My daughter (30 years old) has CF. I'm always trying to think of ways to<br>really support her, not just cliches about helping a person who is sick.<br><br>I'd love to hear what you most want/need from someone close to you to <br>feel supported and cared about.<br><br>I'd appreciate anything! I think I've gone from doing meaningless things<br>all the way to unhelpful and (maybe) irritating.<br><br>Thanks so much!!!<br>
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I'd love to get your expert opinions :)
- Thread starter amysmom
- Start date
My daughter (30 years old) has CF. I'm always trying to think of ways to<br>really support her, not just cliches about helping a person who is sick.<br><br>I'd love to hear what you most want/need from someone close to you to <br>feel supported and cared about.<br><br>I'd appreciate anything! I think I've gone from doing meaningless things<br>all the way to unhelpful and (maybe) irritating.<br><br>Thanks so much!!!<br>
imported_Momto2
New member
My mom calls me every day when I'm sick.
She stops over randomly with my favorite comfort foods (london broil, chicken a la orange, chicken soup).
She offers to take the kids out for fun activities to get them out of the house so I can rest.
She's offered to help clean, do laundry, you name it.
She gives my husband and me two night out per month for a dinner and movie (free baby sitting).
When I have to be in the hospital, incapacitated, or headed down to the CF clinic, she either stays at our house and takes the kids full time or takes them out to her farm where she and my dad hang with them.
She's sent flowers, cards, poems, etc.
When I was in college or on my own in grad school, after she would visit, I would find random food and small amount of cash. She knew I was totally broke on my grad stipend, but didnt want to insult my pride.
If I only become half the supporting wonderful person she is, I'll consider myself lucky.
My husband, like my mom, has always been there. LIke any relationship, it has had its ups and downs, but if I am not well, he will come home from work or take a day off without a second thought. He will do anything that needs to be done to help out. He has always been a rock for me emotionally. Family has always come first for him and my mom. My father is less obvious, but he sends me articles on CF stuff that he's found, will help with the kids, calls, and is just wonderful. When I was very ill as a kid, he would sleep on a baby mattress in my hospital room so he could check on my every hour, not trusting the nurses. He would take me into work with him if I was ill, make a specially sleeping corner for me where I would curl up, so he could keep an eye on me.
The common theme- a constant stream of love, but not so smothering so I could grow and flourish.
I could go on and on, but I promised my 6 year old there would be a game of dominos prior to bed. : )
Lordy, am I blessed.
She stops over randomly with my favorite comfort foods (london broil, chicken a la orange, chicken soup).
She offers to take the kids out for fun activities to get them out of the house so I can rest.
She's offered to help clean, do laundry, you name it.
She gives my husband and me two night out per month for a dinner and movie (free baby sitting).
When I have to be in the hospital, incapacitated, or headed down to the CF clinic, she either stays at our house and takes the kids full time or takes them out to her farm where she and my dad hang with them.
She's sent flowers, cards, poems, etc.
When I was in college or on my own in grad school, after she would visit, I would find random food and small amount of cash. She knew I was totally broke on my grad stipend, but didnt want to insult my pride.
If I only become half the supporting wonderful person she is, I'll consider myself lucky.
My husband, like my mom, has always been there. LIke any relationship, it has had its ups and downs, but if I am not well, he will come home from work or take a day off without a second thought. He will do anything that needs to be done to help out. He has always been a rock for me emotionally. Family has always come first for him and my mom. My father is less obvious, but he sends me articles on CF stuff that he's found, will help with the kids, calls, and is just wonderful. When I was very ill as a kid, he would sleep on a baby mattress in my hospital room so he could check on my every hour, not trusting the nurses. He would take me into work with him if I was ill, make a specially sleeping corner for me where I would curl up, so he could keep an eye on me.
The common theme- a constant stream of love, but not so smothering so I could grow and flourish.
I could go on and on, but I promised my 6 year old there would be a game of dominos prior to bed. : )
Lordy, am I blessed.
imported_Momto2
New member
My mom calls me every day when I'm sick.
She stops over randomly with my favorite comfort foods (london broil, chicken a la orange, chicken soup).
She offers to take the kids out for fun activities to get them out of the house so I can rest.
She's offered to help clean, do laundry, you name it.
She gives my husband and me two night out per month for a dinner and movie (free baby sitting).
When I have to be in the hospital, incapacitated, or headed down to the CF clinic, she either stays at our house and takes the kids full time or takes them out to her farm where she and my dad hang with them.
She's sent flowers, cards, poems, etc.
When I was in college or on my own in grad school, after she would visit, I would find random food and small amount of cash. She knew I was totally broke on my grad stipend, but didnt want to insult my pride.
If I only become half the supporting wonderful person she is, I'll consider myself lucky.
My husband, like my mom, has always been there. LIke any relationship, it has had its ups and downs, but if I am not well, he will come home from work or take a day off without a second thought. He will do anything that needs to be done to help out. He has always been a rock for me emotionally. Family has always come first for him and my mom. My father is less obvious, but he sends me articles on CF stuff that he's found, will help with the kids, calls, and is just wonderful. When I was very ill as a kid, he would sleep on a baby mattress in my hospital room so he could check on my every hour, not trusting the nurses. He would take me into work with him if I was ill, make a specially sleeping corner for me where I would curl up, so he could keep an eye on me.
The common theme- a constant stream of love, but not so smothering so I could grow and flourish.
I could go on and on, but I promised my 6 year old there would be a game of dominos prior to bed. : )
Lordy, am I blessed.
She stops over randomly with my favorite comfort foods (london broil, chicken a la orange, chicken soup).
She offers to take the kids out for fun activities to get them out of the house so I can rest.
She's offered to help clean, do laundry, you name it.
She gives my husband and me two night out per month for a dinner and movie (free baby sitting).
When I have to be in the hospital, incapacitated, or headed down to the CF clinic, she either stays at our house and takes the kids full time or takes them out to her farm where she and my dad hang with them.
She's sent flowers, cards, poems, etc.
When I was in college or on my own in grad school, after she would visit, I would find random food and small amount of cash. She knew I was totally broke on my grad stipend, but didnt want to insult my pride.
If I only become half the supporting wonderful person she is, I'll consider myself lucky.
My husband, like my mom, has always been there. LIke any relationship, it has had its ups and downs, but if I am not well, he will come home from work or take a day off without a second thought. He will do anything that needs to be done to help out. He has always been a rock for me emotionally. Family has always come first for him and my mom. My father is less obvious, but he sends me articles on CF stuff that he's found, will help with the kids, calls, and is just wonderful. When I was very ill as a kid, he would sleep on a baby mattress in my hospital room so he could check on my every hour, not trusting the nurses. He would take me into work with him if I was ill, make a specially sleeping corner for me where I would curl up, so he could keep an eye on me.
The common theme- a constant stream of love, but not so smothering so I could grow and flourish.
I could go on and on, but I promised my 6 year old there would be a game of dominos prior to bed. : )
Lordy, am I blessed.
TheAmazingBD
New member
My parents are much like Sarajerome's. VERY THOUGHTFUL and SUPPORTIVE. WE are lucky and blessed.
The greatest gift I receive from my family and friends is compassion and an ear. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but sometimes i just need to complain and bitch and whine and need someone to just listen then hug me and tell me I'm still amazing. I am just human with a few more issues<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Support for me includes simple things like a home cooked meal that doesn't include crap that will make me sick, like eggs, and dairy and wheat. It shows me that when I do speak and express what I WANT and NEED and believe in for my own health care, that they hear it and support my choices, not fighting with me about them. Going with me to Dr. appointments, the acupuncture or spiritual healer are greatly appreciated.
My dad, to this day, always gets me a stuffed animal when i go to the hospital, even though that's not often. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. He is very thoughtful about the animal and even has a story to tell when he gives it to me. Yes, I'm 34<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> My mother is a nurse and therefore, naturally a caregiver. She will do anything to make me comfortable when i am ill....or healthy. Whether that's rocking em to sleep with a song or just sitting next to me till I fall asleep. My man, is ultimately the most amazing. He sees me everyday for the last 3 years, never once complains, argues or bitches about my health. He only knows how to be a friend and lover and caregiver...always there for me and always compassionate.
Sorry to say it but financial support IS MAJOR!! If it weren't for my mother and father paying for my health insurance, I'd still live at home. I don't know how others do it!!!
The fact that you are looking for something to show your support, is supportive!! Maybe just ask her how you can help?? My parents ask me that, and believe me, there is always something...even if it's just a hug!
.
The greatest gift I receive from my family and friends is compassion and an ear. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but sometimes i just need to complain and bitch and whine and need someone to just listen then hug me and tell me I'm still amazing. I am just human with a few more issues<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Support for me includes simple things like a home cooked meal that doesn't include crap that will make me sick, like eggs, and dairy and wheat. It shows me that when I do speak and express what I WANT and NEED and believe in for my own health care, that they hear it and support my choices, not fighting with me about them. Going with me to Dr. appointments, the acupuncture or spiritual healer are greatly appreciated.
My dad, to this day, always gets me a stuffed animal when i go to the hospital, even though that's not often. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. He is very thoughtful about the animal and even has a story to tell when he gives it to me. Yes, I'm 34<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> My mother is a nurse and therefore, naturally a caregiver. She will do anything to make me comfortable when i am ill....or healthy. Whether that's rocking em to sleep with a song or just sitting next to me till I fall asleep. My man, is ultimately the most amazing. He sees me everyday for the last 3 years, never once complains, argues or bitches about my health. He only knows how to be a friend and lover and caregiver...always there for me and always compassionate.
Sorry to say it but financial support IS MAJOR!! If it weren't for my mother and father paying for my health insurance, I'd still live at home. I don't know how others do it!!!
The fact that you are looking for something to show your support, is supportive!! Maybe just ask her how you can help?? My parents ask me that, and believe me, there is always something...even if it's just a hug!
.
TheAmazingBD
New member
My parents are much like Sarajerome's. VERY THOUGHTFUL and SUPPORTIVE. WE are lucky and blessed.
The greatest gift I receive from my family and friends is compassion and an ear. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but sometimes i just need to complain and bitch and whine and need someone to just listen then hug me and tell me I'm still amazing. I am just human with a few more issues<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Support for me includes simple things like a home cooked meal that doesn't include crap that will make me sick, like eggs, and dairy and wheat. It shows me that when I do speak and express what I WANT and NEED and believe in for my own health care, that they hear it and support my choices, not fighting with me about them. Going with me to Dr. appointments, the acupuncture or spiritual healer are greatly appreciated.
My dad, to this day, always gets me a stuffed animal when i go to the hospital, even though that's not often. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. He is very thoughtful about the animal and even has a story to tell when he gives it to me. Yes, I'm 34<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> My mother is a nurse and therefore, naturally a caregiver. She will do anything to make me comfortable when i am ill....or healthy. Whether that's rocking em to sleep with a song or just sitting next to me till I fall asleep. My man, is ultimately the most amazing. He sees me everyday for the last 3 years, never once complains, argues or bitches about my health. He only knows how to be a friend and lover and caregiver...always there for me and always compassionate.
Sorry to say it but financial support IS MAJOR!! If it weren't for my mother and father paying for my health insurance, I'd still live at home. I don't know how others do it!!!
The fact that you are looking for something to show your support, is supportive!! Maybe just ask her how you can help?? My parents ask me that, and believe me, there is always something...even if it's just a hug!
.
The greatest gift I receive from my family and friends is compassion and an ear. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, but sometimes i just need to complain and bitch and whine and need someone to just listen then hug me and tell me I'm still amazing. I am just human with a few more issues<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
Support for me includes simple things like a home cooked meal that doesn't include crap that will make me sick, like eggs, and dairy and wheat. It shows me that when I do speak and express what I WANT and NEED and believe in for my own health care, that they hear it and support my choices, not fighting with me about them. Going with me to Dr. appointments, the acupuncture or spiritual healer are greatly appreciated.
My dad, to this day, always gets me a stuffed animal when i go to the hospital, even though that's not often. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME. He is very thoughtful about the animal and even has a story to tell when he gives it to me. Yes, I'm 34<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> My mother is a nurse and therefore, naturally a caregiver. She will do anything to make me comfortable when i am ill....or healthy. Whether that's rocking em to sleep with a song or just sitting next to me till I fall asleep. My man, is ultimately the most amazing. He sees me everyday for the last 3 years, never once complains, argues or bitches about my health. He only knows how to be a friend and lover and caregiver...always there for me and always compassionate.
Sorry to say it but financial support IS MAJOR!! If it weren't for my mother and father paying for my health insurance, I'd still live at home. I don't know how others do it!!!
The fact that you are looking for something to show your support, is supportive!! Maybe just ask her how you can help?? My parents ask me that, and believe me, there is always something...even if it's just a hug!
.
hm... as someone who has not gotten as much support from family as i needed since diagnosis, i will say... listening has got to be the best thing. making the effort to hear what your loved one has to say shows that you care about them enough to refrain from talking about your own (sometimes lesser) problems (no offense). um... doing nice little things like making a cup of tea or giving a back rub when your loved one is sick or sad is also a simple and comforting gesture. letting us cry when we are overwhelmed is nice. we can't always be superhuman and impervious to bullets.
in order to gain a better understanding of what your cfer goes through you can join them on doctor visits and sit with them through treatments so they don't feel alone.
also, i would have found it very helpful to receive help sorting through the paperwork and tons of information, rather than doing it on my own. it's a lot of stuff to do alone.
i agree with the above statement that financial assistance is much needed. my mother dropped me from her insurance plan for a while (i blame her alcohol problem and poor judgment), and it took me a while to get onto my dad's plan. the gap between was killer, so to speak.
in order to gain a better understanding of what your cfer goes through you can join them on doctor visits and sit with them through treatments so they don't feel alone.
also, i would have found it very helpful to receive help sorting through the paperwork and tons of information, rather than doing it on my own. it's a lot of stuff to do alone.
i agree with the above statement that financial assistance is much needed. my mother dropped me from her insurance plan for a while (i blame her alcohol problem and poor judgment), and it took me a while to get onto my dad's plan. the gap between was killer, so to speak.
hm... as someone who has not gotten as much support from family as i needed since diagnosis, i will say... listening has got to be the best thing. making the effort to hear what your loved one has to say shows that you care about them enough to refrain from talking about your own (sometimes lesser) problems (no offense). um... doing nice little things like making a cup of tea or giving a back rub when your loved one is sick or sad is also a simple and comforting gesture. letting us cry when we are overwhelmed is nice. we can't always be superhuman and impervious to bullets.
in order to gain a better understanding of what your cfer goes through you can join them on doctor visits and sit with them through treatments so they don't feel alone.
also, i would have found it very helpful to receive help sorting through the paperwork and tons of information, rather than doing it on my own. it's a lot of stuff to do alone.
i agree with the above statement that financial assistance is much needed. my mother dropped me from her insurance plan for a while (i blame her alcohol problem and poor judgment), and it took me a while to get onto my dad's plan. the gap between was killer, so to speak.
in order to gain a better understanding of what your cfer goes through you can join them on doctor visits and sit with them through treatments so they don't feel alone.
also, i would have found it very helpful to receive help sorting through the paperwork and tons of information, rather than doing it on my own. it's a lot of stuff to do alone.
i agree with the above statement that financial assistance is much needed. my mother dropped me from her insurance plan for a while (i blame her alcohol problem and poor judgment), and it took me a while to get onto my dad's plan. the gap between was killer, so to speak.
My mom is an AMAMZING CF mom. She is a great chef and tries to find new ways to make scandishakes taste good. She has a care package for me when I am in the hospital filled of dry shampoo, chapstick, and my ipod. She and I have a list of wonderful things we want to do together, from crazy (trip to Greece) to simple (make our own Christmas ornaments). Most importantly she has an eternal perspective and I know that each time she prays I am her priority.
My mom is an AMAMZING CF mom. She is a great chef and tries to find new ways to make scandishakes taste good. She has a care package for me when I am in the hospital filled of dry shampoo, chapstick, and my ipod. She and I have a list of wonderful things we want to do together, from crazy (trip to Greece) to simple (make our own Christmas ornaments). Most importantly she has an eternal perspective and I know that each time she prays I am her priority.
If you don't have a problem you can never know what it's like to have it. That is true for any problem. With cf there are so many different levels of disability that what is right for one level would be wrong for another. I would say that the most people have done to help me (I am 55 yr old male) is to treat me as much as possible like anybody else. Encourage them to get all the exercise that they can possibly handle and don't feel sorry for them when they have to take a break to cough their guts out, it really is a good thing even though it seems terrible. The worse thing that people can do is to treat you like a fragile little flower. If you insist on doing that I'm afraid that you will be shortening the life of your daughter. Just remember that with life in general but especially with cf it's never over till it's over and being coddled more than just a little bit may do a lot more damage than good. Tell your daughter that you love her and that it's time to get busy. Just remember to never give up especially when things seem hopeless. I hope that helps and I haven't given you bad advice.
If you don't have a problem you can never know what it's like to have it. That is true for any problem. With cf there are so many different levels of disability that what is right for one level would be wrong for another. I would say that the most people have done to help me (I am 55 yr old male) is to treat me as much as possible like anybody else. Encourage them to get all the exercise that they can possibly handle and don't feel sorry for them when they have to take a break to cough their guts out, it really is a good thing even though it seems terrible. The worse thing that people can do is to treat you like a fragile little flower. If you insist on doing that I'm afraid that you will be shortening the life of your daughter. Just remember that with life in general but especially with cf it's never over till it's over and being coddled more than just a little bit may do a lot more damage than good. Tell your daughter that you love her and that it's time to get busy. Just remember to never give up especially when things seem hopeless. I hope that helps and I haven't given you bad advice.
It is usually the little things that mean the most to me when I am sick... I have a wonderful support system. My mom will drop anything at any notice to take me to the hospital or doctor's or come over to my house and take care of the cleaning, feeding my fur babies, making sure my son is doing okay (he is now 18). She also knows just what I like to eat and bring things like home made noodle soup to me at home or in the hospital, where ever I might be. She also makes it a point to call me daily to ask if I need anything or if I am okay, that means worlds to me.
My sis is exactly like her, they both have been very involved in my health since its decline and I appreciate it. They do nothing to make me feel like a burden, they just know what I need and do it, all with a smile. On my hardest days, they are there to let me cry on their shoulders. It is usually the smallest things that mean the most, they just don't say things like "let me know if you need anything"...bringing over a home cooked meal whenever I am exhausted and on IV's means everything to me.
There is a fine balance of doing just enough and doing too much if that makes sense. I sometimes get irritated if someone is over doting, wants to do everything for me. It is important to make someone feel like they aren't helpless (which of course they aren't <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). Let them do what is comfortable for them to do. When I was very ill, I was very dependent on my family for everything from helping me with showering to dressing me. As I got stronger, I became able to do more for myself, but my family found it hard to just let me do it. They finally understood that my independence was very important to me and let me do what I was able to do and stepped in when it was obviously too difficult for a particular task.
I guess what I am saying is that actions are far more important than words to me. If you say you are going to be there for someone, mean it and do things that will make recovery easier for them. Bring over a meal, especially if there are kids in the house. Help with laundry or cleaning or even with appointments,. Bring over a movie and watch it with him/her if they are up to it. Just be there for them...I can honestly say that not everyone in my family is as wonderful as my sis, mom or dad....my brother pulls away every time I get ill and am put into the hospital for weeks. Not one phone call comes from him, visits from him are seldom. I just think he has a hard time seeing me so ill up close and personal. I know he loves me, but this bothers me. He is the only sibling who acts like this towards me. To those who pull away, I can't tell you how important it is to just be there. If you think you are helping by giving the person space to recover, you aren't. This is when they need you the most, when they are down and out. At least that is my opinion...I am sure there are those who do want to be left alone when they are ill. I guess it depends on the person...
I hope this helps,
Jenn 40 w/CF
My sis is exactly like her, they both have been very involved in my health since its decline and I appreciate it. They do nothing to make me feel like a burden, they just know what I need and do it, all with a smile. On my hardest days, they are there to let me cry on their shoulders. It is usually the smallest things that mean the most, they just don't say things like "let me know if you need anything"...bringing over a home cooked meal whenever I am exhausted and on IV's means everything to me.
There is a fine balance of doing just enough and doing too much if that makes sense. I sometimes get irritated if someone is over doting, wants to do everything for me. It is important to make someone feel like they aren't helpless (which of course they aren't <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). Let them do what is comfortable for them to do. When I was very ill, I was very dependent on my family for everything from helping me with showering to dressing me. As I got stronger, I became able to do more for myself, but my family found it hard to just let me do it. They finally understood that my independence was very important to me and let me do what I was able to do and stepped in when it was obviously too difficult for a particular task.
I guess what I am saying is that actions are far more important than words to me. If you say you are going to be there for someone, mean it and do things that will make recovery easier for them. Bring over a meal, especially if there are kids in the house. Help with laundry or cleaning or even with appointments,. Bring over a movie and watch it with him/her if they are up to it. Just be there for them...I can honestly say that not everyone in my family is as wonderful as my sis, mom or dad....my brother pulls away every time I get ill and am put into the hospital for weeks. Not one phone call comes from him, visits from him are seldom. I just think he has a hard time seeing me so ill up close and personal. I know he loves me, but this bothers me. He is the only sibling who acts like this towards me. To those who pull away, I can't tell you how important it is to just be there. If you think you are helping by giving the person space to recover, you aren't. This is when they need you the most, when they are down and out. At least that is my opinion...I am sure there are those who do want to be left alone when they are ill. I guess it depends on the person...
I hope this helps,
Jenn 40 w/CF
It is usually the little things that mean the most to me when I am sick... I have a wonderful support system. My mom will drop anything at any notice to take me to the hospital or doctor's or come over to my house and take care of the cleaning, feeding my fur babies, making sure my son is doing okay (he is now 18). She also knows just what I like to eat and bring things like home made noodle soup to me at home or in the hospital, where ever I might be. She also makes it a point to call me daily to ask if I need anything or if I am okay, that means worlds to me.
My sis is exactly like her, they both have been very involved in my health since its decline and I appreciate it. They do nothing to make me feel like a burden, they just know what I need and do it, all with a smile. On my hardest days, they are there to let me cry on their shoulders. It is usually the smallest things that mean the most, they just don't say things like "let me know if you need anything"...bringing over a home cooked meal whenever I am exhausted and on IV's means everything to me.
There is a fine balance of doing just enough and doing too much if that makes sense. I sometimes get irritated if someone is over doting, wants to do everything for me. It is important to make someone feel like they aren't helpless (which of course they aren't <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). Let them do what is comfortable for them to do. When I was very ill, I was very dependent on my family for everything from helping me with showering to dressing me. As I got stronger, I became able to do more for myself, but my family found it hard to just let me do it. They finally understood that my independence was very important to me and let me do what I was able to do and stepped in when it was obviously too difficult for a particular task.
I guess what I am saying is that actions are far more important than words to me. If you say you are going to be there for someone, mean it and do things that will make recovery easier for them. Bring over a meal, especially if there are kids in the house. Help with laundry or cleaning or even with appointments,. Bring over a movie and watch it with him/her if they are up to it. Just be there for them...I can honestly say that not everyone in my family is as wonderful as my sis, mom or dad....my brother pulls away every time I get ill and am put into the hospital for weeks. Not one phone call comes from him, visits from him are seldom. I just think he has a hard time seeing me so ill up close and personal. I know he loves me, but this bothers me. He is the only sibling who acts like this towards me. To those who pull away, I can't tell you how important it is to just be there. If you think you are helping by giving the person space to recover, you aren't. This is when they need you the most, when they are down and out. At least that is my opinion...I am sure there are those who do want to be left alone when they are ill. I guess it depends on the person...
I hope this helps,
Jenn 40 w/CF
My sis is exactly like her, they both have been very involved in my health since its decline and I appreciate it. They do nothing to make me feel like a burden, they just know what I need and do it, all with a smile. On my hardest days, they are there to let me cry on their shoulders. It is usually the smallest things that mean the most, they just don't say things like "let me know if you need anything"...bringing over a home cooked meal whenever I am exhausted and on IV's means everything to me.
There is a fine balance of doing just enough and doing too much if that makes sense. I sometimes get irritated if someone is over doting, wants to do everything for me. It is important to make someone feel like they aren't helpless (which of course they aren't <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">). Let them do what is comfortable for them to do. When I was very ill, I was very dependent on my family for everything from helping me with showering to dressing me. As I got stronger, I became able to do more for myself, but my family found it hard to just let me do it. They finally understood that my independence was very important to me and let me do what I was able to do and stepped in when it was obviously too difficult for a particular task.
I guess what I am saying is that actions are far more important than words to me. If you say you are going to be there for someone, mean it and do things that will make recovery easier for them. Bring over a meal, especially if there are kids in the house. Help with laundry or cleaning or even with appointments,. Bring over a movie and watch it with him/her if they are up to it. Just be there for them...I can honestly say that not everyone in my family is as wonderful as my sis, mom or dad....my brother pulls away every time I get ill and am put into the hospital for weeks. Not one phone call comes from him, visits from him are seldom. I just think he has a hard time seeing me so ill up close and personal. I know he loves me, but this bothers me. He is the only sibling who acts like this towards me. To those who pull away, I can't tell you how important it is to just be there. If you think you are helping by giving the person space to recover, you aren't. This is when they need you the most, when they are down and out. At least that is my opinion...I am sure there are those who do want to be left alone when they are ill. I guess it depends on the person...
I hope this helps,
Jenn 40 w/CF