I have been out of college now for a little bit and I am desperately searching for a job. I live in California and have decided to go back into the hospitality/restaurant industry because that's where I have the most experience however finding a job has been much much more difficult than I ever imagined. I have submitted over 150 resumes and online applications, have gotten many interviews (probably about 20 in 3 weeks) and have only been offered one job, which turned out to be a bad job for my health (they kind of lied about the job tasks in the ad, I got a major shock during the interview when the manager described the actual job I would be doing) so I had to turn it down. I'm in kind of a strange spot because I can only make up to $1,010 in a month in order to stay on disability to keep my health insurance so I am sort of limited in terms of what exactly I take in terms of salary. I am exceedingly mentally and emotionally worn out from going on all these interviews and getting many rejection "we will keep your resume on file" or "your actually over qualified for this job" phone calls (physically I'm not doing to bad, thankfully) but I know I need to keep going. Here is where my problem lies... I feel like I am surrounded by people who are so extremely negative when it comes to my future. Everything I am hearing from those close to me is everything I CAN'T do, rather than everything I can do or should try to do. With the exception of my wonderful boyfriend and a few close friends it feels like everyone in my life is being nothing but negative or overly worried about me. I was told I shouldn't be a server because it is too hard and I wouldn't be able to do it (despite the fact I have been a server BEFORE my transplant for over 4 years), I was told I should only be looking for jobs within 15-20 miles of my house because I shouldn't be commuting (it would be to hard on my car according to the person who said that) I was told I couldn't work in an old folks home in administration cause they have too many germs, I was told I can't work with animals cause they are too dirty, I was told I can't teach or work with kids cause they have too many germs and I wouldn't be able to keep up. I was told that I shouldn't work more than 20 hours a week because I have one two hour class a week to take in the fall. I just want to scream "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE DOING WITH MY LFIE!!!!!" I didn't go through hell getting the transplant and recovering in order to sit around in my house and watch tv and be on disability. I'm not that kind of person, I have to be active, my mind has to be active, I have to enjoy what I am doing. I don't want to cut these people out of my life because I love them so much and they have always been there for me, but I need them to be more positive about what's going to happen to me. I need for them to understand that I rather live 5 more full wonderful productive years, than 10 boring, depressed, worried years. Does anyone have any experience with dealing with these kinds of people? Or have any advice on what I should do. I have another interview tomorrow (my 3rd this week) hopefully things will go well. Wish me luck, looking forward to hearing from you!!
Life After College, trying to find positive support
- Thread starter baco623
- Start date
Aboveallislove
Super Moderator
I am so very sorry for what you are facing. It has to be so hard on you emotionally to deal with this all on top of the physical issues. If you want some specific help with ideas, send me a PM. I'm a college business professor and have done lots of brainstorming with students on stuff and might have some ideas. Let me know your educational background, area in California, past work experience, etc. and I might have some ideas on outside the box jobs.
I feel your pain being in CA. It took me 6 month to find the job I have now. The last time I job searched was in 2006, and job searching in 2013 is crazy different. The job I have now, one woman (manager in a different department) didn't like me so called the shot to cut my schedule. I went to HR and explained my disease and why I needed accommodations. Basically, I didn't quit because I knew what the job searching was like, which is horrible. The woman had no reason to not like me, I never do anything wrong, but we both have strong personalities, so I think she didn't like that. I am too a server at a winery. I actually think its good for my lungs running around for 6 to 8 hours. The nice part is that I can sleep in every day and take time off when needed. As far as people being negative, I don't stand for that crap. I do what I want, and no one is going to stop me. I don't take peoples opinions to heart. My fiancé has been saying forever that serving is not a real job and I should get a "real job." I basically just ignore him because im not going to find much more out there right now. I think you should do what you want to do. There will always be some sick people at work. There are always a sick employee at work. I feel like every time I go there, someone is sick, because we have a huge staff. I just don't get too close. Just don't take peoples opinions to heart, follow your own heart. They may only be trying to help, buy you know what is best for you. Weigh out your own pros and cons about a job, that has helped me.
AggieGeologist
New member
baco, I had the same problem you are having right now after I graduated college. Everyone seemed to be so negative about everything with me...and my parents were the worst about it! It was a constant battle with everyone. I had just spent the past 5 years of my life fighting to graduate from college and here everyone was...saying that I couldn't make it in the real world and anything else that was negative they could think of. It really hurt in so many ways that everyone was being so discouraging about my future, even after all the times in the past that I had proved them wrong. So what did I do..? I did what I do best...PROVED THEM WRONG AGAIN! Well 4 months and 17 interviews later (I graduated college in the peak of the recession), I found a small company that gave me a chance. I was with them for 15 months before being offered a job at Halliburton and now I am at Chevron. It was a long and difficult road to get where I am but now I get to chuckle because I know I won! Life isn't all about sitting around taking treatments and throwing pity parties for oneself just because we were dealt a crappy hand of cards...it's about taking charge and doing what we want to do with our life and living it to the fullest. People who don't have a chronic terminal illness will never fully understand what it's like so don't waste your time or effort trying to get them to. I don't think people are negative because they are malicious or want you to fail...I think in your situation they are saying these things because they are afraid of losing you. So what they really are being is selfish. They want you to do everything possible to stay alive for as long as possible so that they can be with you. Bittersweet, would you say? So my advice is...without sacrificing health to the extreme, do what you feel would make you happy. Succeed in something you want and I guarantee people will eventually realize that you have to live a life outside of CF. Contrary to popular belief of the normies (that's what I call non-CF'ers), CF doesn't make us weak, it makes us STRONG! You just have to keep pushing for what you want to do with your life and once you have complete control over it people will back down and tell you that they are proud of what you DID do instead of telling you what you CAN'T do. This is not a process that ends with a quick result...it takes time. I have been out of college and married for 4 years now and I am just now bathing in the positive light instead of drowning in the negative. In the meantime, you shouldn't push the negativeness away...rather, use it to your advantage. Let it help you fight harder for what you want! Tell people that you appreciate their concerns and opinions but that you would rather take the path you have laid for yourself. I know time isn't in our favor as CF'ers so that's why it's even more important to make the most of it. Good luck with everything and I believe you CAN do and SHOULD do whatever will make you happy!
W
welshwitch
Guest
Wow, great answer AggieGeologist. I'd also add that seeing a career counselor can be a fantastic boost. I talked to one and it led me to a fantastic position with great benefits and one that I'm really happy at. 
Thanks everyone so much, hearing that I am not alone has really been a boost for me tonight. Especially since I had a horrible interview today (lets just say I am considering contacting the Better Business Bureau to talk to them about the way the manager acted and interviewed me, enough said) I am continuing on my job search with great gusto cause that's all I can do, keep trying. ABOVEALL IS LOVE - I sent you a long PM with my e-mail, you should e-mail me when you get a chance. SOYASAUCE - I also PM you with my e-mail, I would love to talk to you more. KMHBEAUTY - where do you live in CA?
Aboveallislove
Super Moderator
sent you pm but don't see in my outbox. Please let me know if it didn't go through!
Aboveallislove
Super Moderator
Just resent PM and looks like they went through. Let me know.