Letter to my Donor, please help

[baco623]

I am trying to write my second attempt of my letter to my donor and I am having a little trouble so I could use some help. It has been 2 1/2 years since my transplant and I have been extremely reluctant to write to my donors. I have had alot of guilt surrounding my transplant because it has been hard for me to cope with the fact that someone elses most horrific experience of loosing a family member was for me a life saving event. It has been difficult for me to accept that someone else ha to die in order for me to live. I tried writing the letter once before about a year ago but the social worker at my transplant center said my letter was inapporpiate and to personal. So I am trying again. I am just wondering what other transplant recipients have written in their letters and what I should put. Any ideas or help would be greatly appreciated.

26/CF/CFRD/double lung tx on september 3,2010

 

[Aboveallislove]

I'm so sorry for the difficulty you are having and also for the guilt. While I am not in your situation, I can tell you this: When I signed up to be a donor I cried because it felt so wonderful to think that if I were to die someone else might live. And I thought "I hope if that happens the person who receives my organs KNOWS how happy I was to give them." They aren't why I died and the anguish would be there with or without my donation, and I am able to save someone else that anguish. I guess if it were my husband who died and was a donor, what I would want to hear would be something very brief and simple. That your heart aches knowing the pain they suffered and that you are forever grateful that in their anguish they choose to save someone else's life. And that every day you think of the donor and their family and honor them by living life to its fullest and being a kind and just person. You might add what your disease is and how you went from X to Y, but keeping it simple and not burdening them with your pain and guilt (which I understand, but they need closure not more pain). I'm not sure this helped but I wish you the best.
Hugs and Prayers,
Love

 

[beautifulsoul]

Hi there,

First of all, I know all transplant centers encourage you to write letters but it's not required. You don't have to at all, just like the donor family doesn't have to write if they chose not to. I can understand about feeling guilty. I feel the same way every time I sit down and write a letter to them. I'm post transplant 6 years on Wednesday and I've only written them 3 letters. I was very hesitant to write anything at first because since I was only 15 years old at the time I wasn't sure how they might react to reading all about my accomplishments such as going to prom, graduating high school, celebrating birthdays, meeting my boyfriend, etc... I just found out last month for the first time that my donor was a teenage girl. That made me feel even more guilty about writing all my personal achievements however, things like that are what the organ recovery agencies encourage you to write about. Let them know how you are doing and how the transplant has affected your life. After all, that's why they donated their organs. Although I've never received a letter back, I'm sure their reading mine and happy to know how I'm doing. If your donor family chooses not to accept any letters, they would let the organ recovery agency know and the agency should also notify you. (from what I know of) I'm not sure why the social worker told you that your letter was inappropriate and too personal. That's not her decision to say. That is up to the organ recovery agency when they proof read your letter before sending it to your donor family. Maybe you already know this but the following information is a suggestion list that most centers allow to be written in your letters:

Talk about yourself:
•Include your first name only.
•You may tell them what state you live in but do not include your address, city or your phone number.
•You may write about your job and/or occupation.
•You may write about your family situation such as your marital status, your children or grandchildren. (No last names).
•Let them know about your hobbies or other interests.
•Please do not place any direct contact information within your letter.
Talk about your transplant experience:
•Describe how long you waited for your transplant and/or what the wait was like for you and your family.
•Explain how the transplant has improved your health and changed your life.
•About participating in activities now that you couldn’t before your transplant.
•Explain what has happened in your life since your transplant. (Did you celebrate another birthday? Did your son or daughter marry? Did you become a parent or grandparent? Did you return to school or start a new job?)
•Do not reveal the name, location of the hospital or the name of your physician.
Other things to consider:
•Use simple language.
•Recognize the donor family and thank them for their gift.
•Since the religion of the donor’s family is unknown, please consider this if you are including religious comments.


I hope I could help you out. Let me know if you need further help.

hugs to you.

 

[azdesertrat]

I felt compelled to answer this one...
My Donor was a 17 year old male from San Jose, CA. That is all I know of him. I was 41 when I received his gift.
About 2 months post-trans I wrote to the Donor Family. First I expressed my condolences for losing their son. After that, I thanked them for choosing to turn their tragedy into the Gift of Life for probably 7 people in addtion to the gift of sight to an 8th.
I though it was incredible that two parents could make such a wonderful choice in spite of all their grief.
I never received any communication from the Donor Family. That doesn't bother me, that's their prerogative. I would never badger them to stay in communication with me.
Please, don't feel guilty that your Donor died. Just think of how wonderful & generous the Donor Family was to think of someone else in their time of unlimited grief.
Please, just be grateful for your Second Chance and honor the Donor by making the best of it. Sincerely, 'Pat'.

 

[beautifulsoul]

I just had a thought... If it's too difficult for you to find the words you want to write through a letter then, maybe you can send them a sympathy card and sign your name with possibly a few extra sentences. Not sure if that's a good idea or not?