Husband with CF has no desire to have sex or be touched.

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purple teal

New member
Married to my husband for 8 years. He has CF and is 41 years old. His health is good and stable. He had no desire to ever be touched or have sex, almost like any kind of intimacy repulses him. We've had sex once in the last 6+ months, and when I try and talk about it, it's never the right time. I don't ever want to seem demanding, but wanting to feel intimate with my husband should be normal. He make me feel like a freak for asking. Any other wives out there have this issue. I am wondering if it's CF related?
 
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welshwitch

Guest
This doesn't sound like a CF thing. But it sounds pretty common (i.e., low sex drive). I also bet it has nothing to do with you. Is he on anxiety medication? Have his testosterone levels been checked? I'd recommend either getting him checked out on those things or couples therapy. Again it's probably something he's embarrassed about but is something you could work out. Hope things turn around. Good to hear your husband's health is stable!
 
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rubyroselee

New member
I don't know that it's because of CF that your husband is like that, but it may factor in. Sometimes it's hard to let someone be close to you in our shoes. Especially if he is one to take care of himself, he may feel like he has to 'protect' his body and that means not letting anyone be close to him physically. Or if he gets sensitive or embarrassed easily, so lung or stomach symptoms may make him feel like being less intimate. It can be hard to connect emotionally when you have all these things going on in your body sometimes. But it may not be related to any of that and maybe the way he was raised and his views regarding sex? Or, he may have some sort of biological thing going on that he can talk to his physician about to see if something can help his sex drive. It could be one or a variety of things but I do think that sometimes CF plays a role in it, in my opinion.
 
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Gammaw

Super Moderator
Do you go with him to his CF checkups? Will he let you? Is there a psychologist on your CF Teams staff? I'm envisioning you at the Clinic with him and asking the team generic questions. I wouldn't be surprised if it's related but there's as much a chance that it's not. Perhaps his meds.....or hormonal issues.....or he's finding something new about his body isn't working right....or its just psychological. How is your relationship otherwise?
 
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purple teal

New member
@Gammaw: I do go to all the check ups. Thanks for the suggestions. The hormonal balances could be off. Next one I will for sure ask if they can be checked. I appreciate the replys, as I don't really have anyone other than him to talk to about this.
 
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Gammaw

Super Moderator
Purple teal, only you know how your husband is likely to react to questions from you to his CF Team. That is one reason I suggested generic questions. Such as - what are the likely side effects of ......? What effect does CF have on your hormones? He might be more offended by you asking his docs to start drawing blood......! Do you have a minister or priest that he is comfortable with? If not, perhaps you could talk to a counselor or minister that might help guide you without him initially. We're not trained counselors here. But let me ask you.....if it's not CF related, what do you think would be causing it? I'm not asking you to tell the world, but perhaps to ask yourself and explore. Obviously if it's not CF related, then it's time for more skilled counseling. Either alone if necessary or together if he's willing.
Blessings
 
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Twistofchaos

New member
How is his diet? Is he very pancrease insufficient? First he could try to up his fat and vitamin D3 intake as those might boost testosterone and libido quite a bit. Men need decent levels of fat in their diet to produce testosterone.

Also when testosterone is that low TRT could be a good option to infact improve quality of life. It will improve mental health and energy.
 
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windex125

Guest
I don't think this has anything to do with his CF at all, just my though.. I think it is mental either anxiety or depression or as someone mentioned his testrosterone levels, possibility...... Hate to ask this but has been been going to the gym more often, changing this style in any way meaning his appearance ? I am not looking to hurt you, but I've seen this happen more than a dozen times over. Esp. with this FB craziness going on I know of 2 marriages that fell apart from meeting people on FB and they left their current marriages. You just never know? Friendships start out slow and sometimes become more than expected. For you to write he does not even want to be touched that put off a red light in my head. I think men get worse mid life crisis than us. Were still looking to hv flat bellies at 41, and we getting new hairdo's all to be more attractive to our husbands. I wld start snooping around I am sorry but I wld ck his phone, is computer, and IPAD if he has these. I know you all may get mad at me, but this is a serious situation. You just don't say after 8yrs marriage don't touch me, and I don't want sex with you anymore. Good Luck Pat/60
 
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Gammaw

Super Moderator
Hi Pat. I hear you. And obviously with someone who had no physical challenges, that would be the first impression. And you may be right, but there are certain things we know about CF that severely affect male reproductive development. So assuming infidelity seems premature without other indicators. Some male CFers on this forum have reported an early decline in testosterone as well as other problems with libido. And obviously a man experiencing this, especially at an early age, may be embarrassed or distressed by the experience and do all they can to avoid confronting it. I would think it is certainly worth exploration.
 
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Aboveallislove

Super Moderator
I agree with all of the posts on the possibilities...
1) It could be low testosterone, which could be CF related, reduces libido.
2) It could be depression/anxiety, which also could be CF related.
3) It could be a relationship issue
4) It could be infidelity.

If there is no desire or an issue of being able to, he might not want any contact out of fear that more will be expected...so I don't think the lack of any contact points toward #3 or #4. And you likely have a handle on seeing other factors that might be pointing that way and it doesn't sound like it from your post. With #1 and #2, the challenge will be having him address them since he doesn't want to talk to you about them...he might be furious if you raise them with the doctor. I wonder if it would help to mention a few days before the appointment that you wanted to discuss with the doctor his low libido and ask whether it could be an issue of low testoreone or a side effect to the drug? That way you aren't blind siding him in front of the doctor and it opens the door to a conversation with you first.
Good luck!
 
beautifulsoul

beautifulsoul

Super Moderator
I can't really add anything that everyone else hasn't said but I just wanted to let you know that even though my husband doesn't have CF I've been in this situation before. He's only 27. Most of the time it's a huge stress factor because of his job. Hopefully you will figure out the issue soon! Hugs to you (L)
 
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windex125

Guest
It wld never be my intention to hurt you or to assume anything, but the way you described it all, it's what I thought of first, I agree with the others that hv posted on ckg other areas as well. Medications, testoreone level which is a simple blood test I think? It was the just don't touch me that got me running, as I know of several marriages that the husbands have had failure to rise, no CF but they still want the pleasure of touch, and the compassion of the heart. Which their wives give them and are understanding. But this is a much younger man. I would try to talk with him and explain please honey maybe its one of the medications, lets talk with the doctor, we love each other enough to get though this together. I wish you good luck Pat/60
 
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