I have a 11 year old without CF..We've always been pretty open about CF. Maggie needs certain things nebs, VEST extra rest, extra calories, sometimes it feels like extra EVERYTHING to keep her healthy. FOr my non CF child, I do not want him to feel neglected. It's hard because CF is so time consuming. It makes you have limited room for all the extras in life. I want to instill good self esteem in both my children but especially my non CF child for him to deal with having a CF sibling. Any advice?
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How do you foster good self esteem in your non CF child?
- Thread starter Rebjane
- Start date
I have a 11 year old without CF..We've always been pretty open about CF. Maggie needs certain things nebs, VEST extra rest, extra calories, sometimes it feels like extra EVERYTHING to keep her healthy. FOr my non CF child, I do not want him to feel neglected. It's hard because CF is so time consuming. It makes you have limited room for all the extras in life. I want to instill good self esteem in both my children but especially my non CF child for him to deal with having a CF sibling. Any advice?
I have a 11 year old without CF..We've always been pretty open about CF. Maggie needs certain things nebs, VEST extra rest, extra calories, sometimes it feels like extra EVERYTHING to keep her healthy. FOr my non CF child, I do not want him to feel neglected. It's hard because CF is so time consuming. It makes you have limited room for all the extras in life. I want to instill good self esteem in both my children but especially my non CF child for him to deal with having a CF sibling. Any advice?
I have a 11 year old without CF..We've always been pretty open about CF. Maggie needs certain things nebs, VEST extra rest, extra calories, sometimes it feels like extra EVERYTHING to keep her healthy. FOr my non CF child, I do not want him to feel neglected. It's hard because CF is so time consuming. It makes you have limited room for all the extras in life. I want to instill good self esteem in both my children but especially my non CF child for him to deal with having a CF sibling. Any advice?
I have a 11 year old without CF..We've always been pretty open about CF. Maggie needs certain things nebs, VEST extra rest, extra calories, sometimes it feels like extra EVERYTHING to keep her healthy. FOr my non CF child, I do not want him to feel neglected. It's hard because CF is so time consuming. It makes you have limited room for all the extras in life. I want to instill good self esteem in both my children but especially my non CF child for him to deal with having a CF sibling. Any advice?
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LisaGreene
New member
What a great question! The sibling issue is a very tough one when dealing with any special need and it's hard to address issues like this in a short amount of time/ space. And really, your question is about 2 separate issues: siblings and building self-esteem.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
LisaGreene
New member
What a great question! The sibling issue is a very tough one when dealing with any special need and it's hard to address issues like this in a short amount of time/ space. And really, your question is about 2 separate issues: siblings and building self-esteem.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
LisaGreene
New member
What a great question! The sibling issue is a very tough one when dealing with any special need and it's hard to address issues like this in a short amount of time/ space. And really, your question is about 2 separate issues: siblings and building self-esteem.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
LisaGreene
New member
What a great question! The sibling issue is a very tough one when dealing with any special need and it's hard to address issues like this in a short amount of time/ space. And really, your question is about 2 separate issues: siblings and building self-esteem.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
What doesn't work:
. Wealth and material things
. Being nice all the time
. Giving children everything they want
. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
. Not correcting children for misbehavior
. Being a child-centered home
. Rescuing children from their problems
. Protecting children from difficult realities
What does work:
. A job well done and pride in doing things right
. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
. Having good role models
. Understanding and managing emotions
Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
Thanks for the great question!
PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
LisaGreene
New member
What a great question! The sibling issue is a very tough one when dealing with any special need and it's hard to address issues like this in a short amount of time/ space. And really, your question is about 2 separate issues: siblings and building self-esteem.
<br />
<br />Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
<br />
<br />So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
<br />
<br />Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
<br />
<br />Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
<br />
<br />It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
<br />
<br />So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
<br />
<br />It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
<br />
<br />What doesn't work:
<br />. Wealth and material things
<br />. Being nice all the time
<br />. Giving children everything they want
<br />. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
<br />. Not correcting children for misbehavior
<br />. Being a child-centered home
<br />. Rescuing children from their problems
<br />. Protecting children from difficult realities
<br />
<br />What does work:
<br />. A job well done and pride in doing things right
<br />. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
<br />. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
<br />. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
<br />. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
<br />. Having good role models
<br />. Understanding and managing emotions
<br />
<br />Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
<br />
<br />Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
<br />
<br />Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
<br />
<br />So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
<br />
<br />Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
<br />
<br />Thanks for the great question!
<br />
<br />PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
<br />
<br />Since we have written a very good article about siblings, I am going to address the self esteem issue on this posting. You can find the article about siblings on www.ParentingChildrenWithHealthIssues.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.parentingchildrenwithhealthissues.com/articles/article/4270854/115044.htm">Articles</a> and on my website at www.TipsForCFParents.com under <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/CFSiblings.html">"Sibling Issues"</a>. We'd be happy to take any questions you may have about that article.
<br />
<br />So let's address the self-esteem issue here. There is a lot of misinformation out there about what builds self-esteem so let's clear this up first by defining self-esteem.
<br />
<br />Self -esteem is the way that one feels about oneself as in "I like myself" or "I don't like myself." It is a <i>piece </i>of self-concept.
<br />
<br />Self-concept refers to the way we feel about ourselves <b>and</b> the way we see ourselves which includes knowledge of our personality traits, our skills and abilities, occupations and hobbies, and physical attributes which, for our CF kids, includes "having CF." It boils down to: <i>do we know who we are and do we like what we see? </i>
<br />
<br />It helps us to understand this because we need to be focusing on building our child's self-concept, not just focusing on self-esteem. Because a high self-esteem will flow naturally from a high self-concept.
<br />
<br />So, what builds a high self concept? First we'll focus on what doesn't work. Then we'll talk about what does. And of course building a child's self concept is much more complex than this simple list.
<br />
<br />It is really built upon all of the day-to-day interactions and responses over years of living and loving. And when parents are Love and Logic parents, then this overlying philosophy contributes to the development of a child's high self-concept. So what doesn't work to build a high self concept?
<br />
<br />What doesn't work:
<br />. Wealth and material things
<br />. Being nice all the time
<br />. Giving children everything they want
<br />. Praising children for a mediocre or poor job
<br />. Not correcting children for misbehavior
<br />. Being a child-centered home
<br />. Rescuing children from their problems
<br />. Protecting children from difficult realities
<br />
<br />What does work:
<br />. A job well done and pride in doing things right
<br />. Learning to be proficient and skilled at things
<br />. Contributing to others within the family unit and in the community
<br />. Parents taking good care of themselves and setting the model for healthy boundaries
<br />. Parents using encouragement instead of praise
<br />. Having good role models
<br />. Understanding and managing emotions
<br />
<br />Basically, we develop and maintain our self-concept through the process of taking action and then reflecting on what we have done and what others tell us about what we have done.
<br />
<br />Practical ways to build self-concept include: helping kids discover what they like and are good at by exposing them to many different things like the arts, science, nature, sports, academics, etc. We don't want to over-schedule our kids but extra-curricular activities really are important to helping them discover their likes, dislikes and gifts.
<br />
<br />Using good parenting skills are critical in developing a high self-concept (and self-esteem); especially the way we handle misbehavior. Anger and punishment hurts self-concept; empathy and consequences helps build it because kids <i>learn</i> from their mistakes rather than feel bad and ashamed.
<br />
<br />So, in closing, with the sibling issue, read the article because that will give you specific ideas about how to handle your necessary focus on your child with CF. The way you respond to your non-CF child makes a big difference and the presence of guilt can make it a bigger problem. (It's natural for parents to feel guilty about not being able to "be there" for the sib but it causes problems...)
<br />
<br />Also, check out SibShops- a wonderful program specifically for sibs of kids with special needs that is available in many hospitals around the country. Do a google...
<br />
<br />Thanks for the great question!
<br />
<br />PS We will be addressing these issues at length in the upcoming teleclass (by phone): <b>Winning with CF </b>which starts on Feb 8th. Visit: <a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.happyheartfamilies.citymax.com/winningClasses.html">www.WinningWithCF.com</a> for info.
Lisa,
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Lisa,
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Lisa,
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Lisa,
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
Lisa,
<br />
<br />Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Thank you for your articles. I do need to spend more one on one time with my child without CF. He is getting to an age where he would rather spend time with his friends than with his Mom though<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> Overall, my son is well adjusted. I hope that when he gets older that having a sister with special needs is not always negative..That he was molded into an empathic person.
<br />
<br />
Also, I did look at some of the books out there for sbling of children with special needs. There were lots written for siblings of autistic children or Down's sydrome. Really nothing out there for CF siblings,that would be age-appropriate. There was one Chicken Soup for the Soul for Kids...but I wasn't sure. My son is a advanced reader and i thought it would be great if he had a book with stuff he could relate to....Any Suggestions? He is 11 years old but really at a fairly high level; he loves fantasy books about kids...
Also, I did look at some of the books out there for sbling of children with special needs. There were lots written for siblings of autistic children or Down's sydrome. Really nothing out there for CF siblings,that would be age-appropriate. There was one Chicken Soup for the Soul for Kids...but I wasn't sure. My son is a advanced reader and i thought it would be great if he had a book with stuff he could relate to....Any Suggestions? He is 11 years old but really at a fairly high level; he loves fantasy books about kids...
Also, I did look at some of the books out there for sbling of children with special needs. There were lots written for siblings of autistic children or Down's sydrome. Really nothing out there for CF siblings,that would be age-appropriate. There was one Chicken Soup for the Soul for Kids...but I wasn't sure. My son is a advanced reader and i thought it would be great if he had a book with stuff he could relate to....Any Suggestions? He is 11 years old but really at a fairly high level; he loves fantasy books about kids...
Also, I did look at some of the books out there for sbling of children with special needs. There were lots written for siblings of autistic children or Down's sydrome. Really nothing out there for CF siblings,that would be age-appropriate. There was one Chicken Soup for the Soul for Kids...but I wasn't sure. My son is a advanced reader and i thought it would be great if he had a book with stuff he could relate to....Any Suggestions? He is 11 years old but really at a fairly high level; he loves fantasy books about kids...
Also, I did look at some of the books out there for sbling of children with special needs. There were lots written for siblings of autistic children or Down's sydrome. Really nothing out there for CF siblings,that would be age-appropriate. There was one Chicken Soup for the Soul for Kids...but I wasn't sure. My son is a advanced reader and i thought it would be great if he had a book with stuff he could relate to....Any Suggestions? He is 11 years old but really at a fairly high level; he loves fantasy books about kids...