I want to Cry...

J

JennifersHope

New member
Vent..... Nothing really happend.. Nothing abnormal today.. I just can't seem to handle anything today.. Every little thing is setting me off.. I have so much love and support that I should not even complain about anything...

One of my doctors today gave me knitting lessons, and bought me yarn, a book, and actually sat with me while I knitted.. Everyone is so nice to me. but I still feel like I am going to go insane. After she left I obsessed over the thought of not letting her know how much I appreciated what she did for me.. UGGG

I am only progressing so slowly.. that I don't feel as if I am ever going to be better... I just want someone to cry to... I am trying to be strong.. and not complain.. A few RTs that I am friends with were here.. and I feel like all I did was complain... and be overwhelmed.. They were so nice..I think it is the combo of high doses of steroids and being in the hospital for two weeks that is getting to me... I don't know..

I wish I could have someone hug me and let me cry really hard.. because that is what I feel like I need... but I don't dare... I feel like I have to be strong... I don't want to be an inconvience any more than I am already... I feel so high maintaince...

I still don't have any answers on.. what is going to happen with my fibroids, uterus or bladder.. So far I am progressing with my intestines but so slowly...

I have been in a lot of pain.. today.. anything I swallow hurts like heck.. My doctor reduced my pain meds today because he is afraid that the narcotics are going to slow my intestines down even more...

I wish I could talk to John and tell him about my day.. I miss my friend a great deal and I can't actually believe he is gone... ...I am stressed about my job......

Thanks for letting me vent....
 
T

thelizardqueen

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>JennifersHope</b></i>


I wish I could have someone hug me and let me cry really hard.. because that is what I feel like I need... but I don't dare... I feel like I have to be strong... I don't want to be an inconvience any more than I am already... I feel so high maintaince...


Thanks for letting me vent....</end quote></div>

First of all, vent all you want - that's what we're here for! I look forward to your venting, so that I know how you're doing.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

Secondly, if you want and need a hug - ask for one. I don't have to be strong all the time Jen. You really don't. I hug will make you feel better, I know it will. And cry. When you go to bed, just lay down and cry. I know you'll feel so much better.

Wish I could visit you *darn that whole cross contamination thing, and the thousands of miles between us!*, because then I'd give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUS and KISSES}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
 
L

lightNlife

New member
A virtual hug is never as good as a real one, but I'm a huggy bear,
so here's  {BIG HUG} from me. You have so much weighing on
your heart and mind right now, it's understandable that you'd feel
like crying, venting, complaining, etc. I'd be worried if you
didn't feel upset!<br>
<br>
I can't say anything to make things better, but please know that
I'm here for you to vent to, etc. From one CFer to another, I
understand (at least to some degree) what you're dealing with.<br>
<br>
{HUG} Don't ever be ashamed to cry. Sometimes those "windows
to the soul" need a little window washing in the form of
tears.
 
A

Allie

New member
oh, jen, I am sorry <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I have nothing good to say, I am just sorry.
 
K

kayleesgrandma

New member
Jen, I'm sorry you're feeling so, so badd! I'm sorry you're being held prisoner by all these physical limitations, wish I could come steal you away for an afternoon, or even a couple of hours! Please don't feel badly about venting--that's what we're here for. Let us know if we can send you anything to make you feel better, please.
 
E

Emily65Roses

New member
You're allowed to complain until your face turns blue... and I'd be willing to bet you think you're a lot worse than you actually <i>are</i>.

And this is an incredibly moot point, but I'd let you cry on me. I'd let you just go until you had no tears left. And then I'd tickle you until you laughed so hard you peed your pants! Yaaayyyy.

*love love* <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
J

Jade

Guest
Sometimes it takes more strength to cry on someone's shoulder, rather than to hold it in. Let it out the first chance you get so it doesn't build up inside. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 
D

Debi

New member
Jen, I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope that tomorrow (Sunday) you will be taken care of by a nurse who is as compassionate as you, who will just sit with you awhile and help you let the tears flow. In the meantime, please know that I am holding you in my heart.

Debi
54 w/cf
 
J

Jane

Digital opinion leader
You have been through so much lately, you must be exhausted as well as frustrated. VENT away girl! We're here for you.

What a great doctor that was to sit with you and knit. They seem to breeze in and out with us. I hope you make something cool.
 
E

EnergyGal

New member
Here is something that might help you. I wish I could teach you how to do EFT. you can look it up if you interested. It helps me a lot when I get emotional
<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://emofree.com">http://emofree.com</a> (emotional freedom technique)

You can say something like this to yourself

Even though I feel stressed out and feel like I want to cry my eyes out, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Then you can change it too.

Even though I feel lost with no health answers, I deeply and completely feel love and accepted by all.

Even thought I feel like I need more hugs and support, I deeply and completely love and want more for myself

Be creative and think of other statements. You are suppose to say these affirmations by tapping on specific face points and hand points. If you are interested look these up on the site. Many MDs are into this now. It is gained wide popularity.
 
D

Diane

New member
Venting is good for you so vent all you want.........we're listening. Although your progression is slow i am glad to hear you are progressing. Hopefully it will speed a bit up for you. I think this happening so soon after John passed has to just add to your depression. Jenn, you gotta cry this one out. When i first got cepacia i had to be hospitalized for my first round of i'vs. I wanted so badly to cry my eyes out but it seemed like i was in a glass bubble. Someone was always coming in, and i never found the right time to let loose with the tears. So one night i went in the bathroom ( i had my own bathroom) put a towel on the floor , sat down, and let the tears flow. I felt much better afterwards.... a good cry really does help ! Like Amy said, a pity party right now is in order. **HUGGS** <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">
 
G

Giggles

New member
I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. Try to have hope and stay strong minded. But, I think it is okay to cry. I think it will make you feel better. There is nothing wrong with crying it does not mean you are backing down or giving up the good fight. I say cry away and let it all out!!!! I think you will feel better. When I am really upset I scream on the top of my lungs the word Krink! Not sure why, but I feel much better. I learned about on the show 30 days on FX. They had this guy go through sprititual eastern medicine stuff like yoga, healing touch etc. Well, the mentor told him when he gets real upset to put his hands on his knees bending over a bit and yell KRINK. I tried it I figured what the hell and it really worked for me.

Feel better real soon and you are a strong and brave person!!!!!


Jennifer 34 years old with CF and CFRD
 
S

Scarlett81

New member
<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">


First of all keep the fact that you are on steroids in your mind-they call it 'roid' rage for a reason. They make my mind race, and give me awful anxiety too. And they make me fight with my husband in an insane person's way.

Secondly, you have had some extremely painful things happen in the last few weeks. Think of it this way, if you weren't feeling this, maybe then you'd be thinking, why aren't I more upset or depressed? I only say that b/c we all beat ourselves up, not for being upset-but for being guilty/confused over being upset in the first place. You have every right to feel the way you feel. In fact its appropriate to be feeling this. Even though it hurts so bad.

All things considered, I think everyone here would agree that you have handled things in a very strong way. You really have. Now just let it all out and cry if you have to. God made us to cry, so it must be for a good reason.

You are doing the absolute best you can. Thats' all you can expect of yourself.

And of course everyone else is here for you too. Don't beat yourself up for feeling the way you do. Just let it be and do your best.
 
D

debs2girls

New member
Jen, I am sorry you are going through this right now and we cant give you a real live hug...You cant cry on my shoulder in person, but if you would like to pm me with your phone number, I would love to call you on Monday and let you vent and or cry all you want...
Let me know...lots of love,
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
Thanks so mcuh for all your love and support.. Today I am doing better emotionally. I am excited as I might get to meet Gene the owner of this website. As it turns out.. we used to live in the same small town.

The doctors were happy with my progress this morning, clincally speaking anyway.. I haven't had another catscan yet to see how things are moving or if they are moving etc.. I really think they are though.. I am still on morphine almost all the time but I am trying to cut it back and I am forcing myself up out of bed //

I just gave a sputum sample today just to check my lungs.. I have been in bed so long.....

I am knitting and stuff.. Trying not to obsess over my job or what is going to happen with it, where I am going to work etc... The ppl here are so wonderful to me, the emergency room where I work has ppl coming in to sit with me on a regular basis.. My friends are bringing me movies, pictures etc.. It helps a lot. It is when I am by myself, left with my own thoughts that I get anxiety...

Thanks so much.. You guys rock.. I still haven't cried.. I don't have the energy today to even want to.. I am not thinking of all the tests and procedures I sitll hav eto have done, or the fact that I have so many things wrong with my body. I am saving my mental strength for focusing on how blessed I am to have so many loving ppl in my life...

Love you guys,

Jennifer
 
A

anonymous

New member
I am so sorry Jennifer. I know what you are going through. We all do. And like Liz said, you can't be strong all the time. I did that my whole life and now is the first time I have allowed myself to cry infront of loved ones and they do not think I am weak. Just as no one thinks you are weak for letting go of that anger and frustration by crying. If anything my family thinks that I am the strongest person they know, as I am sure your family does. Keeping it all inside will only make you worse in the end. Sometimes you just need to cry yourself to sleep to start the healing process. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers. *hug*
 
L

Landy

New member
Everyone here has basically said it all. We all have those moments.
When some new infection or bacteria is picked up on my latest sputum culture or another thing is added to my regimen, then sometimes I have a day when I cry and/or feel depressed, then I sleep on it & pick myself up the next morning, have a pep talk with myself & keep plugging along.
Hang in there & keep us updated<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top