Idiots at work.....

[anonymous]

Ok, I'm in my late 20's and I work in a large company. However, in my department it's a very small, close knit area. There were 3 of us who get along soooo well. Then we hired 2 more people. I was partially in charge of the hiring along with my direct supervisor. So we hired 2 people who would work out best for the position.

Well.....

On 2 occassions one of the co-workers (who is still a college student) has made ignorant and mean comments about my cough. It didn't help that when she started I had bronchitis so my cough was worse than normal. So I've let her mean comments slide 2 times. It just totally gets to me that 1. being the new person you'd talk to some one higher up than you this way, 2. you stick your foot in your mouth 2 times before even opening your eyes to the situation to really see what the circumstances are. My goodness, how stupid can one person be?

So I mentioned this to my supervisor that she (dumb college student) was really p***ing me off and she said that she would handle it. However, my question is, how do I handle it if she says something like this again.

This is what I'd LIKE to say....

Well, Maggie, you know, before sticking your foot in your mouth like you have already done a couple of times. You might want to take some time and realize what the situation is before you go on 1. offending people and 2. making yourself look like an idiot. It is offensive to me and I don't appreciate it. Being that I am the one who got you hired, I would think that someone in your position would be a little more careful in her decision making.

So what do you think, how have you handled this in the past.
And it's not like me to let it slide a 3rd time.

Please let me know.
Thanks a million.

-Fed up of freakin' stupid people.

 

[JazzysMom]

Instead of wasting your breath with a long winded explanation just tell her after the next comment........."Before your make any further comments, I suggest you find out some information since its apparent you dont know the reason for the cough!" If she inquires further then you can educate as much as you want or as little, but enough to let her know the jist. If she doesnt inquire further then you know she is just a person that is rude & doesnt care. If the latter is the case you might continue to have problems so be prepared.

 

[65rosessamurai]

Dear 'Fed up with freakin stupid people',

I agree with JazzysMom; not to make such a winded comment, and adding conflict with more conflict by attacking her job position. Looking at JazzysMom's suggestion, you attack that person's 'concern for how other people feel' character, adding the opportunity for them to ask you why you cough so much. Remember, if that person does change and mind what she says, you need to "turn off" your anger towards her and be more receptive to the questions she asks. (if she's a genuinely concerned person)
If she continues with her poor behavior, (You know, doesn't catch the hint if it bit her in the face!), then there is a possibility to consider it as harrasement and take it up with the supervisor.

Well, I gotta go, I've got to work with the BIGGEST Jerk in the entire world. He's the one that has no concern for me coughing all over the place, missing days at work, leaving work early...I come back and he asks how far I got with some stupid job he gave me, (and I think it's) just to irritate me!!
Already I've got some kind of cold and am leaving tissues all over my desk (for him to view!)!
I still think you've got it easier than me, I'm surrounded by Jerks!! The CEO is the second biggest jerk, next to the Jerk I have to work with!!
Anyway, good luck with the situation, and remember, if dealt with properly, I don't think everyone is a full time Jerk (sometimes with exceptions to the rule), just a full time employee!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[julie]

Ok, from a non-cfer's point.... you may not agree with me and I don't agree with this way of thinking anymore but it might help you understand her a bit more.....

Before I met my husband, I was quite judgemental of others who were different than I was. I looked twice at overweight people, I looked twice at super skinny people, If someone coughed repeatedly and loudly I distanced myself from them. 99% of the time I was grossly unaware of the non-verbal communication I was relaying and sometimes I made very unnecessary comments.

Why? Quite honestly I was afraid of someone with TB (or some other contagious ailment) coughing into my food/drink (or anywhere else too close to me) and spreading it. I was scared that I might "catch" whatever it was that they had. I was clearly uneducated and niave and about 90% or more of todays society is clearly uneducated and niave.

If for one moment one of those people would have stopped and said something like this to me, "you know, my cough is because i have been a smoker for 30 years-not because I am sick", (horrible examle but you get the idea) or "you know my cough is beause of this or that, please don't think that my coughing will get you sick because it is not contagious" I honestly WOULD have thought twice the next time someone was hacking up a lung. Not everyone would be responsive like that, somee people wouldn't care at all and some would.

But, since you are working in an office with this woman and she's not a stranger off the street-you might attempt to clear up the air a bit. Understand, you owe her nothing, absolutely nothing and you are 100% entitled to your privacy and to protect your privileged health information.... but you can still touch on the topic without disclosing too many specifics.

Here's what I would be receptive to. In no way is it the only way to go, but from a non-cfers persepctive...

1. Ask if you can talk to her privately later (you could always have a third party, but this might make a new employee feel "attacked", a tad of resentment-i.e. "why couldn't she have just talked to me 1 on 1, I would have listened...") in a closed door area.

2. Once you two are behind closed doors, explain to her that you felt she has (has, not had) a huge amount of potential and that is why she was hired also that it was a very competative decision. (you don't want to make it sound like YOU are the reason she got hired-even if it is the truth-because this will just take away from the point you are trying to make. You just need to establish/ensure that she knows she was hired for a very specific reason, it wasn't a random or thoughtless decision). This will open the door for #3 which is.....

3. therefore, (because of the potential you see, the good person you see in her....) You are shocked at the behavior and comments (if you can site any specific, that is good but relay them in a NEUTRAL tone, even if she had an attitude when she said it) and that it is offensive to you. (not "what YOU are saying is offensive" but rather, "It offends ME when you say this...")

4. Without disclosing your CF status and health problems-(unless you want to)-explain to her that the coughing isn't spreading anything contagious and that her health will not be adversley affected on any occasion that you might have a coughing spell. If she asks questions, this is good, but don't feel obligated to disclose more than you are comfortable with. Her curiosity is progress but explain to her that you are private about your health and as your work relationship grows you would be happy to entertain more questions but for the time being, it is all you feel comfortable discussing. Her biggest concern might be that your coughing is an awful cold or something even worse that she might "get" and she doesn't have any better "tools" to handle her concerns.

By no means is this the perfect way to handle it but if I were on the recieving end of this converstation-and I have been in that ignorant position (shamefully admits this).

Good luck and I'd love to hear what does work for you as this isn't the first time I've see this type of situation and your "results" may later benefit someone else. Best of luck though

 

[65rosessamurai]

From a "Non-CF'rs" point of view, I thought that was a good description of how to handle the situation, Julie.

I agree with the method you described, especially where keeping personal health private, yet give them enough info to understand the coughing problem.

I've been dealing with the similar situation with one of my superiors. After I'd tell him I had another fever the night before, but was able to get it down to come into work the next day, he'd reply with "Are you taking enough nutrion?" in sort of a strict voice. Without devulging any further, I'd just say "Yes", and when he replied with "Really?", I replied with another "Yes" in a more assertive tone of voice, which stopped his questioning.

Granted, this is going in the other direction, but the way I see it, the main objective is to give the person an understanding without feeling "alarmed", "insulting their work position", and basically trying to keep it "professional".
I'm also curious how the situation ends up, so please feel free to express your results. As Julie mentioned, it may help others who see this problem frequently.

 

[anonymous]

Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you could tell her you have a very contagious virus that causes your skin to boil up and burn until it starts to peel off leaving horrible scars on your face, and the next time she says something about it, you will cough on HER! hehe, that might put the fear in her

 

[anonymous]

<blockquote>Quote<br><hr>Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, you could tell her you have a very contagious virus that causes your skin to boil up and burn until it starts to peel off leaving horrible scars on your face, and the next time she says something about it, you will cough on HER! hehe, that might put the fear in her <hr></blockquote>

That's not the objective of the game!!

 

[CFmama1886]

My daughter is 19 with CF. I dont know how you folks handle all the people who dont have a clue. We will be standing in line at a check out. People... glare... say... oh my you have a bad cold... and all sorts of things. Amber usually ignores the coments, but everyonce in a while she gets that attitude and says.... i always sound like this.
I can remember when i didnt have a clue about CF. its all about the ignorance. Maybe your co-work can be enlighted. Give her a pamplet... smile... and tell her this is why you cough the way you do. If she has any questions she can get back with you. Who knows... maybe she may even do a fundraiser one day.

 

[65rosessamurai]

Hi CFmama1886!
After reading your comment, it seems to me your daughter works at a Supermarket, or something where she works at a register, right?
I've had a few jobs involving working at supermarkets (I worked at a big fruit and vegetable shop). One of my problems was the cough, but because the place was always cold, I seemed to have a cold mixed with my cough. At that time, I usually did the same as your daughter, just ignore, or agree I have a slight cold. The main reason is that dealing with customers, you don't see them long enough to make a simple explanation about personal health. Co-workers (and maybe regular customers) would need that sort of explanation and possible pamphlet.
However, my major hassle I hear (even today) is how much I eat. People at work would joke about how much I can put away, and sometimes ask, or say they think I've gained. I may have gained, but tend to be one who would lose it just as fast. (Probably bloating from gas, etc.) I usually ignore them on that part as well. Unfortunately due to my age, I can't put as much away as I used to, so entering an eating contest wouldn't be a good idea for me. In my twenties, I could've been a good contestant, I think!
Anyway, good luck to your daughter in dealing with those type of people. Just a caution, it's wise to be careful what is said to customers, you don't want to turn them off to which they may not want to return, again. Maybe a pamphlet would be best.....<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

(P.S. Is MaryJo your name or your daughters? I have an aunt with that name, and find it's a rare name to see. She's one of my favorite aunts, so I like the name!)

 

[anonymous]

I dont work but the thing on the check out line made me want to share this with you guys. I guess its more of just ignorant people all round. Thats what they are is ignorant they just dont know any better.

OK so Monday I went grocery shopping. So i went to the check out line put my things on the belt. Waited my turn to check out. Well as i was finishing to put things on the belt i had a coughing attack. So bad too and i had to get a tissue out and spit in it. Anyway while i was coughing two people were coming into the same line behind me and when i didnt stop coughing after the first two coughs they left. I thought it was so funny. So I made a comment to the cashier " well at least with me coughing you can have a break, no one wants to be behind me" she laughed. and goes "yeah they act like you have the plague didnt they"...she didnt know i have cf either. she did ask if i had allergies or something so i said i had cf and she knew what it was. But i still think it was so funny.
Just thought i would share.
Amanda

 

[anonymous]

PERSONALLY, MY OPINION IS THAT NO EXPLANATION IS NEEDED.... AND THE FACT THAT THE GIRL WAS SO BRazen and bold to make a comment like that boggles my mind a bit... i wouldn't even have the nerve to say any thing but as everyone knows, there are some sickos in this world,,,,, i would say yeah, the doctors don.t know what kind of contagious illness it is, but they say it is extremely deadly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<img src="i/expressions/coughing.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-mad.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-frown.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

<img src="i/expressions/coughing.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

<img src="i/expressions/coughing.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/coughing.gif" border="0"><img src="i/expressions/coughing.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[lovingBenandCambree]

I was just talking to my husband about this very fact. I love going into places when I am coughing up a lung (sarcasm intended) and everyone looking at me when I do cough. I said you know though because of my illness I try to stay away from anyone that I hear coughing because I am scared that they will give me something so I think that it goes both ways. Is it right? Probably not. I say if you want to let her know then let her know. If not then try to let it go. I don't understand why people make comments that they do. I think that is totally uncalled for. Good Luck! I am one to share with people as I feel necessary. Of course I am not going to get over the PA system and share with everyone at Costco that I have CF and not to worry about the hacking. That would be great though LOL

Emilee

 

[4kidsmom]

I agree with people being rude, Brady is only 4 and we have already heard in the stores--oh, he is so skinny and he eats McDonalds? or you sound hoarse are you getting sick? You have a bad cough, you must be sick? I always think in my head, people you don't have a "clue". It doesn't make me as angry now, I just let it roll off and Brady doesn't think a thing about it, just like when other kids see him taking enzymes they will ask why he takes them and he says "duh- because I don't want to get a belly ache, or when they see him do one of his 7 aeorsals (4 with purcussion ) a day and they look at him like he is weird, he is like" well I don't want to get sick!". I just don't let it get to me- he surely doesn't!!!!

Take Care

Angie
Step-mom to Brittany 13 with no cf (and the boys are starting to call.......)
Mom to Tyler 12 with no cf, but a carrier (just started wrestling practice today!)
Mom to Brady 4 with cf (acts like a 30+ year old)
Taylor with no cf, but chromosome 9q deletion 9q 22.2 q 22.1 (a little beautiful brunette)