Leaving a child alone in the hospital

Mommafirst · Aug 23, 2011

Other than a quick trip to get something to eat, I don't leave my daughter and don't plan to for some time. She doesn't like when I leave at all, and try to wait until she has fallen asleep to do so. I imagine as she gets older I will be able to take a trip to the parent center for a shower or something. But for the reasons stated above, I won't leave for long periods until my daughter is in control of her own health decisions and is responsible for discussing her care with her docs herself. Even then, if she wants me there I will do everything in my power to stay.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

You have all echoed my feelings exactly. I think my husband is reacting to his own feelings about hospitals. He spent three months in the hospital at his father's side watching him die of cancer so hospitals now give him the heebee jeebees. Thank you all for your input.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

You have all echoed my feelings exactly. I think my husband is reacting to his own feelings about hospitals. He spent three months in the hospital at his father's sidewatching him die of cancer so hospitals now give him the heebee jeebees. Thank you allfor your input.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

You have all echoed my feelings exactly. I think my husband is reacting to his own feelings about hospitals. He spent three months in the hospital at his father's sidewatching him die of cancer so hospitals now give him the heebee jeebees. Thank you allfor your input.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

I like the comment about the hospital being like a mini-vacation<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> I am looking forward to being able to sit around reading books without feeling guilty about all the work that needs to be done around the house - and I'll only have one kid to look after instead of three ... And now I'm feeling guilty for feeling that way.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

I like the comment about the hospital being like a mini-vacation<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">I am looking forward to being able to sit around reading books withoutfeeling guilty about all the work that needs to be done around the house - and I'll only have one kid to look after instead of three ... And now I'm feeling guilty for feeling that way.

jendonl · Aug 23, 2011

I like the comment about the hospital being like a mini-vacation<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">I am looking forward to being able to sit around reading books withoutfeeling guilty about all the work that needs to be done around the house - and I'll only have one kid to look after instead of three ... And now I'm feeling guilty for feeling that way.

Ratatosk · Aug 23, 2011

When DS was more stable, the nurses did have a volunteer come in an play Wii or board games with DS so I could run grab a bit to eat or run pick something up at Target. However, I always timed it so it never happened when he was schedule to do his vest and I was never gone for more than an hour.

Ratatosk · Aug 23, 2011

When DS was more stable, the nurses did have a volunteer come in an play Wii or board games with DS so I could run grab a bit to eat or run pick something up at Target. However, I always timed it so it never happened when he was schedule to do his vest and I was never gone for more than an hour.

Ratatosk · Aug 23, 2011

When DS was more stable, the nurses did have a volunteer come in an play Wii or board games with DS so I could run grab a bit to eat or run pick something up at Target. However, I always timed it so it never happened when he was schedule to do his vest and I was never gone for more than an hour.

philadelphiajerry · Aug 23, 2011

Unless you have to work or have another reason to leave, I see no reason that either you or your husband can't be there most of the time. In other words, why leave just for the sake of leaving? Your daughter is 8, not 18 and I am sure that being there with her is going to do way more good than harm even if any harm could come of it (and I don't see that it will). She is the one in the hospital as a patient and it really has to be all about her right now.

philadelphiajerry · Aug 23, 2011

Unless you have to work or have another reason to leave, I see no reason that either you or your husband can't be there most of the time. In other words, why leave just for the sake of leaving? Your daughter is 8, not 18 and I am sure that being there with her is going to do way more good than harm even if any harm could come of it (and I don't see that it will). She is the one in the hospital as a patient and it really has to be all about her right now.

philadelphiajerry · Aug 23, 2011

Unless you have to work or have another reason to leave, I see no reason that either you or your husband can't be there most of the time. In other words, why leave just for the sake of leaving? Your daughter is 8, not 18 and I am sure that being there with her is going to do way more good than harm even if any harm could come of it (and I don't see that it will). She is the one in the hospital as a patient and it really has to be all about her right now.

erock77 · Aug 23, 2011

It seems times have changed. I'm a 34 y.o. adult with CF who spent a fair amount of time in the hospital as a kid. And I have a somewhat contrary experience. This was in the days before cross-infection was even thought of. A lot of us CF kids would share rooms, we'd play together in the play-room and meet and play with other kids. After a few visits I really liked going in the hospital.
 I don't recall my parents ever spending all-day and night with me, even when I was 2. They visited every evening, and coincidentally my mom worked as a nurse in the hospital so she would check in on me a few times each day during working hours. But there were many hours I was left alone there and I didn't mind. I enjoyed hanging out with the other kids, even nurses and play staff, we got close with the staff and the other kids on the floor.
 We also had tutors who would help keep us up to speed on what we missed at school. So that was something to do. There was a nintendo and VCR cart that got passed around to keep us entertained and happy.
 The point being, as far as the loneliness factor, ask your kid if they mind at a certain age. I was 8 when I started getting admitted several times per year. I can understand if there's isolation requirements it makes it a bit tough. I'm guessing some hospitals won't let them play with other kids. But honestly I think some of the precautions go a little far. These bugs are everywhere, so in general it's a good habit to wash your hands before eating, touching your face, picking your nose, or whatever. Though it's not possible to be 100% without some serious OCD. When isolation started the playroom would schedule CF kids so they wouldn't encounter each other but could still play with other kids.
 Back in those days Cepacia did exist and was likely being passed around. I don't think I was very susceptible to it since I was once sharing a room with a Cepacia kid. I cultured it briefly but it went away.
 Hopefully your hospital staff is competent and knows CF. If you're going to leave your kid alone, your kid should know their treatment requirements and tell the staff if they're screwing up. My CF cohorts and I were never shy about correcting the staff.
 So that's my 2 cents as a former CF kid.

erock77 · Aug 23, 2011

It seems times have changed. I'm a 34 y.o. adult with CF who spent a fair amount of time in the hospital as a kid. And I have a somewhat contrary experience. This was in the days before cross-infection was even thought of. A lot of us CF kids would share rooms, we'd play together in the play-room and meet and play with other kids. After a few visits I really liked going in the hospital.
 I don't recall my parents ever spending all-day and night with me, even when I was 2. They visited every evening, and coincidentally my mom worked as a nurse in the hospital so she would check in on me a few times each day during working hours. But there were many hours I was left alone there and I didn't mind. I enjoyed hanging out with the other kids, even nurses and play staff, we got close with the staff and the other kids on the floor.
 We also had tutors who would help keep us up to speed on what we missed at school. So that was something to do. There was a nintendo and VCR cart that got passed around to keep us entertained and happy.
 The point being, as far as the loneliness factor, ask your kid if they mind at a certain age. I was 8 when I started getting admitted several times per year. I can understand if there's isolation requirements it makes it a bit tough. I'm guessing some hospitals won't let them play with other kids. But honestly I think some of the precautions go a little far. These bugs are everywhere, so in general it's a good habit to wash your hands before eating, touching your face, picking your nose, or whatever. Though it's not possible to be 100% without some serious OCD. When isolation started the playroom would schedule CF kids so they wouldn't encounter each other but could still play with other kids.
 Back in those days Cepacia did exist and was likely being passed around. I don't think I was very susceptible to it since I was once sharing a room with a Cepacia kid. I cultured it briefly but it went away.
 Hopefully your hospital staff is competent and knows CF. If you're going to leave your kid alone, your kid should know their treatment requirements and tell the staff if they're screwing up. My CF cohorts and I were never shy about correcting the staff.
 So that's my 2 cents as a former CF kid.

erock77 · Aug 23, 2011

It seems times have changed. I'm a 34 y.o. adult with CF who spent a fair amount of time in the hospital as a kid. And I have a somewhat contrary experience. This was in the days before cross-infection was even thought of. A lot of us CF kids would share rooms, we'd play together in the play-room and meet and play with other kids. After a few visits I really liked going in the hospital.
 I don't recall my parents ever spending all-day and night with me, even when I was 2. They visited every evening, and coincidentally my mom worked as a nurse in the hospital so she would check in on me a few times each day during working hours. But there were many hours I was left alone there and I didn't mind. I enjoyed hanging out with the other kids, even nurses and play staff, we got close with the staff and the other kids on the floor.
 We also had tutors who would help keep us up to speed on what we missed at school. So that was something to do. There was a nintendo and VCR cart that got passed around to keep us entertained and happy.
 The point being, as far as the loneliness factor, ask your kid if they mind at a certain age. I was 8 when I started getting admitted several times per year. I can understand if there's isolation requirements it makes it a bit tough. I'm guessing some hospitals won't let them play with other kids. But honestly I think some of the precautions go a little far. These bugs are everywhere, so in general it's a good habit to wash your hands before eating, touching your face, picking your nose, or whatever. Though it's not possible to be 100% without some serious OCD. When isolation started the playroom would schedule CF kids so they wouldn't encounter each other but could still play with other kids.
 Back in those days Cepacia did exist and was likely being passed around. I don't think I was very susceptible to it since I was once sharing a room with a Cepacia kid. I cultured it briefly but it went away.
 Hopefully your hospital staff is competent and knows CF. If you're going to leave your kid alone, your kid should know their treatment requirements and tell the staff if they're screwing up. My CF cohorts and I were never shy about correcting the staff.
 So that's my 2 cents as a former CF kid.

2girls · Aug 23, 2011

Just to chime in - my son is 2 and has been hospitalized twice already for 6-7 days at a time. My husband and I both work full-time, have 3 kids, live an hour from work/hospital and have limited vacation. I happen to work at the hospital where my son goes so I have the flexibility to run back and forth, but neither my husband or I have enough vacation time to be there 24/7. Now, saying that, we always tried to have grandma up there when we weren't there or child life therapist entertaining him and one of us always stayed the night - HOWEVER, I hope noone would judge me if I had to leave my son to work. Because if we aren't working, we have no insurance and bills don't get paid. Plus our other 2 kids have needs as well that we can't forget about.

If I didn't have to work - you bet, I would be there 24/7 because his health is our absolute priority. But, we also have a wonderful relationship with our pulmonologist and he would never do anything without consulting us - unfortunately, I missed his daily visits several times while I was at work, but he would either call me or grandma would let me know what he said. Also, an advantage to working at the hospital - everyone knows me and Jack so they really look out for us. Plus our children's hospital isn't as big as some others because it is a CH within a hospital - but awesome, personalized care - very doubtful we would encounter another CF kid at the same time.

I would never leave a 2 year old, but I probably wouldn't hesitate leaving my 8 year old for a while if I was comfortable with my doctor and hospital. My 8 year old is very mature and would be fine by herself for a while - I'm not talking whole day or anything, but a few hours, yes. Especially when you have trained child life therapists to help entertain them.

Either way - hospitalizations are hard on families. Earlier this year, my husband and I were both stuck at the hospital for 2 days during a winter snow storm and missed our 5 year olds birthday - talk about heartwrenching! I know it totally upset me more than her, but gesh - you just can't leave siblings out.

2girls · Aug 23, 2011

Just to chime in - my son is 2 and has been hospitalized twice already for 6-7 days at a time. My husband and I both work full-time, have 3 kids, live an hour from work/hospital and have limited vacation. I happen to work at the hospital where my son goes so I have the flexibility to run back and forth, but neither my husband or I have enough vacation time to be there 24/7. Now, saying that, we always tried to have grandma up there when we weren't there or child life therapist entertaining him and one of us always stayed the night - HOWEVER, I hope noone would judge me if I had to leave my son to work. Because if we aren't working, we have no insurance and bills don't get paid. Plus our other 2 kids have needs as well that we can't forget about.

If I didn't have to work - you bet, I would be there 24/7 because his health is our absolute priority. But, we also have a wonderful relationship with our pulmonologist and he would never do anything without consulting us - unfortunately, I missed his daily visits several times while I was at work, but he would either call me or grandma would let me know what he said. Also, an advantage to working at the hospital - everyone knows me and Jack so they really look out for us. Plus our children's hospital isn't as big as some others because it is a CH within a hospital - but awesome, personalized care - very doubtful we would encounter another CF kid at the same time.

I would never leave a 2 year old, but I probably wouldn't hesitate leaving my 8 year old for a while if I was comfortable with my doctor and hospital. My 8 year old is very mature and would be fine by herself for a while - I'm not talking whole day or anything, but a few hours, yes. Especially when you have trained child life therapists to help entertain them.

Either way - hospitalizations are hard on families. Earlier this year, my husband and I were both stuck at the hospital for 2 days during a winter snow storm and missed our 5 year olds birthday - talk about heartwrenching! I know it totally upset me more than her, but gesh - you just can't leave siblings out.

2girls · Aug 23, 2011

Just to chime in - my son is 2 and has been hospitalized twice already for 6-7 days at a time. My husband and I both work full-time, have 3 kids, live an hour from work/hospital and have limited vacation. I happen to work at the hospital where my son goes so I have the flexibility to run back and forth, but neither my husband or I have enough vacation time to be there 24/7. Now, saying that, we always tried to have grandma up there when we weren't there or child life therapist entertaining him and one of us always stayed the night - HOWEVER, I hope noone would judge me if I had to leave my son to work. Because if we aren't working, we have no insurance and bills don't get paid. Plus our other 2 kids have needs as well that we can't forget about.
 
 If I didn't have to work - you bet, I would be there 24/7 because his health is our absolute priority. But, we also have a wonderful relationship with our pulmonologist and he would never do anything without consulting us - unfortunately, I missed his daily visits several times while I was at work, but he would either call me or grandma would let me know what he said. Also, an advantage to working at the hospital - everyone knows me and Jack so they really look out for us. Plus our children's hospital isn't as big as some others because it is a CH within a hospital - but awesome, personalized care - very doubtful we would encounter another CF kid at the same time.
 
 I would never leave a 2 year old, but I probably wouldn't hesitate leaving my 8 year old for a while if I was comfortable with my doctor and hospital. My 8 year old is very mature and would be fine by herself for a while - I'm not talking whole day or anything, but a few hours, yes. Especially when you have trained child life therapists to help entertain them.
 
 Either way - hospitalizations are hard on families. Earlier this year, my husband and I were both stuck at the hospital for 2 days during a winter snow storm and missed our 5 year olds birthday - talk about heartwrenching! I know it totally upset me more than her, but gesh - you just can't leave siblings out.

peter · Aug 23, 2011

I always consider the risk or exacerbation of infections. Only one dirty coat, tie, or dress hem can do it. I recommend Atul Gawande's 2008 book "Better". It' all about infections in hospitals and still relevant today.

As to your post, Jennifer. How much other ancillary care needs rendering in the hospital for IV therapy that would contraindicate her being at home instead?

As an aside too, this site's owner has now launched CFTechnology, a 501 (c) (3) to address the "mush brain" syndrome environment. If you click the donate button you can read about it. Donation is optional but your family members may like it's mission and contribute to it's becoming a force for good and well being.

Good luck!

Leaving a child alone in the hospital

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