How do you tell your boyfriend's mom that you have CF?

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welshwitch

Guest
Maybe this is kind of ridiculous to be stressing about, as my boyfriend's parents live in another STATE, but here's my situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He of course knows I have CF, and he's talked with my family about it. My boyfriend asked me if it was OK if he told his sister and dad about it. I was like, "Sure, no big deal."

But for some reason, no one told his mom about it and his dad kept it as a "secret", probably because he didn't know if he had my "permission" to reveal it.

I am very private about my CF and consider it a very personal issue and rarely discuss it....but on the other hand, I feel like I am almost deceiving his mom by not having her know! Also, I'm starting to get to be better friends with her. I'm totally cool with my boyfriend or someone else letting her know....but I'm wondering if I should tell her myself at some point. But at the same time I only reserve the "I have CF talk" to people I know very, very well (because it's a tough talk to have, as most of you know!) I feel fine having my boyfriend tell her...but weird about telling myself because I don't know her THAT well.

Anyways, has anyone here had to deal with telling sig others' parents and families about their CF? I have a very mild case so physically nothing ever really comes up...but emotionally I think it's much harder. I don't want to sugarcoat anything for anyone, but I don't want to "lie" to my boyfriend's mom, especially if she ever becomes a part of my family! She's already starting to feel almost like a parent to me!

Maybe this is too much to be stressing out over!
Thanks for the advice and support!

--Female, 27 w/CF
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Maybe this is kind of ridiculous to be stressing about, as my boyfriend's parents live in another STATE, but here's my situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He of course knows I have CF, and he's talked with my family about it. My boyfriend asked me if it was OK if he told his sister and dad about it. I was like, "Sure, no big deal."

But for some reason, no one told his mom about it and his dad kept it as a "secret", probably because he didn't know if he had my "permission" to reveal it.

I am very private about my CF and consider it a very personal issue and rarely discuss it....but on the other hand, I feel like I am almost deceiving his mom by not having her know! Also, I'm starting to get to be better friends with her. I'm totally cool with my boyfriend or someone else letting her know....but I'm wondering if I should tell her myself at some point. But at the same time I only reserve the "I have CF talk" to people I know very, very well (because it's a tough talk to have, as most of you know!) I feel fine having my boyfriend tell her...but weird about telling myself because I don't know her THAT well.

Anyways, has anyone here had to deal with telling sig others' parents and families about their CF? I have a very mild case so physically nothing ever really comes up...but emotionally I think it's much harder. I don't want to sugarcoat anything for anyone, but I don't want to "lie" to my boyfriend's mom, especially if she ever becomes a part of my family! She's already starting to feel almost like a parent to me!

Maybe this is too much to be stressing out over!
Thanks for the advice and support!

--Female, 27 w/CF
 
W

welshwitch

Guest
Maybe this is kind of ridiculous to be stressing about, as my boyfriend's parents live in another STATE, but here's my situation.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He of course knows I have CF, and he's talked with my family about it. My boyfriend asked me if it was OK if he told his sister and dad about it. I was like, "Sure, no big deal."

But for some reason, no one told his mom about it and his dad kept it as a "secret", probably because he didn't know if he had my "permission" to reveal it.

I am very private about my CF and consider it a very personal issue and rarely discuss it....but on the other hand, I feel like I am almost deceiving his mom by not having her know! Also, I'm starting to get to be better friends with her. I'm totally cool with my boyfriend or someone else letting her know....but I'm wondering if I should tell her myself at some point. But at the same time I only reserve the "I have CF talk" to people I know very, very well (because it's a tough talk to have, as most of you know!) I feel fine having my boyfriend tell her...but weird about telling myself because I don't know her THAT well.

Anyways, has anyone here had to deal with telling sig others' parents and families about their CF? I have a very mild case so physically nothing ever really comes up...but emotionally I think it's much harder. I don't want to sugarcoat anything for anyone, but I don't want to "lie" to my boyfriend's mom, especially if she ever becomes a part of my family! She's already starting to feel almost like a parent to me!

Maybe this is too much to be stressing out over!
Thanks for the advice and support!

--Female, 27 w/CF
 
W

wanderlost

New member
I remember the day I told my now-husband I had Cf. I am a lot like you - pretty healhty, rather mild case, but once I knew I really liked him I felt he should know. I just asked if he had heard of Cf and what he knew about it and then I just put it out there that I had it. He asked a few questions and that was that. I think you just have to come off with it - or, have your boyfriend tell her. Either way, if this is a serious relationship, she should probably know. On the other hand, I rarely told people i was just dating or not serious about - in fact, I never did. I figured why bother?
 
W

wanderlost

New member
I remember the day I told my now-husband I had Cf. I am a lot like you - pretty healhty, rather mild case, but once I knew I really liked him I felt he should know. I just asked if he had heard of Cf and what he knew about it and then I just put it out there that I had it. He asked a few questions and that was that. I think you just have to come off with it - or, have your boyfriend tell her. Either way, if this is a serious relationship, she should probably know. On the other hand, I rarely told people i was just dating or not serious about - in fact, I never did. I figured why bother?
 
W

wanderlost

New member
I remember the day I told my now-husband I had Cf. I am a lot like you - pretty healhty, rather mild case, but once I knew I really liked him I felt he should know. I just asked if he had heard of Cf and what he knew about it and then I just put it out there that I had it. He asked a few questions and that was that. I think you just have to come off with it - or, have your boyfriend tell her. Either way, if this is a serious relationship, she should probably know. On the other hand, I rarely told people i was just dating or not serious about - in fact, I never did. I figured why bother?
 
L

lightNlife

New member
I was very private and personal about CF for a long time too. I remember worrying about what it was going to be like to tell a potential husband that I had CF, not to mention telling the family. Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with holding back this information from her right now. That's not being secretive, and you're not lying to her. You're just being discrete, and that's completely your prerogative. Things like this are a 'need to know', and right now, she doesn't need to know.

It's really only your business and your boyfriend's right now. In the event that he should one day want to marry you, then it becomes their business, but even then, I wouldn't totally lay it all on them in great detail. Extended family can be let in the loop at a more appropriate time, and I think that time is when it's looking quite certain that his family will become your family too.

If you are more comfortable leaving her out of this, then do so. Just don't let it become a source of contention between you and your fella.

It's understandable why you'd feel stressed about this. I think most of us who are now married have been there. Like you, I felt more comfortable having my man tell his mom about CF, rather than me, because frankly, I didn't want to have to hold her hand over it and console her in case she got overwhelmed. Guys are better about communicating things in a matter of fact way, so when and if she becomes an in-law, have him take care of the conversation with the mom.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
I was very private and personal about CF for a long time too. I remember worrying about what it was going to be like to tell a potential husband that I had CF, not to mention telling the family. Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with holding back this information from her right now. That's not being secretive, and you're not lying to her. You're just being discrete, and that's completely your prerogative. Things like this are a 'need to know', and right now, she doesn't need to know.

It's really only your business and your boyfriend's right now. In the event that he should one day want to marry you, then it becomes their business, but even then, I wouldn't totally lay it all on them in great detail. Extended family can be let in the loop at a more appropriate time, and I think that time is when it's looking quite certain that his family will become your family too.

If you are more comfortable leaving her out of this, then do so. Just don't let it become a source of contention between you and your fella.

It's understandable why you'd feel stressed about this. I think most of us who are now married have been there. Like you, I felt more comfortable having my man tell his mom about CF, rather than me, because frankly, I didn't want to have to hold her hand over it and console her in case she got overwhelmed. Guys are better about communicating things in a matter of fact way, so when and if she becomes an in-law, have him take care of the conversation with the mom.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
I was very private and personal about CF for a long time too. I remember worrying about what it was going to be like to tell a potential husband that I had CF, not to mention telling the family. Personally, I think there's nothing wrong with holding back this information from her right now. That's not being secretive, and you're not lying to her. You're just being discrete, and that's completely your prerogative. Things like this are a 'need to know', and right now, she doesn't need to know.

It's really only your business and your boyfriend's right now. In the event that he should one day want to marry you, then it becomes their business, but even then, I wouldn't totally lay it all on them in great detail. Extended family can be let in the loop at a more appropriate time, and I think that time is when it's looking quite certain that his family will become your family too.

If you are more comfortable leaving her out of this, then do so. Just don't let it become a source of contention between you and your fella.

It's understandable why you'd feel stressed about this. I think most of us who are now married have been there. Like you, I felt more comfortable having my man tell his mom about CF, rather than me, because frankly, I didn't want to have to hold her hand over it and console her in case she got overwhelmed. Guys are better about communicating things in a matter of fact way, so when and if she becomes an in-law, have him take care of the conversation with the mom.
 
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Scarlett81

New member
I think its totally normal for you to be stressed about it-but don't beat yourself up for it. My first thought when reading your post was-your boyfriend should be the one telling his mother about it. He has the closer relationship with her and knows her personality more I'm sure. I would think that naturally he'd discuss it. Unless of course for some reason you want to be the one to tell her then its your preogative. But I think thats something he can and should handle. And he doesn't have to make it a huge deal-he can start the discussion and give her more info in gradual doses. And then when you see her next you can tell her more, or ask her what she thought or if she had any questions for you.
 
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Scarlett81

New member
I think its totally normal for you to be stressed about it-but don't beat yourself up for it. My first thought when reading your post was-your boyfriend should be the one telling his mother about it. He has the closer relationship with her and knows her personality more I'm sure. I would think that naturally he'd discuss it. Unless of course for some reason you want to be the one to tell her then its your preogative. But I think thats something he can and should handle. And he doesn't have to make it a huge deal-he can start the discussion and give her more info in gradual doses. And then when you see her next you can tell her more, or ask her what she thought or if she had any questions for you.
 
S

Scarlett81

New member
I think its totally normal for you to be stressed about it-but don't beat yourself up for it. My first thought when reading your post was-your boyfriend should be the one telling his mother about it. He has the closer relationship with her and knows her personality more I'm sure. I would think that naturally he'd discuss it. Unless of course for some reason you want to be the one to tell her then its your preogative. But I think thats something he can and should handle. And he doesn't have to make it a huge deal-he can start the discussion and give her more info in gradual doses. And then when you see her next you can tell her more, or ask her what she thought or if she had any questions for you.
 
K

KrazyKat

New member
You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.
 
K

KrazyKat

New member
You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.
 
K

KrazyKat

New member
You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>KrazyKat</b></i>

You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.</end quote></div>

If the parents don't live together it's not that unusual that they don't know. And it's not unfair for one parent to know something that the other doesn't. My husband and I don't always share the same details with both his parents. I strongly disagree that it's a "MUST" situation. It's harsh of you to imply that the mother is being deceived.

No one has any right to someone's personal and private details. Welshwitch, go ahead and keep stuff to yourself. There's no sense putting yourself in harm's way for the sake of someone else's feelings.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>KrazyKat</b></i>

You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.</end quote></div>

If the parents don't live together it's not that unusual that they don't know. And it's not unfair for one parent to know something that the other doesn't. My husband and I don't always share the same details with both his parents. I strongly disagree that it's a "MUST" situation. It's harsh of you to imply that the mother is being deceived.

No one has any right to someone's personal and private details. Welshwitch, go ahead and keep stuff to yourself. There's no sense putting yourself in harm's way for the sake of someone else's feelings.
 
L

lightNlife

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>KrazyKat</b></i>

You absolutely MUST tell her and soon...or your boyfriend must tell her. It is really unfair and rather unusual that his sister and father know but not his mother!! If i was his mother and found out that i was the only one who was being kept in the dark i'd be extremely hurt and confused as to why only i was being deceived. Tell her and the sooner the better.</end quote></div>

If the parents don't live together it's not that unusual that they don't know. And it's not unfair for one parent to know something that the other doesn't. My husband and I don't always share the same details with both his parents. I strongly disagree that it's a "MUST" situation. It's harsh of you to imply that the mother is being deceived.

No one has any right to someone's personal and private details. Welshwitch, go ahead and keep stuff to yourself. There's no sense putting yourself in harm's way for the sake of someone else's feelings.
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lightNlife</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>KrazyKat</b></i>


If the parents don't live together it's not that unusual that they don't know. .</end quote></div>

Did I miss a section? Where did it refer to the parents not living together? IMHO I also think its not right that the Dad & sis know, but not the Mom. If I was her I would wonder what other important info is being kept from me. I realize that the Moms tend to be more over protective, but there is reason for that.......
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>lightNlife</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>KrazyKat</b></i>


If the parents don't live together it's not that unusual that they don't know. .</end quote></div>

Did I miss a section? Where did it refer to the parents not living together? IMHO I also think its not right that the Dad & sis know, but not the Mom. If I was her I would wonder what other important info is being kept from me. I realize that the Moms tend to be more over protective, but there is reason for that.......
 
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