Marriage and Families

M

mamerth

New member
I agree with Beowulf-- CF is hard on a marriage.

I married a touch early (22) because I found the guy I loved and didn't want wait to marry him. Yes, I would say my CF did play a part in getting married young.

We did the genetic counseling when we were ready to have kids. We were married a while before deciding to have kids.I feel like we waited too long and felt old having a baby when we did. Kiddo is a carrier.
 
M

mamerth

New member
I agree with Beowulf-- CF is hard on a marriage.
<br />
<br />I married a touch early (22) because I found the guy I loved and didn't want wait to marry him. Yes, I would say my CF did play a part in getting married young.
<br />
<br /> We did the genetic counseling when we were ready to have kids. We were married a while before deciding to have kids.I feel like we waited too long and felt old having a baby when we did. Kiddo is a carrier.
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
I am brand new to this website. I have lots of questions and opinions. I will try to stay very diplomatic, but in regards to relationships.....I feel, like many of you, that CF is a pain in the a$$ most of the time, and most of the time, I don't want to deal with it. But, as most of us know, we don't have the luxury of choice if we are going to deal with our CF from one day to the next. We HAVE to deal with it or we get sick and/or die. I would love to get involved with somebody decent. I have been divorced twice. The second husband couldn't handle me being sick for as long as I was the last time, so he cheated on me, five months after we were married, but I also pushed him away because I didn't want him to have to deal with this disease. In essence, the divorce was both of our faults. Relationships are hard enough, not alone adding a chronic disease into it. If I don't want to deal with CF, who am I to ask or expect someone else to have to deal with CF and everything that goes along with it and try to have a "normal relationship." I don't feel it is fair. Am I lonely, you bet! What are the chances of finding someone in this day and age who is going to understand? How does it make you feel when people say to your loved one, well you are such a good husband/wife to marry somebody who is sick or gosh you are such a good person to "deal" with them. Doesn't that infuriate you? How do you respond to that? I want to tell them where to go, but it's not very lady like. Just wanted to get this off my chest(haha) I have been struggling with this issue since my last divorce. I never wanted to get divorced once, not alone twice, but I know why I did. I push people away that try to get too close. I don't want them to feel pain. Sorry if this is too much information, but I figured this is a good place to talk about this.
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
I am brand new to this website. I have lots of questions and opinions. I will try to stay very diplomatic, but in regards to relationships.....I feel, like many of you, that CF is a pain in the a$$ most of the time, and most of the time, I don't want to deal with it. But, as most of us know, we don't have the luxury of choice if we are going to deal with our CF from one day to the next. We HAVE to deal with it or we get sick and/or die. I would love to get involved with somebody decent. I have been divorced twice. The second husband couldn't handle me being sick for as long as I was the last time, so he cheated on me, five months after we were married, but I also pushed him away because I didn't want him to have to deal with this disease. In essence, the divorce was both of our faults. Relationships are hard enough, not alone adding a chronic disease into it. If I don't want to deal with CF, who am I to ask or expect someone else to have to deal with CF and everything that goes along with it and try to have a "normal relationship." I don't feel it is fair. Am I lonely, you bet! What are the chances of finding someone in this day and age who is going to understand? How does it make you feel when people say to your loved one, well you are such a good husband/wife to marry somebody who is sick or gosh you are such a good person to "deal" with them. Doesn't that infuriate you? How do you respond to that? I want to tell them where to go, but it's not very lady like. Just wanted to get this off my chest(haha) I have been struggling with this issue since my last divorce. I never wanted to get divorced once, not alone twice, but I know why I did. I push people away that try to get too close. I don't want them to feel pain. Sorry if this is too much information, but I figured this is a good place to talk about this.
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
I am brand new to this website. I have lots of questions and opinions. I will try to stay very diplomatic, but in regards to relationships.....I feel, like many of you, that CF is a pain in the a$$ most of the time, and most of the time, I don't want to deal with it. But, as most of us know, we don't have the luxury of choice if we are going to deal with our CF from one day to the next. We HAVE to deal with it or we get sick and/or die. I would love to get involved with somebody decent. I have been divorced twice. The second husband couldn't handle me being sick for as long as I was the last time, so he cheated on me, five months after we were married, but I also pushed him away because I didn't want him to have to deal with this disease. In essence, the divorce was both of our faults. Relationships are hard enough, not alone adding a chronic disease into it. If I don't want to deal with CF, who am I to ask or expect someone else to have to deal with CF and everything that goes along with it and try to have a "normal relationship." I don't feel it is fair. Am I lonely, you bet! What are the chances of finding someone in this day and age who is going to understand? How does it make you feel when people say to your loved one, well you are such a good husband/wife to marry somebody who is sick or gosh you are such a good person to "deal" with them. Doesn't that infuriate you? How do you respond to that? I want to tell them where to go, but it's not very lady like. Just wanted to get this off my chest(haha) I have been struggling with this issue since my last divorce. I never wanted to get divorced once, not alone twice, but I know why I did. I push people away that try to get too close. I don't want them to feel pain. Sorry if this is too much information, but I figured this is a good place to talk about this.
 
P

PoppaLung

Guest
Aftershock, you break my heart. There ARE 'decent' guys out there. And I won't claim to try to be diplomatic at ALL (maybe I should have opened with that?). Both your husbands knew what they were getting into, and if they couldn't handle that, they shouldn't have taken the oath. It's perfectly natural for us to hide the worst parts of CF from others, so I don't think you get to split the blame 50/50 for your divorce. I think we all know on here that our circumstances mean we can't base our relationships on sex, and if he couldn't keep that in mind for FIVE FREAKING MONTHS, it doesn't reflect poorly on you, regardless of whether you were stuck in the joint longer than you hoped for or not. Idiots are idiots. So you're two for two - so what? Third time's the charm. Don't blow off relationships because you found two suck-poor specimens of the opposite sex. At least now you know what NOT to look for in a mate. You've probably got more worthwhile dating advice than three of our mothers put together.

When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!

I know what you mean, not wanting your loved one(s) to feel pain. But we can't live our lives that way. If we're lucky enough to fall in love, they're going to feel some pain. And? We get to feel some pain, too, and we add on some guilt, knowing it's us that are causing the other the pain. So we're all even.

No spouse is ever going to know EXACTLY what we go through. And we're never going to know EXACTLY what they go through as a spouse. We each bring something to the table, then, so leave it at that. But that's no reason to attempt to suffer on your own.

Didn't meann to hijack the thread, and I hope you don't take offense, Aftershock, but you can't just roll over and be done with relationships! Take some time to heal up, definitely. Take some time to find the RIGHT guy, absolutely. But know that he IS out there, and just because you have a couple runners-up before the grand prize shouldn't stop you from grabbing that Grand Prize when he shows up.

As for the real topic of the post, I got married when I was 26, which was not so early. So I really have no business trying to pretend I was a 'young couple' once. But I couldn't let Aftershock think she was the only survivor of the original Earthquake.
 
P

PoppaLung

Guest
Aftershock, you break my heart. There ARE 'decent' guys out there. And I won't claim to try to be diplomatic at ALL (maybe I should have opened with that?). Both your husbands knew what they were getting into, and if they couldn't handle that, they shouldn't have taken the oath. It's perfectly natural for us to hide the worst parts of CF from others, so I don't think you get to split the blame 50/50 for your divorce. I think we all know on here that our circumstances mean we can't base our relationships on sex, and if he couldn't keep that in mind for FIVE FREAKING MONTHS, it doesn't reflect poorly on you, regardless of whether you were stuck in the joint longer than you hoped for or not. Idiots are idiots. So you're two for two - so what? Third time's the charm. Don't blow off relationships because you found two suck-poor specimens of the opposite sex. At least now you know what NOT to look for in a mate. You've probably got more worthwhile dating advice than three of our mothers put together.

When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!

I know what you mean, not wanting your loved one(s) to feel pain. But we can't live our lives that way. If we're lucky enough to fall in love, they're going to feel some pain. And? We get to feel some pain, too, and we add on some guilt, knowing it's us that are causing the other the pain. So we're all even.

No spouse is ever going to know EXACTLY what we go through. And we're never going to know EXACTLY what they go through as a spouse. We each bring something to the table, then, so leave it at that. But that's no reason to attempt to suffer on your own.

Didn't meann to hijack the thread, and I hope you don't take offense, Aftershock, but you can't just roll over and be done with relationships! Take some time to heal up, definitely. Take some time to find the RIGHT guy, absolutely. But know that he IS out there, and just because you have a couple runners-up before the grand prize shouldn't stop you from grabbing that Grand Prize when he shows up.

As for the real topic of the post, I got married when I was 26, which was not so early. So I really have no business trying to pretend I was a 'young couple' once. But I couldn't let Aftershock think she was the only survivor of the original Earthquake.
 
P

PoppaLung

Guest
Aftershock, you break my heart. There ARE 'decent' guys out there. And I won't claim to try to be diplomatic at ALL (maybe I should have opened with that?). Both your husbands knew what they were getting into, and if they couldn't handle that, they shouldn't have taken the oath. It's perfectly natural for us to hide the worst parts of CF from others, so I don't think you get to split the blame 50/50 for your divorce. I think we all know on here that our circumstances mean we can't base our relationships on sex, and if he couldn't keep that in mind for FIVE FREAKING MONTHS, it doesn't reflect poorly on you, regardless of whether you were stuck in the joint longer than you hoped for or not. Idiots are idiots. So you're two for two - so what? Third time's the charm. Don't blow off relationships because you found two suck-poor specimens of the opposite sex. At least now you know what NOT to look for in a mate. You've probably got more worthwhile dating advice than three of our mothers put together.
<br />
<br />When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!
<br />
<br />I know what you mean, not wanting your loved one(s) to feel pain. But we can't live our lives that way. If we're lucky enough to fall in love, they're going to feel some pain. And? We get to feel some pain, too, and we add on some guilt, knowing it's us that are causing the other the pain. So we're all even.
<br />
<br />No spouse is ever going to know EXACTLY what we go through. And we're never going to know EXACTLY what they go through as a spouse. We each bring something to the table, then, so leave it at that. But that's no reason to attempt to suffer on your own.
<br />
<br />Didn't meann to hijack the thread, and I hope you don't take offense, Aftershock, but you can't just roll over and be done with relationships! Take some time to heal up, definitely. Take some time to find the RIGHT guy, absolutely. But know that he IS out there, and just because you have a couple runners-up before the grand prize shouldn't stop you from grabbing that Grand Prize when he shows up.
<br />
<br />As for the real topic of the post, I got married when I was 26, which was not so early. So I really have no business trying to pretend I was a 'young couple' once. But I couldn't let Aftershock think she was the only survivor of the original Earthquake.
 
B

barbiesmom2000

New member
For me life wasn't easy. The short story is this:
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 10, and she died when I was 13. I was forced to live with my father's soon to be ex wife because she knew better how to care for my CF, but I was the proverbial red headed step child, and treated unfairly, even if my medical was cared for. at 15 I was moved to my father's house because I became insubordinate to my step mother and wouldn't listen to her. At 17 I moved from his house because I didn't feel I was getting fair treatment for my age. I've been on my own since. I never really did mature properly, but as a child and adolescent I was always worried about future events such as boyfriends and getting married. Who wanted all my crap to deal with? I thought I'd have to marry another CF person. I've been fighting my CF and treatments all my life and can't seem to figure out why or how to stop. I barely make it as it is, then was diagnosed with CFRD about 5-8 years back... don't remember.
In there was always the rush to grow up. I got married at 18, was pregnant at the time, scared to death that I could die from it, but I survived. Wasn't barely sick the whole pregnancy. I divorced about 2 years later, separated under a year into the marriage. We still have our daughter, she's now almost 10 years old! I was in a rush, yes. I'm not mature as I should be by any means, so that's not an excuse. We just each have priorities I think. And mature enough or not, we do our best to make those happen. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
B

barbiesmom2000

New member
For me life wasn't easy. The short story is this:
My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 10, and she died when I was 13. I was forced to live with my father's soon to be ex wife because she knew better how to care for my CF, but I was the proverbial red headed step child, and treated unfairly, even if my medical was cared for. at 15 I was moved to my father's house because I became insubordinate to my step mother and wouldn't listen to her. At 17 I moved from his house because I didn't feel I was getting fair treatment for my age. I've been on my own since. I never really did mature properly, but as a child and adolescent I was always worried about future events such as boyfriends and getting married. Who wanted all my crap to deal with? I thought I'd have to marry another CF person. I've been fighting my CF and treatments all my life and can't seem to figure out why or how to stop. I barely make it as it is, then was diagnosed with CFRD about 5-8 years back... don't remember.
In there was always the rush to grow up. I got married at 18, was pregnant at the time, scared to death that I could die from it, but I survived. Wasn't barely sick the whole pregnancy. I divorced about 2 years later, separated under a year into the marriage. We still have our daughter, she's now almost 10 years old! I was in a rush, yes. I'm not mature as I should be by any means, so that's not an excuse. We just each have priorities I think. And mature enough or not, we do our best to make those happen. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
B

barbiesmom2000

New member
For me life wasn't easy. The short story is this:
<br />My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 10, and she died when I was 13. I was forced to live with my father's soon to be ex wife because she knew better how to care for my CF, but I was the proverbial red headed step child, and treated unfairly, even if my medical was cared for. at 15 I was moved to my father's house because I became insubordinate to my step mother and wouldn't listen to her. At 17 I moved from his house because I didn't feel I was getting fair treatment for my age. I've been on my own since. I never really did mature properly, but as a child and adolescent I was always worried about future events such as boyfriends and getting married. Who wanted all my crap to deal with? I thought I'd have to marry another CF person. I've been fighting my CF and treatments all my life and can't seem to figure out why or how to stop. I barely make it as it is, then was diagnosed with CFRD about 5-8 years back... don't remember.
<br />In there was always the rush to grow up. I got married at 18, was pregnant at the time, scared to death that I could die from it, but I survived. Wasn't barely sick the whole pregnancy. I divorced about 2 years later, separated under a year into the marriage. We still have our daughter, she's now almost 10 years old! I was in a rush, yes. I'm not mature as I should be by any means, so that's not an excuse. We just each have priorities I think. And mature enough or not, we do our best to make those happen. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
Thank you so muchPoppaLung ! I wasn't offended at all! You opened my eyes actually. I never thought about it that way. Finding the right guy these days is really. really hard, so that's why I'm not going to look. People say when you stop looking, that's when you meet him. Your wife is extremely lucky!! You are a super guy!! Thanks again!!
CJ(Aftershock68)
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
Thank you so muchPoppaLung ! I wasn't offended at all! You opened my eyes actually. I never thought about it that way. Finding the right guy these days is really. really hard, so that's why I'm not going to look. People say when you stop looking, that's when you meet him. Your wife is extremely lucky!! You are a super guy!! Thanks again!!
CJ(Aftershock68)
 
A

Aftershock68

Guest
Thank you so muchPoppaLung ! I wasn't offended at all! You opened my eyes actually. I never thought about it that way. Finding the right guy these days is really. really hard, so that's why I'm not going to look. People say when you stop looking, that's when you meet him. Your wife is extremely lucky!! You are a super guy!! Thanks again!!
<br />CJ(Aftershock68)
 
K

kmaried

New member
PoppaLung - you just made my day with this!:

When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!

Both for the Jersey shore reference as well as the great perspective! I hear people say so often how great my husband is for marrying me, cooking for me, etc. and even though I'm pretty confident in myself and our relationship, it makes me feel guilty to hear that. I'll turn the perspective to this from now on! Darn right, he's awesome, and that's why I married him. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

I got married at 27 - so not young either.

In response to the 2nd original question, I had my husband get screened w/ the ambry test to see if he was a carrier as soon as we got engaged.

Kris
28w/CF
 
K

kmaried

New member
PoppaLung - you just made my day with this!:

When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!

Both for the Jersey shore reference as well as the great perspective! I hear people say so often how great my husband is for marrying me, cooking for me, etc. and even though I'm pretty confident in myself and our relationship, it makes me feel guilty to hear that. I'll turn the perspective to this from now on! Darn right, he's awesome, and that's why I married him. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">

I got married at 27 - so not young either.

In response to the 2nd original question, I had my husband get screened w/ the ambry test to see if he was a carrier as soon as we got engaged.

Kris
28w/CF
 
K

kmaried

New member
PoppaLung - you just made my day with this!:
<br />
<br />When people tell me my wife is extraordinary for 'dealing' with my 'situation' (and I'm not talking about my glorious abs), I don't get ticked - I get kind of proud. Darn right, she's extraordinary. That's why I married her!
<br />
<br />Both for the Jersey shore reference as well as the great perspective! I hear people say so often how great my husband is for marrying me, cooking for me, etc. and even though I'm pretty confident in myself and our relationship, it makes me feel guilty to hear that. I'll turn the perspective to this from now on! Darn right, he's awesome, and that's why I married him. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />I got married at 27 - so not young either.
<br />
<br />In response to the 2nd original question, I had my husband get screened w/ the ambry test to see if he was a carrier as soon as we got engaged.
<br />
<br />Kris
<br />28w/CF
 
E

Ellsworth3

New member
I figured this may be a good thread for me to interpose my story and see if anyone out there can help, given that so many of you (or many of your spouses) have been in my shoes... I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 
E

Ellsworth3

New member
I figured this may be a good thread for me to interpose my story and see if anyone out there can help, given that so many of you (or many of your spouses) have been in my shoes... I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 
E

Ellsworth3

New member
I figured this may be a good thread for me to interpose my story and see if anyone out there can help, given that so many of you (or many of your spouses) have been in my shoes... I don't want to give away too much personal information but here is the gist of it. I'm in my mid 20's dating a girl w/cf also in her mid 20's. We have been together over a year and I love her. No doubt. It's kind of stupid to say, but except for the CF, she is absolutely perfect. Of course, that's stupid to say because if she didn't have CF she probably wouldnt be the amazing person she is... anyway, it's getting to the point where I need to "make a decision" as to whether I'm going to commit to her for the rest of our lives. I'm so worried about the future and being a young widower and having to raise kids by myself (on top of other issues). I am really looking to reach out to someone who is married to someone with CF or maybe in a similar situation to myself- to get some advice and hear your story. I am stressed every day of my life thinking about this decision and I am so torn up about it. Please, if anyone thinks they can give me some advice I would sincerely appreciate it. I'd rather not have the convo through the board, so please private message me and maybe we can talk on the phone or something like that. But everyone, please feel free to respond to this message on the board. Thank you all for your support. I could really use it now!!
 
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