.

P.S. My husband thinks that your husband's parents are silly because they don't believe you have CF. I agree with him. He was wondering if they gave a reason at all for not believing because they remind him of his father.

 

[bigstar]

I would do the talk once again. Kindly but firmly. I would give CF details. Disgusting details. I would add some drama. And then finish up by asking them again NOT TO purposely expose you to viruses again! Do the talk once again. Let them know how you feel and let them know what their actions implicate.

 

[Aboveallislove]

I have to disagree with bigstar. You said you told them "over and over." At this point, it is clear they don't care, either because they don't care, are stupid, or they think you are crazy. If they don't think your CF is real, then it's likely #2 or #3, and because of that they don't care. If anything changes it will be that they lie and/or don't tell you even after the fact. You know they aren't changing, so all you can do is change your behavior. You husband can have a relationship with them at THEIR house and you can have one on the telephone. If he insists they come to your home, then you can leave during the visit or retire to your room. To clarify: I don't think you make a "big stink;" I think you calmly ask your husband not to have his parents over. If he refuses then when the next visit is scheduled, you just calmly tell your husband you will not be present during the visit. But don't make a stink, just leave or retire. Also, to clarify: I don't think you should look t this as "how do I make my point." It is clear at this point that you cannot make your point. All you can do is protect yourself. I am so sorry you have to deal with this. hugs.
Love

 

[bloggymom]

I wrote a letter to my family and friends. It has already been strongly accepted by my family so far. I am still waiting to hear from my inlaws. We are expecting to meet resistance but at least they will know in writing how we stand.

My Hubby is on my side. He was just hesitant.

 

[Cherylwithone]

My 2 cents. Since I know your health history, I would cut straight to the chase. Knowing that anyone with Cf can have their health turn on a dime, Just ask them all of them "How would you
feel if because you knowing brought germs to me and I die can you live with that". I had to do that with my daughters health. It stopped people dead in their tracks. Some times being nice or
sugar does not work. Facts are facts. No one should mess with CF. It can cause harm that can not be undone.

I am really sorry you are dealing with family again in regards to your health. I wish you nothing but the best. I would walk out the door as they are walking in the door.

 

[bloggymom]

That is just the point I made in the letter. I asked my family if they want to be guilty of killing me.

I am done sugar coating things for them.... things have never been sugar coated for me. They are so removed from my illness that they can forget that the disease exists.

I put all the cards on the table so to speak. At least they can't say they didn't hear me... it is all there in writing and I guess the only thing they can do it hit delete (and deny getting my letter). At least my conscious can be clear. I know I addressed the issue and I made it clear they can't come to my house and bring me germs. I even said that while I am treating my MAC no one should try to visit. Treating this MAC is a full time job anyway.

 

[LouLou]

i think it is great that you sent everyone a letter. Another suggestion I was going to offer is to bring them to a "Possible Next Steps" meeting...call it what you will "The Beginning of the End" meeting. Have it at your doctors office, scheduled ahead for one hour where your doctor goes over what is likely to happen to you in your future and what the family should expect and how they can help you slow the process of getting to that point. The doctor will give the grim prognosis of someone withcf and then add MAC and can go into the details of what to expect with regards to decisions they may even need to make for you. If these are people who truly love you they will be there when you are dieing and the sooner they know how it's all going to go down the better. Your husband will likely need their support in the future so I can understand he doesn't want to cut ties. If there's conflict now, imagine what will happen then... as they try to understand bronchs, venting, ECMO, collapsed lung, etc. And before everyone harps on me for being negative about C's case, I suggest this discussion for everyone. It will allow your loved ones to make swifter decisions without the element of surprise when the time comes.