Normally, I don't vent on this forum, and I'm not even sure why I'm doing it now. Maybe I'm just looking for feedback on how you guys de-stress, because I could use some ideas.
First off, I went into clinc the other day for the results of my tyroid test. Originally, my doc thought my heart rate was a little high and due to Grave's disease running in my family, he thought it might be because of my thyroid. They ran two tests---one was positive, the other was totally negative. The doc seems to think that the first one came back funky because I had a little flare-up of staph going on.
The good news; I don't have Grave's. The bad news? My heart is screwed up. My doc said the normal heart rate range for a 20-year-old is 70-80. Mine is up in the 120's-130's. UGH!! He said I have the normal heart rate of a 7-year-old... Therefore, he thinks that my heart may actually be undersized, and it could be just as simple as taking yet ANOTHER PILL to slow it down! I go for a heart echo either this Thursday or next. Why is it all my vital organs that are screwing up!? Lungs, heart...why can't it be something stupid, like my vagina or something?!
To top it off, my boyfriend's insurance just hiked up to an ungodly amount of money over an accident he had over a year ago. He doesn't make a whole lot of money, and this hike could kill him. His vehicle is financed, so he has to have a certain amount of coverage. The woman at State Farm told him that if he increased his deductable, the rate would lower dramatically. She also said she'd call him on Monday. Well, here it is Tuesday, and she hasn't responded. He tried calling her, but she was too busy and said she'd get back to him. More BS. So here we both are, on pins and needles, with nothing to go on. I guess all insurance companies, health or otherwise, suck @$$.
We got into a big fight last night, too, over something totally unrelated. Rick works for my father on the weekends, and something stupid happened that was out of his control. Dad ranted to me about it for about an hour yesterday, saying that Rick isn't motivated, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't even that big of an issue, but my dad likes to blow things out of proportion when he's in a bad mood. It wasn't an issue of Rick being motivated or not, but still, dad asked me the question, "What motivates him?" I couldn't answer. I've known Rick for nearly 10 years, been dating him for 5, and I couldn't answer a simple question like that. We hardly talk about important things, and I called him out on it after he got off of work. That turned into a huge blow-up, and we ended up fighting over the phone for an hour before we resolved the issue.
He said he doesn't open up to me because he doesn't want to put added stress on me, which I can understand, but communication is key in any relationship! It just seems sad to me that I don't even know my lover of 5 years as I should... But we hardly have time to go into in-depth conversations. His home life is in shambles (I can't stand his family, and neither can he), and he works most of the time just to keep up with his bills. He'll be moving into his own apartment in July, but until then, things are going to continue to suck for us. And if this insurance thing gets in the way, he won't be getting the apartment, either...
I can tell all of this added stress is wearing me down. Could have something to do with my heart being all funky, as well. Most mornings I don't even have the energy to take a shower. I have to drag myself in there, and drag myself out. Forget about my therapies. The last time I did my meds was on Saturday morning. I don't have the motivation or the engery to do them. And you're probably saying, "Well, if you don't get off your dead @$$ and do them, of course you won't have the energy!" But when I'm in that state of mind, hacking my head off due to hypertonic saline, getting an even bigger headache, and having to mess with using needles for my colistin...just the thoughts wear me out.
I have so many things I want to do (i.e. finishing my home college courses, working on the tattoos I'm supposed to be designing for my family, doing the artworks that I have on my list), but I don't have the mindset or will to do any of them.
So in short, my body's falling apart (even more than usual), and my normal life in general is so complicated that I feel like just going outside and laying in the spa until my skin falls off. Blah...it's just one of those times where I'm tired of living, you know? Not suicidal, but just...tired of getting up in the morning.
This isn't a 'pity me' thread, I just wanted to give you some background before I ask...what do you do to motivate yourself and get your life going when all you want to do is just stay in bed all day? What de-stresses you?
P.S. I don't have a car yet, so I'm limited as to what I can do...before anyone asks... Thanks for any feedback, guys.
P.P.S. Anyone who manages to read this whole thing gets a virtual <img src="i/expressions/beer.gif" border="0">
First off, I went into clinc the other day for the results of my tyroid test. Originally, my doc thought my heart rate was a little high and due to Grave's disease running in my family, he thought it might be because of my thyroid. They ran two tests---one was positive, the other was totally negative. The doc seems to think that the first one came back funky because I had a little flare-up of staph going on.
The good news; I don't have Grave's. The bad news? My heart is screwed up. My doc said the normal heart rate range for a 20-year-old is 70-80. Mine is up in the 120's-130's. UGH!! He said I have the normal heart rate of a 7-year-old... Therefore, he thinks that my heart may actually be undersized, and it could be just as simple as taking yet ANOTHER PILL to slow it down! I go for a heart echo either this Thursday or next. Why is it all my vital organs that are screwing up!? Lungs, heart...why can't it be something stupid, like my vagina or something?!
To top it off, my boyfriend's insurance just hiked up to an ungodly amount of money over an accident he had over a year ago. He doesn't make a whole lot of money, and this hike could kill him. His vehicle is financed, so he has to have a certain amount of coverage. The woman at State Farm told him that if he increased his deductable, the rate would lower dramatically. She also said she'd call him on Monday. Well, here it is Tuesday, and she hasn't responded. He tried calling her, but she was too busy and said she'd get back to him. More BS. So here we both are, on pins and needles, with nothing to go on. I guess all insurance companies, health or otherwise, suck @$$.
We got into a big fight last night, too, over something totally unrelated. Rick works for my father on the weekends, and something stupid happened that was out of his control. Dad ranted to me about it for about an hour yesterday, saying that Rick isn't motivated, blah, blah, blah. It wasn't even that big of an issue, but my dad likes to blow things out of proportion when he's in a bad mood. It wasn't an issue of Rick being motivated or not, but still, dad asked me the question, "What motivates him?" I couldn't answer. I've known Rick for nearly 10 years, been dating him for 5, and I couldn't answer a simple question like that. We hardly talk about important things, and I called him out on it after he got off of work. That turned into a huge blow-up, and we ended up fighting over the phone for an hour before we resolved the issue.
He said he doesn't open up to me because he doesn't want to put added stress on me, which I can understand, but communication is key in any relationship! It just seems sad to me that I don't even know my lover of 5 years as I should... But we hardly have time to go into in-depth conversations. His home life is in shambles (I can't stand his family, and neither can he), and he works most of the time just to keep up with his bills. He'll be moving into his own apartment in July, but until then, things are going to continue to suck for us. And if this insurance thing gets in the way, he won't be getting the apartment, either...
I can tell all of this added stress is wearing me down. Could have something to do with my heart being all funky, as well. Most mornings I don't even have the energy to take a shower. I have to drag myself in there, and drag myself out. Forget about my therapies. The last time I did my meds was on Saturday morning. I don't have the motivation or the engery to do them. And you're probably saying, "Well, if you don't get off your dead @$$ and do them, of course you won't have the energy!" But when I'm in that state of mind, hacking my head off due to hypertonic saline, getting an even bigger headache, and having to mess with using needles for my colistin...just the thoughts wear me out.
I have so many things I want to do (i.e. finishing my home college courses, working on the tattoos I'm supposed to be designing for my family, doing the artworks that I have on my list), but I don't have the mindset or will to do any of them.
So in short, my body's falling apart (even more than usual), and my normal life in general is so complicated that I feel like just going outside and laying in the spa until my skin falls off. Blah...it's just one of those times where I'm tired of living, you know? Not suicidal, but just...tired of getting up in the morning.
This isn't a 'pity me' thread, I just wanted to give you some background before I ask...what do you do to motivate yourself and get your life going when all you want to do is just stay in bed all day? What de-stresses you?
P.S. I don't have a car yet, so I'm limited as to what I can do...before anyone asks... Thanks for any feedback, guys.
P.P.S. Anyone who manages to read this whole thing gets a virtual <img src="i/expressions/beer.gif" border="0">